Yeah. He knew this was a bad idea.

Matt looked down at his friend who was under the sheets of the bed, inhaling and exhaling deeply in the drug-induced sleep. Yeah, he had drugged Mello's chocolate. He felt he had to. Otherwise, the insomniac blonde wouldn't go to sleep while it was obvious that he sure as hell needed it.

Mello hadn't been sleeping well as of late – sometimes not sleeping at all – and Matt, while he didn't show it too much, worried about his friend. He had told Mello in a nonchalantly way that he looked as if he needed some sleep. And that he should get some. That little tidbit didn't go over too well, as Matt had found himself staring into the hole of Mello's gun. Yet Matt persisted on this and he had finally gotten hold of Mello's chocolate stash and put the sedative inside it.

Now his mind wondered just what Mello would do to him once the blonde woke up. A part of him wanted to hope that Mello wouldn't know it was him or if he did, then not do a thing to him. Matt knew that Mello knew he needed sleep, yet refused to get any, and Matt felt he himself wasn't asking much. It wasn't as if he was demanding Mello do something outrageous, such as take over a gaming factory. As much as a funny thought that was, Matt always had Mello's health at the top of his priority list. Though Mello had told Matt quite clearly that it wasn't any of his concern to be the blonde's keeper, Matt didn't care.

Matt continued to gaze down at his best friend, the golden blonde hair splayed across the pillow, some falling down over Mello's closed eyes while some strands framed his face. Matt never said it to his friend's face – since he found himself on the other end of a loaded gun – but damn, Mello was beautiful.

He had never meant such a thought in a perverse or obstinate manner, nor ever thought Mello was girly in a way. He had a beauty about him that wasn't feminine but nothing like a boy's muscularity that many expected from the male side of the human race. The silken strands of blonde hair, the smooth skin, the hands roughed over with ink, the scant scent of chocolate that lingered around him... so many things made Mello who he was and Matt had always appreciated each and every one of qualities he was privileged to see. Even when Mello got angry at him, sometimes pulling out a gun and putting it between his eyes... even that held something inside it Matt found himself drawing towards. He wouldn't say he himself was a masochist, but rather he was just finding that something to hang onto. The tendrils of Mello's closed heart already had him, had dragged him somewhere he couldn't escape, but he found himself not minding in the least. Those chords of emotion had reached out and grabbed him, even if Mello himself denied it, and pulled him into a sanctuary that the gamer had to tread carefully for fear that the sanctuary around him would fall and shatter like stained glass.

Matt reached down and took a lock of Mello's hair, holding it gently between his fingers, admiring the soft texture of it. The smoker felt the tips of the golden strands touched his cheeks and he gently kissed the tresses. It was almost like a ritual but not. Almost like incentive but not. Almost like love... but not.

Then it was gone as Matt released the strands, letting them fall back across Mello's face as the blonde slowly exhaled. The gamer found himself smiling slightly and he smoothed back the blonde's bangs before sliding off the bed. He settled himself on the floor, leaning against the bedside, one leg crossed while the other lay straight on top of it. Matt's hands settled in his lap and he leaned back, closing his eyes.

Perhaps, maybe, he should get some sleep as well.