Angela: Chapter two, chapter two~ -chews on ShaCha-
ComputerFreak101: -locked up in jail because of the earlier disclaimer- Okay, so, apparently, we don't own these guys. And apparently, brandishing flaming, pointy objects at people's faces and feeding the burnt eyeballs to our monkeys is a federal offense. So here's the lesson of the chapter, kids - shoot and run. Don't waste time with the little things, no matter how much the monkeys howl at you. (Now send over Pre!Scarred Mello to bust me out of here!)
ShaCha: -smacks the cannibal Kelpy and goes back to decorating Oz with dead people-
Lerena: I'm back for yet another chapter. Who else thinks Mello should wear a dress? O:
Hikari: -is too busy doing things to Mello for him to save Compy, (AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH POST-SCAR?!) so sends over Matt instead-
Mello scowled up at the cotton-candy clouds in the bright blue sky overhead, trying to tune out the cheery warblings of the many mini-mini Munchkins skipping about the place and the sheer fluffy-wuffy atmosphere that was personally making him sick. Excluding the numerous Munchkin corpses littering the place of course, Mikami having gone on a happy slaughter-spree to eradicate anything less than sparkly for his beloved god.
'Though how a mound of child-size bodies lying about the place is 'child friendly' is really quite beyond me…' Mello huffed to himself, arms folded over his (now ample) chest, quite petulant the party everyone was throwing didn't have chocolate. A movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention. "… Maa-attt!" His whine was directed at the dog-eared redhead skulking around the rather miserable looking Wammy's building, and the red-shoed legs sticking out from under it. "Stop poking the corpse!"
Matt looked up, a little guilty. "I thought I saw one of my games under her -"
Mello refrained from insulting his friend's games again, for fear of another low-flying console coming swiftly (and rather painfully) his way once more. "I don't care! Away from the dead bird!"
Matt slunk away rather sulkily, though not before Light had magically (and by magically Mello meant poofing out of nowhere with extra sparkly sparkles and bubbles and flower blossoms so thick in the air one poor little Munchkin got it caught in his throat, asphyxiated, and died. Mello mourned it hadn't been Near who'd met such a demise) reappeared at their side, resuming Matt's abandoned task of bothering the dead witch.
"Is defiling the dead a hobby around here or something?" Mello's question was caustic.
"But of course." Near – damn him – had reappeared when all the killer sparkles were gone, voice its usual unconcerned monotone where it was impossible to tell if the boy were lying or not. "We're all closet necrophiliacs."
Slowly, Mello and Matt edged away from the boy, the latter opting for an inquiry: "Sometimes you're a scary, scary person Near – you know that?"
The white-haired boy didn't bother with a proper reply, as such. "Why, thank you," and, curling his hair with one finger, shuffled off in pyjamas that were still too big.
"God?" Mikami, sparkle-less but sickeningly adoring of his somewhat deranged deity, sidled over to Light beside Wammy's. "God, is something troubling you?"
Light waved his pen at the dead Takada. "I used to date her."
"God!" Mikami deserved to be the one in a dress (in Mello's oh-so humble opinion) for the sheer pitch of his shriek, red eyes wounded with betrayal. "God, how could you?!"
"I always thought there was something going on there…" Near had shuffled back.
Mello tried booting him – sadly, the albino Munchkin dodged. "Sod off, sheep." The blonde turned back to the still-sulking Matt. "I thought Sparkly Guy -"
"His name's Light," Near oh-so-helpfully interrupted to point out.
Mello tried another kick – he still missed. "Sod off, sheep!" He turned back to Matt. "When did Sparkly Guy get promoted, anyway? He was a witch last time I loo -"
"Mello," The blonde was going to throttle Near if the little twit didn't stop floating about and interrupting him while he was talking, "You realize we can all see your knickers when you kick like that in a dress?"
