It's the usual drill. Disney owns the characters, I'm just taking them for a test drive.
Dr. Anne Possible watched with amusement and a little sadness as her daughter paced around the room set aside for the bridal party in the Middleton Convention Center. It was Kim's wedding day, and she was acting every bit as much of a nervous bride as Anne herself had been all those years ago. Of course, the fact that Kim hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in over four days wasn't helping any. The poor girl's nerves were in overdrive.
"Kim, girl, you have got to stop pacing around," her maid of honor Monique warned for the two hundred and fifty seventh time. "You're gonna wear a hole in the floor. Chillax, already!"
"How can I, Mon?" Kim asked frantically. "Do you know what's going to happen in about an hour? Do you?"
"Yes, dear, we know," Anne said. "You're getting married. Why else would you be wearing that lovely dress?" The dress was beyond lovely. It was Monique's greatest masterpiece in Anne's opinion. The dress bared Kim's shoulders and had long sleeves that ended in a point on the backs of her hands. There was nothing overly elaborate about it, and it was sophisticated in its simplicity. Kim was never one for gaudy, anyway. Anne then looked at the bridesmaids. All were wearing identical sleeveless blue dresses, and all of them looked marvelous. Snickering from the corner pulled Anne out of her musings.
"Something funny, Corrigable?" Kim snapped.
"Yes, actually, there is," Kim's former Omega 12 roommate and teammate laughed. "The great Kim Possible is totally freaking out! I never thought I'd live to see this in a million years!"
"Wait till it's your turn, girl," Monique said.
"Miles and I are quite happy just dating, thank you very much," Lynn said smugly. "Besides, we live together. We don't need to get married just yet".
"That's denial if I've ever heard it," Monique quipped.
"And when was the last time you even had a date, Miss Relationship Expert?" Lynn was really enjoying giving Monique a hard time. "Well, Monique, we're waiting."
"Three months, okay!" Monique shouted. "The last date I had was three months ago, and the guy was a total creep."
"Was that the feller you caught wearing yer under britches?" Joss Possible, the youngest member of the bridal party, asked.
Anne couldn't believe what her niece had just said. "Joss, you can't be serious!"
"As a kick from a mule, Auntie Annie," Joss proudly declared. "I gotta say, Monique, that had to be one skinny feller to fit into your drawers!"
"I'm going to kill you, Joss," Moique snarled. She never should have mentioned that sitch during the PG-13 portion of Kim's bachelorette party.
"Are you gonna tell the story, or am I?" Lynn asked between giggles.
"Monique was seeing this guy for about a month and a half," Kim said before Monique could answer.
"Kim, don't you dare!"
"Call it a preemptive strike for what you might say about me in your toast later," Kim said to her maid of honor. "And revenge for humiliating me when you dragged me out lingerie shopping last week."
"You're just mad that I talked you into getting the 'Just Married' set for the honeymoon." Monique saw the resolve in Kim's eyes and knew that she wouldn't win this one. "Okay, fine," Monique sighed. "His name was Bryce and we'd been seeing each other for about a month and a half, like Kim said. We were at his place one day, things got hot and heavy, and when I got his pants off, he was wearing my undies. Turns out he'd been pilfering my panties for a while. He had five pairs of them!"
"And you didn't notice that you were missing five pairs of underwear?" Anne asked in disbelief.
"Things kinda disappear in the dorm laundry rooms," Monique said in her defense. "My roommate lost a perfectly good sweater once." Monique sat down and sulked a little.
"Just how did you know they were yours, anyway?" Anne was still trying to wrap her head around this.
"They had Pain King on them," Kim laughed.
"And that's different from Ron's Steel Toe boxers how?" Monique demanded.
"How do you know Ron has Steel Toe boxer shorts?" Lynn asked.
"Please, Lynn," Monique said, "with how many times that boy's lost his pants over the years, I think I've seen every pair he has."
"Not every pair," Kim said. "I mean, he hasn't lost his pants since I gave him that titanium reinforced belt for our halfiversary. And he's gotten new ones since then. Besides, you've never seen his Fearless Ferret boxers."
