I wrote a Pokémon fanfic.
I don't know what compelled me to do so, but I did.
Call it a guilty pleasure, call it immature, call it whatever you want, but here it is. This is probably the first last and only Pokémon fic I will ever write. I'm going to warn you right off, this story is bascially a downright moribd commentary on how certain parts of the show could be a little more realistic.
I'll inform you that I'm using English dub names for simplicity's sake, as opposed to Satoshi, Kasumi, Takeshi, and Nyasu, Kojiro and Musashi. I tried to get Meowth's stupid Brooklyn accent right, but it might make his lines a little hard to read.

The time frame for this story might be a little odd, because I wrote it to be back when there were only 251 Pokémon, because I have no idea how many there are now, or who now is traveling with Ash, so basically it's inconsistent with the current series because it would imply that Team Rocket would have died back in the Jhoto league, and from what I hear they're currently still alive. But really, I have no idea how many Pokémon there are now because or who's traveling with Ash because I haven't seen the series in six years, so this story might be a little out of sync with current story arcs.

So whatever, just read it. I hope you like it.

I don't own Pokémon. This story is for Ricardo. Why? Because I feel like it.


"Pi-ka-CHHHUUUUU!"

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaiiiiinnn!" the trio screamed as the thundershock attack launched them into the sky and out of sight, with that familiar and oh so irritating little "ding!"

"When will those guys ever learn?" said Brock, shaking his head.

"Do you think they're gonna be okay?" asked Misty, staring at little spot where Team Rocket had eclipsed into the sky. "I mean, we send them flying like that at least four times a week. Getting electrocuted and sailing off into the horizon on a regular basis can't exactly be healthy. I know they keep coming back, but what if one of these days, you know…"

"Oh, don't waste your time worrying about them." said Ash, rolling his eyes. "They're practically immortal. If they were going to die from getting hit by Pikachu's thundershock and launched into the sky, they would've kicked the bucket a long time ago. They'll be back, with some other idiotic plan to capture Pikachu and not so much as a bruise, you'll see…"


Approximately 241 kilometers away, on a particularly rocky plateau…

Jessie screamed as her body slammed into the boulder. She gasped as the air was knocked clean out of her lungs from the impact of the rock goring her in the stomach. She heard the similar screams of James and Meowth followed by the sickening crunch of bodies colliding with unyielding chucks of rock.

She tried to sit up but found that she couldn't. She felt as though she must have broken at least six of her ribs, and the coppery metallic taste in her mouth could only mean severe internal injuries. And judging by the pathetic groans coming from James and Meowth, they weren't in much better condition.

"I think we blasted off one too many times." said James weakly, turning his head to look at Jessie. He looked like hell, to say the least, as did Meowth.

"It hurts…everything hurts…" wailed Meowth.

"Oh, and you think it doesn't hurt for us too?" snapped Jessie, at a weak attempt at sarcasm.

"Wow, the sun's really bright." said James, squinting up at the sky, where the sun was pulsating down on them.

"Just shut up." said Jessie.

The lay there for awhile, allowing themselves to become numb to the sunlight and their injuries for the time being.

"Hey Jessie?" Meowth ventured.

"What?"

"Do ya think dis is like karma?"

"What?"

"Karma." said Meowth. "Ya know, like how if ya do somethin' wrong it comes back 'round ta bite ya?"

"What about it?" muttered Jessie, making a poor attempt to stem the blood that was oozing out of her stomach where the large rock had gored her. "Why the hell to you care about karma?"

"Do ya think dis is our karma fer bein' bad people?" said Meowth thoughtfully.

"You're not a person, you're a Pokémon." cut in James. "Or did you not know that?"

"I don't believe in karma." said Jessie, glowering at Meowth.

"I think God's payin' us back for all da bad stuff we've done." said Meowth. "I mean, look at all da awful things we've done wit our lives. And do ya think anyone's really gonna find us on dis plateau?"

