Something really short. This idea's been in my head for quite some time now; the idea and title of it. Somehow, I fathom the idea that Ichiru really would be sorry for betraying his family. If you've chapter 40 of the manga, perhaps you can see my point. ^_^ But I'm not sure how this'll do…I don't think Ichi has many fans, but he's my favorite character. ^^
This is the first First Person fic I've ever written so far.
(Lachrymose=weeping, crying, mourning.)
If the settle, vast down pouring of gentle drops of rain never ceased in their descending tumult, forever marring the land with it's malicious coldness…if each drop represented a sin; then I'd be one of those drops. A sin in itself. Each drop—each sin—hits the land with it's deceiving fall; scarring people loved in the treacherous process. Yes, that is what my sins did. A deep wound that screams in agony was embedded into the hearts of the ones I thought I counted as dear and important…the ones I thought I "loved."
But what happened?
That day, when an eternal shadow of suffocating darkness cast itself before my then innocent eyes. Hatred and a resentment of many things erupted inside of my fragile, weak body with revolting tremors.
Did I belong?
Belong here any longer, where a warm roof of comforting nourishment was set over my unforgivable head; in the affectionate tranquility of a "family." But that word no longer had any meaning—no, I discarded that phony word long, long ago, into the back recesses of my mind.
They did not need me.
That much was certain. The foolhardy taunting of this unlawfully truth could no longer be ignorantly denied. That's right. I was not needed. By anyone. In this so-called "world." That is what I blindly thought with growing agitation. However, perhaps that was not so entirely true. Perhaps, I could escape unscathed. When those sorrowful eyes of one, single glistening tear lamented in front of an awed me as the out of season cherry blossom petals fell lightly, so softly, to the worn earth.
It was a new beginning.
Those sorrowful eyes that seemed to make my own produce tears of an unknown anguish, took me in in it's blissful content. Words that spoke of a sadness and grief I myself knew so painfully well. This person…this beautiful person understood a pathetic me. Yes, I, next to their daunting appearance, looked merely weak and small; pathetic. But that kind person took my hand in their's, a new life was given unto me; the world became vividly brighter and shone before my sight with each passing day gloriously. Happiness, warmth, love—these comforts were not inevitable. But…
There was still that emptiness.
What about those sins? The ones undeniably committed? Surely they could not be simply washed away in a pure refraction by being held somberly in this person's soothing arms.
I committed them.
There was no erasing. Neither of those hurtful threads of pain that I wove into the ones I committed them upon. Yes, upon my…"family." Those threads could not be easily cut and be disposed of their ugly existence. But what was this feeling I felt everyday as I grew stronger by this person's side? Remorse of something that was invisibly shrouded before my eyes. I know. I see. Is this what they call…
If such a word existed, then I would be the very, provoking definition of it. Regret. Regret. Do I regret? My family…those sins…that betrayal. Everyday I feel this uncontrollable emotion; a disquieted rage at my foolishness. But even then, I am not sorely worthy of…
A conniving drop of deep, red sin…a velvet color stained with my desperate repenting blood. A drop that falls….falls…from my weary eyes…no matter what. I cry. A lachrymose for those traitorous sins.
I cannot go back.
This is only a oneshot...I just wanted to write this. That's it.