First off, a few things. I don't own Naruto. Believe me, if I owned it... you would know. (does suggestive eyebrow waggle)
This fic is rated Teen, or PG13 (because I haven't worked up the courage to write real smut yet LOL :P). Warnings may include lack of beta, swearing, the blatant OOC-ness and utter crack that is characteristic of my writing, and the homosexual pairing of Naruto and Sasuke. I might have gone a bit fluffy near the end, too, because I'm cheesy like that. THIS IS A SLASH ONE-SHOT OF THE NARUSASU VARIETY! If you're offended by any of those things, I'd highly advise you to press the back button now before we get to the good stuff!
This exercise in humour was inspired by a line I encountered while doing writing research. Credit goes where credit is due.
Hope you like it! And remember- any comments and/or constructive criticism you can give will be worth COOKIES! So have fun. ;D
Best Day Ever, by Fishstick85
Life has taught me many things. First of all, spaghetti is a hell of a lot easier to make than fancy garlic bread is. Second, I like cooking easy things. Third, if you burn said garlic bread badly enough, it can and will catch fire.
Well, there goes plan number eight, I think to myself as smoke starts pouring out of the oven and the alarm starts its assault on my ears. The fire extinguisher is suddenly missing. That's not good. I go for the baking soda, instead, because I'm not sure but I think that's what you're supposed to use when you've got a fire and no extinguisher to put it out. Or was that baking powder? I should have paid more attention in Foods class.
Oh dear God, it's not working! SPRINKLE FASTER, UZUMAKI! MOVE THOSE FINGER MUSCLES!
Finally, I spot the extinguisher in the corner of the room (which should have been terribly obvious) and scramble to take out that damn pin before I have to call in the fire department. I pull the trigger. It makes this odd, wet spraying sound like a whale might make as it coats the inside of my oven in white gunk. I have no idea how I'm going to clean that up later- maybe I just won't use my oven for a while… yeah… that works.
"If I had known you were this bad at cooking, I never would have let you try something so potentially dangerous," comes the voice of the reason I'm attempting to cook fancy-schmancy garlic bread in the first place. I glance over to see Sasuke leaning in the doorway, smirking at me.
"I can SO cook, you bastard," I huff. "Watch what you say. I've got a fire extinguisher and I'm not afraid to use it."
His smirk only grows wider. "Pfft. The only thing you can make without burning the house down is ramen."
"You're lying! I can make other stuff too!"
"Oh? Like what?"
"Like…" I trail off for a few moments. "Well, the spaghetti's still good! And the Caesar salad was pretty easy to do."
"That's because it's salad!" He rolls his eyes. "Salad and noodles! What in the world do you eat when I'm not here?!"
"…Guess I should have seen that one coming."
Sasuke shakes his head and proceeds to find plates while I sigh quietly. I had really, really been hoping that things would turn out okay, even though I don't normally cook anything harder to make than scrambled eggs. But that's beside the point.
Point is… a while ago, Sasuke started acting a bit off around me, and he refuses to tell me why. The worst part is that I think I know without his even having to tell me. Then again, I'm not sure. I could be wrong.
But damn, how can you NOT notice when you feel exactly the same way?
One day I was home sick, wandering through the apartment groaning like some speech-impaired zombie, not at all in my right mind. I swear, the craziest ideas run through my head when I'm sick- I tried to make myself a ramen smoothie. Three times. They were surprisingly good, but I'm getting off track here.
I was just lying there on the couch, and then it hit me just like a slap in the face. I was in love with Sasuke Uchiha, biggest bastard in the history of the universe. I didn't just love him. I was in love with him. I yearned to hug him and taste him and make him happy. The strangest desire to break out in song or frolic through the flowers like a lunatic ran through my veins, and I wanted to puke hearts all over him.
I'll admit that last one might have been a little weird, even for a zombie.
Thus, my real reason for inviting Sasuke over tonight is not to cook dinner for him at all (though I know he secretly delights in the fact that I care enough to do it). Tonight, I make my move. I'm tired of waiting for something to happen, and now that I know there's a possibility that he feels the same way… well, I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly before. Let's just hope he doesn't kill me for it.
