Obsessive: It's us! Finally! Damn, and it took, like, forever to write! though, that could be our fault...we got...distracted...I mean, well, we had to have music, and then there was this story I had to show Compulsive, and then, well, we've started reading this manga online...and...it's...well, it's secured our place in Hell, that's for sure! And then there was this movie, and 'The Soup'...and the Hogan family seriously needs help! Well, I think my rant is done...for now...
Compulsive:Well I just wanted to let all of you little droplets of chocolate milk know that about 80.5%-YES go decimals! :D- of this shit -GO STRONG LANGUAGE! :D- actually happened to us. If you ask us in a reveiw we'll tell you every bit of each part that did. But some stuff is just purly from the insanity that is OC5699. btw, if some of this stuff actually happened to me, I think I would cry...in pure fear...
Warning: CRACK. Total, unaviodable, all-consuming crack. And strong language. We think. And Shohen-ai, but that should be obvious, given the first chapter. Some minor charactor bashing, but it's all in good fun!
Disclamor: Okay, seriously, the fact that we even have to do this is stupid. I mean, if we owned Naruto, the last thing we'd be doing would be writing on here. After all, pron tacks some practice to draw...and Google doesn't belong to us either. :P
Authors: OBSESSIVE AND COMPULSIVE! Fear-I mean, feel the love!
Sasuke rolled over in his bed, and he felt his arm fall on something soft and warm. He moved his hand a little, and it felt like a body. To his disturbance, he noted it was much too small to be Naruto's body. He frowned, then slowly opened his eyes.
Well, it wasn't Naruto. A pair of pale grey eyes looked into his own. "Did I wake you?" Neji whispered.
He bounced up, grabbing the sheet and pulling it around him. "Wha-" was all he could muster before he ran out of the room, and across the hall.
"You're such a peaceful sleeper!" Neji called after him. He almost broke Naruto's door down in his rush to escape the piercing stare. The slammed behind him as he dove into the blonde's bed.
Naruto groaned and rolled over. "Are you okay..? Wha's wrong? Is there a specific reason your head is in my crotch…? Cause you ain't gonna find any Christmas presents down there…"
"…You're pants are on weird…And why isn't this tied? The strings' on there for a reason, Naruto. Nobody needs to see your boxers." Sasuke's head popped up from under the blanket.
"Why do you care?" Naruto frowned.
At that moment, out in the hallway, Kiba and Temari were meeting up in front of the door. "Merry Christmas, Temari!"
"Merry Christmas, Kiba!" Temari replied. "How many presents do you think you have under the tree?"
"Oh, lot's! Hundreds, I'm sure!" Kiba boasted.
Temari looked at him slyly. "What do you wanna bet I got mo-" She was suddenly interrupted by a shout from her older brother's room.
"Let me finish! Let me finish! Ow, you bite hard!"
"That wasn't hard, you baby! I didn't even try and bite you!" Naruto replied.
"Let me finish!"
"No, stop, don't touch me there!" He sounded indignant.
"Let me finish! Let me- Cause this needs to be fixed, it just needs to be moved over here…"
Temari opened her mouth. "They're probably just moving furniture."
"Or having sex." Kiba said quietly. She turned to say something, but got cut off.
"Okay, fine, just use one hand! One hand!" Kiba gestured to the door, making an 'I told you so' face.
"Let me finish!" There was a pause, then the most bloodcurdling scream came from the room. Everyone ran out into the hallway, and stared wildly at their door.
"Alright, fine, it'll just bother me for the rest of the day. See, now I have to change my pants!" Sasuke said angrily. A minute later, Sasuke and Naruto walked out of the room, both looking rumpled. The taller blonde man had tears in his eyes, and was rubbing his lower hip, while Sasuke was rubbing his shoulder. They stopped when they saw everyone staring at them.
"See? Kiba knows everything!" Kiba shouted, throwing his hands in the air.
"Hmmph." Temari said, putting and rubbing her eyes.
Shikamaru tapped the boy's shoulder. "You're wrong."
"You see, it's really quite innocent. Neji had been watching Sasuke sleep, since about one AM. Now, around fifteen minutes ago, Sasuke awoke and noticed this. He ran to Naruto's bed, and discovered that his pants were untied. Now, being the slightly OCD prissy-boy we all know he is, he just had to fix it. Naruto, being strange as ever, and a slob, didn't want him to mess with his pajamas. Both men's stubborn streaks showed, and a battle began." He inhaled before continuing.
"In the process of tying his pajamas, however, Naruto bit Sasuke's shoulder, and Naruto was molested, both mentally and physically. Having won, Sasuke made Naruto get up and move to the hall, and that's where we are now." He walked over to Naruto, then dropped so he was eye-level with Naruto's crotch. "But…" He picked up one of the strings, then slowly pulled on it until the bow came undone, before he stood. "None of that matters now, because it's present time." He turned and walked down the stairs coolly.
Sasuke stared after him, eye twitching. Naruto gaped as his pants fell, revealing snowflake boxers. The other children ran after Shikamaru, completely ignoring the motionless adults. A few seconds later, Sasuke and Naruto followed them, the later holding his pants up and tying them half-hazardly.
In the great room, there was a mountain of presents, reaching up to the ceiling. Sasuke gaped, before asking "Shouldn't there be a tree?"
"Oh, you see, that would be too normal for my family. And after the eighth or ninth kid, it just kinda gets lost in the presents…"
"Santa sure was hungry last night!" Ino and Sakura chimed together, each holding up half a broken plate. Suddenly, Ino got a heart-broken look on her face.
