Jedi Camp Whoopass

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in the Star Wars Uni, but if I did, I wouldn't be wasting my time writing fanfics. EG

Special thanks to Meatball for talking me into writing this fic. Its not beta'ed, so you'll just have to overlook any discrepancies. :P

Summary: This is a throw together fic that I wrote by putting together a lot of other people stories and experiences from all the camps I have worked throughout the years. These are actual events, except for the killing and eating of an animal there was a mouse at girl scout camp that was killed, but to my knowledge, no one ate it.… LOL

So now we have this story…. Xani as a reluctant camp counselor. Put in charge of 14 children for a camping trip. He's upset, in a bad mood as always, and wants to make the trip so bad that the masters will NEVER ask him to go again. You will have to read to find out what all he does……. evil laughter as she types maniacally


"Xani, get up. You're going to be late if you don't get up right now." Qui-Gon Jinn chastised his padawan, who was buried under a mountain of blankets

"So?" Came the sleepy, muffled reply. "I don't want to participate in the first place. If I'm late, they will leave without me."

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes, "You know that the masters need all the help they can get. Every padawan has had counseling duties at the camp. Its part of growing up and learning how to lead others, especially those that are underage and need guidance."

Xanantos mumbled and rolled over, pulling the blankets up over his head.

Every year it was tradition that the padawans at the temple go on a camping excursion with trail-masters and lead their own group of small initiates. The entourage would spend a week on a forested planet, learning basic survival skills, teamwork, important rules of the Code, and learn how to work together and function as a co-operative unit. Xanatos had avoided this appalling duty every year of his padawanship, that is, until recently, when he accidentally injured his master during a saber drill.

Because of Qui-Gon's injury, he and his apprentice had received time off, to which the trail-masters for the children camping trips took advantage of. Xanatos was served with a notice three days earlier, detailing his new assignment. He was put in charge of group 7, which consisted of 14 children, ranging from ages 4 to 11. He was their official 'Padawan Counselor'. The very mention of the title gave Xani nauseating turning in his stomach.

Xani detested children, Temple raised or not. He couldn't stand the petty bickering, annoying questions, childish behavior, or the way they seemingly heard EVERYTHING that was said, even those 'adult' things said in hushed voices. And Boy did the kids love to repeat their new favorite words over and over.

Xani cringed under the blankets at thought of being out in the wilderness, alone, with 14 children and no access to the technology of his liking. When he found out that holoprojectors and comm devices weren't allowed, he made up his mind to miss the transport taking the little deviants offworld, and thereby, saving his sanity.

After a few minutes of watching the mound of covers, Qui-Gon yanked back the blankets to expose his apprentice, curled up in a fetal position.

"Master!!!" Xani shouted, grabbing for the blankets to cover himself up again. "Leave me alone!" Xani struggled through half open sleep filled eyes. His black hair was chaotically ruffled, some of it sticking straight up on his head. He wore black silken pajamas, imprinted with some sort of mid-evil creature of some planets gothic lore.

"Get up right now, or I'll give you the official wake up call that you will most definitely get while at camp!" Qui-Gon snapped, though somewhat amused by his non-morning oriented padawan.

Xanatos sighed, pulling the blankets up over his body and nestling himself down once again among the soft fabric. He mumbled something that was incoherent to his master, and drifted off into sleep once again.

Qui-Gon grinned, then disappeared into the kitchen, and returned carrying a large bucket of cold water. He shook his head and chided, "Xanatos. Wake up and get ready to go to camp. Don't make me take drastic measures."

A muffled reply came, accompanied by shifting in the blankets and the beginnings of soft snoring.

Qui-Gon shrugged, then used the force to pull the blankets away from Xanatos' slumbering form and dumped the full bucket of water over his apprentice.

Xanatos flew from his bed, screaming and cursing at the cold intrusion that interrupted his sleep. Qui-Gon was leaning against the wall, laughing so hard his sides were beginning to hurt. Xani stared at his master, a look of NON-amusement etched his face.

"That was NOT funny!" Xani snapped coldly.

Qui-Gon straightened up from laughing and smothered the remaining chuckles and looked at his padawan, then burst out laughing again. Xanatos' hair on one side was plastered to the side of his face, while the other side stood straight up on end.

Qui-Gon giggled, "Its hysterical from where I stand."

Xanatos glared at his master, "What was that all about?"

"You better get used to it. At camp, it's the way people who sleep in get woke up. If you're not careful, you'll look like a drenched womprat every morning!" Qui-Gon broke out laughing again.

"That was mean master. Really mean. Just remember, I'll get you back for this. Just wait and see." Xani sneered, then turned and started towards his refresher. He peeled off his soaked sleep shirt and wrung it out, casting a dirty look at his master.

Qui-Gon snickered then left his padawan to shower and pack for his upcoming trip. Xani quickly dressed and packed a few things in his travel bag, which his master was thoughtful enough to lay out for him, as a gentle reminder.

After packing, the more awake padawan entered the common area and dumped his bag by the door and went into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat before his transport left.

Qui-Gon smiled when his padawan entered the kitchen, "Much better Xanatos. Now, you remember everything?"

