A/N: So Joker-Jeff is the sexiest thing I've seen on Smackdown in the longest time (seeing as Edge has been MIA for some odd months.) And I've been watching Beauty and the Beast like it's my fucking job, so I guess this is how this story came to be. (PS Kayfabe situation ahead. And it's kinda like a sequel to "It's the only thing you're good at" or whatever that was called.)
Rosalie walked slowly down the hallway with Edge, taking her time to get to her office. She was so glad he was back – it'd been so lonesome without him. She just loved being with him, even if he was a cocky asshole. It was just the way she liked them – mean and handsome.
"So, what have you got planned for me, Rose?" He moved a little closer to her, thumping his large hand against the championship belt over his right shoulder. "I mean, besides winning this baby."
"Wanna step into my office?" She felt like such a flirt around him. But he was Edge – no one couldn't not flirt with him. "I'm sure we can figure out a... rough estimate."
He rumbled out that low, dirty laugh of his, his eyes moving up and down her body as his lips twisted up into a denting, little smirk. "I'd love to. But I need to go figure out what I'm doing tonight – besides you."
Rosalie blushed and stopped at the doorway of her office, hand poised on the knob. "Should I wait here for you?"
"No, I want you to wait in the parking lot." Edge rolled his eyes, walking off before Rosalie even had a chance for a rebuttal. He turned the corner and winked at her, disappearing shortly after.
Rosalie sighed. Edge was so wonderful. Just the right amount of asshole-vs.-sexy to keep her on her toes. She watched the empty corner, seeing the familiar faces of wrestling walk past. Zack Ryder, Triple H, John Morrison...
Ew. Rosalie quickly turned to her door, just as Matt Hardy wheeled around the corner, where Edge had gone. She heard him stop when he saw her, so she fumbled with the door knob, but he was too quick.
She cringed at the name, closing her eyes. "What, Matt?"
"Have you seen Jeff?"
"No. I haven't."
He was behind her now, and he moved, leaning against the wall. He was just as awkward as she was, but he was the nicer person. "How... How have you been?"
"Why don't you ask your brother?"
"I would if I could find him."
Rosalie narrowed her eyes, but said nothing.
He sighed. "Have... I mean, are you seein' anyone?"
Was he checking up on her? That bastard. "Yes, actually."
"Oh. Anyone I know?"
She raised a brow. "Does Edge ring a bell?"
Matt blanched. "No. Really?"
She nodded. "He's actually on his way now, so if you don't want to run into the guy who stole yet another woman out from under your nose, I suggest you get your dirty southern ass out of my face before he sees you."
Matt stayed white as a ghost as Rosalie opened her office door, not bothering to turn on the light. "But... Rosie – "
"Oh, and Matt?" She smiled, stepping into the room. "Tell your brother he's a wonderful kisser."
Matt said nothing, but just stalked off, his belt banging against the wall in his quick attempt to leave. Rosalie watched him go, the smallest smirk playing on her face, and she headed over to her desk, basking in the light shining in from the doorway.
"So, Rosie... You think I'm a good kisser?"
Rosalie jumped and whipped around, just in time to see Jeff appear from behind the door, closing it slowly with the tips of his fingers. It creaked ominously, shutting without a sound. "Oh, Jeff." She rolled her eyes. "It's you."
"Is it?" He stepped up to her, barely visible in the bleakness.
She frowned. "What's the matter with you?"
"I find myself in a bit of a quandary," he said slowly, his southern drawl bringing out the long syllables.
She noticed – just barely – that he was wearing his face paint from earlier that night, when he "went crazy" on the Undertaker. It was a mediocre match, at best. Now Edge – he could give a good match, especially against the Undertaker.
Jeff ran a hand down his face slowly. "Mind helpin' me out?"
He hissed out a breath, gripping at his cheek, running his fingers up to tug on his hair. He smiled pleasantly. "On what?"
"Well, what it is."
He was still dressed in his ring gear, sweaty from the match earlier. She grimaced and met his eyes, but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were on something behind her, bright and wide, shaking like he was having a vision.
She frowned. "Jeff?"
He jerked his head toward her in one jarring movement, bringing his hand up from behind his back. Between his fingertips was a rose, crystal and soft, drooping slightly in front of her face.
She looked at it. "What's this?"
