Title: Harassing the hime
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Macross Frontier.
Summary: Alto is being sexually harassed. 2 part story.

A/N: You're probably wondering about Starlight. Well much to my dismay, it had been wiped off my computer and damn it if I'm not frustrated, it was like going on 15 pages! Argh! Sigh...I'll have to work on it again but I doubt if it will be a long-ass chapter as the original. Anyway, this story is just for crack, fun and stress relief. Take it seriously and I will think you strange. This is set at Fufonfia. Enjoy! Dedicated to FD, chinchilla, arcy and the rest of Skullfaerie! XD

Oh yes, bonus points for those that can spot the South Park reference.

Michel and the rest of the staff tried very hard not to laugh out loud as Saotome Alto stepped out of Sheryl Nome's—the boss'—office. It wasn't because Alto looked like a girl—they had already gone past that—more like an inside-joke thing in the office floor. In the working place, it was no secret that Sheryl Nome had the hots for Alto. Everyone knew she would do anything to get her hands on him—literally and figuratively. While such a conduct of unprofessionalism is shunned upon, it provided such great damn entertainment and boredom would catch hell if someone dared try to stop it.

"Hey, Alto," Michel sniggered, "what did Sheryl want from you this time?"

Alto huffed. "She asked me to look for her contact! I had to crawl around for how many minutes! It was so annoying, I mean, doesn't she have spare ones?"

Alto's little outburst triggered a chortle from Michel. Alto frowned at him, "What's so damn funny?"

"Alto…" Michel shook his head in feigned sympathy, "Sheryl doesn't wear contacts."

"W-what?! Then why the hell would she ask me to crawl around her office floor?!"

An evil "kira" flashed across Michel's glasses. He smirked with his reply.

"Maybe it's because she enjoys looking at your ass raised high up in the air."

"HUH?! What does that mean?"

If ever there would be an award for "most dense moron in planet", Alto would wipe away all other nominees. It would be no contest.

"Think about it, Alto," Michel hooked an arm around Alto's neck in a playful manner. "Think about all the things Sheryl does to you." This was going to be so hilarious.


"Remember the time Sheryl grabbed your ass?"

"Sheryl said she didn't mean to grab my ass."

"Of course she didn't…she meant to grab your crotch."

Red broke out across Alto's face and he released himself from Michel's hold. "WHAT?!"

Man, the guy was such an idiot. Michel pushed his glasses higher as he proceeded in telling his revelations to the butt of the office's joke.

"Look, Alto…it's simple. Sexual Harassment."

"Sexual Harassment?"


Alto snorted. "What's that got to do with me?"

For the first time in Michel's life, he felt the most powerful urge to grab Alto's head and smash it to rough concrete walls until his head cracked open so he could see if Alto did indeed have a brain—no matter how little. He always knew Alto was dense but this was just too much!

"Sheryl is sexually harassing you, you idiot!"


Michel slapped his own forehead in aggravation. "Moron!"

"What do you mean Sheryl is sexually harassing me?"

Michel was making a spectacle of himself by speaking loud and moving his arms around as he lectured on to the feminine-looking idiot.

"Okay, it's like this Alto…do you remember the time when you asked Sheryl for a raise?"


"Do you remember what she answered to you?"


"If memory serves me right, she said she'd give it to you…and a lot more."

"Do you think she was going to throw in a word to the higher-ups?" Alto's face beamed up.

"She was sexually harassing you in a verbal manner."

"Really? I didn't notice."

"You don't notice a lot of things even if it danced in front of your face, flashing bright neon signs. Sheryl has shown a lot of aggressiveness in trying to squeeze you in. I'm sure you're not that stupid to not know what that means."


"Oh for the love of—You know I have a better idea!" He decided, giving up on teaching the moron, "why don't you watch that stupid kiddie safety show that airs in early mornings. You'll find a lot of enlightenment there."

"I don't see why I should"—

"Please Alto, it will open your eyes."

"Hmm..." Alto appeared to look deep in his thoughts…of course he only appeared to be, Michel doubted the cogs were working in his brain.

