Series: iPod Shuffle Challenge
Fandom: Blue Seed
Character / Pairing Focus: Kusanagi Mamoru x Fujimiya Momiji
Rating: T / PG-13 / Teen
Notes: Post-"New Soul"; AU from Blue Seed 2.
Disclaimer: Blue Seed and all respective properties are © Yuzo Takada. Megan D. (Veritas Found) does not, has never, nor will ever own Blue Seed.
If You Could (performed by Tara Maclean)
And you will never know until you're standing in my shoes
Just how much you can love someone and how much you can lose
And if I could make you turn around and see how we were then
Just one look into my eyes, you'd fall in love again
"So just go already! Go on, get out of here – I don't need you tailing me around all the time! I don't need you! Just leave me alone, Kusanagi!"
Angry shouts from that messy scene so long ago rolled through this place still, now mere whispers carried along on the chilled breeze. She hugged her coat closer to her, burrowing deeper into her scarf to fight the winter chill. It had been years since she'd stood in this place, under the boughs of the great cherry tree that held the sleeping spirits of the storm god and her sister.
"You idiot! Don't you get it by now?! You're not an obligation – I stay around you because I love you!"
It's funny, the things you don't hear when you're too busy trying to believe the exact opposite. She had spent so long convincing herself that he couldn't possibly love her – that he was too busy pining over her sister – that when he finally told her what she had longed to hear…she was too busy hating him to believe it. Set him free. That had been her intentions: release him of the Kushinada curse, the one that chained him to her as guardian. It's not like she needed him anymore. It's not like…
"But you don't, Kusanagi! You're…you're…you're like a puppy! You think you love me, but you don't…you can't…you just…I'm all you know, Kusanagi. How can you really love me if I'm all you've ever known?"
She had thought, all those years ago, that it had been for the best. She hadn't realized how much it'd hurt when he listened. How much she'd miss him when he was gone. You never realize those kinds of things until they happen, do you? It was a strange emptiness that settled in her the first time she looked at a tree and realized he wasn't hiding in the branches anymore, and it never really left, even all this time later. Sometimes she'd think she'd see him, the tails of his trench coat waving out of the corner of her eye when she didn't turn fast enough. Wishful thinking, she knew, but sometimes…sometimes it was nice to pretend.
"You…you are such an idiot. Fine. Fine, I don't care. Have a nice life, Princess."
Her hand pressed against the trunk of the great tree, her eyes stinging with unshed tears as she remembered that night. If he had been here, would he see it the same way she did? The tears and the screams, the blood and the rain…she still didn't understand why he hadn't flown away. Maybe because of the wind, maybe because running was…she didn't know.
She had seen him die once. So far away, but connected through their mitamas, she had watched helpless as Murakumo struck him down. The vainglorious 'King of the Aragami' had sliced him in two, ripping his blade clean through him. She had thought, back then, that nothing could be worse – and then she had watched him run from her, straight into the path of a speeding lorry. Accelerated regenerative abilities or not, she didn't think anything could save him from that – not even Susano-oh, not like last time. Not like…
"Oh my God, Kusa…hold on, please! Kusanagi! Look at me, you idiot! Don't die! Please, don't die!"
She had left Tokyo after that, moving back to Izumo to stay with her mother and grandmother. Akiko had been thrilled, and the others had understood – even if they didn't really want to see her go. But this place…such a short walk from the offices she had started working in with Mrs. Matsudaira, and how could she bare to see this place every day? To walk along the road he had…
"Shut up! Shut up, you fat-headed jerk! You're going to be fine, all right? You're going to be fine…"
She hadn't thought, the moment she saw that lorry hit him, he would survive – regardless what she wanted or told either of them. She really hadn't thought, if he did, that he'd ever forgive her. But there he had been, dying, and…he'd told her, again, he loved her. After everything she'd said, everything she'd done…she shouldn't have come back. She shouldn't have…shouldn't have…shouldn't…
"Kusanagi…I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…" she gasped, crumpling against the trunk of the tree as the wind lashed against her. "I love you…"