A/N: I do apologize if you readers find this chapter written in an annoying way. I bounced around a lot and there were many flashbacks. It might be confusing and I apologize. Please PM me if you don't understand anything. I just really wanted to get this chapter up tonight before the new semester started and while I still had time so it might seem a little rushed. Just try to enjoy it for what it is. Just for future reference: I do like flashbacks as they add more depth to the character(s), but there will not be as many in this chapter in further chapters. Thanks for reading this ridiculously long note :)
Chapter Fifteen: The Complexities of Hamlet
"Mr. Knightly always did have a way with words," I noted out as I read from Jane Austen's Emma. " 'But she is poor!' Knightly says. 'Even more so then when she was born. And should she live to be an old lady she will sink further still. Her situation being in everyway below you should secure your compassion.' Wonderful words, yes?" I looked up from my book to see Edward browsing through the Shakespearean section of their library.
"Yes indeed," Edward agreed. "He speaks with confidence and in such a way that she knows he is disappointed in her."
I nod my head.
"But," He added. "Hamlet has a way of speaking that leaves you with a multitude of theories roaming about your mind. He's much more convincing because he uses emotion."
I shook my head.
"I disagree. Mr. Knightly speaks with emotion and in a way that gets his point across in a manner that makes you admire him and helps you to understand. He's not pitied like Hamlet, but honored. Hamlet--." I began to support my point further, but paused.
Carlisle was home from work.
I quickly smoothened my dress with my hands and fiddled with my hair.
"Esme, it's only--."
'Shh,' I interrupted in my mind. 'I must look my best.'
Edward chuckled. "Love. I don't like it." He mused. "It causes too much unneeded worry and anxiety. We're better off without it."
I scoffed. "That's a very Hamlet way of looking at things, Edward," I replied cleverly.
"He is my favorite Shakespearean character."
"He's definitely a complex character," A familiar voice agreed.
I was surprised. He came in so fast and quietly.
'I must get use to this.'
Carlisle sighed and set down his bag.
"How is everyone this evening?" He asked with a smile.
I smiled back. "Wonderful." 'Even more so now that you are here' I added in my thoughts.
Edward hid a chuckle.
Carlisle gave him a curious look.
"Nothing," Edward replied.
"Well, I think I will go and finish my homework."
"Yes, Edward. We can't have you falling behind," I marked with a hint of sarcasm.
Carlisle suppressed a smile.
"I believe that statement was a very Mr. Knightly way of saying things," Edward retorted cleverly.
I smiled and Edward continued up the stairs.
"Excuse me." Carlisle nodded and left the room as quietly as he had entered.
"Wait!" My voice came out softer than I had intended.
Those eyes. Those unfathomable eyes. They are such a distraction!
I tried to muster an excuse to be with him.
"I am thirsty," I lied. "Will you take me?"
He smiled. "Of course."
The run into the woods was quiet and a routine. I attacked the first animal I saw and felt guilty when I realized after that I had not shared with Carlisle.
"We don't share, Esme," Edward announced his arrival with a response to my thoughts. "We're instinctively very selfish animals," He gracefully walked over to Carlisle and I.
Carlisle attempted to hide his smile.
"Despite our instincts, I won't be selfish, Edward," I told him and Carlisle calmly.
Carlisle chuckled lightly.
"Shall we continue," He offered.
We hunted in silence for another hour or two and decided that we had been well fed. As we walked home, I realized that despite all that had been explained to me previously about being a vampire, Carlisle had never told me what the reason was for changing me.
Carlisle stopped in his tracks.
"Why did you change me?" I asked softly, but deep down I was somewhat angry. I had wanted to die, to be with my Nathanial and knowing that there was no possible way that Carlisle could still love me—my life was hopeless.
Carlisle looked at me for the briefest of seconds and then at Edward who nodded. Carlisle took off instantly—a mere figure disappearing into the darkness like a bolt of lightening.
"He'll be back," Edward answered my thoughts.
"Do you always have to do that?" I asked in a frustrated tone.
"I know when someone loves another person. I don't have to read their mind to figure that out, especially yours. You humans think you're so hidden, so secretive, but your just really easy to read."
"Well, I'm not human anymore. And please don't say anything to Carlisle, about my feelings that is," I begged turning back to face him.
"Of course," Edward vowed. I nodded in thanks.
I looked up at Edward in gratitude. He was a wonderful boy.
"So...are you thirsty?" Edward asked, breaking the brief, but awkward silence.
"Is that what that burning in the back of my throat is?" I asked putting my hand to my throat.
"Yes and you need to feed," Edward held out his arm to me. "Come on, let's eat."
"I don't want to kill anything," I stepped away from him and folded my arms in protest.
"Esme, I'm not going to force you, but you'll have to some time. Either way the craving will be too much and you'll have to feed eventually." Edward stepped towards me with a warm smile. "Come on."
"Oh all right, but after this I'm done," I told him stubbornly, taking his arm. He didn't say anything.
Hunting wasn't as bad as I thought. By the time I had finished I had killed a herd of deer and two grizzlies. I returned to Edward with blood streaked down my shirt. He tried to conceal his laughter, but couldn't help it.
"What?" I asked annoyed and embarrassed.
"Nothing, you just remind me of me when Carlisle first took me hunting."
Carlisle. Where was he? Oh how much I wanted to see him. How much--. I stopped my thoughts, remembering that Edward could hear them again.
"He's praying...thinking. He needs time to think," Edward answered. I didn't scold him this time.
"Oh." Was my brief reply. "He prays? After what's been done to him? What he's become?"
