First of all, thank you for clicking on my story.
I have never read a Becoming Jane fan-fic on fan fiction before, but I decided to write one!
The beginning scene in my chapter is taken from the movie, and therefore I do not own any of the lines.
The plot is completely from my own creation, and what could have been another ending for the movie. I realize that it does not follow Jane Austen's true life, but that is the point of writing a fan-fic, it's how you want it to be.
DISCLAIMER: The material that I own consists of the plot only, the movie and actors and some quotes are from the movie, not mine!
Tom sat the glass down in front of me. A small amount of light came through the window and softened the darkness in the slightly noisy room. Tom smiled softly at me and his face only held happiness, as I was his wife-to-be. I did not wear the same facial expression. "How many brothers and sisters do you have in Limerick, Tom?"
His expression was puzzled by the slightly odd question, but answered simply, "Enough. Why?"
I went on, "What are the names of your brothers and sisters?"
"They…" Tom suddenly stopped when he saw me pull his mothers letter out slowly from my pocket.
"And on whom do they depend?" I asked quietly and he shifted in his seat. Tom sighed and stared straight into my eyes. "Your reputation is destroyed." His powerful stare was making me change my decision, so I stared down at the table. "Your profligacy is a pitiful shame." I stared down at his mother's letter in my hand with a growing hatred. Tom questioned me with his eyes, and I didn't need to look at him to see it.
"I can earn money," he said with as much strength as he could muster.
"It will not be enough," I said and shook my head.
"I will rise," he answered back in his persuasive tone.
"With a High Court Judge as your enemy? And a penniless wife? God knows how many mouths depending on you? My sweet, sweet friend, you will sink, and we will all sink with you," I felt the tears slowly prick my eyes.
"I will…" Tom started but was interrupted by the coachman announcing that a carriage was making its way back to Hampshire, my home county.
Tom looked at the coachman, as I sadly reached for my hat. "No! No, Jane." Tom said desperately and grabbed my hand, and pulled it away from my hat. "I will never give you up." He stared at me with hope in his blue eyes.
"Don't speak or think," he said quickly. "Just love me. Do you love me?" The question hung in the air, and he didn't move a friction of an inch.
"Yes," I muttered and Tom broke out into a smile, "But it will not be enough… Goodbye Mr. Lefroy." I pulled my hand out of his easily and I felt the pain as I simply walked out the door and headed to the carriage headed for home. I felt like I was being ripped apart, and upset that he was not coming after me.
Painfully I made my way inside the carriage heading for Hampshire, and looked out the small window in the back. I saw Tom walking closely behind, but as the carriage picked up speed, his lovely face disappeared in the distance.
I scratched out my writing again and again.
Five years passed and not even a single letter was sent…
What was the reason for his horrible visiting skills? The reason was that he had gone mad and had forgotten all about his wonderful lady waiting for him in Hampshire –
"Jane, get a hold of yourself, it's been five years," I repeated to myself out loud and I heard someone clear their throat from behind me.
"Jane? Are you alright?"
I turned to face Cassandra, or Cassie, my sister. She was the only good soul in this horrible world of mine. Yes, she alone saved me from my utter despair and depression during these miserable five years.
"Jane, are you alright? Do you think you are in need of some fresh air?" She smiled sweetly at me and patiently waited for my reply.
"No Cassie, I'm quite alright." Cassandra raised an eyebrow and I knew that she knew I was lying. "A walk actually sounds like a good idea," I admitted truthfully. I briefly thought about the fact that I was beyond tired, but I craved fresh air like I craved seeing Tom Lefroy again.
"Do you need me to go with you?" She asked but she already knew the answer. I always told her no when she asked to keep me company when I took a walk through the forest. Being alone helped me imagine Tom better. No matter what I did to distract me, my mind could not be away from the memories for to long.
"I'll meet up with you later, Cassie," I said and lightly touched her arm. I could feel her eyes on my back as I left the small parlor room. Once I was outside, I filled my lungs with the clean air. As I headed to the path in the forest nearby, I started to day dream away.
