Heey everyone... I really have nothing to say besides how sorry we are we havn't posted in so long... i know u prob hate us which is understandable... alright... just...
Alice and I looked at each other and then ran to the room next door. Emmett spun to stare at Rose who was now marching over to him. Edward was standing in the back of the room with his face in his hands, obviously humiliated.
"EDWARD MADE ME DO IT!" Emmett's arm shot out pointing at a seriously enraged and confused Edward.
The commotion upstairs forced me out of my very comfortable seat. I sigh as I imagined all the possible ways I could punish the idiot students for being rowdy and immature during sexual education. I was running through my maturity lecture when I walked into the class and saw the most shocking sight I had ever seen in my life.
"What the hell is going on here?!"
I winced at the sound of the principal's angry voice. Shit! I mouthed to Alice, whose eyes had gone unusually wide at the sight of Robert. I turned around to face him, smiling the sweetest smile I could muster up in my utter state of panic.
"Nothing we can't handle sir." I said my voice surprisingly strong.
"This sure as hell doesn't look like nothing!" He bellowed and pointed to Emmett whose pants were now around his ankles. Rosalie was braced against the desk, her eyes set on Emmet's package. She was breathing a little too heavily.
Rob was turning unnaturally red in the face, "You. You. You and YOU, out of the classroom immediately!" he pointed at each of us, except of course Edward who looked like he wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock.
We all slumped out of the room, except Emmet who clearly forgot that his pants were half off and as a result tripped and fell right on his face. Moments like those reminded me that we were actually related. I sighed and helped him up but not without muttering a sarcastic "thanks a lot" in his ear. He stuck out his tongue at me and closed the door behind him.
The experiences I have had up to now, did not match up in the least to what was going to happen. First, Mr. Pattinson began to describe how utterly disappointed he was in all of us, that …
"If it weren't for the fact that we didn't have history in high school, you would all be FIRED" Which then led up to…
"Now because I am such a charitable person, and good friend; I will give you all a chance to redeem your sorry asses."
We all nodded solemnly as though we actually regretted the little occurrence that had just went down. Although, some of us AKA Me, were actually freaking out a little inside and were turning an unhealthy shade of bright pink.
Then as though nothing happened, Jacob waltzed out of the room humming joyfully.
"Hey Bella!" he winked like he had a secret that only he and I shared.
Robert glared at me and then at Emmet. I was scared I was going to be charged with rape or something, when, Rosalie cracked. She began to jump around the room dancing and chanting. It was faint at first and then escalated to a full on tribal war cry…But for some reason it seemed very familiar.
"To the universe! To the window! To the window! To the wall! To the wall! The sweat drop down my balls! All you bitches crawl!"
Balls? I knew then that Rosalie was attempting to create a distraction in the only way she knew how to; quoting chick flicks.
It might have worked, but she had been pulling this kind of shit since we were in high school so Robert wasn't fooled.
"Rosalie! I cant believe that you think that this no big deal! That you even have the balls-"
(Emmet "No pun intended" chuckle)
"To dance and chant like a cheerleader while I am assigning your punishments…"
Robert then got a dear in the headlights look, as though something terribly clever had just hit him in the face.
"You know what? I have an idea!"
We all groaned; this was going to be interesting…
"Seeing as forks high school is extremely short staffed, we are unable to have extra curricular activities. So, I have just decided to assign each of you to an after school club, you will act as the monitors for your club, without pay. Rosalie, you will be the cheerleading coach. All that dancing and chanting has really paid off huh?" He smiled maniacally.
"Alice, you can take over the soccer team,"
"As for you, Mr. you can take over the wrestling team, see how funny it is to wear tights that ride so far up you ass you'll feel like you're being ass raped. Haha."
Emmet caught his breath, "Yeah, but I don't have to wear the tights, only the team does…Right?"
Robert grinned "Wrong."
I stood there for a moment, awaiting my fate, "And you Bella…Hmm…I suppose you can direct this years school musical."
Shit. Triple shit. Being assertive was NOT my forte.
I nodded, despite the raging fear that was starting to build up inside me… Directing? Oh dear God.
Robert, satisfied with every thing continued his speech, "I hope these extra responsibilities will teach you a thing or two about acting like adults. I expect you here tomorrow at three o'clock, after you last day. Good day."
Alice lifted up her hand to say something, but Robert just turned around and yelled "I said GOOD DAY!" and then stormed through the stairwell doors.
For a moment we all stared at the doors which trembled with the after shock of Roberts's door slamming fury. Then Emmet turned around to face us all,
"Hey man." Emmet answered, "What's up?"
