Name: You never loved me

Warnings: mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, swearing, and slight slash

Summary: second chapter to "Cold" Shannon writes back, and he's angry.

Writer's Notes: here's the letter from Shannon, KBS25 gave me this idea. I was trying to make sure I got Shannon's anger down good, I think I did. So here ya go.

Your lipstick his collar,

don't bother Angel,

I know exactly what goes on...

Matt,

First off: What the fuck? After 5 years of acting like I wasn't alive you email me saying your sorry for hurting me so much, You know I don't get you one bit. You were like this in the beginning of our relationship, you went from not caring about me one bit and beating the fuck out of me to saying how sorry you were and crying, I really don't get you.

Thinking back on all the sick things you did to me...Just make me sick Matt.

When everything you get is,

everything that you want,

well which would you prefer?

My finger on the trigger or,

Me face down, down across your floor?

Me face down, down across your floor?

Me face down, down across your floor?

Just so long as this thing's load.

The way you beat me, and teased me, and hurt me in everyway, how you enjoyed it, you enjoyed to hurt me so bad, it broke my heart, I would cry every night and cut myself until I bled all over the bathroom floor, Until I passed out, shaking and crying, passed out into dreams full of nightmares and pain, Every single fucking night I would have nightmares, of you beating and raping me, Over and over and over and over again, you know how much that tortured me? How much it still tortures me!

Every single night I have nightmares about that, every night I wake up screaming, and crying, then I get so worked up I start throwing up and get sick so easily, this happens EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!

You tortured me.

And will you tell all your friends

You got your gun to my head,

this all was only wishful thinking,

this all was only wishful thinking,

And will you tell all your friends

You got your gun to my head,

this all was only wishful thinking,

this all was only wishful thinking,

So you know what Matt, FUCK YOU! Fuck you to hell, I hope you pay for what you did to me, what you put me through, you think I liked to be beaten to a bloody fucking pulp? You think I liked being tied to the bedposts and raped over and over and over again, throughout the night until I passed out from the pain? you think I fucking liked that!?

Did it make you feel like I man when you did that? did it make you feel like a man when you pulled me down the hall after our matches, by my arm, bruising me, scaring me half to death? Did it make you feel like a man when everyone, EVERYONE, the wresters, the fans, the whole world knew I was your little bitch? did it make you feel good and tough when you beat me then went and told all your friends? They all knew and laughed, I hated your friends. Almost as much I as hate you.

Don't bother trying to explain Angel,

I know exactly what goes on,

when your on.

And how about I'm outside of your window,

how about I'm outside of your window,

Watchin' him keep the details covered,

Your such a sucker, for a sweet talker.

So don't you dare give me that shit and tell me your sorry when I know you enjoyed hurting me, even though it broke me into pieces.

I would cry and cry and cry, every night, every day, my whole day would be like this:

Wake up, cry, eat breakfast, throw it up, cry, cut myself, skip lunch, wrestle, get the hell beat out of me in the ring, get dragged back to the locker room, get the hell beat out of me by you, cry, cut myself, eat dinner, throw it up, cry, get raped and beaten, cut myself, then cry myself to sleep.

That was my day, everyday, I got tortured by you, you treated me like shit and didn't care.

And will you tell all your friends

You got your gun to my head,

this all was only wishful thinking,

this all was only wishful thinking,

And will you tell all your friends

You got your gun to my head,

this all was only wishful thinking,

this all was only wishful thinking,

And you knew! You knew how much I was hurting, You knew I cut myself, yet you didn't try to stop me. You didn't care enough. And yes, I still cut myself because of what you did to me, every day, I slice up my arms, until I bleed until I pass out, and yes, I still get drunk, and I shoot up, and get high, and pop pills, all the time, and I starve myself still, And I throw up, and puke up my guts until I see blood, I HAVE RUINED MY BODY!

You've ruined me.

Hoping for the best,

Hope that nothing happens,

a dozen clever lines,

unread on clever napkins.

I would never ask,

If you don't ever tell me,

I know you well enough to know you never loved me.

And no! FUCK NO! I won't give up anything for you, I don't care if I die doing this, I'll be happy then finally, I'll be done with all my pain, I'll stop hurting, I'd do anything to stop hurting.

Sometimes Matt, when I'm shaving my face, I take the razor and hold it to my neck...And think about slitting it across, but, it wouldn't be so bad...to die that is...I doubt anyone would miss me, you wouldn't, you'd probably laugh at my funeral, if I even had one, I'm sure if I died now...No one would care...Not even Jeff, or Shane, or Jimmy, or you. No one...They wouldn't even care.

It wouldn't be long until they all forgot my name.

Why can't I feel anything for

anyone other then you?

And All of this, was all your fault!

And all of this!

I stay wrecked and jealous for this,

for this simple reason I

just need to keep you in mind,

as something larger than life.

She'll destroy us all before she's through,

and find a way to blame somebody else.

So fuck you, I hate you, I hate you for hurting me, and I always will, You destroyed me, You tortured me, and I loved you, boy was I stupid...Cause i know you never loved me, Now forever, I'll always love you, I can't love anyone else, I've tried, I've given myself away to guys and girls just because they want to fuck someone, I've been raped so many times Its a part of my life, I don't even care anymore, I'm so used to being raped by you, I'll let anyone rape me. Cause I'll never find true love cause you tainted me, you destroyed me and tortured me and killed me...And I know now...

YOU NEVER LOVED ME!

But, I still love you...

And I'll always hate you...

~Shannon.

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FIN

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I do not own Shannon Moore or Matt Hardy, They own themselves, and this is all fictional, none of this has ever happened. The song is "Cute without the E." by Taking Back Sunday.

Review pllllzzz! Make an emo girl happy! =D