Just a Pleasant Interruption.
and you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of me
'Konstantine', Something Corporate
First time it was actually he who started it. It was after a lost battle in Prussia: the body of the woman who had been the conformer had been destroyed by the time they were able to stop the akuma 4, blood dripping from her chest and mouth.
And later, Allen had been... well, not him. He had been closed eyed and serious, looking so damn alone: when Lavi had gone to try and cheer him up, Allen had given polite answers, a polite smile and a polite disposition despite how his eyes, a completely distant Allen who was, almost, not looking at him. Lavi had tried jokes, he had tried teasing him and all that he had managed was a more withdrawn Allen despite the way he kept smiling. Finally, Lavi had kissed Allen to get a reaction, for Allen to startle away and yell at him, push him away, something that would bring him back from wherever it was that he hid after lost battles and broken bodies were found.
He hadn't expected Allen to shiver as if he had poured cold water on him and then kiss back, acting so hungry for that kiss, for that touch. He had been too skilled, his mouth soft and smooth, half clinging to him, making him shiver too. Allen had taken Lavi's tongue into his mouth and suckled it softly despite the way his hands were clinging to his shoulders, making him hard almost embarrassingly fast, and they had kept on touching until Allen had muttered that he had to go before Link started searching for him.
Second time, Miranda had been injured during their mission. No-one had realized that it had been his fault, but Lavi had stopped because he had felt something different with his Innocence. He was unsure about what it was but it had brought Bookman's words to mind and he had doubted.
It had been just a second, but it had been enough: the explosion had hit close to Miranda. Not only had her invocation been broken – and thus they all got back their injuries – but she had almost died. Even the fact that they had managed to recover the Innocence didn't change that fact.
So later, once they were told that she was going to survive, he had gone to the library, trying to hide without it being obvious he was doing so. He was wondering if he was going to fall, if his Innocence would decide that the way he fought wasn't committed enough for her, and Lavi had been angry and scared, furious with himself for doubting his path, knowing which was the road he had chosen, angry that he was doubting himself again.
Allen had found him there, and this time the sad eyes had been for him. Lavi had tried to make a joke again, something, anything to stop Allen from looking at him like that, but Allen had just leaned forward, hands on his face, and kissed him.
And then it was as desperate as the other time, only that it was Lavi the one who was drowning, the one who couldn't get enough, even if he kept telling himself it was nothing, just a distraction, that it meant nothing when Allen murmured his name against his lips, or when his hands touched his skin.
There hadn't been a third time yet. The fact that Lavi kept thinking about it with a yet intersected wasn't good at all, and as good as he was in fooling everyone else most of the time, it did shit when it was about fooling yourself.
Did it still count if he kept on telling himself that it was nothing and that it meant anything after all?