Don't hurt me!! Spare me!!
Yes, I am quite sorry for putting this for like….half a year?? Yeah I sort of got into other ideas….and then I discovered Shelfari (google it) on which I am totally active (as Aishwarya Swan Cullen) and yeah. I'm sorry.
I had exams too :( and was busy studying. Sorry. Forgive me.
:( Regret the whole inconvenience :( Sorry….
Twilight. James has just bitten Bella and it is up to Edward to make up his mind whether he can suck the venom out or not.
Golden eyes were uncannily the most beautifully alluring eyes – ones that could portray the world of emotion, and one couldn't help succumbing into their enthralling beauty – they were like instruments to laser the world with a simple message – obey, help, kill, save. Red ones, however, symbolizes danger. They spelt murder. They just said "run, run, run as fast as you can". Black eyes showed anger and distrust. Mysteriousness. No one could succumb to them.
I had developed a strange liking to brown eyes by this point. They were clear, but their depth was captivating – it pushed to watch further and further as the doors opened more. Their width stimulated so much human emotion, they were only too easy to succumb too. It hurt to watch them bloodshot with tears, or wide with rage. They were like….tiny puppies. Powerfully manipulative.
Carlisle's golden eyes had so much power, so much, that for once, if you looked into his eyes, you wouldn't see the handsome, flawless pale face of a hardworking young doctor; no, you would see deep, into his soul, and find yourself looking into a man of colossal age, pristine, watching you with the most concerned, compassionate, and wise look ever. He used his eyes well; if somebody let a little slip and the person who was being talked about was near, his eyes would dilate vigorously and the mere glower would make your knees feel weak, your mouth dry. Other times, if someone he was treating just died, his eyes – tearless, thanks to his species – would be devoid of all emotion and they would be poker; but through the irises, you could see the retina – and the bottled hurt and pain and misery he was being forced to ingest.
And now, his eyes were in the cruelest form ever. At least, it was cruel to me.
He looked at me with the eyes that clearly said, "Decide, son."
I was being quelled under that fiery look. My heart was literally ripping into pieces – I had never lived to feel the human exaggeration for sorrow – a broken heart (I owe the quote to Stephanie's 'Host') – but now, I felt a dim shredding, stabbing, gruelling twinge right near the area where my heart should have been. He was torturing me with his mere gaze.
No, the thing that was torturing me most was Bella.
I could sense her floundering cadaver twitch with vigour in my soft arms. I could feel her blood hike to temperatures of a furnace – her skin was fire to me. Her hair was splayed across the floor, onto my arms, dangling onto my legs, but they were glimmering in the dim noonday light of the morbid ballet studio. Her face was draining to a paler white with each passing minute, and blood coated her face, her hair and her arm. Her broken leg was entombed in a giant brace held by a persevering Alice, whose nose was wrinkled in the aroma of Bella's blood, my indecision, and the pain of watching a young, innocent woman fight for her life internally.
In that one second that I could feel was passing, Carlisle's eyes did a lot to me. I refused to listen to his thoughts, that instinct I decided to shut down. He was looking at me beseechingly, telling me to please save Bella. The humorous (or not so) affair was that I should have been the one on my knees begging him to rid Bella of her pain. Yet, he knew I was the only one who could do this, who could stop my salvation from going to heaven.
If I could have cried, I would have. I certainly felt like it. My tear glands were choked with venom, so I never could cry. I couldn't weep and mourn for the human girl slowly dying a painful death in my arms.
I could not such the venom out of her blood. I don't know what fear my eyes betrayed at the thought, and I didn't know how much of it was the cause of Alice's expression, but I did know that now, for the first time, I'd rather let her slowly turn into a vampire, like me, than cruelly suck her blood until she was raw, and was slowly fading to heaven. I would give her mortality – or immortality – over my being the cause of her death any day. I would pay for it with my bare soul, if that was the extreme measure needed to be taken.
But what fuelled Carlisle's belief that I could save her, without killing her?
