Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
I mean seriously, HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY!
CAN I SAY: THE BIBLE OF FRESCA?
(but, i still will.)
(SO MANY FLAVORS!)
iced tea (moar sugar please?). cola. apple. lemon lime. SPARKLING (oh bebi) black .citrus. strawberry (sex in a can, amirite or amirite?). pink-redgrapefruit. lado b (doesn't that remind you of 'libido'?). zero. cherry. fruit punch. grapefruit. orange. peach (like, double u-tee-eff?). pear. cherry-limecitrus. um. DIET (ew, please).
(So little time.)
THE SUPER-FANTABULO-SEXUAL BIBLE OF THE (NOT COVERING DIET) FRESCA. (VOL. II)
. iced tea—
Slowly, he peeled the last sicker off of his arm, while his onyx eyes formed into the deadliest glare known to man-kin.
"I'm going to kill you."
It was one of those empty threats. You know, the countless ones she got all the time from him.
(like after she put plastic wrap on the every toilet seat in his house. Then there was that time in school where she took the blackboard chalk during homeroom, formed a hole in the center, and stuck a match inside—then blamed it on him after the teacher's jacket caught on fire. Or, even that time she deleted all 12,958 songs on his iPod and put every imaginable Billy Joel song on it instead.)
Don't worry though. His threats were overflowing with love.
For example, using the current situation, where she had stuck a few (also known as, 478, the exact number of days they have been going out for—cute, right?) smiley face stickers on him and every inch of his bedroom while he was unconscious.
(Oh, the joys of chloroform.)
So, this "I'm going to kill you" phrase meant: "I'm going to smother you with my blatant and grandeur affection of love because I'm obviously that kind of guy."
"Sasuke, you seriously need to calm down." Sakura deadpanned, "Unless, of course, you mant me to get Itachi up here."
"Sakura..." There was a heinous warning in his tone.
A toothy grin had appeared on her child-like face and she reached out to ruffle (his feathers) his wispy, raven locks. "Sasuke, I think you want a kiss."
"...go to hell." Sasuke hissed, tossing the large ball of crumpled smilies at her.
"I'm already in it." Sakura snorted. "I'm dating a guy who has no taste buds whatsoever."
Sasuke scowled, "You're the one who likes fresca."
"You're the one who doesn't like fresca!"
"As well as everyone else." Sasuke snidely remarked. Before Sakura could snap back another (ridiculous) retort, the Uchiha had already shoved a pillow over his ears.
"Whatever, Sasuke. You're just in denial..."
Sasuke cursed when he realized her shrill voice could pierce through about any object.
"...and you're freakin' drowning in it." Sakura snickered, grabbing the pillow from him
Sasuke ignored her overused, not-so-amusing (Who is he kidding?) pun and let out a deep, guttural grunt.
Grinning, Sakura placed a hand onto his cheek and she puckered her lips.
"Take me out to eat and you'll get a kissy-kiss!"
(kssy. kssy. kssy—!)
"You are so annoying."
"You're such a freakin' butt hole."
The Uchiha feigned hurt. "Your witty remarks are bruising my ego."
Sakura let out a small "Hmph!" and picked up her cell phone. Flipping it open with abnormal speed she began dialing a phone number.
A silence loitered between the two as she waited for the other line to pick up.
In reply to her actions, Sasuke arched a brow, the slightest interest apparent in his expression.
Sakura's features lightened and she perked up. "Hi!"
A few more muffled noises.
"So, do you like fresca...Itachi?"
"Sakura!" Sasuke growled, his brow furrowed in further annoyance.
"You do?!" Sakura had exclaimed, utter excitement was present in her tone.
Sasuke demanded, "Hang up the phone now."
"Can I please have your sperm?" Sakura asked, a cheeky smile plastered on her face, "Because I know one man who doesn't have taste buds or a libi—"
(jk. jk. jk—)
"HEY!" Sakura growled, "I was talking to a full-fledged, woman-pleasing man...—!"
Sasuke scowled and his glare intensified.
"—...who has taste buds."
Sakura added after a long silence, "Have you seen your brother shirtless?!"
A long, dreamy sigh escaped her parted vermilion lips.
He merely scoffed, "Unfortunately."
"Lucky." She moaned softly into the pillow which she now resided upon. "If only I could wake up to those sun-kissed, six-packs everyday of my life."
"I hate you."
And before you know it, Sasuke gave up on her as he tossed her phone onto the floor.
