Too Many Monster Movies

Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

Billy grabbed his little sister by the arm and pulled her along with him. "Hurry! She's coming!"

Suzie picked up her pace in an effort to match the speed of her longer legged brother. "Are you sure? She seemed so, nice... to us."

The pair entered the house's kitchen, and Billy began to search through the fridge as he replied, "That's a standard vampire trick. They always seem nice at first. Then, once they get close, they sink their fangs in and drink your blood!"

"B-but are you sure?"

"Course I'm sure! You saw what she did to those zombies, didn't you? She's out for blood... our blood!"

Suzie looked down, and her little hand formed into a tight fist. "I wish I still had T.G."

Billy didn't look away from the fridge as he replied, "Don't worry. We'll find him when this is all over."

The girl's face perked up slightly. "You think he's okay?"

"Sure. What would zombies or a vampire want with T.G.?" The boy continued to search the fridge.

Billy finished ransacking the fridge, but still hadn't found what he was searching for. The boy slammed the fridge shut and kicked it. "Shoot! There's none in here!"

The eight year old girl looked up at her twelve year old brother. "What are you looking for?"

"Garlic," was the boy's one-word response.

Suzie walked over to the kitchen cupboards, retrieved a plastic spice container and handed it to her brother. "Will this work?"

Billy turned the container until he could see the label. "Garlic powder? I guess it'll have to." The boy messed his little sister's hair. "Good find."

Suzie smiled, and Billy looked around, trying to figure out the best way to utilize his... somewhat unusual anti-vampire weapon. He'd watched quite a few monster movies: vampire movies, zombie movies, werewolf movies and even a couple of old Frankenstein movies; but he'd never seen one where the hero battled a vampire with garlic powder. What was the best way to utilize this new tool in the vampire slayer's arsenal? The boy's eyes rested on the kitchen's hand held vacuum, and the edge of his lip curled.

Billy ran over, grabbed the vacuum, used it to suck the garlic powder out of the container, then flipped the switch that would reverse its flow the next time he turned it on. "Good. Now all we need is a stake."

"A stake? What for?" Suzie looked up at her brother. The girl's big, round eyes were wide with curiosity.

"To drive into her heart. The garlic will only slow her down. We need a stake to finish her off." It was then that Billy and his sister jumped as they heard foot steps coming from down the hall. Billy's voice dropped to a hushed whisper. "She's coming."

Suzie whispered back. "I know where to get a stake."

Billy cast a surprised look at his little sister. "You do?" Suzie nodded; and Billy figured, 'Sure, why not? She knew where to find the garlic.' "Okay. You get the stake, and I'll nail her with the garlic powder."

Suzie nodded again then scampered off. Billy ducked behind the kitchen's entrance wall and firmly grasped his weapon. The boy looked down for a moment, and that was when the writing on the vacuum caught his eye. Under other circumstances the boy would've laughed. He was going to fight a vampire using a Dirt Devil.


Seras neared the kitchen and sighed. She could sense the fear coming off of the two kids inside. She'd never wanted to frighten them. Maybe her master got a sadistic thrill out of others' fear, but she wasn't like him. She was a 'nice vampire', a "good girl"... at least, that's what she tried to be. Besides, she was trying to help the kids, and their being terrified of her only made things more difficult.

(Flashback

About a quarter hour earlier, Seras had come across something that struck her as rather odd. It was ghoul body, already lying on the ground, apparently dead. The ghoul hadn't turned to dust, which meant that whatever had killed it wasn't silver.

Seras stopped for a moment and inspected the body. There was a very small entrance wound that went through the left eye and into the brain. It seemed that, even if... whoever it was didn't have the proper ordinance, they knew enough to shoot ghouls in the head.

After examining the 'redead' ghoul, Seras stood back up. It was then that the vampire fledgling heard a small crackling sound. The sound was vaguely reminiscent of silenced gunfire, except the volume was much lower. She quickly sprinted off to find the sound's source. If there were any survivors, the vampire wanted to get them to safety before it was too late.

When Seras reached the survivors, she was surprised to find that they were just a couple of kids. A boy, who could not have yet reached his teen years, stood protectively in front of what Seras assumed to be his younger sister. The boy had a BB gun in his hands, obviously the source of the strange sound, and the girl was tightly hugging a decent-sized, stuffed bear.

The little girl caught sight of Seras and pointed. "Someone's over there!"

The boy turned and aimed his rather pathetic weapon at the new possible threat. "Wh-who are you?"

Seras stopped where she was, retracted her fangs and tried to look nonthreatening... well as nonthreatening as a vampire toting a Harkonnen mobile cannon could look. "Don't be afraid. I'm Seras Victoria, and I'm here to help you."

The little girl noticed the vampire's outfit. It was a little strange, but it bore a slight resemblance to something familiar. "Are... Are you a police girl?"

Oh, how Seras hated being called that. She had a name, and she thought it was a rather pretty name at that. But it seemed like everyone always called her "Police Girl". It was really all her master's fault. He'd started the trend! However, at this one particular time, Seras didn't mind. If the kids thought she was a 'Bobby', they'd be more likely to trust her. "Yeah," she replied then added, under her breath, "sort of."

