A/N: Because, let's face it, people - we need some fluffy comedy with a cranky Zero. Yes, I mean Zero and not Lelouch. :D And basically, I need the Black Knights, too.
ITALICS ARE EITHER THOUGHTS OR FLASHBACKS.
Zero is unhappy.
It didn't take great brains to notice that, apparently. The Black Knights had felt the dark aura emanating from their leader as he walked through the hallways. All eyes were nervously glued on him. For a man in a mask, Zero had managed to give out the impression that he is utterly unhappy.
Or maybe it was when he stopped walking, looked around, and ordered them to "Go back to work." that they noticed his negative demeanor today.
They all went back to work, of course. And when Zero started his walk again, his crew's eyes followed him curiously. And then he stopped walking. And then everyone was busy.
When the masked leader went in his private quarters and the door hissed shut, a certain maroon-haired Black Knight came striding silently after him - further adding to the incredulousness in his subordinates' eyes.
"Sempai?" a young woman asked, bewildered.
Tamaki 'ssh'-ed the girl and pressed his ear against the door.
The instant he sniggered, ten subordinates joined him in a flash of light - looking more like ninjas than 'knights'.
"This is 'kind of' confidential, yes, Ohgi?", Zero regarded them quizically, as a nervous Ohgi and an eager Tamaki sat across him. "This is about what?"
"It's about..." Ohgi started, gulping. He looked away sheepishly.
"C.C., my man!" Tamaki exclaimed. "That woman-"
Zero sighed once again. "If this is about her position in this organization, then undoubtedly I can answer that-"
Tamaki immediately cut him off. "No, boss! This isn't about her position! That pizza-obsessed-"
Zero cut him off, hearing the word 'pizza'. "Tamaki, I assure you that she gets her 'pizza budget' from my own pocket, not from the fund of the Black Knights."
"Noooo! I won't comment on her gold-digging you!" the man clutched his head desperately. "I..- WE, Ohgi-best-buddy and ME, caught her doing suspicious stuff!"
Behind his mask, Zero raised an eyebrow. 'Suspicious... stuff?'
"Is he saying the truth?" the leader asked Ohgi.
Ohgi groaned a 'yes' under his breath. Tamaki won.
'Is it right to at least listen to Tamaki for once?', Lelouch asked himself, but then skimming through his to-do list, he discovered that he might as well take time to give his subordinate a chance to prove himself a not-dumbass.
When the maroon-haired Black Knight started his tale, Zero was confused. He wanted to ask a hell lot of questions.
When Tamaki came to the middle of his story - complete with sound effects, arm movements, colorful words and facial expressions - Zero was clearly intrigued and suspicious AND a bit angry.
When the story-teller finished his report, Zero knew one thing.
C.C. is in for an interrogation and she'll spill all the beans - whether she likes it or not.
"Hey, you." Zero entered his private quarters, taking off his mask as soon as the door hissed shut.
Addressed 'you' was lounging in his bed, fast asleep.
There was a set of noises outside the room. Lelouch knew why. And he ignored it because he was too preoccupied on knowing the truth.
But the woman did not budge. So he decided to shake her awake.
"C.C., WAKE UP!"
"WHAT?!" she spat, sitting up and huffing. Why did he have to shake her anyway? He could have said it was important - she would have responded sooner. She glared at him... and she was taken aback by the killing intent she saw in his eyes.
What, did Euphie just decided to kidnap Nunnally and marry her to Orange or something? Or maybe Mao came back from the dead and started to gift-wrap Lelouch's underwear and send them all to his fangirls?
But then this might be something serious for Lelouch to be so barking angry. Maybe Nunnally stood up, opened her eyes and laughed at him, stating that she will go run away with her boyfriend now because she's tired of origami, Sayoko and Lelouch. Yes, that would make for the aura that her warlock emanated.
"Talk to me." - that was the order that snapped her out of her theories.
The woman rolled her eyes at him. "What's wrong with you?"
"Tell me. Just answer YES or NO." Lelouch said through gritted teeth.
"Just hurry up. I'm sleepy." C.C. pouted, eyes drooping again.
His question made her look at him incredulously and made her jaw drop.