"A rose for a Rose," he bit out, voice low but piercing. He wagged it at her nose. "Take it. It's yours."
"Jeff, I really don't think – "
"Take it," he hissed, slithering around her. She spun with him, backing away, toward the door. He smiled. "I wouldn't want you to think I'd harm you."
He grabbed her by the wrist and jerked her toward him, whipping the white, knotted piece of fabric out of his back pocket. The rose fell from her hands as he tied them together, licking his lips, his eyes meeting hers in a frenzy.
"Rosie," he sang, spinning her in a circle. He captured her against the window sill. "I want to thank you. This is who I am, this is who I should be."
She screamed, but his hand was quick, stuffing one of his rolled up arm bands between her teeth before she even had a chance.
He giggled slightly, just two quick laughs, before his face went serious, pressing against hers with a force that knocked the back of her head against the window. "You want to know what I'm going to do, Rosie?"
She shook her head vigorously.
"I – "
The door opened with a crack, and a figure stood in the way, light pouring around him into the dark room. His head almost touched the frame, golden hair falling in a curly mess. It could only be one person.
"What the hell is going on?" a baffled Edge barked, stepping into the room.
Jeff's eyes were almost transparent in the light.
Edge grimaced. "Hardy? What the hell are you doing with her?"
Jeff pushed all of the things off of Rosalie's desk, hurling her against the wall as he wound back and kicked out the window. It opened with a scraping sound, letting the wind and rain hit his face as he grabbed at the knot holding her hands together. He threw her over his shoulder and he stepped out onto the ledge, licking his lips as he stared back at Edge.
Edge blinked. "Look, Rose, seriously, if I knew you were into this kinky shit, I wouldn't have – "
"He's a moron, Rosie!" Jeff laughed up at the sky, feeling the rain pound against his face, loving the fact the colors melted, seeping down onto his neck and shirt. He stepped around the corner, grabbing onto the ladder that lead to the roof with one paint-soaked hand.
Rosalie screamed against the gag as he swung around, her face pointed toward the ground below. It got farther away as he started climbing, one-handedly, up the rungs.
"Ring, around, the Rosie," Jeff sang, slapping his hand against the metal bars. The rain practically drowned him out, but she could still hear his high-pitched voice, cracking every few words.
Rosalie spit the gag out, finally getting it past her teeth enough so she could breathe. She watched it fall to the earth, disappearing after a few stories. "Edge!" she screamed mercilessly.
"A pocket, full, of posies..." Jeff missed one of the rungs and he slipped, his feet thumping down a few bars. Rosalie screamed and shut her eyes, but he caught himself, grasping onto the side of the ladder. She could hear him laughing, that shrilling chortle, before his feet started their bumping trek again.
"Edge! Edge, help me!" Rosalie knew she sounded like Vickie Guerrero, but it was the only way for him to hear her.
Rosalie had just started to cry when she saw the familiar mop of blond hair peek around the corner of the ledge. Edge was looking up at her, his facial expression completely shocked.
"Edge! Help me!" she shrieked.
Edge looked down, then up again, biting his lip.
Edge frowned, but closed his eyes and slipped around the corner, thumping his fingers around the wet metal of the ladder quickly. He still had the championship, but it was around his waist now, and he started up, a lot quicker that Jeff had.
"Down!" Jeff hurled her off of his shoulder, listening to her scream as she shut her eyes and waited for the hard impact of the ground.
She hit it a second later. It didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. She could actually move. She opened her eyes and looked around.
She was on the roof.
Jeff was standing on the ledge, bent over, his mouth open in a Y-shape, hysterically laughing at the top of his lungs. His voice actually cracked as he continued his hyena chortles, his eyes wide and smeared with black.
She stared at him, mouth quivering in fear.
He jumped up, bringing his legs in and landed over her, his feet thumping on either side of her body. He leaned in close, laughing obnoxiously in her face. "Just kidding!"
He flounced away from her, hopping up onto the ledge on the other side of the building.
She stared, horrified, jerking her head when she heard the tiniest noise. Edge was peaking over the side of the ledge, his eyes on Jeff as he slowly pulled himself over, putting a finger to his lips.
"Rain, rain, go away," Jeff started quietly, sashaying atop the ridge. "Come again another day..."
Edge stopped untying her hands to stare at Jeff, disgusted. His lip curled back but Rosalie wiggled, and he looked down, continuing to untie the mess Jeff had made out of the fabric.
