Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight... Stephenie (what a weird name, its like that cause her dad is 'Stephen' I guess their the kind of people who call people 'Junior'...) Meyer

Mike arrives at Bella's house. Jacob is already there giggling and holding Bella's hand. Mike exits his van and walks towards Bella and Jacob.

Mike: So… holding hands, huh?

Bella drops Jacobs's hand.

Jacob: (Cries)

Bella: Oh, poor Jakey, is Sam looking at you weirdly again?

Jacob: He keeps asking me to 'join his pack'. I really don't swing that way Bella, I don't!

Bella: I know, my sun, I know.

Mike: Wait, he is your son?

Bella: No, idiot. He's my sun! (she outlines a circle in the air above her head)

Mike: Okay then… well, everyone into the van

Jacob: (meaningful sniffle)

Bella: No Mike. Jake finished his car today. Let us ride in that. (she points to the bunny shaped wreck on her lawn)

Jacob: I present to you… THE RABBIT!

Mike: Jacob, why did you make a car that you have to duck in?

Jacob: I'm poor, okay. I couldn't afford a normal car.

Mike: Why don't we go in my van then?

Bella: Is it named after an animal?

Mike: …no?

Bella: No, then.

Mike: Whatever.

They drive to the cinema. Bella and Jacob self obsess for a while and Mike gradually (for some reason) stops finding this entertaining.

Jacob: Remember that time we were in the place with the thing OMG ahaha!

Bella: OMG yeah, I can't believe you remember that ahaha!

Mike: So… how about some music to block out your voices?

The car stops and Bella and Jacob turn in unison to glare at Mike.

Jacob: BELLA DOES NOT LIKE MUSIC!

Bella: (turns to Jacob) OMG I am so touched. After spending endless weeks with me you learnt something about me. I am going to cry.

Mike: (rolls his eyes)

Bella and Jacob stare dreamily into each others eyes for the rest of the ride, only hitting two deer while the driver navigates using only his sense of smell and hearing.

They finally arrive at the cinema and enter. The movie is zombie-ish. The two boys hold their hands out for Bella to grip. Bella holds Jacobs hand after several hours of him keeping it there, being a big man for this…

Bella: Woah, you're hot!

Jacob: (Winking) I know.

Bella: No, I mean you're heating up!

Jacob: Oh… I knew that.

Mike: Bella, I haven't been completely honest with you.

Bella: …

Mike: BELLA!

Bella: Oh, you. Yes, what?

Mike: I said that I haven't been completely honest with you.

Bella: Oh… So you are a woman?

Mike: What?! No! My name isn't really Mike.

Bella: Is it Sharron? It is, isn't it?

Mike: I TOLD YOU; I AM NOT A WOMAN!

Bella: Oh, well… Are you really Rumpelstiltskin?

Mike: No. Why the hell would I be Rumpelstiltskin, do you see me running around stealing infants?

Jacob: What's wrong with that?

Bella: …

Mike: …

Jacob: … Do continue…

Mike: Well, Bella. My real name is HARRY POTTER!

Bella: Okay… I can see why you covered that up; it's a pretty bad name.

Harry: You. Don't. Know. Who. Harry. Potter. Is?

Bella: Should I?

Harry: Have you been living in a hole for the last few months?

Bella: No, just a pit of self-loathing and agony.

Jacob: (raising his hand) Which I gallantly rescued you from.

Edwards voice in Bella's head: Yes, by teaching her to drive dangerous vehicles at high speeds and by falling in love with her, you underage bastard.

Bella: Hehe, the voice in my head is talking to me again hehe underage bastard.

The two boys squabbling for her love: … what?

Bella: (stares dumbly at the ceiling)

Harry: So … anyway… Harry Potter. I am famous, Bella. Bella, I am a wizard.

Bella: (immediately snaps out of her Edward loving, despairing never remembering always remembering cause she cant forget daze) A wizard?

Harry: Yes, Bella, Yes.

Bella: They are mythical, right?

Harry: Yes, Bella, yes.

Bella: OMG, you're mythical. Suddenly I find you so much sexier.

Jacob: Well… that was unexpected…

Random teenage fan girl called Katherine Soda who is suddenly there: No it isn't, gosh. Bella only falls for magical creatures because they can offer her more… exciting things… (Smiles dumbly)

Random teenage Twilight-hater called Shona Pony: No, Idiot. It's cause real people are smart enough to figure out that she is a retard.

Movie attendant: Could you random teenage girls please leave the cinema?

Random teenage girls: OMG, like, whatever, bi-atch. (They leave)

Bella: (crawling onto Harry's lap) So… what do wizards do?

Harry: As hobbies?

Bella: No, idiot. As in, do wizards glitter, morph into dog-like creatures or what?

Harry: Ahh… we cast spells.

Bella: Oh, that is HOT!

Harry: We make potions too…

Bella: Time to salivate.

Random fan girl who sneaked back into the cinema: I don't like 'Mikes'.

Harry: Okay…

Random fan girl: They are so generically popular.

Bella: Whatever.

Jacob: I feel sick.

Bella: (turning to look at Jacob) OMG WHERE IS JACOB!?

Harry: I turned him into a wolf.

Dumbledore: No, you didn't Harry. He is a werewolf.

Bella: Who is that?

Harry: Like my uncle?

Dumbledore: Yes, Harry, Yes.

Harry: But it isn't a full moon.

Bella: WHO IS THAT?

Dumbledore: More like Professor McGonagall, he is a shape shifter.

Harry: Ohhh!

Jacob: (growls)

Bella: Harry, WHO IS THAT?

Harry: huh? Oh, him. That is my principal. Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Good evening, miss.

Bella: Is he a wizard too?

Harry: Yes…

Bella: OMG HE IS MYTHICAL AND OLD. I WANT HIM!!

Harry: Umm…

Jacob: (growls)

Bella grabs Dumbledore and skips out of the cinema pulling him along.

Bella: (whispering to Dumbledore) You're coming to my house. We can use that wand in special ways…

Jacob: (transforms into a human) I never really wanted her that much…

Harry: Yeah, me neither…

Thanks for reading, please do review, yaya!

Dedicated to Shona and Little Kate.