Introduction: This is a missing moment from Breaking Dawn. The night before the wedding as Bella sleeps the Cullen men take Edward out for his Bachelor Party. Edward has just been nearly dragged from Bella's room by Jasper and Emmett.
First Paragraph Italics from Breaking Dawn, page 30
"Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" my beloved asked sweetly from above me in her bedroom.
"Don't tell her anything!" Emmet growled next to me.
I took the opportunity to get even with Emmett for his window scraping stunt earlier. I dropped quickly to a crouch and whipped my leg around in a low circle, catching him at the back of the knees with my foot. His legs automatically buckled and he dropped to the ground landing on his backside with a very audible thud. I laughed quietly, knowing I would pay the price for that move later. He stood slowly, glaring at me.
Jasper jumped down from Bella's window ledge and I gave him a nod of thanks. His calming power would probably be the only thing to get Bella to sleep tonight. Besides my presence that is.
"My pleasure," he thought back to me. "She really is a wonderful young woman. I can't wait until I can actually stand to be in her presence." he laughed internally.
I ran through the forest with my brothers, headed in the general direction our house. On the way there, Carlisle ran up beside us, saving us a side stop indoors. We ran past the house toward Canada. The trees whipped by us and I let the exhilaration I always felt at running take over my mind. I ran a bit ahead of the others, enjoying the moment.
As we ran, I thought about the fact that I really would prefer to be spending the night with Bella. There was nothing like the feeling of her warmth and the soothing rhythm of her breathing as she slept. Her increasingly vocal dreams about me were… pleasant as well.
I let my mind wander back through the last few weeks and our increasing physicality. In that moment, I was sorely tempted to make a mad dash back to Bella's bed. I missed her intensely.
"Edward. Don't even think about bailing on us. You know Alice would have your head, wedding or not." Jasper laughed.
"Ya, she'd cheerfully dismember you and then keep the pieces in cardboard boxes." Emmett chimed in.
"…more like coordinating blue Tiffany's boxes." Jasper amended.
I could even bring myself to be angry at their teasing. I was just too deliriously happy. Tomorrow, I would realize every dream I never knew I had, or was capable of, as Bella consented to become my wife.
We stopped in a little clearing just north of the Canadian border. I sat on the ground crossed-legged. I knew what had to happen next and resigned to get it over with as quickly as possible. Emmett came dashing into the clearing next. He saw me sitting on the ground and he took a flying leap through the air. At the last second before he would have face-planted into the ground, he flipped his massive body around and landed relatively softly on his back. His arms were folded behind his head as if he were lounging at the park. I chuckled at his exuberance.
Jasper and Carlisle entered the clearing next. Jasper leapt smoothly over a nearby fallen tree trunk spinning around once in the air, and landed perfectly balanced on the balls of his feet in a relaxed crouch. Carlisle simply leaned one shoulder against a tree at the edge of the clearing, his arms crossed casually over his chest. He seemed the picture of contentment with a small smile on his lips. Apparently they were all in good moods- looking forward to the torture they would now get to inflict upon me.
"Alright. You know what happens now." Emmett addressed me.
"Yes," I acknowledged glumly. "I don't suppose there's any way I can talk you three out of this?" I asked without hope.
Carlisle actually snorted. "Edward, turn about is fair play." he stated.
"And really, you started this whole tradition yourself, you know. It's only fair that we get a shot now that it's your turn." Jasper added smugly.
I looked at the three vampires around me, it seemed pretty obviously none of them were going to back down.
"All right. Let's just get on with this, then." I relented.
Emmett sat up, his full attention on me now. "Okay, here's what's going to happen." He clapped his hands together with a loud boom and began rubbing them together eagerly. He had clearly given this some thought.
"We're each going to give you our advise in the form of a gift." he smirked, satisfied in his plan.
"Why on earth are you giving me gifts?" I responded a bit miffed at this obvious change to the tradition. It was bad enough as is and was probably an attempt to embarrass me.
"The girls wanted to be involved. And once Alice gets involved, there's going to be shopping." Carlisle threw in merrily from his tree. He sauntered a few steps closer to me with a jovial expression on his face. He was enjoying my discomfort!
I was about to protest the change in tradition, when Jasper cut me off. "You can't seriously be objecting to this?" he asked incredulous.
"Do you not remember that you made me write down the advice you gave me the night before my wedding?" he declared.
"And you repeated your advice to me three times, Edward." Carlisle added. "Three times! We all have perfect recall, you know."
"Well, it's just that I can read the minds of your wives and I thought you'd want to know what -" I tried to defend myself, but I was cut off when Emmett threw a rock at my head. I dodged it -not that it would do damage, and glared at him in response.
"All right." He clapped his big hands together with a reverberating boom. "Carlisle first, then Jasper, then me since that's the order of the 'advice' you gave out before each of our wedding days." He stated officially.
"Aaaaand" he continued. I groaned as he drew out the tension, "there will be no interrupting from you. You have to let us finish." he finished with a smug smile, sure of his fool-proof plan.
"Fine." I agreed. I turned to Carlisle, indicating that he should begin.
"Edward." he thought to me. "You are my first son, and you know what place you hold in my heart. I know that you don't agree with me in matters of spirituality and specifically regarding the state of our souls, but I can see your soul shining so clearly, my son.
For many long years, I saw you alone and struggling through darkness. Though you thought yourself complete, you were lonely and unhappy with this existence. And although I love you dearly, I doubted my choice to change you.
