AN: Okay, this is my first time doing a story 1st person. So bare with me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the character from the SVM or the HBO show Trueblood.

-x-

Chapter 1- Months without You

It seemed like years since I had sat on my front porch just staring at the stars. Then again, it was years ago that I learned of all the things that went bump in the night. But here I am, sitting on the porch, with a cup of coffee and admiring the night sky and the cool autumn air. I haven't seen hide or hair of any vampires or Weres in month, since the new king's takeover. Of course I still saw Sam; he was my boss and a shifter. But Sam was less involved with Supe politics than I had been. And Bill, I still saw him from time to time. But since Selah had moved and his attempt to win me back had failed, he had absorbed himself in his work. All for the better, since seeing him still brought painful memories to the surface. It was nice not to be in the middle of something that would no doubt end in my life being threatened. Still… I could feel the effects of my blood bond with Eric. A strange emotion here and there, sometimes ones strong enough that I wanted to call him. That wasn't the blood bond; that was plain old Sookie's reaction to him. I wanted to know what was making him so happy. Why he would get frustrated at random moments, and of course I wanted to know why he was sad. That was the emotion I got the most of lately. And because, despite his vampire politics and his selfishness, I still care for him. He would never be the vampire I fell in love with, but he was still Eric. An Eric that remembers what had happened when he had lost his memory and had stayed with me. When we fell in love, or at least when I had. He had offered to marry me, so I assume he had some pretty strong feelings, when he didn't have his empire to occupy him. And now he remembers it all. Oh hell! I didn't know how I felt about him knowing. Part of me is glad, part of me wishes that he would have never found out. Eric wasn't the same person that had sat in front of my fire and listened to me talk about my life. I can hardly imagine him being that person again. And that makes my whole body sad. Eric, in that short time, had not only been a great companion, but a remarkable lover. I'm sure he still is, but I'm not so sure that I will find out again. Since Eric had regained his memory, he has only spoken to me if necessary. And after he informed me that I was under his and the king's protection, I hadn't heard or seen from him at all. "Sookie, are you still out there?" Amelia, my very witchy (and I mean that literally) roommate, hollered.

"Yeah, I am." I hollered back. Since I live in the middle of nowhere, my voice echoed in the dark.

"I'm going to bed and Octavia is too."

"I'll be in shortly. You go on to bed and sleep well." I called back to her. Amelia is a good roommate and I am starting to warm up to her mentor and fellow witch, Octavia. Living by myself had been nice, but it was much safer now that I wasn't alone. Especially since I am not talking to my only neighbor, Bill and my only local relative, Jason my brother. Jason is a were-panther, something I'm perfectly fine with. I am not, however, okay with him allowing me to break my friend Calvin's fingers in his place. Jason has always been selfish, but this time he's made me angry. Nearly everyone I was once close with has now drifted away or died. My ex-best friend Arlene joined the Fellowship of the Sun, a group who has tried to kill me more than once cause I associate with vampires. My grandmother was murdered, and my other friend Tara is off in marital bliss, or so I assume. My only living relation, aside from Jason, if my cousin Hadley's son, who would need me soon since he is a fellow telepath, and my great-grandfather who is a fairy. Yeah, my life is strange. Much stranger than I ever imagined it would be. I'm glad though. Being a teenage telepath, and now a barmaid isn't easy when everyone thinks you are either crazy or a freak. At least the Supes think I'm a gift or something. Eric especially thought I was a gift. Darn. Every subject I think about brings me back to him and back to the fact that I haven't seen him in so long. I miss him, I realize. I miss him a lot more than I should. "Well damn," I said to myself.

"Damn what, my lover?" Eric melted out of the shadows and I jumped. With everything that I have been thinking about, seeing Eric is a shock. "May I sit with you?"

I should say no, tell him I was just going to bed, and leave it at that. "Sure," I find myself saying.

I watched him step onto the porch. Eric was about six foot and some inches, all male with long blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He leaned down and kissed my cheek softly, but the effect is enormous, like a spark through my whole body. It has been too long since I've seen him. He leaned down and whispers in my ear, "Such strong lust, through the bond and on your face. If we didn't have things to discuss, I would fuck you right here and now."