"Okay, I'll watch just to see what it's about…" With that said, Alto walked off leaving Michel to massage his temples. One thing was sure. Saotome Alto was stupid as he was amusing.

The next morning around 5 AM, Alto was crouched up in front of the TV, watching the kiddie show Michel told him to watch. On the screen was a guy in a panda suit.

"What happens when another panda touches another panda's lower body?" The panda asked the viewers—if there were viewers. Alto just stared in annoyance, contemplating why Michel would make him watch this junk.

"It's called sexual harassment!" The stupid panda answered. "Sexual harassment makes me cry." To emphasize his point, the stupid panda started sobbing. "I am a sad panda!" It wailed.

Alto watched.

His mind processed.

He gasped sharply at a realization.

Later that same eye-opening morning, Saotome Alto was rushing away to Michel's cubicle. In his hurry, he found himself crashing into Ranka Lee, an intern. Their collision sent the papers she was carrying, flying.

"Ah!" Ranka cried out, trying to catch the papers flittering about.

"Ah! Sorry Ranka." Alto said, helping her collect the files. When they got everything in order, Alto apologized again before resuming in his hurried run.

As he sprinted off, Ranka sighed lovingly, watching her princess—prince head off. Then she began imagining her fairytale romance with Alto in her head.

"Hmmm…" Michel tapped his pen on his desk. "I wonder if that idiot watched the show…"

As if he were getting an answer to his random musing, Saotome Alto appeared before him, panting and sweating. A wild-eyed look was in his eyes. Michel watched in wonder as Alto leaned against a file cabinet to catch his breath.

After a few minutes, Alto spoke, "Michel, I understand now!"

Disbelief flooded Michel's face. "You do?"

"The show you told me to watch has opened my eyes to reality!"

Did Michel need a hearing aid? Had Alto finally seen the light of things? Had he finally shed off the blindfold that kept him in the dark—all by himself? Michel felt pride for his best friend swelling up inside his chest—it however deflated when Alto said…

"Pandas are being exploited!"

It was then and there that Michel fulfilled one of his ultimate fantasies. He stood up from his chair, approached Alto and took the pretty princess' head. Alto blinked in puzzlement at Michel's sudden actions. Michel smiled—before bashing Alto's head to the filing cabinet—repeatedly.

Stars were still spinning when Alto vehemently demanded, "What the hell was that for?"

Michel just looked at Alto with an evil look. "That was for me—stress relief, actually."


Michel sighed in vexation at Alto's total failure when an idea popped in his mind. He smirked.

"Oi Alto, do me a favor…" He said in a pleasantly evil voice. Michel Blanc was going to open Saotome Alto's eyes—even if means making Alto lose his virginity.

To think, Michel thought, that panda suit was so uncomfortable.

In her office, Sheryl Nome was humming to herself while reading a few reports sent over for her evaluation. "Mou…" She frowned, "you just can't have a decent report without typos," she grumbled, drawing loops of red on the flawed paper. If it were up to her, she would be cooking up schemes on snatching up Alto. But work was work.

Sighing, she drew another red circle on an error—but the circle never came to a close, instead it scribbled off into zigzags as the door opened with a bang and there, standing on the doorway, was Saotome Alto.


Sheryl shuddered at the delight of hearing Alto call her name with such urgency and passion—even if it may not be the case for him. Hiding a blush from her favorite employee, Sheryl smiled while arching a brow. "Yes, Saotome-san.? What reason could it be for you to barge in here and use my first name?"

His eyes were dark and serious; his manliness was exuding and overwhelming her office space. Damn it. Sheryl Nome wanted him. She wanted him so much she would chew wood to get a taste of him. What started as an innocent crush—was now spiraling into something—a shudder—inappropriate.

Alto came nearer; each step he took left Sheryl holding her breath in anticipation. She could smell his cologne. She felt as if she were melting then and there.

Alto slammed his hands on her oak desk. Half-crouching, he loomed over her, staring into her mesmerized eyes. His probing stare made Sheryl's breathing shallow and she felt the blush she had been holding back heating freely on her face.

"Sheryl," his voice was low and husky.

