I don't believe Mario's last name is Mario.
Scene 1 The "Mario Brothers" home.
A prisioner jailed for numerous murders with a knife has excaped, and as for his next victims, what terrible luck that they were plumbers with incredibly stupid names. Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.
Mario and Luigi are calling the emergencey services hotline. In the mushroom kingdom the number to call emergencey services is 1000. They are in their bedroom with the door locked.
Luigi: The murderer is breaking into our house! Quick Mario! Dial 1000!
Mario:You don't need to tell me twice! I'm dialling!
Phone Operator : Hello you've reached 1000 emergencies!
Mario: There's a man in our house tring to kill us! Our address is 24 Melmont Road,
Phone Operator: Who's speaking?
Mario: My name is Mario Mario.
Phone Operator: Who?
Mario: Mario Mario.
Phone Operator (Sighing) : Another prank caller. (Hangs up)
Mario: Oh, you gotta be shitting me! Damn my stupid, lazy uncreative parents!
Luigi: Good thing we're video game characters, having more than one life, huh?
Scene 2: A hardware store.
Mario and Luigi are at checkout paying for a new hammer. He is holding a cheque book.
Mario (thinking) : God! I can't believe I had to drag my parents all the way to the bank, just so they could say they really gave me the name of Mario Mario and show them proof on my birth certificate! It's like me getting my driver's license all over again.
Woman at Checkout: That's 55 gold coins.
Mario: Do you take cheques?
Woman at checkout: We sure do.
Mario writes a cheque and hands it to the woman.
Woman at checkout: Sir, you've written your first name twice. I can't accept this.
Mario: But my name is...and...oh son of a bitch, I'm not even gonna bother!
Mario storms out the store without his hammer angry.
Woman at checkout: What's his problem? He just made a simple mistake.
Luigi: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Ever remember back to the days of Donkey Kong? The very first Mario game? It turns out that the girl you rescued wasn't princess Peach, but Pauline. Ever wondered why they broke up?
Scene 3 Mario's apartment New York City Brooklyn. The year is 1981.
Pauline : Mario, I can't believe you rescued me from that horrible ape! The way you jumped over those barrels!
Mario: Hey just call me "Jumpman."
Pauliine: By the way, speaking of names, of all the time we've been dating you've never told me what your last name is.
Mario: My last name? Same as my first, making my name Mario Mario.
Pauline: Mario Mario! Who were your parents! A bunch of lazy, weird drugged stoners!
Mario: Good guess. Have you met them?
Pauline: I don't beleve this. How can you live with that name?
Mario: It ain't easy believe me. I was bullied a lot in school. Good thing I knew self-defence back then.
Pauline: Er...Mario I gotta go. I got work tomorrow. (Thinking) What a weirdo! Chances are he's just as weird and stupid as his parents.
But Pauline never called, making Mario super depressed and hence begun his shroom addiction and making him like his parents, and began his many trips to "the Mushroom Kingdom." Hence the game "Super Mario Brothers." And now you know why Mario takes drugs, the depression which is given to him by his name along with it being a family tradition, let's say.