Renesmee danced to my side, holding up a bunch of furry cotton wools in front of my face. She almost jabbed one into my nose.
"Hello, Uncle Jazz! What do you think of this?" She sang.
It looked like a rabbit that Emmett slaughtered. "It looks cute! What is it?"
"It's my party costume!"
"HELLO EVERYBODEH!" The front door blasted open. Carlisle walked in, carrying his suitcase. "I managed to live through this day without a frown, grimace, or a - GOD DAMMIT, EMMETT! TAKE THAT CAMERA OFF MY FACE!"
Emmett chuckled and ran around the living room, rolling on the floor.
"Sorry, hun," I apologised to Renesmee. "What were you saying?"
"JASPER!" Emmett laughed. "LOOK AT DAD'S FACE! HE LOOKS LIKE A CLOWN WHO GOT POKED BY AN ELEPHANT!" He howled with laughter.
I sighed. "Emmett, just stop doing taking random pictures of - "
"Emmett!" I yelled, prancing onto him as he fell back in hoots of laughter. "That is so not funny, you biatch!"
"Language, Jasper!" Esme reminded, reading a magazine on the sofa.
" 'Scuuuuuse me!" Renesmee cleared her throat. "I'm speaking here."
With a final slap on Emmett's cheek, I got up, and went back to where Renesmee was sitting. "You're wearing that for your party?" I asked. "That's really cool!"
Rosalie walked down the stairs, fluffing her hair absently. "Emmett!" She called.
"Yes, Your Majesty!" He crawled towards her.
Her eyes widened, lips pulled into what seemed like a disgusted grimace. "I don't know you," She muttered, and hopped towards me.
"You," She pointed at me. "You're going to dress up for Nessie's party."
"Yes, you heard it. Be mentally prepared for your costume," She leaned in, and whispered into my ear. "You're gonna need all the moral courage to know what's awaiting for you in your closet."
She giggled like a Barbie doll and stalked away. Dang, I hated it when she did that to me. The front door opened again, and furball...I mean Jacob, stepped into the house.
"Hey, brother fur!" Emmett greeted.
"Sup, brother stink!" Jacob greeted back.
"JAKE!" Renesmee scrambled down the couch, stepping on my toe as she did.
"Hellooooo!" He laughed.
"Eww. Don't say that," Bella appeared out of nowhere. "You sound like a retard."
"Huhhhhh?" Jacob raised his eyebrows.
"Oh god..." Bella muttered, and slumped onto the couch next to me. "Jasper, throw some happy potion onto me, please."
So, I tried to think of bunnies, and Alice, and fluffy cotton wools, and Barney, and hair spray, and my pillow...
"Not working," She said.
"What am I? Your fairy godmother?" I retorted.
Suddenly, her eyes sparkled. I did not like the looks of it at all. She laughed, clapping her hands, then looked at me straight in the eye. "That's it!" She crowed. "Fairy godmother! You'll be a fairy godmother for Nessie's party!"
She got up and danced up the stairs. "Rose! Forget Jasper's skirt! He's going to be a fairy godmother!"
This is truly a terrifying world. They were going to make me wear a skirt. A skirt. A skirt.
"So...what do you want to do today?" Jacob's voice traveled into my too-frightened-to-hear ears. "Wishing...walking..."
"You guys wish?" Emmett's jaw dropped. "As in, wish wish? As in, wish upon a moon kind of wish?"
Esme and Carlisle looked at each other. "Isn't it...wish upon a star?" Esme asked.
Jacob sighed, and placed a hand on Emmett's shoulder. "Don't cry, stink bro. I know you had a deprived childhood."
"Yeah," Emmett grimaced. "I did. My mum didn't even let me wish upon a moon."
Renesmee hopped up to me, completely ignoring Emmett's sorrow. "Would you like to go wishing with us, Uncle Jazz?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Sure. No harm going."
"Yay!" She clapped her hands.
"Can't I go along too?" Emmett whined.
Renesmee and Jacob stared at each other for a very, very long time. "It's sacred," Jacob whispered.
"Uh huh." Emmett nodded his head. "Jasper can't be anymore holier than me."
"Well," Jacob reasoned. "He's an emo punk. He'll pull through. The faeries will bless him."
I shot a look at him, which sent him barking instead of speaking English.
"Have fun, dearies!" Esme smiled, still flipping through the magazine. I managed to catch a glimpse of the cover page. HOW TO ENSURE THAT YOUR CHILD DOES NOT BECOME RETARDED.
My eyes bulged, and I ran out of the house quickly.
Jacob drove to a nearby river. I got out, glad that it was night time. It was a beautiful setting - peaceful and tranquil. No, wait. Those two words had the same meaning. Peaceful and...
"Come on, Uncle Jazz," Renesmee pulled my arm.
She dragged me along the river. The further we got, the more confusing it was.
We ended up by a swamp.
"Is this the right place?" I asked, eying the mud.
"Shh!" Jacob shushed. "The faeries are listening."
I looked around. There was mud, some deformed trees, mud, mud, brown grass, mud and more mud. So...faeries thrive in MudLand. How awesome. What are they? Like Faeries of the Swamp? They bless you with dirt?
Renesmee faced the moon, closed her eyes and clamped her hands together. "I wish..." She started, then went silent.
Jacob did the same. "I wish..." He said, then stopped.
I stared at the both of them. I wondered how my little niece got from praying to God, to wishing upon the moon in MudLand. The both of them sighed contentedly, and opened their eyes.
"What?" I asked. "Are the faeries throwing mud at you?"
Jacob looked at me as if I had violated his privacy.
"Please forgive him," He prayed again. "I know he sparkles, but he's far from magical."
Renesmee held my hand, and smiled. "You should try it, Uncle Jazz!" She urged.
No way would I pray to Swamp faeries.
"Maybe some other time," I smiled back at her.
"Oh, sacred tree," He touched an old, broken cactus. "We will leave now."
"That's the Cactus of Holiness." Renesmee whispered.
I fished out my phone, and texted Bella:
Keep Ness away from that fur ball. I'm pretty sure he's made her believe that a broken cactus and a muddy swamp is a church.
She replied almost immediately.
I know right. He talks to faeries. Good lord...I wonder if the whole wolf pack does.
I heard a few howls across the swamp.
"That's Sam and the gang." Jacob grinned proudly.
I answered Bella's reply:
They actually do.
Sorry, this was seriously random! But I have not been updating this story for ages! Please, please forgive me! Do you believe in faeries? The wolf pack does! ^^