This story is written in honour of one of my recently departed friends. Enjoy…
Snake was sweating from the incoming blows. He was currently in a brawl against Samus on the Shadow Moses arena, who had charged up her blast completely, and was waiting for an opening. It came not too long afterwards.
Snake had put his right arm to his ear and activated his codec in order to contact Otacon. A few seconds passed by, but with no response. "Pick up, goddammit!" Snake whispered under his breath. He was still silently cursing when the area around got lighter in colour. He looked up.
In his brief attempt to call Otacon, Samus let her shot fly, and hit Snake head-on, causing him to careen out of the stage.
After the match, Snake was in a foul mood. Everyone that said hi to him was shot a filthy glare. Why didn't his cohort behind a safe comfy chair watching every move Snake made (except in the bathroom; Snake felt a little uneasy after he heard a zipper coming from seemingly his head) pop out and give him some sagely advice?
Snake switched his codec to Otacon's frequency and tried calling again. There was no response either. Getting pissed off at this point, he stormed up the stairs and slammed the door to his room, getting a few next-door neighbours quite annoyed.
He assumed the fetal position on his bed, trying to get some shut-eye. It didn't work; he just as awake as ever. After sulking in his room for an hour, he tried contacting Otacon again.
"Otacon, pick up, damn it!" Snake yelled. The silence that followed afterwards was deafening, until it was broken by a sniffle. "Otacon?" Snake asked, confused. Did he scare Otacon with his shout? But Otacon was a man; he wouldn't waver from a bark from Snake.
"Otacon, what's going on?" Snake asked.
"Snake, it's terrible. I lost one of my best friends today."
"Oh, dear…" Snake was baffled by this; he didn't know how to reply to this. Never once did he have to comfort a comrade over a loss. He was a soldier, a mercenary: emotions were nothing to him. At this tournament, however, he experienced a lot of new feelings that he had long lost ago.
'Ok, so all I have to do is pull out the sympathy card,' he thought, before remembering that that card was deep within the deck and was pretty hard to pull out. He tried anyways.
"Well, uh, I'm sorry to hear that," he answered. "I'm sure you remember the good times you and your friend had."
Otacon let out a sniff of approval. "I've known her for many years," he cried. "I first met her when I was a child. I'd always see her, but I never got the courage to get close to her."
"But then, I got braver, and I touched every inch of her being, my hands running over her body day and night…"
"O…K…" Snake was puzzled. Since when did Otacon get laid? That was his job. A gut feeling rose from his stomach. It was jealousy.
"But when I visited her this morning, she didn't respond!" he wailed!
Snake forced himself to say "I feel for you" as he was about to burst. "Wait a minute," Snake interrupted. "What's that sound in the background?"
"Huh? Oh, my shipment's arrived. But I don't think this one will ever take over my love. I loved that keyboard."
"Oh… wait, what? So your friend…" Snake was baffled again.
"Yeah, my keyboard died on me," Otacon said as he was regaining his composure.
Snake was silent. His wave of jealousy was replaced by something more fearful.
"You mean to tell me I wasted pity over a piece of cheap machinery!?" he roared into the codec.
"It's not cheap! It cost me $49.99!" Otacon whined.
"Whatever," Snake spat. He was in no mood for dinner. As he was getting himself to bed, he hissed those five dreaded words that any nerd would fear.
"You're never gonna get laid."
Was this pretty random? I got myself a new keyboard cause my old one wouldn't budge at all. Not a single letter at all.
Hope you guys enjoyed this little oneshot!