Edward, you can save her. Please, please – please save her!! Before it is too late!
I shook my head; shaking with the tearless sobs I was having a hard time suppressing. My head gave him his answer.
I cannot Carlisle. Not without killing her first.
He was empathizing – I could tell – but he insisted.
Edward, please!! I trust you! You can save her!!!
Yet can I?, I thought to myself. Can I save her? I remembered those torturous days, first time, in the Biology lab when the physically powerful bouquet of her sweet-smelling blood had lifted me off my seat. Could I afford to let myself be that monster, and kill her, an innocent child, whose family looked at her like the fruit of their labour?! I couldn't. I couldn't be the vampire all over. I just couldn't resist the scent of her over-powering blood, spilt on the floor. I was already itching to bite her – but self preservation kept me strong – I stared into the face of the pale human who had stolen my heart and would keep it and never give it back, because she would know that she was entitled to it.
Was I strong enough to let her live?
The old debate again. For scores of years, I had never found someone who needed me more than before. Never, ever. I wanted to cure Bella, not because she was someone I'd generally help, but because I loved her. She was all I could think about. However hyperbolic it may have come out as, I believed that she loved me too, and that we needed each other. I could not bear to let her suffer because of my foolishness to take her to a vampire's baseball game. I would do anything to let her live as a human, a life she deserved to live, without a petty vampire ruining it for her. I couldn't see her die. But I couldn't be the reason for her death either.
Edward!! What will her family do with their only child gone? Please, son, I believe in you! I have been your father for years!! I know you!! You won't be able to kill her!!
DO IT EDWARD!! I can't lose my best friend!!!!!! Alice yelled in her head.
"I can't," I murmured, eyes stuck on Bella's agonized face. "I'll kill her."
You will not!! I cannot let this happen, Edward!! I have seen too many people die!! Stop it!! Stop it now!! You two share the most blossoming type of love I have had the fortune to see in my four hundred years of existence!! Please don't do this to her, Edward, please. Suck the venom out. If anyone can, you can. You have the strength of not killing her, only you..!!
His eyes smouldered into my dilated ones. I stared back down to Bella…
For a moment, the perfume of the blood faded to a distant ache as I drank in the sight of her agony.
Even in pain she looked like the self-sacrificing Bella I was used to seeing. I saw the same blushing, beautiful woman who had had the nerve to steal a ruthless vampire's heart. She was tall in her pain, she was kind in it.
And when you see an angel suffer, you really know that it has gone too far.
I stared at her hands, the sound of James' carcass being devoured by my family. The jaw line mark was set deep, bleeding like a haemophiliac's wound would. It was streaming with red, and venom, and it looked so vicious, anger over took me.
I lifted her bruised, battered, mutilated hand with my own quivering ones and sank my teeth exactly the way James had.
For a moment, I caught the tang of something sweet and sugary, so fresh and warm…like a reforming serum that was pleasing every working cell of my never-ageing body. It rolled in my mouth, giving off the most tantalizing perfume ever – it teased my. I let myself taste the blood.
And despite the blood being to me was sweet, irresistible cola is to some, I wanted to wrench my teeth out, because in the blood, I tasted something like citric acerbic liquid. I tasted something sour and corrosive, like hydrochloric acid mixed with a little too much water. It wasn't pleasant – it didn't belong in the saccharine, sanguine smell and taste of Bella's blood.
It was then I heard her shaking with screams. I could not carry on – or maybe I could. But I did so ignoring her pleas to stop. I knew this must have felt worse than the bit…
I picked at only this acid, shivering at the feel of it in my teeth. As if transpiration, my teeth drew back the venom I was picking up and retained it helpfully.
