Aww man...I cannot believe I wrote this...Tell me what you think

The reappearing memories of that night were like pictures painted into my head. I couldn't forget them and I never would. I remember the good times, the not so great times and the bad times with him. His body, soul and mind were something I adored. He held himself so well, always so strong when I was weak. He helped me through the tough times and kept me going when I wanted to die. I miss him. The man I will always remember. Edward.

I sat back down in my chair after reciting my writing to the class. I took therapy sessions every Wednesday and each week we had to write a short story or poem about our feelings or thoughts. I chose to write about my thoughts. The words poured from my mouth so easily, like I've said them many times before. But the truth is I had never told anyone so much in my whole life. Except for Edward, that is.

The therapist who hosted the sessions stood and said, "Thank you, Bella. That was wonderful." I looked around to the people; they had tears in their eyes. I just sat blank faced and stared off into space as each and every person read off their papers.

It was time to leave after about a half hour and I left in my old Chevy truck. I headed down the familiar dirt path and parked the car on the side. I opened the rusted door and stepped out, landing in a mud puddle. Typical Forks. The light rain drenched my hair as I made my way over to the tomb stone, laying down a bundle of freesias. His favorite flower, he said I smelled like them. I fell at the weight of grief and lay before him, sobbing softly in the ghostly fog.

"God Edward, Why did you leave me?" I whispered, pressing my hand to the tombstone and feeling my tears drop from my face onto the ground. The memory came flashing back. The day he found out he was going to die.

I was sitting in the chair of his hospital room. He was sleeping peacefully. The cancer had come back and was worse this time around. I sat watching and felt the tears slide down my cheeks. He stirred and opened his eyes, searching. He finally found my face and smiled, it lighting up his face. I started sobbing, thinking I would probably never see that face after a couple of days

"Hey, shhh." He soothed, spreading his arms in a welcome gesture. I instantly stood and laid down next to him, pressing my face into his chest. "I love you Bella and nothing will ever change that." He said, kissing my head. I sobbed at the words.

"Just wait and see what the doctor has to say. Let's hope he can get rid of it." I mumbled kissing his chest. "I love you too." I said, moving my face to gaze into his eyes. They were filled with such love and adoration.

I was still lying on the hard ground when the snow flakes began to fall. I was freezing but didn't want to leave my love. He wouldn't have left me so I wouldn't leave him. "Edward." I said my voice scratchy. "I love you so much. Please answer me." I cried looking up in to the winter sky. I started crying again as I remembered the time he proposed to me.

We were sitting on a swinging chair, me on his lap.

"Bella, what do you think about getting married?" He asked. We were only 18 at the time and hopelessly in love. We had known each other our entire lives. It only seemed right.

"I would love to marry you, Edward." I replied and leaned into him, he kissing me like there was no tomorrow.

I was still gazing up into the sky as I felt the shivers start to rock my body. A sign of hypothermia. Great. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms and sighed. I would rather die than live without Edward, but he would have wanted me to live a long and full life. But even he knew we couldn't live without one another.

I was suddenly stuck during the day of his death.

He was lying there half alive and half dead. It scared the shit out of me seeing him like that. I stood crying next to him. I didn't want him to leave me forever. How would I cope? I would be submerged in darkness for the rest of my life because Edward was my light, the fuel to my fire, my other half. I knew then that my life would never be the same when that horrible beeping of the heart monitor became a steady line. Edward's face would be forever engraved into my mind when he died. His icy fingers were laced with mine and his eyes seemed lifeless. His grip loosened and I cried out, "No!"

I started shaking violently on the cold ground; the snow was piling up around me. I cried out, "For the love of God, please just send me to Heaven. I want to leave this Hell hole and never come back." I laid there awaiting my death but it never came. I sat crying for a long time until I couldn't feel my fingers. Time just didn't exist to me anymore. I wanted to die and if God wouldn't help me then I would do it myself. I kissed the tombstone and said, "I will see you soon, Edward."

Did you like it? Tell me your thoughts....