A rumbling crash split the air, a bright flash and smoke everywhere – what was it with people and trying to choke the audience? – everyone shielding their eyes to avoid going blind, and covering their mouths so they could still breathe. And then, blindness and breathing difficulties aside, there was possibly the most annoying thing of all –
"Did Misa-Misa do it right? Did she? Did she? Misa will have to go back and do it again if she didn't and Misa-Misa doesn't really want to do that because she has an appointment with her hairdresser at two and Misa's always late and the hairdresser tells Misa off and it's dreadful." There was a pause, the smoke clearing a little so everyone gathered about could see the pretty, lipstick-lipped and scantily-clad Gothic Lolita stood in the midst of them all, having come from nowhere, blonde hair tied up in little bunches with an artistically crooked witch's hat perched just so atop the shampooed tresses. "Really, Misa-Misa thinks people should have more respect for the famous." Another pause, blue eyes flicking around the stunned crowd before alighting on her poor victim. "Light!"
Said victim visibly twitched as the harpy descended upon him, automatically trying to pry the girl doing a rather remarkable impression of a limpet off of him. "Misa."
"Light," 'Misa' snuggled into his chest, oblivious to the other witch's attempts to remove her, "Misa-Misa missed you so much."
"Obviously," no-one present could miss the sparkly guy's sarcasm, "but of course, you must be heartbroken to learn of Takada's death -"
"Death?" Misa actually took a step back at that, blue eyes widening. "Takada's dead?"
The Queen of Sparkles looked like he wanted to facepalm. "Yes, Takada's dead. Those two," a wave of the pen towards Matt and Mello (who's chest felt oddly tight at the sight of the motion), "literally dropped in and crushed her."
"Oh. Oh my God!" Misa's eyes welled up with tears and she let out a wail that made canine-Matt nearly howl. The witch buried her head into Light's shoulder, her tears shining brightly in the light of the sparkles. "Oh, oh Light, Light! Takada was so... So, well, she wasn't as pretty as Misa, or as important, but she was a good background piece! Oh," she hiccupped and clung to Light (the action looked more than a little like molesting) harder. "Oh this is just-"
"Yes, yes, Misa we get it. But you must get over it." And here Light sounded both demanding and slightly begging, "Stop crying, because she's not coming back and all that's left of her are her shoes."
"Really?" With another ear-piercing squeal, Misa's eyes, now empty of her crocodile tears, locked on Takada's red heels, sticking out from under the building. "Ooooh, look at them! They're completely unharmed, oh Light! It's a sign! A sign from above!"
"A sign," came the monotone echo.
"Oh yes, yes of course! Light!" Misa grabbed Light by the shoulders and looked him square in the eye. "Light, I simply must wear them on our wedding day!"
"What!" screeched Mikami. Light just looked horrified.
"Who says I'd marry – "
"Takada wanted to marry you! The skank told me she only bought those shoes to match your dress when she dragged you down the aisle!"
"Oh, but now that no one is wearing the shoes, Misa-Misa can take them and wear them and Misa-Misa can marry Light without worrying about the proper way to dispose of that whore's remains!" She looked around and said in what, to Misa's ears, must have been a whisper but heard by everyone present. "But don't tell anyone, because Misa-Misa is a good witch."
"No, you're the Wicked Witch of the - "
"Silence Sheep, or I'll bake you into the wedding cake!"
"He is not getting married!" yelled Mikami, looking more than slightly deranged.
"Yes he is, the shoes - "
"Are being used at this very minute, therefore your claims of using them as a makeshift marriage certificate are null and void," said Light quickly. There was a beat of silence as everyone looked at Light oddly.
"But Light, Misa-Misa told you, since Takada's dead, she-"
"Takada's not wearing them."
"Yes she is."
"No she isn't."
"Yes she is!" Misa stamped her foot. "She is, she is, she is, see-" She pointed to Takada's body and froze, for there was nothing left on Takada's feet save her overly-expensive socks. "But, but Misa saw– "
"Apparently Dorothy was quicker than you were."
"I am not Doro-"
"Dude, Mel, you pull off heels well."
"Wha-" Mello looked down and flushed with anger as he saw, to top off his dress and breasts, Takada's red high-heels, seeming to shine brighter now that they were being worn by the living, on his feet.
Takada's too small heels.
"You do look almost suspiciously good in them," remarked Near as Mello wobbled, Misa screamed, and Mikami burst into relieved sobs.
"Shut up," snapped Mello angrily.
"Give me those shoes!" Misa ordered.
"You can have these stupid shoes." Mello replied. He bent down and tried to remove the shoes. They wouldn't come off. "Give me a minute."