(the slow-mo sound of that soft 'thud' replayed in her mind over and over and over.)
Sakura's mouth fell to the ground. Her PINKberry (Yes, pink. Seriously, who could resist painting a blackberry?), her beloved, her fricken' life fell hopelessly to the ground.
(cry me a river.)
(oh, I will. Fer freakin' sure.)
"Shut up." Sasuke growled.
He rolled his eyes. "You're so over-dramatic."
She threw a punch at his groin, but he (thankfully) moved just in time.
"I HATE YOU!" Sakura screamed, flailing her arms up into the air. "And I hate your face, and your father, not your mother—she's nice—Mmm...I don't hate your brother either." She paused and wiggled her brows suggestively. "But, I hate you and your...um...YOUR ASS!"
Sakura snidely remarked, "And I hate your stupid ass. It's flabby and...—!"
Sasuke had already pinned her down onto the bed's comforter. Shoving both of her hands together and raising them above her head, Sasuke managed to let his right hand clamp into a tight grip around both wrists. He then took a moment to stick one of his legs between her knees in order to avoid her upcoming kicks.
Letting his black hair slowly tickle Sakura's face, Sasuke let out a small grunt.
"Now, what were you saying?"
Sakura ground her teeth and bit back another snide remark involving his brother. Trying to keep her focused off of the way Sasuke's body had grounded into hers, she simply bit her bottom lip.
A blush slowly began to creep onto her lukewarm cheeks.
"I was saying: You're a goddamn jackass...with a nice ass."
"I never knew my little brother had a libido." A chuckle mused at the doorway.
"Aa." Sasuke raised his head, looking at a shirtless Itachi.
(Sakura is currently dying from blood loss via nose passage.)
"Now, get the hell out so I can use it." Sasuke snapped at his brother, a deathly aura emanated from the younger Uchiha.
"I assume my services aren't required anymore then?" Itachi questioned.
Sakura grinned, "Well... We could always have a three—MMPH!"
Sasuke crashed his lips against hers.
"Condoms, Sasuke. Condoms." Itachi muttered, tossing a small box at the boy's head.
(sx. tlk. plz.)
The last thing Itachi heard after closing the door behind him was an annoyed tone saying: "You just had to drink fresca before you came."
"Iced Tea—MMPH...—!" Sakura tried correcting him, in her typical, matter-of-fact tone.
"Sasuke, guess what I learned today."
"I don't care." Sasuke stated dryly, shoving his hands into his pockets. He took a few larger steps in order to get ahead of the girl.
He then quirked his lips when he noticed the unusual silence that greeted him.
"I will destroy your phone if you call my brother again." Sasuke threatened.
"Then, guess what the hell I learned today, Sasuke."
"...Hn?" His right hand delved into his deep pockets, eagerly reaching for the small chain of keys.
"How big are your hands?"
"What?" He broodingly questioned, an unsubtle agitated expression plastered on his well-defined face.
Sakura grabbed Sasuke's forearm and gingerly raised it up. She took a moment to let her emerald orbs study his palm. Finally, she forced his fist into an open as she pressed it firmly against her own.
"Kakashi-sensei told me that if you have a big hand, that they can predict the size of certain 'things'." Sakura stated diligently, quoting almost verbatim.
A small, bothered sigh escaped her plump, vermilion lips. "But, he never told me what those 'things' were."
"You're kidding me?" Sasuke asked, his tone was almost hopeful.
"I wanted to know if you knew the 'things' that big hands predict?"
Sasuke paused and tried to determine whether or not he should tell her.
"I have no idea."
Sakura's emerald eyes stared sadly at the black concrete.
(pns. pns. pns—)
"—...Yeah, I was wondering—"
"Sakura, who are you talking to?" Sasuke asked, his eyes snapped off the road for the shortest moment to give a glance towards Sakura. A frustrated expression churned on his face as he reached out to grab the phone from Sakura.
His fingers merely scathed the keypad of the phone before they had involuntarily reverted back to the steering wheel.
A small frown appeared on her lips as she tried scooting further away from him.
"—do you know what big hands imply?"
A long sigh permeated the car.
"Sakura, you know how I feel about you, but I'd like to wait, you know, till marriage for that kind of thing."
"You called Itachi?" Sasuke sneered.
Sakura quickly fumbled over the keypad and pressed against the speaker button, in desperate hopes to turn it off.
"Oh. Hello, little brother."