"Okay, Kim, that's bordering on TMI," Monique said. "Now can we please get off the subject of my lack of a love life and my taste in undergarments?"
"Of course, Monique," Anne said, trying to keep from laughing at her daughter's friend. Instead she looked at her young niece. "You look amazing, Joss," Anne said, causing Joss to blush.
"Aw, thanks, Auntie Annie." Joss squirmed a little. "Ah'm just not too comfortable in a dress, y'know?"
"But you look good, kiddo," Monique added. "If I can make a country bumpkin like you look good, I can work miracles!" The dirty look Joss gave her told Monique that at least a little payback was now hers.
To say that Ron Stoppable looked like death warmed over would be like saying the sun was really hot. He was deathly pale and almost as white as his dress shirt, tie, vest and yarmulke. The contrast between his complexion and his black sport coat was striking. Ron sat with his face in his hands and his ever present naked mole rat Rufus sitting worriedly on his shoulder. His baby sister Hana, who wore a pink flower girl's dress, sat on the table in front of him and slightly pouted. "Brother sick?" she asked.
"That's the understatement of the century," Felix Renton said. "From what your folks said, Hana, your brother was puking his guts up all night."
"Don't remind me," Ron moaned. "This goes beyond crummy tummy. This is pure torture."
Dean Stoppable, wearing a nice suit, set a glass of water down in front of his son. "Like I told you last night, son, this is nerves. I was so nervous before I married your mother that I forgot to put a belt on. I almost lot my pants during the ceremony."
"I think I could handle losing my pants, Dad," Ron said.
"You've done it enough," Miles Walker, one of Kim's former Omega 12 teammates, said from the corner.
"Oh har har," Ron retorted. "Wait till it's your turn, bucko!"
"No rush," Miles said. "Lynn and I are happy the way things are."
"That sure sounds like denial," Felix chuckled.
"Oh really? What about you and Zita then, Felix?" Miles demanded.
"Zita and I are good, Miles. We're great, in fact. We're just not talking about marriage yet."
"More like she's bringing it up and you're changing the subject on her," Ron snorted. A horrified look crossed Felix's face. "That's right, buddy, we've been talking!" Seeing his friend panic was helping him feel a little better.
"That is just so wrong!" Felix lamented. "I mean, technically, you're her ex! You shouldn't be talking to her about that stuff."
"Don't forget that I'm the ex who introduced you two," Ron reminded his friend. "I believe that is check and mate! A-booyah."
Ron turned his attention back to his own unsettled stomach. He was profoundly glad that he and Kim didn't sleep in the same house last night when the nausea hit; he stayed with his 'rents and she stayed with hers. The last few nights leading up to today Kim had been tossing and turning like crazy. Ron could only imagine how she slept the previous night.
"Hey, guys," Wade Load said as he walked in the room being used by his fellow groomsmen. "How's the man of the hour holding up?" He saw Ron's sheet white face. "That answers my question."
"Ron was riding the porcelain bus all night, Wade," Miles said. "I guess the old cast iron stomach has a few cracks in it."
"I didn't even eat anything spicy last night," Ron moaned.
"Look at you boys," Dean said. Felix, Wade and Miles all wore identical suits. Their ties and vests were the same shade of blue worn by the bridesmaids. Dean took a small camera out of his pocket. "Ronald, go stand with your groomsmen so I can get a picture."
"No pictures, Dad," Ron grumbled.
"Just wait, Ron-man," Felix teased, "you still have the wedding photographer to deal with."
"I can't wait till it's your turn, Renton," Ron growled. "Payback will be oh so sweet."
"Knock knock," came the call from the other side of the door. When Anne Possible opened it she was greeted by the pale green face of Sheila Gordon-Lipsky. Unsurprisingly she wore a green and black dress. In her arms was her one year old son Joey. The former Shego made a beeline to Kim and thrust Joey into the bride's arms. "Here, you need baby therapy."
"He better not drool on that dress, Greenie" Monique growled.
"Joey won't drool on his godmother," Kim cooed. "Will you, Joey?" The little boy just happily grinned and babbled.
"How are you holding up, Kimmie?" Sheila asked.
"I haven't had a good night's sleep in four nights," Kim said. "And I missed Ron like crazy last night."