Jessie and James looked at each other, the realization sinking in.

"You really think we're going to die out here?" said James. "We've always been alright before. I mean, we usually just land someplace, brush ourselves off, and go about our merry way."

"Yeah, what happened this time?" said Jessie, watching her blood ooze across the rock surface.

"Karma." said Meowth.

"Shut up furball." snarled Jessie.

They lay there, a little while more, allowing themselves to realize what was going to happen.

"I had so much I never did." said Jessie quietly.

"I never confessed my feelings to the person I loved." said James. "I've loved them, my whole life, but now I'm here and I never said anything…"

"Yes?" said Jessie hopefully.

"I was too afraid to tell him…" continued James, sorrowfully.

"HIM?" shrieked Jessie.

There was an awful choking noise that would have been Meowth snickering had he not been coughing up blood.

"What, ya didn't know James was gay?" Meowth laughed/coughed. "I mean, wasn't it a bit obvious? Jeez, I've known it forever. He's always had dis huge crush on…"

"Giovanni." said James mournfully, as Meowth continued to wheeze with laughter in the background. "I never told Giovanni how I felt."

"Shut up Meowth." snapped Jessie. "I'd throttle you if my arm wasn't dislocated from my shoulder. I wish I'd won that Princess Festival." she continued. "Then I could have died surrounded my all my princess dolls."

"I wish I'd learned Payday." said Meowth. "Den we could've died rich."

"I wish I'd told Giovanni that I-"

"Yeah, we know that." snapped Jessie, interrupting James.

"And I wish I'd dyed my hair a more natural color." said James, ignoring Jessie. "Then maybe Giovanni would have liked me better.

"Will you shut up about the boss!" groaned Jessie.

"Do ya think anyone really cares dat we're dying out here?" asked Meowth. "I mean, is anyone really gonna miss us?"

Jessie and James looked at each other.

"No."

"I bet those twerps won't even care." said Meowth bitterly. "Dey'll probably be happy dat we won't be around ta annoy dem anymore."

"Well, maybe there might be someone…" said Jessie hopefully. "Who might at least, sort of miss us?"

"Name one person." said Meowth.

Jessie and James thought for a moment.

"Well, maybe Jessibell might miss me." said James. "But, she never knew the reason I wouldn't marry her was because I was gay, so…"

"Will you shut up about you and your homosexuality!" wailed Jessie.

"Well if there's any time to come out of the closet, it might as well be while you're dying." said James, who would have shrugged had he not fractured his collarbone.

"Hey guys…" said Meowth suddenly. "Do ya…do ya tink dat we're goin' ta...Hell?"

"Yeah." said James. "We probably are."

"How do you know hell even exists?" demanded Jessie. "Since when are you religious?"

"Well dere has ta be somethin'." said Meowth. "We can't just disappear. I mean, what's gonna happen ta our minds, our feelings, or our senses? How can ya just cease ta exist completely?"

"Since when did you become so philosophical?" snorted Jessie.

"Well, I suppose we could get reincarnated." said James.

"Re-in… what the hell are you talking about?" demanded Jessie.

"Ya know," said Meowth. "Get born again, only as different people or things. Maybe we could be better people da second time around-"

"You're not a person Meowth, you're a Pokémon." interrupted James. "Do I need to remind you again?"

"Let me finish!" said Meowth. "Maybe we could be better people da second time around, but den again, we wouldn't know each otha'. I might end up a human or somethin', and you guys could end up as Pokémon."

"I hope I get reincarnated as Giovanni's Persian!" cried James happily.

Jessie and Meowth groaned.

"Ya just had to go and ruin my philosophical moment." said Meowth. "Can't ya guys take me seriously fer once? We're dyin' out here! No one is gonna find us. We're bleeding ta death, and NO ONE CARES!"

They again fell into silence again.

"I…I wish I'd been a better person." said Jessie, finally.