(asdf. asdf. asdf.—)
"That's what it means?!" Sakura's mouth dropped open and apple fresca shot everywhere, a pure look of disgust and disbelief appearing on her face.
Sasuke scowled at the sight of his leather interior becoming covered with a layer of disgusting soda. "That's what you called him for?"
"You didn't know." Sakura shrugged, "So him, being the elder and more experienced one, was the first one that came to my mind. So can I please have my phone back now?"
"You're never getting this phone back."
"And, you're never drinking fresca in my car again." Sasuke hissed, pointing directly at the numerous spots that now stained the dashboard and seats.
"Too bad." Sakura grinned, pressing the can's lips to her own once again. "Love will always prevail over evil—" She dramatically coughed, "—Sasuke."
Sasuke rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"Eh." Sakura grumbled. "Sasuke, I don't think you look very good in that scarf."
The said boy narrowed his eyes and scowled, "Then stop putting them on me."
"I said that scarf, not a scarf." Sakura blurted, "We just haven't found the right one yet."
"I don't need one."
"You'll get a cold." Sakura said in a matter-of-fact tone. "And God knows if you're this angry when you aren't sick, it must be hell when you are."
"Shut up." Sasuke growled, trying his best to yank the purple scarf away from his face.
"Oh. I probably wouldn't be able to kiss you if you got sick too..." Sakura mused in horror.
Sasuke snorted, "That's my problem?"
Quickly, she grabbed his hand and shoved it off the thick material and brought it into a vice-like grip. "Touch it and I'll castrate you." Sakura sneered, her (Blind Your Ex to Death) pink fingernails digging into his cool, pale skin.
"Don't tell me what to do, woman."
The Uchiha snatched his hand back and began tearing off the scarf he was now entangled in.
"SASUKE UCHIHA!" Sakura screamed, on the verge of (fake) tears. "STOP IT!"
She was ignored.
"AHHHH!" Sakura continued to yell, her arms now thrown dangerously in the air. "HELP ME! HELP!"
A few bystanders were beginning to stop and give strange looks at the couple.
"HELP! HELP! HEL—!"
Sasuke shoved part of the purple material into her mouth.
"Shut up, now." Sasuke hissed as he shot her a fierce glare.
(hlp! hlp! hlp—!)
"RAPE! HELP! RAPE!" Sakura managed to muffle through the gag, her small arms punching his shoulders.
The mall cop had already began a sprint up towards the two.
Sasuke stole her forearm, gripped it tightly, and began leading her towards the door.
"HEY! You, sir! STOP RIGHT THERE!"
The officer had finally made his way to Sakura and placed his palm on her shoulder—which, Sasuke shoved him away, growled, and shoved Sakura behind him.
"Does there seem to be a problem, Ms?"
Sakura turned around.
"THANK YOU!" She grinned, "I thought you'd never ask—oh, and it's Mrs...—" She flaunted off her (promise) ring.
Sasuke twitched at her lie.
The poor cop almost choked on his own spit at the thought of such a young child being married.
"—...This man is sexually harassing me—he's trying to rape me."
Sasuke gaped. "What?"
The officer's eyes opened further and his head slowly tilted towards Sasuke. "What?"
Sasuke's let his mouth drop open for a while, trying to contort a defensive statement, but then shut it after a few seconds.
He opened it again.
And it just hung.
What the hell was he supposed to say after being accused of rape?
(prsn. prsn. prsn—)
"You're free to go,—"
The heinous scowl on the Uchiha's face never changed, his horrifying glare eagerly greeted a pair of Chanel sunglasses, and his raven locks were tumbling in their usual gravity-defying pattern while (somehow) managing to still cover most of his face.
"—you've made bail."
Itachi lowered his sunglasses for the shortest moment to catch Sasuke's vociferous gaze.
"I told you to use a condom."
(ymmy. ymmy. ymmy—)
Sakura sat in a car, drinking some delectable sparkling, black cherry fresca.
Sakura was sitting in Sasuke's car drinking some delectable sparkling, black cherry fresca.
"So I'm banging her, right, and all of a sudden she shouts, "LEE!" and dude..."
"...that's not my name, bro!" Naruto whined, taking another sip of his sake.
"She fantasizes about a caterpillar-browed freak, that just proves your a dead-last."
Naruto growled, "Bastard! Let me finish my story!"
