A/N: Okay, I finally typed it up... quickly so if there are any mistakes tell me and I will fix them... I am rating it M even though I could have gotten FAR more into the detail... I decided not to because I know there are youngsters who read these and I feel like a dirty old person for typing it up in a teen book.
Let me know what you think!
And THANK YOU to all of you who have reviewed my other two VA fanfics. It means more than the world! I thank you all for the kind words!
Damn that black dress.
Bless it, and damn it.
I couldn't focus on anything but the black dress I had seen Rose in earlier that evening. A shower had done nothing to wash the mental image that was forever in my mind. Every curve of her extraordinary body, displayed in a way that seemed to only add to her charm. The way she had looked at me made me feel like it had somehow been for me, despite her hand on Ashford's arm.
I sighed and threw my legs over the edge of the bed, burying my face in my hands. This was getting to be too much for me. I couldn't handle the tension I felt standing in the same room as her. Under any other circumstances, in which she was not seventeen and I was not her teacher, I would have acted on these feelings long ago. But these were the circumstances that we were in and no relationship could ever come about. I knew who I was, and I knew I had a job to do. Protecting Lissa and pushing my feelings for Rose aside was how it had to be and I couldn't change that.
There was a furious pounding on the door that immediately caused the change from man to guardian in me. I made my way to the door carefully, making sure I was prepared mentally for anything on the other side of the door.
The one thing I hadn't prepared for was the girl who was actually standing there when I finally opened the door.
She looked frantic. "Let me in. It's Lissa."
The words were what moved me to the side letting her into the small room. She glanced at the bed then seemed to slowly take in my appearance. I started to feel slightly uncomfortable under her gaze as she stared at my chest. The look in her eyes made my heart stop beating for the tiniest of moments and the painful beat afterward snapped me back into reality. Student. Seventeen.
"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to speed things along. If Lissa was cutting herself again, we needed to get to her quickly.
Rose ignored my words and the look in her eyes seemed to build. It was a strong dose of lust and I was fighting to keep control of myself as well. Suddenly, she leaned in intent of closing the distance between us once and for all.
"Rose!" I stepped back dodging her advances with ease. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think?" her voice was hoarse and filled with a dark passion. She moved toward me again.
"Are you drunk?" I asked holding my hand out in a warning gesture.
"Don't I wish," she replied half jokingly. She moved to try to maneuver around my outstretched arm, causing us to do a makeshift two step. She paused and looked at me with a confused, slightly hurt expression. "I thought you wanted to- don't you think I'm pretty?"
I stared at the brown haired goddess in front of me for a moment. The question was absurd. Of course I thought she was pretty. She was beautiful, and sexy, and I had wanted to do so many things to her so many times that I had lost count. And as she stood in front of me, wanting me openly, in that damned black dress, I wanted to do all those things for real.
"Rose, I don't know what's going on, but you need to go back to your room."
She started to move toward me again and I grabbed her wrist to halt any more advances. As our skin touched, I felt an electric shock enter me through my hands. The electric shock continued through my whole body and I felt the urge to be with her break through all other rational thought.
This is it, a voice in my head sounded. This is the moment you have been dreaming of. Stop fighting it. It's beyond your control. Show her how much you want her. I was in no position to argue with the voice. I had been wanting this for a long time and I just couldn't turn her away.
I moved my hands up her arms, wanting to feel every inch of her I could before rational thought broke in again and ruined this beautiful moment. As I stared into her eyes I saw every single feeling she had for me and I couldn't hold back any longer.
I lifted my hand behind her neck and twined my fingers in her hair. The feel of her hair raised an entirely new feeling of arousal for me. The fantasies were all burning into one moment. This moment. I needed to make the best of this time I had with her. I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers lightly, testing the waters.
She looked up at me again, and swallowed. "Do you think I'm pretty?" she asked again.
I looked into her eyes and felt like I was going to melt into them, "I think you are beautiful."
"You are so beautiful, it hurts me sometimes."
I leaned in and kissed her softly. She responded with the need and desired I had always imagined and I felt my own need rising. I deepened the kiss, using the contact to express how much I wanted Rose. How much I needed her. I let my hands explore her body and as my hands moved down her side, she arched slightly against me and I couldn't hold back any longer. I gathered the fabric of her dress and began to pull it up, determined to take my time. After what seemed like forever, I managed to get the damn black dress off.
"You… you got rid of that dress fast." He breath was heavy and ragged. "I thought you liked it."
"I do like it," I responded aware of my own heavy breathing. "I love it."
I took in the perfection of her body and wanted to feel her skin on mine. I wanted to feel her in every sense of the word. I took her over to the bed.