"I wish I could start over again." said James. "Maybe if I do get reincarnated, I'll be straight the next time around!"

"I wish we could've captured dat frickin' Pikachu and made da boss happy fer once." muttered Meowth.

"I wish we had tried to actually capture Pokémon in the first place, rather than just being lazy and stealing them."

"I wish I'd let my hair down a little more often. You know, maybe use a little less hair gel?"

"I wish we'd worn different clothes every now and then, rather than just wearing our uniforms over and over."

"I wish we'd tought up a different motto. I got sick of sayin' "Meowth dat's right!" over an' over."

"I wish we'd actually gotten to know dos twerps."

"Yeah, maybe we could've been friends or something. That one named Brock was always pretty cute."

"Shut up James!"

"I wish 4kids TV hadn't given me dis lame Brooklyn accent. Maybe people would've taken me seriously if dey'd given me a decent voice actor."

"What?"

"Never mind."

And so Team Rocket continued to wish. They wished for absolutely everything they'd ever wished for and more.

"I wish I had more friends."

"I wish we weren't dying."

"I wish ya guys would stop makin' dis so damn cliché!"

"I wish I had a Strawberry Daiquiri."

"I didn't know ya liked Strawberry Daiquiri's Jessie."

"I wish I had my Sailor Moon doll."

"You have a Sailor Moon doll, James?"

"Well, actually she's Sailor Venus, but all the same. They're from the same series."

"You're such an idiot."

"I wish I…"

"You wish what Meowth?"

"Meowth?"

"Quit screwing with us Meowth! You can't be dead yet, you were talking five seconds ago. Meowth, cut that out! Meowth! MEOWTH!"

"Jessie, I think he's…"

"He's not dead yet! He's just being stupid. Don't play along with him James, James…JAMES!"

Jessie stared hopelessly at her partners.

"Figures." she muttered. "I'm the last one."


"Hey Ash, you know what's weird?" said Misty, one day she followed Ash up a large rocky slope. "We haven't seen Team Rocket for weeks."

"Yeah, I know." commented Brock. "Usually we have to put up with them about five days a week. But we haven't seen them in ages."

"Oh, stop worrying about them." laughed Ash. "They always turn out okay no matter what we do them. I bet they'd come back from the dead to try and capture Pikachu. They'll show up in the next couple of days, just you watch. They probably want us to think that they're leaving us alone, while they build some uber-special-Pikachu-catching-machine."

"Hey guys, come look at this!"

Brock had walked over behind a large pile of rocks and was apparently examining something. Ash and Misty quickly crossed the plateau to see what he was looking at.

"What the heck?" said Ash, gaping at the scene before him. "That's disgusting Brock, seriously."

"Pi-ka." said Pikachu, trying to inflict as much horrified disgust as it could into the two syllables it was capable of speaking.

"It doesn't make much sense." said Brock, looking at the three corpses that were strewn across the plateau. They had clearly been there for a long time, seeing as the bodies were decayed to the point of being skeletal and no distinguishing features remained. Whoever they had been, there was clearly no way of identifying them.

"Two humans and a Pokémon." said Brock, shaking his head. "I don't get it. What were they doing up on this plateau that got all three of them killed at once?"

There was a horrible retching noise, and Ash and Brock turned to see Misty being violently sick behind a large rock.

"Can we go?" she said weakly, wiping sick off the side of her mouth and clutching her stomach. "My idea of a cheery afternoon isn't exactly looking at dead bodies."

"It is awful strange though." said Brock, as they continued across the plateau. "Two people and a smallish Pokemon. I wonder who they were and what happened to them."

"Well obviously no one really cared about them or they wouldn't have died up there." said Ash. "So anyway, as I was saying, stop worrying about Team Rocket. They'll show up again sooner or later. They're around somewhere, just you wait and see…


So was it morbid or what? I hope I didn't offend anyone...feel free to yell at me if I did.