"Yes…?" Sheryl's mouth felt dry.

"Ore wa…"

He moved his face closer. Sheryl gasped in pleasure.

"I want to be your undersecretary."

Sheryl was stunned and very speechless. Alto noted her expression and wondered if it was working.

Michel had told Alto that if he asserted himself right, if he showed Sheryl that he was a man who did not mind being under the control of a woman then he would get a promotion as quick as a wink. All he had to do was prove that he was a very manly man.

"Sheryl," he decided to throw in some added luck, "I actually don't mind being under you!"

She blinked.


Alto decided to suck up a bit.

"I want to be under you!"

A long silence hung around the air. Sheryl continued to stare at Alto, as if weighing his words in her head. Alto could only perspire in anxiety. Then after what seemed like an eternity, Sheryl dropped her gaze to her paperwork.

"Fine then…" She said.

Alto tried very hard not to smile. "Really?"

"Yes," She said, opening her drawers and piling her papers in, "we can start right now."

"It's effective immediately?" Alto couldn't believe it.

"Yes," Sheryl answered while glancing at her watch, "if you would be so kind as to lock the door, we can go into the details right now."

It only took Alto a few strides to get to the door and lock it. When he turned around he found Sheryl standing in front of her desk, arms crossed. "Well then, let's get started."

Alto let a smile form on his lips. "Yes."

He aimed to go and sit on the chair that was placed on the side of her desk, but before that could happen, Sheryl grabbed him by his collar and shoved him roughly onto her desk.

Michel was whistling softly while typing some shit into his computer. Work was a killer that was for sure. He wondered how Alto was faring after he told him to go to Sheryl and ask her to make him, Alto, her new undersecretary. Michel knew the princess would do anything to excel in the company to impress his old man back at Kabuki town. He smirked, knowing too well that Sheryl wasn't looking for an undersecretary. But she would make an exception with Alto—but it would be something else entirely.

Michel was suddenly craving for crab and decided to head out to a fancy seafood restaurant when Saotome Alto materialized before him, leaning against the filing cabinet as he did earlier while panting heavily. It looked like the same scene he had witnessed earlier. Only this time, Alto's face and neck were covered with bite marks and imprints of Rouge #11 kisses. His shirt looked like a piranha went through it and his hair was equally disheveled. His fly was also halfway down.


"Yes, Alto?" Michel tried very hard not to laugh.


Michel's shoulders shook. Alto glared, while frantically trying to smooth out his wrinkled shirt. "Michel, this isn't funny! That woman attacked me!"

"I see that." Michel smirked, assessing Alto's appearance.

"She—she touched me in—places I've never—damn!" His face was redder than any crab on a platter. Out of frustration, Alto punched the filing cabinet, which retaliated by popping out a drawer and banging it against Alto's shin. "Son of a"—

Michel interrupted his undecultured line.

"Well what are you going to do now that you've seen reality?"

Alto was cradling his knee and hopping on one foot. He sent Michel a damn-you-to-hell look and exclaimed. "Isn't it obvious, I'm going to squeal on her!"

Michel was no longer hiding his mirth. Alto's teeth and hands clenched at the sight of his so-called best friend laughing his ass off.

"Go ahead and laugh but how would you like it if your boss suddenly just pushed you on her desk and attack you? Squeezing, stroking, and groping you in places that only your own hands are allowed to touch?"

Alto was met with a thoughtful silence. Then Michel smiled and said. "I'd like it…very much."

"Michel, do me a favor! I want you to call up the superiors and have them come by Sheryl's office. I'm going to let her have what's coming for her." Alto commanded as he started wiping off the lipstick on his face with his sleeve—whatever was left of his sleeve.

"But I hear they're touring a very special client around." Michel said, "dunno who he is though…"

"It doesn't matter!" Alto set his foot down and winced when he felt the excruciating pain shoot up from his leg. "Get them in Sheryl's office in about 15 minutes! I'll unlock the door so that they'll see how she harasses her employees firsthand."

"She only harasses you."


With a sigh, Michel conceded, "Fine, I'll bring them up."