"Are you seeing another man?"
They stared at each other for seconds.
C.C. had never heard such a stupid question from him before. So Nunnally eloping or Mao sending out Lelouch's underwear wasn't the case? It's just.. C.C. two-timing him?
So the witch had only one stupid word to answer his stupid question.
And then to her surprise, Lelouch rubbed his temples tiredly. "Just answer it. I won't get mad-"
"Who says I'm worried you'll get mad?" she pouted. "Why are you asking anyway?"
"Answer my question!" he groaned.
The woman was irritated. He was stupidly serious. And couldn't he hear the laughs outside the door?!
"I'm not seeing another man." she answered stuffily, then quickly lied back down on the bed, hugging a pillow. "Now get out."
But he didn't. The prince sat on the bed, and peered close to her face. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." was her lazy reply once again.
"Sure as in DEAD SURE?"
"Are you lying to me?"
"Are you SURE you're NOT lying to ME?"
This time she faced him, held his head and said a straight-out, annoyed, "Yes."
C.C. thought that would do the trick, but...
"So are you seeing another man?", he asked again.
Gold meets violet. Lelouch saw the annoyance and the rising temper. C.C. saw his... seriousness?
So, because C.C. is C.C., she decided to backfire.
"You were asking if I was seeing another man. Then does this mean you're laying claim over me?" she asked teasingly, moving her arms around his neck.
Maybe those violently muffled squeals outside were from the young women. And the couple could swear that approximately 70 percent of the Black Knights should be eavesdropping, for the rowdy cheers, the protests, the sniggers and the 'Ssshhh!'s all mingled together with that one line.
"They're listening." Lelouch said, looking pointedly at her.
"You let them to." C.C. gave him back his pointed look.
He pried her arms off him and walked towards the door. C.C. threw him his helmet and he put it on before said door slid open, and he flinched.
No, not 70 percent - it must be 80.
"Did you people finish your jobs?" Zero regarded them all. And even though their eyes were all fixed on him, he noticed their subtle peeks inside the room. He heard C.C. sigh and turn her back from them, going back to sleep.
"Aw, Zero - just go on in there!" Rakshata waved him off. "Don't mind us, don't mind.. this is just a game of cards we're playing! Sorry if we're too loud!"
True, they were playing cards on the floor.
"But you are playing directly in front of my quarters - do you not understand this?" Zero said, looking at them all again. "You are crowding the way. Besides, there should be an appropriate spot where you can all play your.. games."
Thankfully, Kallen was sensible. "Heard that, people? Now scram, y'all!"
Scram they did.
When Zero returned inside the room, C.C. asked him immediately.
"So what got you doubting my fidelity, O Great Zero?"
Lelouch removed the helmet and tossed it to her, sitting down on the bed again. She caught it and hugged it to her chest, waiting for his answer.
"I have witnesses. You were out with a man. Clinging to his arm. Holding hands. Cuddling. And.." he trailed off, looking away.
"Kissing?" she suggested.
And he was not happy. "Who is he?"
"You'll kill him?" C.C. suggested again - a bit too sarcastically this time.
The prince glared. "I just want to know who he is."
"SO you can kill him."
He's getting impatient. "I said I JUST want to know who he is-"
"AND KILL HIM."
"You won't kill him?"
"Of course I won't-..." but somehow he couldn't guarantee. For some reason, he wanted the man dead - and he thought it was out of place for him. So C.C. has a boyfriend. Why did he care anyway?
Well, now that he thought about it, why was he asking too intently, anyway? He raised an eyebrow at himself. Alright - he didn't know why he was so curious.
But anyways, he started it - so he should do it.
"So..?" she was still looking at him, waiting for his answer.
'Tell her you don't care. You don't care. You don't care. You don't care. You wouldn't mind her going out with someone. You don't care anyway. She can do what she wants as long as your credit card stays out of her hands when she dates. You don't care. You just want to know who the man is so you can kill him for dating C.C.- Wait. YOU DON'T CARE. YOU'RE JUST CURIOUS. She's yours anyway..- AH, SHIT. Just TELL HER YOU WON'T GIVE A DAMN!'