"Yeah." Xani yawned. "I'm going for one week for punishment and I should return a shallow, hollow, empty person, with the new reduced IQ of a dinner roll. Then I will have completed this right of passage and join the ranks of the other lower rated, mindless, imbeciles that think that this camp thing is a good idea."

"My, my, my, aren't we negative?" Qui-Gon shook his head in disappointment. "For what its worth, I was a padawan counselor too, and I turned out just fine."

"Considering you just dumped cold water over your apprentice, you want to rethink that assessment?"

"It will be good experience for you. You will be in charge of young Jedi, and will guide them through learning experiences and will teach them important things they will need to know later on in life."

Xanatos rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, "Big deal. I'd rather stay here and finish watching that holonet saga and sleep in."

"I bet you will enjoy yourself. After you drop your macho persona and realize there is NO getting out of this and that it will be a fun experience."

"Whatever." Xanatos grumbled, then glanced at the chrono. "Well, I better get to the docking bay and meet the sith spawn I'll be in charge of."

"They aren't that bad Xani. Most of them are eager to be outdoors and away from the Temple. When I did it, my group was the smartest, quick witted, free thinkers of the entire camp. Every initiate enjoys the time off and behaves exceptionally well." Qui-Gon explained, then smiled at his fond memories.

"If you like it so much, then you can take my place."

"Sorry, can't do. But I will be thinking about you and all that fun you'll be having." Qui-Gon escorted his sluggish apprentice out the door and headed towards the docking area. "Perk up Xani. This will be a great experience to remember, and you'll have an opportunity to enjoy the Living Force out in the wild."

Xanatos yawned and growled, "So what. I can feel the Living Force without going out in the woods. I'd rather stay here and enjoy my time off."

"Its only a week of your time. According to the healers, I have another month of rehabilitation. You'll get more time off to do what you want, but until then, you are required to help with Camp Whocca."

"Whocca? What a dumb name." Xani groaned and frowned as he saw his transport come into view.

Fourteen sets of eyes glanced eagerly around the terminal, then upon realizing that Xani was their guide, started to beam ear to ear and try to stand in a perfect line to show their readiness. Unfortunately for them, they were uncoordinated and fell over each other and knocked others down. A couple started to cry and whimper, then scramble to their feet to stand in a crooked, chaotic line.

Xani sighed and turned to his master, "This is going to be hell."

"Cheer up. They will relax once you are airborne. They are just nervous and want to make a good impression on their counselor."

"I wouldn't say it was a GOOD first impression." Xani mumbled, then stifled another yawn as he and his master approached the youths.

"Are you our counselor?" One of the small children asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately for me, Yes." Xani confirmed, then winced as 14 sets of arms vied for

position in a group hug. Xani frowned at his master and wriggled to get away from the children. "Ok, ok, ok, that's enough. Get off me."

The children stepped back and grabbed their small travel packs. They turned and looked expectantly at Xani for instructions.

Xanatos rolled his eyes, "Get on board and try not to make yourselves look like clumsy banthas."

The children squealed in delight as they boarded the transport. Qui-Gon gave Xani a hard thump on his arm.

Xani glared at his master, "What was that for?" He rubbed his arm where he suspected a bruise would appear.

"Don't be mean to them Xani. They are just kids. You were once like that too, you know? Just remember, all that negativity will come back to you in one form or another."

Xani sighed in defeat and bowed shortly, "Goodbye master. I shall endure my prison sentence and return to you in great need of therapy. Please alert the healers to prepare for the worst."

Qui-Gon laughed and gave his apprentice a quick hug. "Just remember, they are just kids and will need you to guide them."

Xani nodded then boarded his transport. Qui-Gon smiled and waved heartily at the little faces pressed against the glass and grinning enthusiastically. Some waved back, others just smiled widely, except for one small human boy in the back of the transport. His face was saddened, with a look like he was about to break down and cry. Qui-Gon bit his lip in apprehension, knowing that there will be tension between the kid and his reluctant padawan.

Xani introduced himself and explained that they were leaving the Temple for a week and helped the pilot secure the children to their seats, then Xani found a comfortable spot and curled up. The flight to Delv 6 was rather short, at least Xani thought so when he woke up. He stretched, glanced over at his new charges and seen them practically awed by the site of the stars zipping by and the planet quickly approaching. He smiled somewhat, remembering he enjoyed the same scene on his trips throughout the galaxy, but admitted, after a while, the view becomes old and monotonous.

He noticed one small human boy in the back, sitting quietly with his hands folded in his lap, staring at the floor. Xanatos felt the docking clamps engage and ordered for the kids to disembark. The children complied, and to Xani's surprised, didn't fumble all over each other.

He waited until the end of the line to leave, when he noticed the small human in the back still sitting in his seat, still staring at the floor. Xani walked over and tapped the youngster on the shoulder, "What's wrong kid?"

"Why did they send me away?" Came a soft voice barely over a whisper.

"Everyone has to come to this stupid camp, even me. Don't feel bad. I don't like it here either."

"I like it here, but I just don't understand why the Temple sent me away. Are they mad at me?" Teary blue eyes looked up pleadingly at Xani.