"The groom can't see the bride before the wedding, Kimmie" Anne reminded her. "It's bad luck."
"I know, Mom. I just don't sleep as well without him."
"I could do without Drew sometimes," Sheila said. "He has a tendency to rant in his sleep." Sheila took a good look at her one time arch nemesis. "Look at us, Princess. Not a barb to be made or a punch to be thrown. It looks we've grown up, haven't we?"
"I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later," Kim replied.
"Oh hey, Anne," Sheila said, remembering why she was there in the first place. "We might have a problem. I just saw the Bad Seed out in the hallway with a woman who was letting Dana have it."
"On no," Kim groaned. "Cousin Shawn's here." Why Ron's Aunt Gail insisted he reverse the Attitudinator's effects on that little brat I'll never know.
Anne rubbed her eyes and sighed. "I'll go make sure Dana's okay. Thanks, Sheila."
"You want me to go with you?" Sheila's left hand ignited with green plasma. "It's been a while since I've been able to cut loose."
Anne Possible wasn't a violent woman by nature, but she, like everyone else in the world, had a mean streak. Besides, she'd heard the horror stories about cousin Shawn, and about the attitudes some of Ron's extended family, specifically his Aunt Gail, had about him not marrying a nice Jewish girl. "You're on, Sheila. Maybe we can nip this in the bud before it gets too big."
"I didn't make the rules, Gail," Dana Stoppable said for the umpteen millionth time. "This was Ronnie's request, and quite frankly, I agree with him."
"But I just want to go see cousin Ron and wish him luck, Aunt Dana," the ten year old terror said in a voice dripping with mock sweetness and sincerity.
"More like you want to torment him before he gets married," Dana retorted. "Besides, Ronnie's got enough on his mind right now."
The wife of Dana's brother-in-law snorted. "I'll bet he does. He's getting ready to marry that sh-"
"Don't you dare finish that word," Dana hissed. "That girl is the best thing that ever happened to my son! She's brought out the best in him!"
"What about their children, Dana?"
"They don't have any yet!" Dana took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "Look, I don't care if you approve of this or not. It's not your place to give a blessing on this anyway. Just stay out of their way."
"Dana, you okay?" a voice from the periphery asked. Dana said a quiet thanks when she saw Anne and Sheila coming towards them.
"Look, Mom, it's the woman who broke into cousin Reuben's wedding!" Shawn declared.
"Why is this woman here, Doctor Possible?" Gail demanded, forcing the word 'doctor' out.
"I'm on the guest list," Sheila said in a condescending tone.
"You're a criminal."
"Former criminal," Anne and Dana said in unison.
"That's right, I'm a law abiding citizen now." Although in your case, I'd be more than happy to have a relapse!
"I'll believe that when I see it," Gail huffed. "If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have had to do poor Reuben's wedding reception twice."
"If it wasn't for me, my husband, and the bride and groom, you'd either be dead, or living as slaves to a bunch of nine foot tall aliens!" Sheila snapped. "So knock off the holier than thou routine."
"Or what?" Gail was in Sheila's face now.
There was a flash of green light. "Trust me, lady, you don't wanna know."
"Is everything all right out here?" Dean Stoppable asked as he approached. Hana was walking by her father's side, holding his hand.
"No problem here, Dean," Sheila said. "Is there?"
"Yes, there is," Gail responded. Maybe her brother-in-law would be the voice of reason. "Little Shawnie wants to go in and see his cousin and wish him luck. Dana seems to think that Ronald doesn't want to see him."
"That's because Ronald doesn't want to see Shawn," Dean said. "Look, he's a bundle of nerves right now, and he was up all night vomiting. The last thing he needs is anyone going in there and giving him any grief." Dean looked down at his nephew. "I'm sorry, Shawn, but you can't go in."
"Is he all right?" Anne asked, going into concerned mother/doctor mode.
"He will be," Dean replied. "Don't worry, I'm making sure he keeps hydrated."
Shawn, meanwhile, had found a new target. "Hey, Hana, come here. I wanna show you something." He lured the toddler into an adjoining hallway.