'OH, alright - that's a nice, answer, Lelouch. NOW SHE WINS.'
C.C. was smiling a victorious smile at him. He pretended to look neutral. "So, Zero, what did your witnesses tell you, anyway?"
"Man, there was this one time when Ohgi-best-bud and yours truly saw that bi-.. C.C. doing some stuff with one guy! Said chum should have the ladies drooling but DAMN, boss, chum's messin' with Zero's woman!"
Nobody spoke up. Tamaki went on.
"Right, boss. I know you wanna hear this. That woman was shoppin' with chum. And chum was so sweet and woman was so sweet too, they're like newlywed lovebirds! See, then I was really loyal to ya, boss - because you're great and all. And when I saw woman out with chum I just knew I had to get this to ya boss! So being great and friendly and your best crew, boss, I should really tell ya everythin' and-"
"Get to the point, Tamaki."
"Oh~ Alrighty, boss. So when I saw woman out with chum I pulled Ohgi-best-bud and mahself behind the disposable diapers!"
"Diapers." C.C. repeated, holding back a laugh. "Two grown men hiding behind diapers. Did you make sure Ohgi and Tamaki are not drunk?"
Lelouch looked pointedly at her.
"Yes, boss! Diapers! Alright, nevermind the diapers! So they were buying thingamajiggies and once chum gave her chocolates! And would ya know when they were paying their stuff, woman adjusted chum's collar for him! See? I told ya, boss - they're lovebirds! LOVEBIRDS! As in mushy, sticky, marshmallowy, whatchamaliggy lovebi-"
"Yes, yes - I get your point."
"So yes, then they ate food. Well of course wha else would they eats? Hah, but boss, ya have to know this - woman held chum's hand!"
"Out of the blue, or-..?"
"The hell I know! They just went holding hands and then nuthin' again - just talkin' and carrying bags. Then they got all fluffy and cuddly. I dunno why they do that - but chum had his arms on woman. And woman had her arms on chum! And whatcha know, maybe minutes then woman kissed chum!"
"That's what Tamaki said." Lelouch said, looking at her steadily now.
"You actually listened to Tamaki?" C.C. looked up at him. It took his reiteration to catch her interest, so as he was telling the story while sitting on the bed, she had curled up to him and laid her head his lap like a curious kid. "Are you sure your brain size is not decreasing, Zero?"
"Ohgi confirmed it."
"Did he tell his own version of the story?"
"He was too shy to do so."
"Hm." the woman was clearly amused, looking at him teasingly. "I suppose I should respect that version - because it's accurate despite his manner of speaking."
"So you are seeing another man." the prince confirmed, raising an eyebrow.
She looked back innocently.
"Who is he?"
She simply blinked.
"Do I know him?"
Surprisingly, she nodded.
'Good. Then killing him will be easi-.. Lelouch Lamperouge, you don't care. You don't care. You don't don't care. You DON'T-'
His mental rant was interrupted by her voice. "Maybe you'll know if you ask your witnesses the time and date of my escapade? Didn't they include that in their 'status report'?"
A day after that, Zero managed to pull out of Ohgi the date and time.
"It happened last Saturday, at about 2 in the afternoon. Both of you weren't here, so I decided to buy the supplies needed by some of the crew. That's when Tamaki and I encountered C.C. and.. the guy."
'Saturday. 2 pm. C.C. shopping.'
Then it dawned on him.
When he got home and reached his bedroom, Lelouch walked inside and addressed his companion as soon as the door hissed shut.
The woman looked up from her magazine lazily. "What?"
His expression was one she'd give up her pizza for.
He was glaring murderously.
He was ready for the kill.
And most of all, his cheeks are pink.
"I don't remember kissing you!!!"
She simply smirked. "Oh, really, chum?"
"Where are you going?"
"I need some groceries. Sayoko-san's out and Nunnally's at her friend's house."
"I'll go with you, then."
He looked at her and shrugged. "Hm, alright."
A/N: I know it's weird.
Yes, it's like Superman getting mad at Clark Kent.
Anyways, chum and woman kissing for real or Tamaki and Ohgi simply hallucinating - it's up for you to decide.