"They didn't send you away little boy. They just want all the initiates to get used to being away from the Temple and learn new things to get you ready for when a master takes you as an apprentice. Then when you get to be a padawan, you'll have to come here and be a counselor to the kids, just like what I'm doing. So, you see, its not that the Temple doesn't want you, its just that they want you to learn other things and allows us padawans a chance to teach."

The little boy sniffled, then creased his brow, "Really?"

"Yup." Xani smiled and shook his head.

"Then why did you look so unhappy when you got on board?"

"I'm just not a morning person and I wanted to sleep in. My master had other plans, as you can tell." Xani pursed his lips together and sighed.

"He looks nice, but I would be afraid of him. He's soooo big!" The little boys eyes widened as he exclaimed.

"He's really very gentle. He's a great Jedi and the best swordsman in the temple."

"Really? WOW!"

"Yeah. Maybe when we get back to the temple, I'll introduce you to him." Xani grinned.

"Promise he won't scare me?"

"I promise. What's your name so I can give you a proper introduction?"

"Oben Wan"

Xani frowned then asked, "Can I call you Ben?"

Ben grinned and eagerly shook his head. "Oh yes!"

"Ok Ben, let's get off this transport, we have to make sure everyone is still with us and to get to the camp."

The pair headed off the ship and after a head count, Xani found the large hovercar that was to take the group to their assigned camping area. A guide showed them their transportation and pointed in the direction the camp lay, hidden deep in a valley that was canopied by giant trees.

Xani secured all his kids into seat harnesses and then strapped himself in place and took out over the terrain that lead to their camp. He began to hum as he drove, and soon had a whole chorus of backup singers, most of them tone deaf. Xani interrupted their singing and gave them quick instructions on how to listen and what pitch to use. Soon everyone in the hovercar was singing in a fairly decent manner, bending pitches, alternating their voices and some rearranging their voices from deep to high pitches. Xani was very pleased with the way his group learned, and began to smile to himself. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad afterall.

A large wooden carved archway greeted the campers. Xani stopped and stared a couple of seconds at the strange sign that was painted off to the side. In large, red letters, you could see where "Camp Whocca" was written, but over the years, other campers had defaced the sign to make it now read, "Camp Whoopass". Xani giggled, then heard the kids in the hovercar reading the sign and repeating the name over and over.

"Whoopass! Whoopass! Whoopass! Who are we? The Whoopasses!" The children chanted.

Xani gulped and corrected them, "Its Whocca. Pronounce it correctly."

"But it says "Whoopass"." One of the kids exclaimed.

Xani thought for a moment, then thought it was a great way to get back at everyone who forced him to come along on this excursion. "Ok, you can call it 'Whoopass', but don't say it around anyone else, OK? Wait until we get back to the Temple."

"Yes Sir." The children chided together.

Xanatos stopped the hovercar and asked where his sleeping quarters were. A ground guide showed him a double layered cabin an explained, "That unit is yours. You have the downstairs to yourself, and the upstairs are bunks for the kids. When you hear the chime of the bells, it signals when the meals are. You are responsible for teaching your group all about survival and the Code. There is a handbook on your desk in your cabin. Please read over it and schedule your kids accordingly."

Xani frowned, "I don't get my own cabin?"

"Afraid not. There are small children on their first camping trip and we like to have their counselor close by, in case of an emergency. You do get your own sleeping area, and don't have to bunk with the children." The guide perked up in a happy tone.

"Oh, lovely." Xani mumbled. "Thank you for your help." Xani nodded then proceeded to the cabin assigned to his group. He helped the children unload their packs and reluctantly opened the door to their cabin.

Xani cringed at the site of it. There were sheets covering the furniture, dust on the floor, a small sleep couch in the corner, a small kitchenette off to the side, a refresher on the opposite side, and a set of steps which led up to the children's bunks. Xani groaned and mentally cursed his master for making him come here.

"Now what Xanatos?" One of the kids asked.

"Now, we make this place livable. Put your packs upstairs then come down here and help me clean. Then we will go upstairs and clean up your sleeping areas." Xanatos ordered and dumped his pack on the small sleep couch.

The children were happy to comply and ran back downstairs to help their grumbling counselor clean up their cabin. After a couple of hours, the cabin looked decent, much to Xani's surprise. Everything was dusted, washed, and placed in a proper place. The sheets that covered the furniture were piled in a corner, ready to go to the laundry.

"Great job everyone!" Xani exclaimed, after stocking the refrigerator with junk food that he had brought with him.

Ben brought Xani a small handbook and grinned, "I think this is the guide that we are supposed to use."

Xani leaped through the pages, scanning them quickly and assessing what was detailed. He frowned at some of the activities and teaching guidelines. Some of the rules were stupid, at least Xani thought so. He reread a couple of pages and shook his head, 'I don't think so. I think we'll wing it. How does that sound everyone?" He looked up to the expectant faces of 14 kids.

They are cheered, "Oh yes! Sounds fun!"

Ben looked uncertain and asked in a low voice, "Will we get into trouble?"

Xanatos looked thoughtful for a moment, then responded, "I don't think so. How much trouble could it cause anyway?"