We clung to each other. Bodies entwined, hot skin pressed together.
I had a hard time tearing my eyes away from her body. It was flawless. Every inch of her needed to be taken in with my eyes and hands and I was making great time. Every kiss seemed to light the room on fire; encircling us.
She seemed slightly nervous and I found myself wondering if it was her first time. The thought caused my stomach to flutter with excitement. That she would be willing to give me that gift made me swell with passion. She trusted me enough and desired me so much that she would be willing to give her last bit of innocence to me. I needed her with every fiber of my being and I was holding on to the last shreds of sanity, trying to take things slow. As I kissed her throat and whispered her name in Russian I felt her heartbeat quicken. I needed this, and she needed this. We needed this together.
Take her. Show her how much you love her. The voice in my head was repeating the obvious in my opinion. I had every intention of doing just that. I wanted to banish the remaining clothes and connect with her in the most intimate way. I knew from the look in her eyes that I had to move slowly. I was comfortable to keep doing exactly what we were doing. She shifted her body so that she was on top of me, her hair falling down around my face. The smell of her shampoo washed over me and I turned my head into the smell. Her finger stroking the side of my neck slightly caused a surge of arousal to shoot through my body again.
"Did you really kill six Strigoi?" she asked me. My conformation earned a "wow."
I pulled her neck down to my lips and kissed her softly. As I gently grazed my teeth against her neck I felt her breath catch excitedly; I refused to think about it too much. "Don't worry. You'll have a lot more than me someday."
"Do you feel guilty about it?"
"Killing them. You said in the van that it was the right thing to do, but it still bothers you. It's why you go to church, isn't it? I see you there, but you aren't really into the services."
I couldn't help the smile that escaped my lips. She was a master at guessing my reasons for everything I did. "How do you know these things? I'm not guilty exactly… just sad sometimes. All of them used to be human or dhampir or Moroi. It's a waste, that's all, but as I said before, it's something I have to do. Something we all have to do. Sometimes it bothers me, and the chapel is a good place to think about those kinds of things. Sometimes I find peace there, but not often. I find more peace with you."
I flipped her over so I was on top of her again and kissed her, telling her how ready I was. The look she gave me told me that she was ready too, and I smiled at her.
I unfastened the tiny rose necklace from around her neck and set it on the table beside the bed. As soon as the chain had slipped from my fingertips, I felt like someone had poured icy water over me.
"What happened?" I blinked at her.
"I-I don't know." She looked as if she was trying to wake up from a long sleep. Like she was trying to remember something.
Rational thought had slammed back into place and I quickly snapped out of any thought process urging me forward. Instead of seeing her naked beneath me and being turned on I felt slightly embarrassed to have put her in this position.
I tried to figure out what had changed and glanced at the necklace. No, it couldn't be. I grabbed the necklace and the feeling of urgency snapped back into me. I needed her so much right now. Needed to feel her. To be inside her. To take her completely. I slipped my right hand onto her hip and her eyes became heavy again. She no longer looked confused, but turned on as well. I was too far gone now. I leaned in to kiss her again.
"Lissa," she whispered, closing her eyes tightly. "I have to tell you something about Lissa. But I can't… remember… I feel so strange…"
I felt the pull of rationality slightly from the farthest parts of my mind. I had to stop, I had to. "I know," I said still holding onto her. I rested my cheek against her forehead. "There's something… something here…" I pulled my face away, willing my earlier theory to creep back into my mind. "This necklace. That's the one Prince Victor gave you?"
She nodded and I tried to form coherent thoughts. The necklace. Wanting Rose. Victor. It all added up but I couldn't figure it out. I had to get rid of the necklace. I sighed and took my hand of her hip. It was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I pushed myself away from the beautiful creature in front of me.
"Where are you going?" she exclaimed. "Come back…"
I wanted to but I couldn't. I climbed out of the bed and made my way to the small window. The further I got from her, the more worried Rose looked. I wanted to climb back into the bed and make all of her worries go away. I managed to open the window with one hand and looking at her one last time, she finally realized what I was going to do.
"What are you going to-?" Then she flew out of bed with a shocked expression. "No! Do you know how much that must have-"
I let the silver devil go and my life was back. I could think straight and focus. Lissa. She needed help. Rose realized this at the same time.
"Lissa!" she gasped. Suddenly she staggered back as though she were hit with an unseen force.
A/N2: By the way, I have read Shadow Kiss and am too sad right now to even contemplate Frost Bite parts and Shadow Kiss parts from Dimitri's POV... I got this depressed about Richelle's Succubus series too...