That did the trick. The boy lowered his rifle, and he and his sister began to walk over to Seras. Everything was going fine, that was until a pack of ghoul's leapt out of the nearby bushes and rushed the vampire.

Seras had let herself become too distracted by the kids. The ghouls were upon her before the vampire could react. They forced her to the ground and began to run their hands over her body; but when they started to pry Seras's legs apart, the ghouls got a nasty surprise.

A long repressed memory triggered in the vampire's mind, a memory of her mother's last moments and what had happened after her death. Seras's eyes began to glow red, and the vampire went into a rage. She struggled and threw the ghouls off of her then began to tear them limb from limb.

The two kids were so shocked that they both dropped what they were carrying. Then the shock gave way to fear, and they ran. They ran as fast as they could. They ran to the closest shelter which happened to be a nice, but recently abandoned house.

Flashback End)

Seras was to the kitchen now. "You don't have to be afraid. Really, I just want to help you." The vampire paused and waited a moment, but there was no response. 'Stupid Blood Lust mode!' she cursed inwardly then sighed and entered the kitchen.


Billy saw the vampire turn the corner. He switched on his Dirt Devil and aimed it directly at her face. As soon as the garlic powder assaulted Seras's senses, the vampire fell to the floor and was gripped by an uncontrollable coughing fit. "Teach you to try to suck our blood!" the boy exclaimed before asking his sister, "Where's that stake?!"

Seras was still coughing as the little girl ran over and deposited something squishy in her brother's outstretched hand. Billy wasn't sure what his sister had handed him, but he was confident that a stake should not be squishy. He turned from the vampire to look at what his sister had given him.

A puzzled expression briefly passed over the boy's face. 'Okay, why am I holding a raw piece of meat?' he thought; and it was then that realization dawned on him. "Not that kind of stake!!!" But, the boy quickly stopped his shouting as he noticed that the vampire was no longer coughing.


Seras rose back to her feet and looked around. The two kids were huddled in the corner. The brother was once again in front of his sister, doing his best to protect her with what was available. This time, the only things the boy had were his fingers, two of which he had formed into a makeshift cross that he held towards Seras. "Back! Back!"

Seras shook her head at the boy. "That's not going to be very effective." Still, she didn't advance. There was no need. She was already blocking the kitchen's only exit. Unless the kids suddenly manifested the ability to walk through walls, they weren't going anywhere. "You're awfully protective of her, aren't you?"

Billy noticed that Seras had shifted her gaze from him to Suzie. The boy replied, "She's my sister." It was the only response he could think of.

Seras smiled kindly. "Good for you... You know, I'm not going to hurt either of you. I really am here to help."

"Like we're going to believe a vampire!" Then Billy's brow nit together as he noticed the expression that passed over Seras's face. 'Did... Did I just hurt this vampire's feelings?' he wondered.

"If I wanted to hurt you, why would I be just standing here?"

Billy looked at his fingers. "Y-you're scared of the Cross."

Seras flashed the kids another kind smile. "It doesn't work like that, not in real life at least. If you want to repel a vampire, the cross must be made of silver or blessed... sometimes both, depending on how powerful the vampire is." To accentuate her words, Seras slowly took a couple of steps closer to the kids. They started to shake, and she stopped again. Then she squatted down and repeated her earlier statement, "I'm not going to hurt you." She put her hand out. "Relax." Seras reached her hand behind her back and gripped something she'd placed in her ammunition back pack. "I just want to help. I think you dropped this," she continued as she pulled the item, the little girl's teddy bear, from the ammo pack.

"T.G. Bearington!" The little girl broke away from her big brother and ran over to retrieve her bear.

"No! Don't! She'll carry you back to her mausoleum and suck your blood, just like Lucy did in Dracula!"

Seras petted the little girl on her head then turned and fixed the boy with a good-natured grin. "You've been watching too many monster films, kid. I'm not like that."

The boy suspiciously eyed the vampire, but his sister beckoned him over. "Come on. It's okay. She's nice." The boy hesitated at first, but soon walked over to stand beside his sister. Whether or not the vampire was telling the truth about wanting to help them, Billy wasn't about to abandon his little sister. She was the only family he had left.

Seras extended her hands towards the two kids; and they each took one, Suzie immediately and Billy after pausing for a moment. The vampire stood up and began to lead the two kids out of the house.

"W-where are we going?"

Seras looked down at the boy. "I'm taking you to see my boss."

"Your boss?"

Seras nodded. "Ahuh, Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing."

"Helsing? Like Gabriel Van Helsing, the angel\werewolf guy who tore open Dracula's throat?"

Seras chuckled. "Waaay too many monster films."

The vampire led the children out of the house and back to safety. On the way, they passed the BB gun and Harkonnen that had been discarded when Seras went into her blood lust mode. The vampire cast the weapons a quick glance but left them where they were. She'd come back for them later.

(Well, I hope you enjoyed this little one-shot. I know I've got other fics that I should be working on, but this stupid thing's been buzzing around my head since I saw Dracula and started thinking about how different Seras is from the person she's supposedly based off of. I like Seras a whole lot more than Lucy. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Reviews are appreciated. I should have the next chapter of Integra's School Daze up sometime this weekend, and I'm trying to find the time to work on my co-author fics too.

Have a good day and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)