"This is absurd, Dean," Gail protested. "What did Shawn ever do to your boy?"
"We don't have time to give you an itemized list," Dana huffed. After the last Stoppable family reunion, Dean and Dana were more than ready to believe that little Shawn was a few steps away from a life of super villainy.
"I still can't believe you're letting him marry that girl."
"Is there a problem with my daughter?" Anne didn't like where this was going.
"She's dangerous," Gail hissed. "What happened at Reuben's first wedding reception is proof positive of that. This is what you get for not taking more of an interest in your son's life, Dean!"
"You know what my mother is like, Gail," Dean said. "And Dana's isn't any better. We didn't want to endlessly meddle in our son's life, so we went to the extreme opposite and virtually ignored him. Trust me, we're not proud of that. But we are proud of the man he's become, and Kimberly's been a big part of that."
"Thank you, Dean," Anne said with no small amount of gratitude.
At that moment there was a terrible ruckus, followed by a loud scream and Shawn tearing around the corner with tears pouring from his eyes. "She's a monster! She tried to kill me!!!!!" Hana walked innocently around the corner as if nothing had happened.
"Shawnie!" his mother shrieked as she gathered him in her arms. "What happened?"
"It was Hana," he sobbed. "She picked me up and threw me around! And that was after she ran on the ceiling!"
Anne, Dean, Dana and Sheila did their best not to smirk. "You see, Gail," Dana said. "He's a troublemaker. Now he's trying to get my daughter in trouble."
"Well if he says she did it, then she did," Gail insisted. "My son is not a liar!"
"Hana's a lot smaller than Shawn is," Dean pointed out. "How in the world could a two year old beat up a ten year old? And that business about running on the ceiling?"
"You're brat's full of it," Sheila said smugly. "Or he needs to have his head shrunk."
Gail didn't appreciate anyone speaking ill of her little angel. She simply took Shawn's hand and stormed off. When she was safely out of earshot, the Stoppables, Anne and Sheila broke down into riotous laughter.
"Good girl, Han," Dana said. Normally they tried to keep their daughter's powers in check, but this time, Dean and Dana Stoppable had no problems with her showing off. Maybe now little Shawn would shape up, lest he get beaten up by a toddler again.
"Man on deck," Dr. James Possible said as he knocked on the bridal party's door.
"Come on in, Uncle James!"
When James and his mother entered the room, what they saw took their breath away. "Oh, Kimberly Anne," Nana gushed. "Oh, you look so beautiful. If only your grandfather had lived to see this day." Nana gently hugged her granddaughter, not wanting to crease Kim's wedding dress. Nana stepped back and took a good look at Kim. Nana agreed with her daughter-in-law that Monique's design was perfection.
She then looked at the silver bracelet around Kim's right wrist; the something old Nana had given Kim for Christmas. Kim's pearl earrings were her something borrowed, provided by her mother. Around her neck was a necklace with an emerald heart, her something new, given to her by her soon to be mother and father-in-law. Kim's something blue was a garter that was resting on her thigh, and Monique had even put a penny in Kim's shoe, just for good measure. Kim was as ready as she'd ever be.
"And you, Jocelyn," Nana said before embracing her youngest granddaughter. "You look absolutely amazing, honey."
"Thanks, Nana. As my daddy would say, I scrub up real nice."
"That you do, dear."
"I guess it's official," James said to the bride. "You're not a little girl anymore."
"I'll always be your little girl, Dad," Kim said, trying to hold the tears back.
Rabbi Katz was going over the last few details in his head before the ceremony. He'd done nondenominational weddings before, but this one was special. This one was for two people he had been privileged to watch grow up. That brought a smile to his face for the millionth time that day. In the rabbi's mind, today was a gift in more ways than he could count. By chance he met up with the Stoppables, Anne Possible, and the former Shego as he made his way to the hall where the wedding would be performed.
"Dean, Dana, Anne." He looked at the one time villain. "Mrs. Lipsky, is it?" Sheila nodded. "How are the soon to be newlyweds?"
"Kimmie's had the worst case of insomnia I've ever seen, and I was just about to go see how Ron was doing," Anne replied. "He was sick all night."
