Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The two Volturi guard-vamps leant against the brick wall of the alley. They were dressed rather ridiculously in long grey coats, which didn't make them stand out at all. Watching a teenage vampire on the other side twitching nervously and sobbing Skippio initiated conversation.

'So, Giorgio, what do you reckon of him?'

Giorgio looked over at Skippio, before glancing at twitchy boy.

'I reckon that he is about to do something.'

'Well, der.'

The two stretched their super hearing and listened to the teenage vampire muttering to himself on the other side of the alley.

'Bella… I am so sorry. Must walk into the sunlight. I will sparkle. They will kill me…'

The two guards snickered.

'Wow, that's his great plan? To fucking sparkle? What the hell? Who kills people for sparkling?'

Twitchy boy (who you may have worked out is Edward and who can from now on be called so) stepped forward, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, rolling up his sleeves. The clock in the centre of the courtyard chimed midday, and Edward prepared to walk into the sunlight!

Giorgio rolled his eyes and went off to restrain Edward, even though nobody really gave a crap what he did. Yeah, cause one person would see him sparkle and suddenly know that there were vampires everywhere. (A/N If they did, who might it have been? Oh, yeah! The dodgy guys in the matching grey cloaks skulking about with blood dripping out of the side of their mouths and red eyes… Seriously, I think the Italians might have noticed. Sorry about that… But I just had to let it out)

As Giorgio walked away Jane stepped out of the shadows, looking rather short and childlike. Skippio cringed at the image.

'So, Skips, what is up?'

'No Jane, no. Don't do that. You are not cool.'

Jane scowled and turned to see Edward screaming and flailing his limbs as Giorgio pulled him back into the shadows. She turned back to Skippio.

'Is that Edward Cullen?'

At that moment Edward screamed;

'Let go of me, I am Edward Cullen!'

Rather conveniently. Jane nodded and rolled her eyes.

'Not again. He thinks that we kill him for walking into the sunlight. For gods sake. People will just think that he is sweaty.'

By this time Giorgio had managed to bring Edward over to where Jane and Skippio were standing. Giorgio nodded at Jane;

'Jane.'

Jane nodded back;

'Giorgio.'

Edward started dry-sobbing then, so Jane focused her attention on him.

'What's the matter, Eddy? Did Bella die again?'

The volume and intensity of Edwards sobbing increased;

'YES!!'

Jane rolled her eyes and kicked Edward in the shin.

'For real this time? Or did Awice make a mistwake again?'

Edward curled his head into his chest and his eyes started smouldering.

'For real Jane. For real.'

Jane tilted her head to the side and smiled.

'Was it those naughty, naughty wolves?'

Edward looked up, for a moment broken out of his self-created grief.

'You know of the wolves.'

Jane rolled her eyes again and used the same tone one would use for a rather stupid customer at a retail store who kept asking for change.

'Well, der. We are the mafia. We have eyes everywhere. How dumb are the Cullens?'

At this Edward burst into maniacal laughter.

'I KILLED BELLA! I DID IT! KILL ME NOW!'

'Shit.'

The volturi guards pulled Edward down a conveniently placed sewage system; into the depths of their… big-house-place.

'Okay, the humans may not notice Mr Glitter here, but they do tend to notice phsyco's screaming about murder and suicide.'

The group met the secretary at the front office.

'Hello, having a nice day are we, bloodsuckers?'

Edward noticed that she was a different secretary to the one he had met in Eclipse… umm… on his last trip to Italy.

'Excuse me, ma'am.'

The secretary looked up at Edwards' voice, which sounded like assorted fabrics.

'Yes?'

'What happened to the last secretary?'

'Right here.'

A vampire walked into the room, leading a group of confused tourists.

'Who are they?'

Edward asked politely, dying inside.

'They are the tourists. They're on the underground sewage tracts and vampire coven lair tour.'

'Ri-ight.'

Edward noticed a young women swearing in Russian, and nervously fiddling with her crucifix necklace. He ran up to and began clutching at her ankles.

'YOU THINK YOUR GOD WILL SAVE YOU NOW!? MUAHAHA!'

He let go of her ankle, after the woman had died of a seizure cause by Edwards hysteria and turned to Jane.

'Kill me now?'

Jane giggle evilly, and brushed Edwards cheek with her hand, sending waves of pain into Edwards empty skull.

'Now, why would we give you what you want, huh, Edward?'

Unexpectedly, Edward leaned towards Jane, his mouth grazing her ear. He smiled to himself and his eyes glowed golden.

'Because I know your secret.'

Jane frowned nervously.

'My secret? My personal secret, or this organization?'

'Your secret, Jane.'

Jane sent another wave of pain through Edward, leaving him writhing on the ground.

'Bullshit, Cullen. I don't have any secrets.'

Edward balled up his fists and started pounding the floor.

'But that usually works!'

Aro walked out of where he had been hiding in the curtains.

'Listen Edward. We are not going to kill you. Got that? You can join us, and we can get you a new Bella. Ok?'

'A new Bella?'

Edward seemed intrigued by this idea. Aro nodded.

'As brain dead and self-loathing as the previous one.'

Edward smiled.

'You mean your wife, then?'

Aro's perverse smile left his face and he pointed at Edward.

'Okay, he can die now.'

And with that Edward was ripped to shreds by Jane. She sorted the shreds into piles.

'One shred for the big fire.'

She gnawed a piece of flesh from Edward's ankle and placed in the first pile.

'And one shred for the little fire.'

She placed a second hunk of flesh into the second pile.

'You know that hurts like hell.'

Jane nodded and smiled, still pulling Edward to pieces.

'Which is where you're going, isn't it? So just a bit of a taste early on, right?'

'THAT HURTS!'

'You asked to die.'

Edward pouted.

'Could you hurry it up a bit?'

Jane stood, outraged.

'Do I look like some one who doesn't enjoy others pain?'

Edward rolled his eyes over the small child-like vampire with curly blonde hair and a pink frilly dress.

'Yes?'

'WRONG ANSWER!'

Jane flew at Edward and pulled off his face, which screamed an 'ouch.'

Edward was dead within the… well, Jane pulled him apart over a few weeks. He was dead within the month.

Thank you for reading, if you aren't too creeped out, care to review?