The outmost love I had for the battered corpse writhing on the floor kept me drinking the venom only – shivers were suppressed as I thought of that night when she had gone alone to the bookshop in Port Angeles. The night of our first dinner together. Thinking about the people who had tried to hurt her, I kept on sucking the venom out of her human system-
And soon enough I could sense the quantity of venom in her vessels decrease – the sound of her heartbeat drew to normal, and the scent of the blood was more aromatic. Her screams littled to moans and groans as she felt the pain fading away to nothingness, just sleep…
But then, my mind wrenched itself from her, and settled on how wonderful the treacle-like blood tasted in my dry, venom pooling, mouth.
It was like…aged wine to me. It was sweet, and pleasant. It soothed the throbbing, needle-like pain at the back of my neck, near my swollen epiglottis…..it was so mellifluous – so saccharine – it mad me feel all somnambulant inside myself, until a thunderous crash echoed around the ballet room as Carlisle pushed me off an unconscious Bella.
I saw myself drenched head to toe in her vivid, scarlet blood,
"It's enough." I heard him whisper. He had pushed me off before I could go her too far and possible relive a family nightmare.
I didn't wait to feel relief as Bella weakly whispered my name in her drowsy trance.
I hated myself for not stopping, for being too attracted. I despised myself for that.
I would never be strong enough to love her back.
The journey back wasn't that hard or emotional. Or maybe it was. I couldn't tell. There was hard anguish splattered by vibrant colours on my face.
Bella was jumbled into a tiny little ball of human under my arm. Her head, at least, rested peacefully on my right arm, curved to help keep her head up. She lay across the jeep with her leg in a large, voluptuous brace. Her hair stuck out messily under the haphazardly tied bandage running around her head, stained with blood. There were stitches all over her.
I stared, sleepless, at her glazed arm, the car from James' bite glimmering like thousand stars in the night sky. There was no way to fix that.
Bella was asleep in my arms, and I was rocking her gently; sitting at the extreme back of the jeep had its advantages. We were driving on convertible mode, so the wind tugged at her clothing and stray hair. It never ruffled her expression.
For convenience, the middle row of seats on the jeep had been reverted, so that the people who sat there would feel the car was driving backwards. Alice sat on my left, Bella's injured leg on her lap; she was constantly caressing it, like a tiny mother, and Jasper, sitting in the middle row, faced her, his hand on his knees and his eyes on hers. They were doing their staring thing again.
Esme faced me, sitting near the door, like me. She was looking into my face intently, making sense of my own thoughts. She had a sad smile on her face as she saw me hugging Bella gently, calming her.
Carlisle had the best expression. He was worried and stressed; his eyes never left poor Bella's injuries. My Bella's injuries.
And yet, the reason I found his expression comforting was owed to the fact that I really despised myself for being what I was. For letting her meddle with my life. I guess we just weren't meant to be.
At the same time, a famous saying sand through my head.
If you love someone, let it go.
I pondered over that sagacious sentence of well meaning words. I could only wonder why I wasn't doing that; Bella would grow old. I couldn't stop that. I didn't want top stop that – I didn't want to take away from her the only substantial support she had: age and growth. Time.
"Edward," Esme started, placing her hand on my knee now. "Don't blame yourself for the misfortune that plays with Bella."
I shot her a look so venomous, my heart burned as I took in the disrespect I had shown her.
"I can't not blame myself," I started miserably; "I showed her our lives as blood-drinking monsters. I exposed her to the dangers I should have taken into account."
Jasper looked and I met each other's eyes and looked away immediately.
"I'm sorry Ed," Alice sniffled in tearless apologies. "I should have known. I'm the one with the premonitions."
"Don't blame yourself, Alice," Jasper and I both started at the same time. I continued while he halted. "Your premonitions are based on decisions. Who knew that she was going to hurt herself so badly?"
Carlisle interrupted, "Alice, the many atrocities that seem to maim Bella are simply unpredictable. You are merely a human hybrid," he paused, "you can't war with fate. Sometimes, your power seems different to what fiction reveals it to be. Future is not set in stone. Don't beat yourself up internally, Alice."
Alice looked down at Bella.
"I could have concentrated. I could have been quicker at sensing when Bella would get hurt…!"