Near snickered. "It appears they like you. Those shoes do compliment your breasts well."
"I don't want to hear another word out of you," Mello threatened.
"Well? I'm waiting," said Misa pretending to look at a watch. "Don't make me late."
"It's not my fault I can't remove them!"
"Something tells me Mello likes them," commented Near just to annoy him.
"Do you have a death wish?" Mello asked.
"You couldn't do anything to me," Near replied.
"Want a bet?!" But before Mello could lunge, Matt grabbed him and held him back.
"No, it's not worth it! YOU ARE NOT A GUN! YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOSE TO BE!"
"The obscure movie reference is copyrighted! DELETE! DEL – "
"Oh for the love of KIRA!" Light brandished his giant pen and smacked Mikami, effectively knocking him out. "And as for YOU, girl!" He brandished the pen at Mello, who yelped and jumped back.
"I told you, I. AM. NOT. A. FREAKIN'. GIRL!"
"Look sister, you've got the parts, stop complaining. ANYWAY! I am sick of all this moping, complaining and whatnot – I have had enough! Misa!"
"Yes Light? What can Misa-Misa do for you? Should she knock out the ugly girl – "
" – and take Takada's shoes to be your wife?" She beamed, sparkles and hearts filling the air as she looked at Light.
Near glanced around. "There seems to be an abundance of sparkles today…"
"Shut up, sheep!"
Light looked slightly alarmed, backing away. "Uh – no, Misa."
"But Misa wants to!" whined the blonde, stamping her – sadly, for both Mello and her, not red-heel clad – foot. "Misa-Misa wants to go after her – "
"I'M A BOY!"
" – because she has what should be Misa's!"
"Has anyone ever told you that you act like you're five?" asked Near, twirling a strand of his hair and dancing out of Mello's angry reach.
"Excuse me?! Misa-Misa is not five! And she most certainly does not act like she is!" She stomped her foot again. "And if you ever accuse her of such things, ooh, why she'll – "
Mello glanced around at the gathering storm clouds, wondering if any imminent lightning could kill Near but miss him. Knowing his luck – breasted, dressed, heeled-blessed luck – it would smack him off the rebound, just when he thought he'd escaped. "Look, before Legally Blonde over there blows a gasket and kills us all, what the hell can I do to change back to me again?"
"You can see…" Sparkly Guy paused dramatically. "THE MIGHTY LETTER L!!"
"He's actually called the Wizard of Oz," said Near unhelpfully. "And he's in the Emerald City."
"… you know, I can see why you hate him, he's a pain in the – "
"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" wailed Misa, clinging to the supposed Good Witch again. "SHE INTERRUPTED MISA-MISA IN THE MIDDLE OF HER ANGRY RAMPAGE!"
"I AM NOT A – "
Exasperated, Light cut him off. "Forget it! You, Dorothy-Mello-whoever-you-are! In order to return to the way you were and get back home – "
"Where I can find my video games?" said Matt hopefully.
"Where your little dog can play his – DOGS DON'T PLAY VIDEO GAMES!" Another brandish of the pen. Matt yelped and ducked to avoid Mikami's fate, mumbling something about not being a dog. "AS I WAS SAYING! You must go to the Emerald City and speak to the mighty Letter L – "
"Wizard of Oz."
"SILENCE!!!!!! And he will be able to help you!"
"But how can I get to the Emerald City?!" asked Mello, exasperated. The heels were really too tight.
"BY FOLLOWING THE YELLOW NOTE ROAD!"
"… The what?"
The Munchkins that hadn't been killed by Mikami's murderous rampage started to sing and lead Mello and Matt to a road that was paved by yellow notebooks. Some had unintelligible writing, others said Death Note in English. "Er – "
"FOLLOW THE YELLOW NOTE ROAD! FOLLOW THE YELLOW NOTE ROAD! FOLLOW THE FOLLOW THE FOLLOW THE FOLLOW THE FOLLOW THE YELLOW NOTE ROAD!"
"… C'mon Matt let's get out of here."
"Way ahead of you sister." Matt dashed off.
Mello ran after him, shouting, "I'M NOT A GIRL!"
"That's what you think…" said Light creepily, before the lights went out.