A/N- I hate snow. Strep throat sucks. And Ted continues to break my heart each Monday he doesn't appear on my TV. Whining over.
Who knew babies had such a set of lungs? Opera singers had nothing on babies. They go scream for hours upon hours, not taking a break for anything. Mothers' didn't seem to mind the constant noise they made, it seemed it was only the fathers.
Randy Orton was going nuts.
Alanna wouldn't shut up, to put it simply.
RAW was stationed in St. Louis for a few days, doing house shows, and Raw over the course of five days. Noting that he would have five days home with his wife and child, Randy encouraged his wife to go out for a night, and let him take care of Alanna. Sam deserved it after all. She hasn't had a life since she gave birth, so Randy thought he was doing something nice.
Heaven for her, hell for him.
He hummed, he sang, he rocked, he swayed, he cooed, he bathed, he played, and everything else under the sun, but she just wouldn't stop the tears. After looking closely, he saw that there weren't even any tears, she was just wailing.
"Here, suck your thumb." Gently grabbing her tiny hand, he tried to stick her thumb into her mouth. It just seemed to make her scream louder.
"Uhh, ice cream! Every kid likes ice cream...I think? No wait, you can't have people food. I mean, you're a person, but like a baby person. You know what I mean?" He questioned, looking down into the small child's crib.
Meanwhile, ten miles away
"I'm bored. There is nothing to do in St. Louis." Ted complained. Him, Cody, Manu, and Jericho were all gathered in his hotel room.
"Randy could have invite him to stay at his place, but no, we're stuck here."
"Chris, what happened last time we were in Miami?" Cody asked, closing his magazine.
"Thousands of fans asked for my autograph?"
"TNA tried their hardest to get me to sign with them?"
"People gathered around to see the Ayatollah?"
"You stayed at your place, while you made the rest of us get a hotel." Manu answered.
"Wrong assclown. I said YOU couldn't stay at my house. I never said anything about Cody and Theodore."
"True..."Cody was forced to agree.
"But I wouldn't let those two jerk-offs stay either, so don't feel bad."
"My point exactly. Why would Randy want us hanging around his house?"
"It would be someone's honor if I offered my presence to their home." Chris informed them.
"Get over it. We can occupy our own time here." Cody said.
"Cody, for the last time, I am not playing spin the bottle with you!" Cody glared at Ted, then at Chris who was laughing his ass off.
"Fuck you both."
"No thank you."
"Grow up Ted."
"Would someone answer the damn phone?" Manu interrupted the petty argument.
"And just what is wrong with you answering it?"
"I'm meditating." Rolling his eyes, Cody reaches across the stand to pick up the phone.
Currently at the Orton's....
"Come on, pick up, pick up." He has had enough.
"Please tell me this is God, telling me he is putting me out of my misery?" Cody greeted.
"No. I'm going nuts. I need help." Cody's brow raised. Randy didn't even make a comment about his lame greeting.
"With what...." Cody could barely hear a word Randy was saying with the screaming in the backround.
"Alanna. Just come and make her quiet. JUST DO SOMETHING!" Poor Randy was almost in tears himself. There was noway this kid was his. Jericho's maybe...it wailed just like him.
"Alright, alright. Calm down. I'll be there shortly."
"Don't bring Chris. Kids hate him." With that, Randy hung up.
It only took a little over ten minutes for Cody to arrive, thought it felt like hours to Randy. His ears were bleeding, they had to be. Randy didn't even go answer the door, he just yelled a loud "come in". Shortly after, Cody slowly walked into Alanna's room, Ted right behind him. He shrugged his shoulders when Randy gave him a strange look.
"You said don't bring Chris, not Ted." Cody said. Not waiting for a response, he walked over to the crib and picked the crying baby up.
"How long has she been crying?"
"Six hours. Nonstop." Cody nodded in understandment. He began doing everything Randy had tried. Rocking, swaying, singing, and everything else under the sun.
"Did you try taking her for a car ride? It usually puts most kids to sleep." Cody suggested after an hour of nothing working.
"Yeah, I tried that. We drove around for half an hour."
"Here, let me see her." Ted said, taking Alanna out of Cody's arms. They all smiled as she quieted down and was just sobbing.
"Girls love me." Ted smirked. It didn't last long, as Alanna put her set of lungs to work again.
"We're sorry Randy. But nothing seems to be working." It had been two hours since Cody and Ted arrived, and nothing had worked.
"Then move aside and let a pro show you how to do it." Three heads turned to look at Jericho, who was slowly walking into the room.
"How'd did you get in?" Ted asked. They had left him at the hotel.
"I've been here over an hour, downstairs watching TV. Randall shouldn't let his doors unlocked. I got sick of hearing you three assclowns fail at an easy job."
"Everything is under control."
"Just give me the kid." Hesitantly, Randy handed Alanna over to him. Humming softly, he began to sing to her.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
In wrestling Uncle Cody will never go far
Up above the world so high
We're not convinced that Cody is a guy
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
With a daddy like Randy jackasses won't be far
"Stop swearing in front of her!" Randy demanded.
"Shh, she's sleeping." They all looked at the little girl sleeping soundly in Chris's arms, shocked.
"I can't believe you got her to go to sleep!"
"I didn't win father of the four times for nothing." Chris gloated.
"You didn't win! You lost to Shawn Michaels each year." Cody corrected.
"Kind of like how you've lost just about every match you've had against Shawn." Ted said.
"And the talent show." Randy added.
"Alanna, wake up Alanna." Chris gently shook the sleeping baby until she was awake. He handed her to Randy, and laughed as the baby began screaming.
"Who's laughing now? Night assclowns."