All those years ago…
At first I did not feel the impact of Tom and I going our separate ways. The only feeling I felt was the pride in making the right choice. But that did not last long and I quickly fell into a depression after the first week back home.
I longed to hear him call my name or even make a joke at my expense. But that would never happen, I told myself, for he had married another woman after our 'runaway marriage' went bad. In fact, he was supposed to marry a different woman after his uncle found out about that horrid letter. That part of my life I did not wish to dwell on.
On a good note, I saved my family the humiliation of having a daughter who was eloped. Everyone else's life benefited from mine in that way. True, I had the time and the money to write my books, but it was not enough.
Writing had always distracted me, but when I began to write, I pictured the story I would never have. The hero saving the helpless girl was not in my future, only in my stories. I was incapable of even telling Cassie how I felt, but I let her tell me her feelings.
I mourned with her, because her fiancé had died on an expedition, leaving my sister just as lonely as I was. The twisted humor was that she lost her husband to be the same year of my tragic romance. We took this pain and learned to live with it in different ways. Cassie was much better at it than me, and I was always being reminded of that.
"You shall marry my dear, do not fret," as my mother said and I rolled my eyes. Who would want to marry a girl who had almost made the choice of an elopement? My thoughts were interrupted at the sound of birds flying overhead. I was exhausted and thankful I had reached the forest. I crawled up next to the base of a very large tree, hugged my knees and cried.
Even though I knew I had a full life ahead of me, I could not forget. After all, I was just twenty-five years old. Writing was in my future and forgetting was a skill I needed to learn. Still, I knew I would never love a man the same way. I might even grow old and never find a husband.
That small little thought made my tears run down my pale face. My worn out body and overly stressed mind had finally had enough. I became weak as I tried to stand, and fell to the ground.
Only moments later I was falling into a black abyss.
"Jane where are you?"
"Oh my goodness!"
I heard the noises before I could see them. It sounded like my brother and sister's voice, and my mothers as well.
Where was I? Why could I not see anything?
I couldn't get up to look around, but all I knew was that it was pitch black, and I was freezing. I was frozen with fear and could not call out to get their attention. There I realized another thing, I was soaking wet.
I must be outside…in the forest…where I had fallen asleep or fainted. I guess I was in such a deep sleep, I could not feel the light rain. My heart suddenly raced when I sensed another person near me. Since I was practically mute, I just moaned out.
"Jane!" I heard Henry yell, my favorite brother in the whole world. Actually he was my favorite brother out of all six brothers. But what was Henry doing here? Shouldn't he be at his home with his wife, my cousin, Eliza? "Jane speak to me, please." He answered now, squatting down beside me.
"What is going on?" I asked weakly and he picked me up and yelled out, "She's fine!" I wondered whoever else was out looking for me. He talked as we walked to the house.
"We would like to know," he said softly, "what were you doing out here during this rainy night?" My eyes were slowly adjusting to the light and I could see that he really was worried. His blond hair was a mess, and the bottoms of his pants were caked with mud.
"Eliza and I came for a visit, but we had our own surprise when we got here, thank you for that Jane." He joked but I couldn't laugh, for I was starting to shake. "Jane? What is it? Jane?" He struggled to walk at a faster pace to reach the house.
As we got closer to my home, I saw Cassie my mother, my father, and then I saw Eliza close behind. "Jane, where did you-" My mother was cut off by Henry as we got inside.
"Jane! Thank God!" I heard Cassie say and Eliza said something very similar. My father smiled and my mother was a wreck, she was always having panic attacks.
I was still trying to understand this situation. Did I faint or fall asleep? For how long?
Panic spread through me and I cried out as if in a horrible pain. The look on their faces could only be described as deathly afraid. They rushed me up to my parent's bedroom and my mother changed me. It was not that I was in pain during this moment, but the disturbing thought that I had made myself so vulnerable in the forest frightened me.
