Ok here's a vampie fiction for ya. I uploaded this a long time ago, but then removed it and then i put it back....so enjoy. And don't forget to review dammit!!!!

Chapter 1: A few pointers on what NOT to do.

If you're reading this, I'm dead. Well, I mean, I'm not here anymore. It's happened, they've taken me and it's too late. It doesn't have to be too late for you though. Learn from my mistakes and survive. You still have a chance so don't screw it up!

First, let's start of and get to know me.

I'm ugly. Ok yeah, yeah, yeah laugh it up while you can. Remember, ugliness is the root of all problems. Avoid it as much as possible.

Now I am also a zombie, which is not as bad as being ugly but being considered a brain dead waste of flesh isn't exactly flattering either.

I go to 'Which-brick Falls High School'. It's a school for all things supernatural like ghosts and witches and koalas and vampires.

Which brings me to another point: Vampires suck! (every pun imaginable intended) Well the one's in my school anyway.

Everyone is always going on about 'ooh, he's so sexy! They're so hot and vulnerable yet dangerous!'

First of all, all that stuff about vampires is a lie.

They can be in sunlight. If you ask me, they need a little sun in that place where the sun don't shine if you ask me...heh heh heh...

They can too see their reflections! They're always so, 'Hey, Look at me, I'm sooo sexy I can't even look in the mirror!"

Garlic is fine. They just don't like it so they make a big huge deal about being 'allergic' and 'Ooh look at me I'm dying! Please, somebody get my Epee Pen!'

They are not the immortal enemies of werewolves. That's just racist.

And there not immortal. Seriously, how am I supposed to believe that you're immortal when you haven't reached that point yet? Unless you bring me a certificate saying 'CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE REACHED FOREVER' or show me some kind of calendar, I'm not buying it.

All the rest about being super strong and smart and beautiful is true. They all should just bite themselves in the ass and then die...

This leads to the second point about me.

Everyone ignores me and I have no friends. Why? Because the VAMPIRES DON'T LIKE ME!!

They control everything with their dashing good looks and witty comebacks. I tell you, just one day. They're going to be walking down the wrong dark alley…

Oh yeah, the one rule that you must remember when dealing with the vamps in my school: Stay away from Aerrow Hart.

He is like the puppet master of everyone in school. No one exists without his say so. If you go up to him and befriend great. You've got a seat for life in the court of acceptance.

But if you cross him by, Oh I don't know, accidentally blinking one too many times, it's over.

Just stop, close this page and transfer to a new school. He will eat you up and spit you right out and you will be branded a school outcast for the rest of your days. Forget about getting into a good college or opening up an account at the bank.

That was the first of many mistakes that I made. I didn't escape fast enough so I was taken and thrown to the bottom of the pile with the rat people and the janitor.

I remember that day like it was, maybe, 3 years ago? Maybe?

I don't know, anyways…

So there I was. Young. Innocent. So much potential. Just a freshman, ready to start the beginning of my life. It was lunchtime and I was wandering the halls, trying to find something to do. Suddenly, I hear a sigh and noticed somebody up ahead. That somebody was really hot, if you know what I mean. So of course, I saw this as an opportunity to gain a friend and a trophy. The moment any girl saw me with him they'd be jealous like an ant to a …thing. And, you know, I'd have friendship and crap.


"Hey," I said. "You new here?"

First mistake. I hope you're taking notes.

"Uh…yeah. I'm Aerrow.' He said with a low mumble-y voice, like a kid with no self confidence.

"Cool, I'm Starling. Doing anything particularly interesting?"

"Not really…just trying to find the way to the roof. Heard they never lock the door."

"Cool," I said again. "Mind if I tag along?"

He shook his head with the hint of a smile on his face.

We talked as we went to the roof and had a jolly good time there and from that moment on had a wonderful friendship.

We talked went to each others houses, the works. We were this close to going out, I tell you!

I could've been the envy of every girl at school.

Sweet, sweet victory

Then it happened. The fight that turned the whole world upside down.

I was at his house watching one of those stupid talk shows. The topic today was about vampire life crises.

If something happened to a vampire and they needed someone to feed off of thus making them their eternal mate, who should they ask and would they do it.

I don't remember the exact details but there are some curses that make a vampire need bit of blood from the person they love most. But the cost is that the person has to become a vampire also. I think.

I'm not sure; you can never trust those stupid talk shows.

Anyways it just happened that we were sitting their alone, for Aerrow's parents had gone to work and his brother was out doing something.

"Hey, Starling. If I was ever sick like that would you let me bite you?"

You are now looking at the immortal words that ruined my life and civilized society as we know it.

"Um…" I took some time answering because it was a trick question. If I said yes, it would imply that I was ready to spend an eternity with a certain vampire. If I said no, well you get the idea.

Unfortunately, the hesitation did it.

"You have to think about it?" Aerrow asked incredulously.

"Well, it's a big decision. I like you but I don't like you that much."

I clapped my hand over my mouth as I realized what I had said.

Aerrow narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't like me that much, huh? Fine I don't like you either. Want me to walk you to the door?"

His immaculate politeness irritated me and I was racking my brain for a suitable comeback.

Finally I came up with one that sounded so good in my head but once I said them I literally felt the world stop and gasp.

"Don't bother because I never liked you. The only reason I hung out with you was because I felt sorry for you!"

Now so far in your notes you should have all the mistakes I made and that whopper up there written in red ink.

After leaving his house and, inadvertently, all of society never to return I went to my house to cry and eat triangle-cut sandwiches.

Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Why not go and apologize?' 'Just swallow your pride and apologize!' 'Mehmah blooblah apologize'


Don't you understand? He's gone! The vampires won't let me near him! They'll just tie my legs with cement blocks; drop me in a lake and then place bets on how fast it takes me to get back up to the surface!

Man I hate them.

You're probably wondering what I did to get the vampires so mad that they had to 'get me'.

Well, it all happened during Magic Recipient Class. It's a class were those of us that supposedly have magic in us go and try to control it and stuff.

It turns out that Aerrow has the power of ice and I have to power of…breaking everything I did or didn't touch. Phones, computers, people, you name it. I was lucky though. Some people got the power of 'Carnal Desire'.

Well anyways, it's not like our powers matched or anything, it's just that someone -no make that everyone- hates me and wants to ruin my life. So, surprise, surprise I got partnered up with *drum roll please* Aerrow Hart! Yay!

Coincidence? I think not. My teacher hates me.

Oh, and don't go thinking that this is one of those typical stories where we have to fight some kind of growing attraction in a comical environment. Oh no, it could never be that easy for me.

Because of that partnership I had to contend with: Aerrow's scores and troops of stupid murderous fan girls (Or should I say 'fang' girls. Ha-ha-ha…ha…ok), his stupid self control problems, That STUPID talk show, weeks of horrible totally-not-worth-it humiliation, and of course the internship at the castle of Count Dracula!!

No, I'm just messing with you. We really had to do some kind of summer camp job thing for losers.

Oh the horror.

There is probably more that I forgot, but anyway that's my life in a nutshell. Well, my life until they got me!! Oooh!! If you wanna know more to survive life in Which-Brick Falls you better come back and read. Or face your doom. Your choice.

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