"Dude! Help me! I am so bored! Where are you? I thought you guys were coming over for our American pie marathon at four, what the hell's the deal?"
"Sorry Jazz, Edward and I got caught up…You will not believe what happened. Tell you all about it in a few, we'll be right there."
I hung up and groaned this had been the most boring day off in the history of the universe. The band cancelled practice on me so I pretty much had nothing to do all day. I slumped onto the couch and closed my eyes. I thought of Alice…I was brought back to reality when the doorbell rang.
I answered the door and Edward's face was red and teary eyed from laughing so hard, Emmett was saying something about being ass raped…Wait. Fuck- The- What?
I stepped out of the house waving to my little old neighbor Ms. Prudence who smiled and waved back, sipping her special "lemonade".
"DUDE!" Emmett yelled, "You will not believe the shite that went down today at school. I LOVE sexual education."
My eyes widened as I heard Ms. Prudence yelp, I spun around to see her face all wet and her cup empty, she began to shake her fist at Emmett.
"Sorry M'am" he called, "It won't happen again!"
Once the two guys were close enough not to be in earshot of Ms. Prudence I gently explained to them the delicacy of Ms. Prudence's "virgin ears"
"WOW! Prudence is a PRUUUUDEEEE! Who would have guessed?" Emmett chuckled.
"SHHH! Are you drunk?" I laughed as I dragged him into the house, Edward following close behind.
"Listen Jazz, we have some pretty messed up shit to fill you in on..." Edward started.
"Ok shoot." I let him proceed quite confused.
"'Kay so, Emmett here, got everyone into a little trouble at the school and well they have to work double time for punishment… Can you believe that?"
"No freaking way." I opened my mouth in a little circle feigning shock.
"Yeah well you know how I am with my ego and well my size… Down there. And Eduardo over here thinks he's funny making jokes about my manhood okay?!" He was red in the face and I tried real hard not to laugh but couldn't help myself.
"So what's your punishment anyway?" I finally asked.
"Because of Emmett, Bella is directing the Drama club with me, Rose is the Cheer squad's coach and Alice is somehow in all of this mess, chosen to coach… Soccer. I know it's retarded don't ask me why." He took a breath between his rant for the cherry on top of the situation, "And well Emmett here is going to be, the wrestling coach. The best part is that he also has to wear the tights with the boys…hence the butt fuck comment."
"Well, aside from the tight wearing, I think this is pretty good punishment, I mean you get to be with Bella more and Rose is great at being annoying and Alice well she'll need help." I said playing out a scenario of Alice trying to coach a bunch of kids to play Soccer and ending up flat on her back side.
We all laughed hysterically and then proceeded to making popcorn and setting up for our marathon.
"Shit. Shit. Shit!" I whined, which really wasn't something I did very often, "I can't believe Robert! I mean Drama Club?! We all know I've had stage fright ever since I could walk!"
"Well, Bella, it's not like you're going onstage or anything, just behind the scenes. It's no big deal." Alice consoled… "And anyway it won't be nearly as bad as having to teach a bunch of kids a game I don't even play!"
"Well I'm happy with my job, I mean I was the head cheerio in high school…If you both recall." Rosalie stated flipping back her golden locks as she walked to the passenger seat.
Alice and I rolled our eyes, "Yes. We remember" I said.
"Vividly." Alice added opening her car door.
Before I opened my door I heard someone calling my name.
"Bella! Bella WAIT!"
It was Rob and he was running straight towards us with a book that he was flailing around like a madman.
"I almost forgot to give you the script! Auditions are tomorrow and I want you and Edward to be perfectly prepared to cast this show."
My eyes widened "Wait, Edward is the other director?"
"Of course! I can't believe he didn't mention it before. As you recall, Edward was always the lead in our school musicals."
…Oh yeah, another reason why we thought he was gay. That boy could sing and play the piano.
"Yes, I remember…" I'm cheering inside. Edward and I, 3 hours twice a week for two months!!!!!
Robert hands me the play, Dracula the Musical, inspired by Bram Stoker's classic novel. I stared at it, remembering Gary Oldman's rape scene with poor Lucy and the three naked vampire girls.
"Uhh, Robert…Isn't this a bit provocative for a high school production?"
He laughed, "You and Edward will figure it out… You have one restriction, no nudity." He gave me a reprimanding look.
"You don't have to worry about that…" I mumbled, blushing slightly. Alice and Rose giggled behind me.
"Good" He says, "I will be seeing you all tomorrow at precisely three o'clock for your duties. Good day."
I turned to the girls, "Well this is going to be interesting."
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