Raxacoricofallapatorius

This story is for all you wonderful people who read (and especially those who reviewed!) my story Learning Curve. I think you will particularly understand this.


Jack and Ianto lay quietly, companionably, together in bed. The Rift monitor, diverted from the Hub, had been quiet all night. They were enjoying an all-too-rare Saturday morning at home. Radio Wales was playing in the background; Ianto really liked the 11.00 am show, a mixture of dry comedy, chat and good music.

Jack had made breakfast, a simple affair of scrambled egg, bacon, toast and marmalade, with orange juice and coffee. They'd enjoyed it in bed together, though Ianto knew he'd have to sort out the toast crumbs later. He couldn't bear toast crumbs in bed.

Suddenly the music had disappeared and the traffic news was on; Ianto awoke, realising that he'd been dozing. He yawned, stretched luxuriously, and cracked open his reluctant eyes. Jack was propped up on one elbow, reading. Or pretending to read. In reality, he was muttering under his breath. Ianto listened, trying to catch what his captain was saying. It wasn't unusual for Jack to mutter to himself, but it was normally preceded by an encounter with Owen.

"Reading aloud?" asked Ianto, curiously, announcing his return to the waking world.

"Hey, sleepy head," Jack put his book aside, and smiled down on Ianto. "No, just trying to remember the Welsh you taught me the other day. So, what do you want to do with the rest of the day? Carpe diem, Ianto Jones!"

Ianto smiled. "You can't fool me into thinking you know Latin. You picked that up from the movies."

Jack shrugged. "And? So what if I did! Come on, Ianto, what do shall we do today? The others are manning the Hub and for once, we've got time to ourselves. Let's not waste it."

Ianto glanced at the bedside clock. "Well, the rugby will be on the telly soon. I'd really like to see the match."

Jack nodded. "Sure, we can watch that. I'm even starting to understand it, these days."

Ianto smiled back up at Jack. "Well, you've only been here in Wales for a hundred years or so. It's about time you got the hang of it. After all, you are starting to master the language."

Jack cuffed his lover lightly, playfully. He was fully aware that Ianto was referring to a rather tense few days they had shared recently when Ianto, at Jack's behest, had tried to teach him a little Welsh.

"But what shall we do before the rugby?" Jack nibbled playfully, suggestively, on Ianto's earlobe.

"Go away. I had too much breakfast," Ianto rejected the advance. "I'm too full for …oh!" His exclamation was purely involuntary as he felt Jack's hand close around him. "Later, sweetheart, later," he promised.

"You can't say I didn't try," sighed Jack.

Ianto kissed him. "If we start that, we'll miss the rugby. And I can have you any day, but it's not every day Wales can have New Zealand."

"So, what shall we do until kick off?" Jack hadn't quite lost hope.

"Well, there is something you could help me with."

"Yes?" said Jack, hope mixed with a degree of trepidation, in case the suggestion involved housework.

"Do you remember you told me about your encounter with the Lady Mayor of Cardiff?"

Jack nodded slowly, wondering what was coming.

"Well, I'd really like to be able to say her name, and the name of the planet that she came from."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "You mean Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen from Raxacoricofallapatorius?

"Yes, that's it."

Jack shook his head and let out a breath that contrived to signal his doubt that this was achievable at all, let alone before the rugby international started. "It's not easy," he warned. "Shall we do it syllable by syllable? That's a proven technique."

Ianto smiled, remembering….. "Um, let's try another way first," he suggested. "Just say it again, one more time, slowly for me."

"Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen from Raxacoricofallapatorius," said Jack, at a measured pace. Ianto was listening intently. "Again?" offered Jack.

"No thanks, I've got it," said Ianto, brushing at the toast crumbs as he listened. "It's Blon Fel-Fotch Pasameer-Day Slitheen from Raxacoricofallapatorius."

Jack's mouth gaped open in astonishment. Ianto had nailed it on the first attempt. "How did you manage that?" he gasped in admiration.

Ianto smiled. "It's easy, Jack. Don't forget that Welsh is my first language. And that's way more difficult than anything the Rift dishes up."

End


22 Nov: Wales vs New Zealand, Millennium Stadium, 17.15 GMT