Readers. Countrymen. Scientists and fanbois. It is my serious duty to bring to you the real, true, absolutely accurate account of Ray Arnold's death. This man, who so bravely volunteered to restore the power on Isla Nublar, has been done a disservice. The movie Jurassic Park would lead you to believe that he was torn apart by raptors, leaving nothing but a severed arm for a panicking woman to find later in the movie. But I say NAY! This is the true account. Accept no substitutes. Etcetera.

Disclaimer: I am neither the late Michael Crichton nor the great Steven Spielberg, so I guess that makes Jurassic Park not mine.

Ray Arnold hurried into the breaker room. He hadn't seen any sign of danger so far, but he remained on edge.

As Mr. Arnold stepped into the first security chamber, a sound made him pause. He pivoted on one foot, only to come face-to-face with a velociraptor. There was a moment of tense silence, during which Mr. Arnold prepared himself for what he was about to do.

It was then that Mr. Arnold punched the velociraptor in the face. The sheer force of the punch not only tore the velociraptor's head from its neck, but also sheared Mr. Arnold's arm from his shoulder. With a cry of awesome rage, Mr. Arnold turned to the other three velociraptors who had surrounded him during the initial fight, prepared to kick their reptilian behinds quite neatly. Before he could rip even one of their heads off, however, Mr. Arnold spontaneously combusted, leaving nothing in his wake but a severed arm and three bewildered velociraptors.

Now, there are very few accounts of humans spontaneously combusting in history, but all accounts seem to have one thing in common: the subject of combustion was totally awesome. Therefore it is unsurprising that Mr. Arnold, who by miraculous chance bears a striking resemblance to the actor Samuel L. Jackson, would join their awesome ranks.