I couldn't help the mental images that I was assaulted with. I placed a hand on his chest and pushed. He acknowledged the gesture and stepped away. Instantly I could breathe again, without being attacked by his smell. And almost instantly, I got angry. "You haven't spoken to me in months. What give you the right?"

He got very still and sadness swept over the bond. "I have been thinking," he said, like that explained everything.

"Oh yeah, about what? I've spent the past months feeling your emotions."

"What did you feel?" He asked cautiously.

"Happiness, worry, frustration, confusion, and sadness. I burst into tears at the bar one day, for no apparent reason to the entire bar. Even Sam thought I had finally lost it." That was also the day that I had gotten into my car and drove half way to Shreveport, before realizing that if Eric had wanted me, he would have asked.

"You almost came to me," he said softly.

"Are you having me watched?!" I hated when vampires did stuff like that. Having me watched or telling others to protect me. I like my privacy and I'm not as weak as I seem.

"Bill told me," he said quickly. "Bill was angry and thought I was using the bond to force you to come to me." I had actually never thought of that possibility, which either meant I trusted Eric more than Bill, or that I was a fool. "I promise you Sookie; I never sent you feelings on purpose. As a matter of fact, I've been trying to shield them from you."

"Obviously not working," I didn't mean to sound hateful, but I did.

"When…emotions are stronger, I cannot fight them leaking over to you. I am sorry that I caused you to cry." He was sad again, I could feel it. It made me sad. This is why I hate this blood bond. I never know if my emotions are my own. "We need to talk, about the bond and what happened when my memory was gone."

I knew this was coming, because Eric had said we would have this talk. "I don't want to talk about anything."

"For once Sookie, I don't care." He looked down at me with hard eyes. "Nothing can be solved if we ignore the problem."

"I wasn't aware there was a problem," and truly I wasn't. See, things were much better when he didn't know what he had done.

"I proposed to you. Damn it Sookie, I made love to you."

"I remember quite well, thanks."

"But I didn't. I spent months trying to figure out what I owed you, what I had done. Most important, why was it your house I was on my way towards?" He sounded angry and his emotions were so conflicting that I couldn't interrupt them.

"Eric, I don't know why you were on that road, or even why I managed to find you. And you owe me nothing." I wanted so bad to say that he owed me that promise, to come live with me and forget his other life. But I knew I would never ask that of him and if he asked, I would refuse just like I had before.

"You kept me alive. You took me into your home and you cared for me." He leaned back against the rail of the porch. If this conversation wasn't so serious, he might have been extremely hard not to touch. As it was, I didn't want to be as close to him as I was.

"I got paid," was the only response I could think of.

Before I could blink, Eric was leaning towards me, one hand on each arm of the chair, effectively trapping me between the chair back and him. "Only because your brother was greedy enough to ask," he said. "What about the night before Pam and Chow got there? You cleaned my feet; you let me sleep with you because I was scared to be alone."

Well damn, he remembered EVERYTHING. This could not end well. Or, it could end in bed. "Eric, you were my friend and you were obviously in trouble. The least I could do was take care of you."

"I was your friend," he repeated.

"I don't know what to call you now," and I was being honest. I could technically call him my lover, like he did to me, but we were no longer sleeping together. And what I feel for him is much stronger than friends.

"You can call me your bonded," he offered with a grin, "since there is no changing that."

Another damn thing to add to the list of things I didn't understand between Eric and I. "I'll call you Eric," I managed to say.

"Anything you want, my lover." He grinned and kissed my cheek again. "Are you cold? We can continue this talk in the house."

I actually hadn't noticed the weather and I was equally surprised that Eric had. Vampires didn't register cold like humans did. "Oh all right, if we must talk, then come on in."

He held his hand out for me to grab, and then he lifted me out of the chair. He pulled me close to him and inhaled. "I have missed you." He let me go and walked into the house. I followed slowly. This was going to be interesting.