"Gotta love those pre-wedding jitters," Sheila smirked.
"And how would you know about that?" Anne teased. "You went to Vegas."
"Hey, I was still nervous!" Sheila protested. "I was more nervous about catching hell form Drew's mom about going without her, but I was still nervous."
Rabbi Katz chuckled. Old enemies are now friends. One less thing to worry about today. In truth, security was not going to be an issue. Global Justice had undercover operatives all over the convention center, and security personnel around the perimeter. What only the Possibles and Stoppables knew was that those forces were being supplemented by the ninja graduates of Yamanuchi. In fact, it was the presence of the ninja that made them all calm; they knew Sensei would let nothing disrupt the Monkey Master's nuptials.
"Well then," the rabbi said. "I best be on my way. I'll see you later in the main hall."
Jim and Tim Possible again tugged at their collars; they really hated the bow ties they were forced to wear. At first the thought of wearing a tux was cool; it made them think of James Bond, but it got old real fast. They stood at the entrance to the hall where their sister's wedding would take place. As the ushers, it was their job to seat all those in attendance. Their first customer of the day was quickly approaching. He was a tall man with long greying hair pulled into a ponytail, and a big bushy mustache. He wore a black suit and a bolo tie. "Uncle Slim!" they exclaimed.
"Howdy, boys," their uncle replied. "Don't you two look slicker'n a new piston."
"We reckon," they replied.
"We're not letting anyone in yet," Jim said.
"I think we have about ten minutes to go," Tim added.
"But these things never start on time," they finished unison.
"Hey, I been there before," Slim replied. "Yer old man's weddin' didn't start on time either. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure mine started late, too."
Samuel "Slim" Possible was the first of many to arrive, with more filing in by the second. Josh Mankey and Tara King, Zita Flores, Master Sensei and Yori, Mr. and Mrs. Load, the members of Team Go, Martin Smarty and his son Artie, Aunt June and Cousin Larry; even Steve Barkin was there. The Tweebs gave each other a quick glance. They knew it was almost show time. They just wished that their parents hadn't searched them for and confiscated anything that could do any sort of damage. They didn't want to blow the place up, just cause a little excitement. True pioneers are never appreciated in their time, they thought.
James Possible took another look through the double doors. The guests were all being seated, Rabbi Katz had taken his place under the chuppah, and Ron was with his groomsmen, waiting in the wings to make his own entrance. It was almost time. James stole another glance at his baby girl. I'm really going to give her away. This is really it.
Kim stood silently with her eyes closed. Had she not been holding her bouquet, she'd probably be wringing her hands right now. Hana Stoppable, who held a basket full of flower petals gently tugged on Kim's dress. "Sister okay?"
"Yeah, Han," Kim said. "I'm okay. Just nervous."
"Perfectly normal, Kimmie-Cub," James said. "I was so nervous when I married your mother that I almost forgot how to say 'I do.' It's all part of the territory."
Monique, Joss and Lynn joined them in the hall. "Almost show time, girl!" Monique exclaimed.
Kim took a deep breath to calm herself. Once I get out there I should be fine.
"He's a fine man," James said, catching Kim by surprise. "I know I was out of line with the black hole threats and the surprise inspections when you moved in together, but he really is a fine young man. Ronald's been a part of this family for most of your lives, and he's put his own life on the line to make sure you would come home safe." James looked deep into the eyes of his firstborn. "I can't think of a better man to marry my daughter."
"Stop it, Dad," Kim protested. "I'm trying not to cry as it is." She hugged her father tightly, and only let go when she heard the music start. It was time. First Rufus filed out, carrying a pillow with the rings. Then Monique, Lynn and Joss made their entrance. Finally, the music changed, and Pachelbel's Canon in D major start playing.
"That's our cue," James said, offering Kim his arm. "Come on, Kimmie-Cub, let's go get you married."
Author's note: I want to recognize writers like LXK for their use of Pachelbel instead of the traditional wedding march; we all know about Richard Wagner's anti-semetic attitudes. Besides, it's a great piece of music.
Next week: It's the wedding of Kimberly Anne Possible and Ronald Dean Stoppable in chapter two of "We Are Gathered Here Today."