"Did we not give Santa enough..?"
"Yeah, I talked to the big man last night…Sure was hungry. Little bit angry, too." From somewhere above, Jiraiya answered her question.
"It's okay, Ino! Next year we'll get him a pizza! I'm sure he'd forgive us then!" Sakura chirped.
"Santa likes pizza…" Jiraiya said, coming down the stairs with Tsunade. "Course, you could always get him a pizone. Everyone likes a good pizone." He got a dreamy expression on his face.
Tsunade sighed, then joined the kids as they began to open their presents. Normally, it took Sasuke's family five, maybe ten minutes to open all of their presents; two-and-a-half hours later, they were finally done, and the brunette was sure he'd seen every present known to mankind, ages pre-school to high school. Sasuke watched in shock as some of the kids complained about not having enough.
A shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Naruto trying to pinch his stomach. "I've gained so much weight since last year…"
"What are you talking about?" Sasuke looked at him unhappily, as he lifted his shirt to reveal his eight-pack. "You've got the best body I've ever seen."
The blonde leaned over him so they were face-to-face. "Blehh."
Sasuke sighed, then flipped him over so the blonde was on his back. He stood over him, smirking.
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure you just love seeing me like this. Must be the first time I've been on my back, huh?" He said, grinning wickedly.
"I'm going upstairs." Was the flat reply.
"Don't have 'Alone Time' without me!" Naruto called after him. Sasuke ignored him, and was just walking by the bathroom, when he heard the single most disturbing thing he had ever heard.
A falsetto voice was singing "And pursue the morning, and pursue the morning, through the frosty mountains! And I'll climb the frosty mountains, and I'll climb the Frost Mountains, and then I'll find the weather!" A pause, then a distinctly male voice asked "Is that good enough?"
"No." Another boy moaned. "Keep. I'll only need a couple more seconds…your voice just makes me so hot!" Sasuke froze, and started twitching. Short, broken, fast-paced gasps streamed out of the brunette, and when the first boy started singing again he broke free and ran into his room, locking the door behind him.
"Happy place, happy place, happy place, happy place…" He repeated to himself, face down in his pillow. He must have drifted off, because next thing he knew someone was poking him. He turned around and saw the person who was quickly becoming the bane of his existence.
"Neji? How did you get in here?" He asked slowly.
"Oh, the vent. People started locking their doors, and so I needed to find a way to see them!"
"Did you ever think that, maybe, there was a reason that their doors were locked…that maybe they didn't want to see you?"
Neji laughed. "That's ridiculous! Who wouldn't want to see me?" He shook his hair out, still chuckling.
"That's fine…now, is there a reason you've woken me up? Again?"
"Oh. Well, I wanted to show you your shrine!"
"Shrine." Sasuke paused. "As in, a few pictures?"
"No, silly. As in plushies!" He replied brightly as the smaller brunette grabbed his hand and led him to his room. When he opened it up, for a second ass he could see was himself.
It was then he realized that when he said plushies, he meant it. Plushies, action figures, and-was that a vial of his blood? He shuddered, counting the hours the child had known him.
"When did you find the time to do this?" He asked, looking at all the pictures on the walls, from his birth, to just this morning. "And how did you get all this?"
"Oh, I found the time. And you'd be absolutely amazed at all that Google has to offer!" He smiled. "Do you like it? I tried to find pictures that…captured your essence."
He picked up the vial of his blood. "I think you've captured everything."
"I hope so!" He bent down and picked up the most warn doll. "You see him? That's your actual hair!"
Sasuke set the vial down and clasped his hands, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. "Okay, I'm going to go tell Tsunade about this, and hopefully she'll give you some medication…or something…" He turned around and walked out the door, praying that he hadn't just seen a picture of him and Naruto.
"Whatever makes you happy!" Sasuke shuddered, and walked as quickly as he could to the blonde. After explaining the situation to her, Naruto held him comfortingly while the other blonde went to 'talk' to her son.
The rest of the day passed without much incident. A small fire broke out, but Shino was able to put it out fairly quickly, and Sasuke got locked under the stairs, which honestly, he didn't mind. Anything was better than being with them. At the end of the evening, Naruto walked him up to his room.
Looking down at him, then to Neji's door, the blonde said "Maybe I should sleep with you tonight…"
"Please." The brunette all but whimpered. A few minutes later, Sasuke was lying all but on top of his boyfriend, who sighed.
"So…are you…okay?" He asked.
"Yeah…I mean, this was good. How can I love you when I don't know all of you?"
"I guess…I'm glad you feel that way."
"Mmm-hmmm. Just so you know, though, we're leaving tomorrow, and next year we're going to Itachi's." He nuzzled his boyfriend's chest lovingly.
"Oh, yeah, totally." Naruto agreed, tilting his head to give him a goodnight kiss. "Merry Christmas, love."
Compulsive: I just wanted to remind you that if you ASK IN A REVEIW -hint hint- we'll tell you every thing that actually happened to us. and :3
Obsessive: So, I've been think of creating a comic based off of this story...I think I could...Oh, and next year, we're going to try and write a sequal, about their vacation at Itachi's!
Review! Please! Pleasepleaseplease! -Compulsive: Or I'll prevent us from writing ever again! Bwahahaha!- Yeah. Cause that'd be such a tragity. Anyways, Happy Holidays! Review! We love all our readers, but the one's who review will get...well...we can't legally mention that...just kidding...probably...but you'll get our love and respect! Yeah. So review!