When I was safe under the warm comforter, my brother was allowed in. Instead of saying anything he stared at me, so I turned to my other side and waited for him to leave. "It was because of him wasn't it?" I pretended to snore and he sighed rather loudly. "That is most unhealthy Jane," and then his footsteps where heard in the hallway and then making their way down the stairs.
I heard my brother briefly explaining something to the rest of my family, but I tuned it out and fell asleep.
The coughing woke me up and I struggled to breathe. My fear rose as I shook harder, and my body was forcing me to lose my meal from lunch. "Jane!" Cassie's voice was heard loudly and rang in my ears. I felt a hand on my back and she looked at me. "What is wrong…?" It wasn't a question to be answered; it was a question that was unknown to me as well.
Cassie yelled for my mother and father, and they all agreed that I must see a doctor at once.
"Jane, you'll get better," the doctor said and smiled. Only a half an hour before my father had asked Henry to fetch a doctor. During the waiting, I said hello to Eliza, my brother's wife.
"I've missed you cousin," she told me while looking as pretty as ever. "How have you been?" She asked but I did not need to answer that. Anyone in my family could see I was a wreck since Tom Lefroy, with little hope for a recovery.
I mumbled and she quickly started a conversation with Cassie.
Meanwhile my mother fretted and paced nervously, and checked on me every five minutes. I was grateful for attention, but by now I wanted to be left alone.
My sides and head ached along with every bone in my body. This only seemed fair to me in a way, that I was destined for a horrible ending.
Throughout the next day I slept, read, chatted quietly with my family members, and ate small amounts of food. I was scared; we were all scared, I had never been this sick before. In fact, no one in my family had ever been this sick before.
I couldn't sit or stand, otherwise I would feel dizzy or unable to hold down food. At night I needed several blankets and wool socks for my feet.
But with all this extra time I decided that I had somehow known I would never lead a normal life after what had happened with Tom. My life was somewhat thrown into an endless pit of chaos that I could not escape from.
Because this illness had weakened me, I could not write very well. So I used my mind to create and store my ideas for future novels. I hoped one day, I could actually put these novels down onto paper and then I could really start with the rest of my future.
So there I lay, in my parents' room, staring at the ceiling and wishing that I wasn't cursed.
Being an invalid was very, very troubling for me, for two main reasons. The first reason being I could no longer take long walks in the forest, or attend dinners and parties. Except taking a long walk in the forest didn't sound as refreshing as it had once been.
The second reason was a little much for me. I thought that having so much free time would be a gift for me because that meant I could write all day long. But with all of this extra free time, I could think about things….and that meant everything.
Tom was the only man that troubled me to no end. Was there such a cure out in the world to cure me of my horrible feelings of being alone? It was true; I did turn him away…but for a good reason, so he could support his family, and have a respectable reputation.
There were too many what 'ifs,' and I refused to lose my somewhat sane mind to questioning and doubting my choice from all those years ago.
So instead of upsetting myself with all of these stressful thoughts, I just closed my eyes and slept. Two much had happened in the last two days, and sleep would clear my head.
"It would do her a world of good!" Henry slammed his fist on the dining room table.
"Shhh, Henry, you shall wake her," Eliza told her husband.
Mr. and Mrs. Austen did not argue with their son, but questioned what good it would really do for Jane. "Please," Cassandra murmured, "we must give her a memory." The words she spoke were painfully true if the doctor was correct.
"I shall think," Mr. Austen said, his first words since the day before. "We must make the choice hoping for a good outcome. If we are wrong, it could send her into a depression so great, that she shall never recover."
No one dared to make a sound, it was dead silent.
Okay, I hoped the very beginning made sense, as it came straight from the movie! Please review!
I understand there seemed to be a lot of detail in this chapter, but I need to recap what happened in the movie so the rest of the story would flow well. But I like it so far and I shall update soon!
What's the decision that Jane's father must make? Wait for the next chapter to see!