"London bridge, is, falling down..." Jeff did a small Whisper in the Wind onto the roof, flipping around with his eyes closed. "Falling, down..."
Edge finally got the ties off her hands, and he helped Rosalie up, giving her a hard shove toward the ladder, careful not to disturb Jeff.
"Falling, down..." Jeff opened his eyes, blinking at the sight of Rosalie on the other side of the step, holding onto the slippery ladder. Edge was ushering her down, looking over his shoulder frequently. He stopped when he saw Jeff staring at him.
Jeff cocked his head, gazing at them with the most innocent look on his face.
"Rosalie, hurry up!" Edge pushed her slightly, hopping over to climb down the ladder with her.
Jeff tapped his hand against his face, disappointed. He skipped over to them, projecting himself up onto the ledge, bending down. He snagged the top of Edge's hair, pulling him back up as he thrashed, trying to punch at him.
"London bridge, is, falling down..." Jeff launched Edge across the roof, listening to the satisfying sound of his back hitting the vent near the corner. He leaned down further and grabbed Rosalie by the neck, hauling her up with much more ease than Edge.
She screamed and kicked at him, but he just dropped her against the concrete, watching with a smile as she banged her head against the ground.
"My, fair, lady."
"Jeff, why are you doing this?" Rosalie yelled over the roar of wind. Jeff's hair was flying in wet strands, flapping against his skin, sticking to the paint. It was all just a shade of gray now.
"This is who I am, Rosie. This is who I – " Jeff bucked forward, falling against the ledge in a heap next to her. Edge hopped over her and bent down, knocking Jeff's head again.
"Go down the ladder," he spat, grinding Jeff's face against the ground.
Rosalie nodded dumbly and crawled over to it, but stopped when she heard Jeff laughing. She flipped over, moving back on her hands.
Edge was now huddled away from him, temple bleeding, as Jeff stood tall, his mouth open to the sky, laughter pouring out just like the rain.
"What do you want, Jeff?" Rosalie screamed.
Jeff stopped abruptly and looked at her, confused. "The belt."
Edge unhooked it from his waist, chucking it at Jeff's feet. "Take it! Just take it!"
Jeff bent down, taking the gold between his dirty hands, letting the feeling wash over his body. He closed his eyes as he held the belt to his chest, his mouth curved up in the softest smile Rosalie had ever seen.
"Now I have half of what I want." Jeff turned to her and smiled. "Come on, Rosie. Let's get out of here."
Rosalie frowned. "No."
Jeff narrowed his eyes, hurling the belt behind him. "Rosie," he sing-songed. "Darling. Lovely, lovely woman. Let's go."
"No." Rosalie shakily got to her feet. "I'm not going anywhere with you."
"Rosie, Rosie." He stepped up to her, her calves backed against the ledge. "Pocket full of posies. You must not be hearin' me correctly." He moved his lips to her ear, trailing them against her skin. "Let's go!" he screamed, laughing when she moved away, an incessant ringing beginning to sound deep within her head.
She frowned, tears forming in her eyes. "Jeff Hardy, who are you?"
"You want to know who I am?" Jeff grinned. "I, am – "
Edge came up from behind and knocked the championship against the back of Jeff's head, sending him reeling over the side of the ledge. Rosalie gasped and covered her eyes, looking away. She heard a hollow thump a few moments later.
Edge grimaced at his belt, rubbing off the paint that had dripped from Jeff's hair.
"Edge, thank God." She leapt up and put her arms around his neck.
He pushed her back. "You have paint all over you. Don't touch me."
She could hear the commotion begin to form down below, someone screaming about an ambulance. She crossed her arms, blinking down through the weakening rainstorm, watching a crowd build.
"Killed by the thing he wanted most," she whispered softly.
Edge looked up from shining his gold. "What'd you say?"
She gazed at him. "Nothing."
"Good. Can we get out of here?"
Rosalie frowned. "You don't care that you just killed one of the Hardys?"
He shrugged. "Wasn't exactly the one I was planning on killing, but it was good enough. Let's go."
A/N: As everything should be, this story began and ended with Edge. Review. I need to stop watching Disney movies. And yes, I just HAD to use that line from the Rooftops homage they made for Jeff. It was too funny not to.