"Yes, he still has his faith. Don't you?" Edward eyes questioned me.
"I don't know anymore. I haven't had many happy moments in my life. It's been full of disaster," I looked away from him, embarrassed.
"What's been your happiest moment in your life?" He asked.
"Secret," I smiled, remembering not to think it.
"What is it, really? I won't tell," Edward promised.
"It's too embarrassing." I started walking away.
"Does that hurt?" He asked, it sounded like more of a concern than a doctor just asking a medical question.
"Not too bad," I lied.
"You're a brave girl, many people wouldn't have been able to take the pain," Carlisle said smoothly. His voice was one of the most sweetest sounds I've ever heard—as smooth as silk. He felt the torn bone once more. I tried not to show the pain on my face, but I failed in that.
"Thank you so much, Carlisle. This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me." I said truthfully.
"Well I certainly hope not," He chuckled, but it faded as he looked up at my expression. "You mean….no one has ever gotten you a present before?" His voice sounded slightly bewildered for a moment as he realized the truth.
I shook my head. "Not from their heart, not how you did." I don't think he knew how to respond to that or how much it meant to me that he did this for me, so he just said, "Well now, I'm even happier that I did give you a present 'cause you deserve it immensely and I know one day someone will see the wonderful qualities in you that I do everyday." He spoke so sincerely that I was breathless as he flashed me a hesitant, but lovely smile. He flicked off the lamp beside me and turned off the larger light hanging above me. "Goodnight, Esme." Then he closed the door quietly behind him.
Damn my thoughts! I had just flashed back to pieces of my happiest moments in my life--ones with Carlisle. They still remained vivid in my head, like they had just happened yesterday.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Edward stood a few feet in front of me. "Those are wonderful memories."
"Yes, but they as best be forgotten," I replied bluntly.
"Why?" Edward tilted his head to the side. How adorable.
"Because that's what he wanted," I looked down at the ground. "For me to forget him."
"Ah," Edward observed confidently. "Are you sure?"
"Some who think they are absolutely sure turn out to be absolutely wrong," He said quietly.
"Well I'm not. Please Edward, please just let's go back now," I wanted the conversation to end.
"Yes of course." He held out his arm for me and I took it.
Walking at human speed through the forest I began asking Edward questions about his life. He was a fascinating boy and he was proud to have Carlisle for a second father, but I knew that something was missing, something wanting…
"How old are you?" I asked randomly as I came out of my thoughts.
Edward did not seem to acknowledge them and answered my question.
"Ah. A young man then. Where were you born?"
"Chicago in 1901. Carlisle changed me as you have probably already guessed."
"Why did he change you?" I finally managed to build up the nerves to ask. Maybe it was too personal of a question.
"For the same reasons he changed you with a slight difference. I understand why now," He didn't seem annoyed.
"Why'd he change me?" The question came out so fast I didn't have time to consider if it was an appropriate one or not.
"You'd have to ask him that. I don't know Carlisle's mind as well as everyone else's."
"Why is that?" I asked curiously.
"Because Carlisle is very brilliant, compassionate, a wonderful father. He's smart at not thinking things he doesn't want me to know except for the last month, he hasn't been too focused on blocking his thoughts," Edward led us into a clearing and I could see their large Victorian house in the distance.
"Carlisle's back now," Edward led me to the front door.
"You can go see him," Edward held the door open for me.
"I don't wish to disturb him," My voice was shaky.
I stood at the edge of the stairs, wondering if I should go up or not.
"He'll be in his study, last door on the right, if you would like to talk to him. I'll be out hunting for a while longer," Edward informed me.
I turned to go up the stairs and slipped on a step. It didn't hurt, but I still felt embarrassed.
"Esme!" Charles's voice rang in my ear. "Why didn't you answer me?" He grasped my arm pushed me upon the floor.
"I'm sorry, Charles, I was taking a bath and I had to dry off," I whimpered an apology, grasping the towel around me tighter. He hadn't given me a chance to get dressed.
"Oh really were you?" He snickered. "That's good cause I had some plans with you tonight anyways." He smiled maliciously. He forced his lips upon mine and shoved his tongue in my mouth.
"Charles please," I begged. "Not now."
"Shut-up Ezy!" He bellowed. "I've had a tiring day. You are my reward and I will get what I want!"
I began whimpering.
"Shut-up Esme!" He grabbed me by the wrist to pull me up and then he shoved me down the stairs.
I was sobbing tearless sobs as I came back to the present. What pain Charles had caused me. How much I believed his words when he screamed them at me, day after day. I picked myself up from the stairs and quieted my sobbing so that Carlisle wouldn't hear.
"Esme?" Carlisle was at the top of stairs looking down on me worriedly.
"Oh. Hello Carlisle. I was just coming to see you," I tried to smile and sound light-hearted.
"Are you all right?" He seemed to ignore what I had just said.
"Yes, I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" I lied. I was thankful he couldn't read my mind like Edward could.
"I thought I heard someone fall," Carlisle face was confused and unimaginably beautiful.
"Oh no." I laughed. "You must be hearing things for I am quite well." I lied again.
He didn't believe me. I could tell, but he didn't press the matter further.
"Would you come to my study, please. I would like to talk to you about some things," He asked politely.
"Ah yes and I you," I replied. He probably realized that he didn't want me anymore.
I walked up the rest of the stairs with Carlisle to the end of the hall, last door on right. Carlisle held open the door for me.
"Ladies first," He said sweetly and I walked into his place of unending beauty.
If you've read this then you've gotten through this chapter. lol.
R&R: Good or Bad...