Meanwhile (and randomly) in the copier room, Ranka was photocopying some documents while indulging in her daydreams of her imaginary relationship with Alto. When she envisioned them riding off to the sunset, Ranka bowed her head and sighed. If only Alto could see how much she adored him, then they'd be together forever.

Maybe she should tell him. Yes, she should! After all, she was the loli-dreamgirl of any man. How could he resist? Maybe it was from inhaling all the ink inside the small room or the strange and dormant courage that was bubbling inside her that was giving her this idea—most likely both.

Yes, Ranka thought, I'm going to tell Alto-kun my feelings for him!

She began to sing a happy song about Interstellar flights and dokun dokun dokun as she finished her work.

Back in Sheryl Nome's office, the blissful woman was leaning back against her reclining chair, dreamily recalling all that had transpired not so long ago. Finally, Alto had realized her feelings for him. After months of accidental grazes on his intimate body parts and sly innuendo, she had finally gotten through him. Yes, it would have been easier if she had just told him outright, but she wanted a sort of hint from him. And today she got just that. Imagine; he wanted to be under her. Now talk about a man who appreciates the power of a woman!

"Mou…Alto, what kept you so long?" She giggled happily before letting out a wistful sigh, "I wish you were here again…"

Her prayers were answered when Alto barged in, slamming the door closed behind him.

"Alto!" Her voice cried out in delight. Out of her joy, she did not see his displeased and angry face.

"Sheryl, you—oi! W-what the hell are you doing?!" He sputtered, anger temporarily replaced with embarrassment and incredulity. Sheryl continued on her business.

"Isn't it obvious, I'm unbuttoning my"—

"I can see that!"

"Aren't you going to help me, Alto?" Her voice was sultry, as were her eyes.

"HELL NO! I'm not here for sex—err umm THAT!" He then pointed at Sheryl accusingly, shouting out, "SEXUAL HARASSMENT!"

Sheryl's hand stopped on the last button of her blouse. Her face was priceless.


"You heard me! You victimized me like that panda on TV!"


"That's right! You accosted me!"

Sheryl stood up and treaded her way over to Alto. She looked—Alto gulped—predatory.

Stopping just few inches away from him, Sheryl smiled. "But Alto—you asked for it."


"You wanted to be my undersecretary, you said."

"Yes but that's"—her finger silenced him.

"Okay, I admit, the past months I have been acting out of context but now"—her fingertip began tracing his lower jaw down to his collarbone. Alto wanted to run away but found he couldn't. Sheryl's face drew closer; Alto saw the hungry look in her eyes. "Alto, you are mine." She then covered his mouth with hers.

"Alto-kun! Alto-kun! Alto-kun!" Ranka Lee chanted as she climbed up the long flight of stairs to the floor where Sheryl's office was located. Luca had informed the green-haired intern that he had seen Alto heading to Sheryl's office.

Ranka's face was glowing with absolute glee .

"I'm going to tell you! My feelings!"

"I'm going to tell the higher-ups about this!" Alto threatened, as Sheryl pinned him down on her office floor. Sheryl was not the least ruffled about his statement.

"Oh really now..." One hand reached under his shirt, stroking his abdomen, Sheryl shuddered at the ripple of power she felt. He had such a perfect body, Sheryl thought to herself. She then began to wonder what it would be like to have him on top of her, to be under his control. She could already see the beautiful and classic scenario of a powerful union. Sheryl could not help herself.

"Alto—"She nuzzled against the crook of his neck. "Own me…"


"I want you on top!"

And with one fluid motion and with all the strength she had, Sheryl Nome rolled them over. She smiled with pleasure at the result.

"Sheryl, you"—

"Now touch me." She grabbed his hands and placed them over her assets.

The door flew open.

Ranka Lee froze in shock. Behind her, Michel with superiors Grace and Cathy walked in to enter but stopped at the doorway, with jaws hanging.

Their eyes could not believe it. Saotome Alto was on top of Sheryl Nome…and he was groping her.

Then things got worse…

The special guest that was being toured stepped forward from behind the stupefied audience.

"Alto." His voice was gruff.

Then and there, Alto wanted to die.


1/2 end.