Crossing his arms and letting out a sigh, Sasuke nodded his head to the side, signaling Naruto to go on. Naruto let out a long breath and a feral grin appeared on his face.
"So I pull out a knife and..."
The voice in the distance.
"...I cut off the ropes and it just got fricken' HARDCORE from there!"
The Uchiha's facial expression had been plastered with utter disgust. "Spare me the details, moron."
It was a squeal.
He finally turned around, his face still apparent with his disgust, to see Sakura in a skimpy dress running—or for better words, stumbling—towards him. Her left hand was swaying a bottle and her right hand flaunting off a ring.
"What the hell are you wearing?!" Sasuke hissed.
"L-LOOK..—!" She paused a moment to emphasize the giant ring on her finger. "—...I'M...uh...I'M GETTING MARRIED!"
(mrrgs. vws. hnymns.)
(Sasuke's jaw almost dropped.)
Sakura giggled. "Yup, this guy gave me some strawberry fresca," she paused to flaunt off her bottle of the said object, "and it just went from there!"
Sasuke grabbed her finger before she could object.
After his onyx eyes stared for a bit—partial disbelief, partial concern—he finally snorted. "It looks like it came out of a vending machine."
"It's about love Sasuke, not money." Sakura gingerly replied, she rolled her eyes at his un-romantic ideas and set her hands on her hips.
"WHAT?!" Naruto screamed. "SOMEONE'S MARRYING MY SAKURA?!"
"She's not yours, you idiot."
Naruto's fist rose. "She's not yours either!"
"What's this bastard's name anyways, Sakura?" Naruto demanded, cracking his knuckles.
( hly. frckn. crp.)
A grin appeared on her face.
"I think his name was Lee."
"SASUKE UCHIHA, WHERE THE HELL IS MY RING?!"
A small smirk played on his lips.
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
Sakura aimed a vase at him, "TELL ME!"
"Why the hell does it matter so much?!" Sasuke growled in annoyance at her ridiculous tantrum. "You barely know the guy."
"HE CARED ENOUGH TO GET ME FRESCA! HE COMPLIMENTED ME!" Sakura hissed, "Something you don't do."
"Why should I compliment you?" Sasuke asked, he thankfully managed to hide his small snort.
"Because I'm a girl, Sasuke, and no matter how much you don't want to believe it, girls like to be complimented."
Sasuke sighed. "Fine."
"W-What?" Sakura asked, slightly confused.
"Are you deaf?" Sasuke said, his blank stare focused on the cabinet to her right. "I said fine."
"Fine." Sakura reiterated in almost disbelief. "What the hell is fine supposed to mean?"
"You look fine."
(alsk. alsk. alsk.)
"Sakura, listen." Sasuke shouted through the locked bathroom door. "I'll buy you a vending machine ring too."
"SHUT UP!" Sakura cried back.
He could hear her choked back tears.
"You already have a goddamn promise ring." Sasuke growled, punching the wooden door, "What am I supposed to do, buy you some fresca then ask you to marry me?"
A long pause greeted him.
(smll. cn. chrry.)
"Well, Sasuke..." Sakura muttered into his shirt. "We can always start at the whole buy me some cherry fresca part right now..."
Sasuke grumbled a few incoherent words.
"...then we can discuss the whole 'marriage' business."
A crooked smile finally appeared on his face and he almost laughed.
"Maybe." Sasuke quietly mumbled under his breath.
(the slightest hope that he wouldn't have to repeat that.)
"Huh?" Sakura asked, not quite catching his previous statement.
"I said: You're annoying."
Sakura scrunched her nose and knitted her brows.
"Sasuke, I'm about to shank you."
(brn. brn. brn.)
"Then I'd never get to propose." Sasuke stated dryly, grabbing a fresca from the refrigerator.
Sakura grinned, stealing the drink he just retrieved.
"I guess that's right, if I shanked you, who else could I bum fresca off of?"
"My brother?" Sasuke suggested, mocking her.
Sakura contemplated the idea.
(k. thx. bai.)
"I don't think it'd be half as fun." Sakura smiled deviously, as she forcefully yanked him down into a kiss.
Prompts: smiley face stickers, crooked smiles, "Sakura, you know how I feel about you, but I'd like to wait, you know, till marriage for that kind of thing.", fresca, big hands and what they imply, Billy Joel.
A/N: This series is unbelievably fun to write. I don't even think I can explain how entertaining this was to imagine. C: amirite or amirite?
Reviews make me write :)