The change in you since Bella came into your life has been brilliant. You are so alive, Edward. Your soul is shining through. Anyone who looks at you can see what Bella's love has done for you, and I am so happy. For the first time, I have no regret, nor doubt about my choices regarding your life. I hope that someday, you too, will fully recognize the goodness that you possess.
His words were heartfelt and very tender. I appreciated his comments.
"Thank you Carlisle." I said, my voice thick with emotion.
"Mine and Esme's gift to you" he declared as he handed me a small box. I removed the lid and peered inside. I groaned with embarrassment as the other's knowing laughs echoed through the silent night.
"Carlisle. Really?" I asked exasperated as I lifted out the small container of personal lubricant and held it in the air as evidence.
He chuckled and shrugged in response. "I thought you might find it useful. It's a warming gel, since you are, well, quite a bit colder than Bella."
Hmm, that was actually a good thought. Perhaps I could think further about moderating my body temperature before we finally made love.
"Esme says the heat is quite pleasant." He continued with a smirk. Ugg. He had to go and put that image in my mind. I replaced the offensive, but potentially useful, little bottle and muttered an embarrassed 'thank you' to Carlisle.
I turned toward Jasper for his advice.
"Edward. I know the depth of your feelings for Bella and hers for you. I cannot put into words the joy and love I feel radiating from the two of you together, but it is a beautiful thing to see.
We both love strong, independent women. Bella is young, and in many important ways inexperienced with life. She will have much to learn about herself in the many years to come. My advice to you is to support her, love her, protect her but do not smother her. Allow her to discover herself and blossom in your care."
I nodded in agreement. I had thought about how my relationship with Bella might change once I no longer needed to protect her physically. I always tried to shelter her, and I could see the sage advice in Jasper's words. I did want to protect her, but I wanted her to be her own self too.
"Thank you Jasper."
So far so good, I thought until Jasper tossed a square package toward me. I caught it mid-air and unwrapped the package. I stared dumb-struck at the cover. The Art of Kama Sutra, an Illustrated Guide, the book said.
"There are some things you can "explore" together. Alice took the liberty of dog-earing the good ones." Jasper smirked.
I stared at the book in confusion - I didn't think we'd be trying anything complicated. Did I need to rethink what Bella would be interested in? My family erupted into laughs at my expression. Apparently, I looked like the book was going to 'jump up and bite me'.
The mental picture of my expression was actually quite funny and I found myself joining in with a chuckle.
"Okay, okay." I interrupted their laughter, putting the book down in my lap. "Emmett. Bring it on." I challenged. I waited for Emmett's gift, prepared for anything.
"Okay, so I know these guys were probably all mushy and impractical. But I'm going to give you real advice. And this time you have to listen." He cleared his throat dramatically. "So there are some limitations since you have to be extra careful with Bella since she's a human. But I've given this some thought and there are still plenty of things you can do here."
I groaned out loud. Emmett was going to give me explicit sex advice and he had put thought into it. That could only be bad. He paused in his "advice" to glare at me - challenging me to interrupt. I gestured for him to continue- might as well get it over with quickly. I actually did listen carefully as his advice took a different path than the one I expected. He explained the difference between physical responses as a human and as a vampire. He was one of the few in our family to experience and remember both, which left him in a uniquely knowledgeable position.
He had clearly put a lot of thought into the fact that Bella was so much more breakable than me. His thoughts about channeling my own intense emotions elsewhere, rather than trying to repress them, were something I would need to think further about. His advice was actually helpful.
I was so relieved that this conversation didn't head down a different path – one I entirely expected from Emmett, that I forgot about his 'gift'. He tossed me a package- it was light and soft. I let it land with a soft thud into my lap. I was almost afraid to open it.
"Rosalie picked it out herself," he taunted.
Now I was definitely afraid. I couldn't imagine what was underneath that wrapping paper, but I was fairly certain it would be another embarrassing gift. I un-wrapped it warily to reveal a woman's lingerie set. It was a red bustier set complete with garter belts and lacy panties. I raised my eyebrow. I was sure this was more something Rosalie would wear than Bella. Then again – I questioned if I really knew.
"When you're in the moment, you won't be thinking about being gentle on the clothing." He said as if that explained everything. I must have looked confused. "They rip easily. You might want to invest in multiple sets." He explained with a laugh.
"When Bella's finally a vampire, you might want to invest in multiple bedroom sets." He laughed. In his mind thinking about all the furniture he and Rosalie had broken over the years.
I cleared my throat working away the last of my embarrassment. I looked down at the three gifts in my lap. Although it had been embarrassing, the advice I had been given had actually been very useful. They'd gotten a laugh out of my embarrassment, but they meant it all with love for me and for Bella.
"Thank you," I said to them all sincerely.
"All right - time for some hunting!" Emmett exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. He clapped me on the back before taking off into the woods to find his next meal.
Jasper arose and extended his arm toward me. I bumped my fist with his and he smiled at me in a show of support. He too disappeared into the woods.
Only Carlisle and I remained. He smiled at me fondly as he pushed away from the tree. He embraced me in a fatherly hug.
"My son." He said simply. He released me and turned into the woods for his own dinner.
I left my "gifts" stashed near a tree in the clearing- I would come back for them later. I soon caught the scent of Mountain Lion and sped off to the North. I was relieved that I would have some time alone. I would feed and then be left to my thoughts for a few hours.
AN: Not sure if this is as funny to everyone else as it was to me- anyway, REVIEW if you like and I'll continue on.
This is only going to be another chapter or so, I have a great next chapter already written- it includes an early visit from one of the wedding guests. Can you guess who might be finding Edward alone in the forest in the middle of the night???
Hint: She's from my home state.