I looked at the waves crashing very low beneath me. How much I wanted to hear his voice at this moment! It had been a while since I'd done anything reckless and I realized that I had missed his voice. This didn't hurt. It actually had the effect of making me believe he somehow cared whether I lived or died.
I looked at the waves and imagined how hearing his voice would feel like. I wanted him to be angry. I wanted to be angry. Anyone knowing the reason behind all this would question my sanity. But how could it matter, now as I prepared myself to jump, already anticipating his words.
This took me by surprise as it was not the voice I was craving for. I looked around, though I'd already recognize the voice.
"Bella, this is dangerous," Jacob said.
I watched him, slightly frustrated. I wanted to hear his voice. I needed to hear his voice. It was unhealthy and I knew it.
"Aren't you supposed to be with the others?" I accused
"I decided to take a day off," he said. He was watching me cautiously, careful not to make any brisk movement. I was on top of a cliff, okay, but he was acting as if I was trying to commit suicide or something. "Bella, the weather is bad. We can't go cliff diving today."
As I looked at the sky now I realized he was right. Gray clouds covered the sky and it was already beginning to drizzle.
"I'd better take you home," Jacob said, placing an arm around my shoulders. We practically ran home, thought he had to steady me all the way. He prevented me from falling, this time literally. Because yes, I considered Jacob my safe harbour. I owned him my life. But could I give him my love?
We arrived at my house, soaked. I opened the door with the key under the eave and entered. I went upstairs and took out some dry clothes for myself. Then I went to Charlie's room and brought a shirt and a pair of shorts for Jacob.
"Here, take these," I told Jacob
"Thanks. Where can I, er, change?
"Here if you want, or in Charlie's room. I'm going to take a shower."
The hot water eased me only a little, though I spent almost twenty minutes in it. I had a lot to think about but I preferred to dwell on the matter when I was fully dressed. I wrapped a towel around me and stepped in my room. And almost died of shame. There, on my bed, sat Jacob, eyeing me.
"I'll wait for you, downstairs," he said quickly and was out of the room before I could react. I couldn't move for a long moment. I only stood there waiting for my heart to slow down. I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to step out of the bathroom naked. Well I wasn't naked. But add or subtract a towel. Did it matter?
I took the blue shirt and my favourite jeans that I had put on my bed and put them on. I had to go downstairs but did I have the courage to face Jacob? It would be humiliating but hadn't I been thinking about giving him a chance? Well I hadn't make my decision but Romeo had left with no intention to return, and I couldn't continue to dwell on the past. I knew it would never be the same. Those months with Edward- I had to force myself to say his name now, if I wanted to move on- had been the most wonderful of my life. I could never achieve this level of perfection. It had been so truly amazing that it now seemed only a dream. A long-gone dream. But I didn't have so much imagination; he used to tell me as much.
Yes, Edward was the love of my life. Or rather, existence. But since I didn't have that much now, I would have to accept what I was given. Jacob could be something else. My personal sun, as I used to call him. Hadn't he proved more than once that he could make up for my losses? And I couldn't live without him, that much I was sure of, if I was sure of anything at all.
I hopped out of bed and made my way downstairs.