"Jeez, it was just garlic bread. We can live without it. Stop sulking."
"I am NOT sulking," I pout. To tell the truth, my ego is a little wounded. Naruto Uzumaki, master of all things ninja and awesome, defeated by bread.
"Yes! Wait! You tricked me, you prick!"
"Right," he says, serving up the spaghetti. A bit of tomato sauce lands on his arm and he licks it off without seeming to notice – little pink tongue, parted lips – and I look away. I'm blushing. I'm scowling. Now would be a very good time to be busy doing something else, but I can't think of anything to do.
Okay, scratch that out. I can think of a million things I'd rather be doing with Sasuke right now than standing five feet away from him, but none of them are in any way decent. God, he really would kill me if he knew what I was thinking.
"OW! You menopausal CACTUS! What the hell was that for?!?!"
"I told you to stop being in a bad mood, idiot!"
"But… you just HIT me!"
"That's not exactly contributing to me being in a good mood. In fact, it's not helping at all."
"Deal with it." He crosses his arms. "You're acting even more unusual today than you were yesterday… worked up over something, moron?"
Too quickly, I blurt, "No!" Which translates roughly to hell yes, I've been wanting to kiss you for at least five solid months and it's really, really hard not to right now, with you here in the kitchen licking tomatoes off your arm, damn it!
"Then why are you acting so… odd?"
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, so I close it.
"See?" He stares at me with a strange glint in his eye. "There's something you don't want to tell me."
"Um. No! There isn't! Not at all, Sasuke- what makes you think so?" I laugh nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. Oh, shit. He knows.
"Like hell there isn't." He walks over to me and stands right in front of me. I can feel his eyes boring holes through my head.
"…You really wanna know?" I ask in a whisper. I can feel my pulse quicken. This is the perfect chance.
"Idiot. If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked you," he says.
"You sure? You might not like it."
"It might be weird."
"You are the epitome of weird."
"It might be sick and twisted and utterly perverse."
"You might be traumatized. Or you might go into shock. And then I'd have to take you to the hospital and-"
He sighs angrily. "For God's sake, Naruto! Just get ON with it!"
Well, he's asking for it this time.
With a sudden determination, I lean forward and catch his lips in a quick kiss. He tastes like spaghetti sauce and his lips are so soft it's ridiculous, but I love it, and it takes all my self-control just to pull away. It wasn't nearly long enough. I wince and shut my eyes tight, waiting for death.
Death doesn't come. Gingerly, I open one eye.
He's not moving. He's just standing there with the most hilariously shocked expression on his face, wide-eyed, one hand over his mouth. I chuckle nervously. That seems to bring him back down to earth.
"Took you long enough, dead-last."
HE FUCKING KNEW?!?!?! Oh, he's going to pay!
I grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him flush against me, holding him in place with my arms. "I've been wanting to do this for ages," I breathe hotly against his ear, giving it an experimental nip and delighting in Sasuke's tiny gasp. I'm grinning like an idiot. Might as well have my fun while I'm alive.
Thank God I turned off the stove. Our food is forgotten as I kiss him again, and this time he's kissing back. My arms wrap themselves tighter around him. I never want to let go. I just want to stay here kissing him forever with his hand running through my hair and his lips warm against mine.
Our kiss is quickly turning into a battle for dominance, tongues dancing, breaths mingling. We pull apart at the same time with a wet sound… and come together again. And again. My heart is flying and it feels so good I could sing. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-
My stomach growls in protest.
Groaning, I pull away. Okay, mood officially ruined.
"Sasuke, I love you, but I haven't eaten since breakfast…"
He chuckles. "Do I even have to say it?"
He glances away from me and furrows his eyebrows, blushing a little bit. For a bastard, he can be pretty darn cute sometimes.
"I… I guess I love you too." Then as an afterthought he adds, "Moron."
I can't help it. I've got that stupid grin on my face again, and it's getting wider. Sasuke loves me! This is the best fucking day EVER!
"…But next time, maybe I'll handle the garlic bread."