"Alice, that is beyond mankind and vampire-kind," Emmett's voice trailed in from the front. His vocabulary left much to be desired. "You can't go and do something impossible – and anyways, we all knew someday Bella's hurt herself big-time."
"Magnet for trouble," giggled Alice, through her sniffles.
I looked back down at her gravelled face. So pretty, so innocent, so human….
And so not mine.
I didn't want to be with her if it meant hurting her…
"Edward," Jasper sighed. "Love knows no bounds. This was a mistake. Please just forget it."
Carlisle, poker face, looked into my own, darkening eyes and knew for once what I was thinking. His face grew older the longer he looked at me like that.
"When you leave her," Carlisle murmured audibly. "It will hurt her more than it will hurt you."
"That's better." I moaned despite myself. "Then she wouldn't have to mourn about me, keeping the terrible vampire I was in mind."
"You are not terrible, not one bit," Esme frowned. "You don't see yourself the way everybody else does, Edward. You are the one who always links that line to Bella, but its you, darling. You are an angel. You are the best of what is. Please don't hurt her, and please don't hurt yourself. Please," she pouted, upset.
I stayed silent for the rest of the journey back.
Once or twice, Bella's eyes fluttered open in panic, but only when we were near to the hospital.
I took out her cell phone, however battered and old it was, and redialled her mother's number.
"Bella?? Bella???" the same tone rang out. I winced.
"Is this Renee?" I asked.
"Yes, of course….what happened to Bella? Why are you calling on her cell?"
"Ma'am….I am Edward Cullen-"
"Why hello Edward!! So nice to hear from you – Bella has mentioned you so many times!!"
"Hello, ma'am." I didn't quite know how to start. "Ma'am, we're rushing Bella to the hospital nearby in Phoenix at top speed. I was wondering if you could come-"
"W-what happened to her???"
"She…" I remembered the plan Alice had put together. "Unfortunately, she fell down a hard stairway at the hotel she was staying at, and she sort of fell out the window too-"
Renee was sobbing. "Is she critically injured?? Will she live??"
"Please don't worry, ma'am – my father's a doctor, we've treated her for the time being but we're taking her to the Apollo Hospital near the I-10-"
"I'll be there in a jiffy!! Oh goodness!! Was she alone at the hotel??"
"My brother and sister were with her…but when the accident happened, they only heard her thuds and the crash, and then ran to recue her."
"Thank you," she sniffled. "To you, your family for helping my little girl!! When will you be there??"
"We have just reached the hospital," I sighed. "And, um….could you…..is it ok…..if you could…erm…tell Charlie…?"
She gave a watery chuckle. "Why sure, Edward. I'll be right there!!"
I shut the phone and looked down bleakly.
"Let's go, Edward." Alice's mood had lightened slightly – maybe because I almost let slip how Alice had a little too much fun fabricating the evidence…
Opening the door, we slowly carried Bella into the hospital; she was sound asleep, but I could see the bruises on her twinge slightly with the movements. If I ever even have her a single mark like that, I'd….I'd….
Saved from anger, I handed Bella over to the gurney a screaming front-desk nurse brought out, and laid her lovingly onto it.
Tucking a lock in its place, I followed the nurse and the gurney to the waiting room while Carlisle talked at the reception.
I was forbidden to enter the room at first – of course – but sitting there, waiting was the hardest part. I wanted to see her.
I really found it hard to believe that I loved her; she was everything to me and my whole entire life had just…changed when she came. How could she be so miraculous?? Nothing short of a miracle worker. She has changed my life upside down.
Yet, at the same time, I couldn't let that insufferable nagging feeling leave me…. Almost as if….
We weren't meant to be…
I have developed a newfound obsession of THE HOST, and DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!!!!!! THE LATTER IS THANKS TO MY CRAZY FRIENDS AND ROSE (bad wolf jr)!!!!!!
Ha!! But yeah. Sorry again and: REVIEW!!!! IM ON MY KNEES (chilll, I have dignity)