Saturday March 12th
Once I tell Lauren that I'm going to the dance with Mike she flips her shit. Seriously. I can literally hear her doing her Macarena Victory Dance on the other end of the phone. She tells me haul ass over to her place so she can make me look like a five dollar whore.
When I get there she's got her Wicked CD on. Lauren's singing Popular at the top of her lungs while trying to French braid poor Angela's hair. I felt bad for both of them on different levels. But then Lauren saw me and started screaming and flailing her arms.
"I so knew Mike was going to ask you!" Lauren squealed. She grabbed my arms and swung me around singing, "Now that I chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser there's nobody wiser..!"
"Whatever," I said. I was ready to sock Lauren right in her lemon lip glossed mouth, but retained some self-control. "It's not like this is going to lead to anything."
Lauren groaned and fell backwards onto her bed. "You guys have so much Belligerent Sexual Tension! Just have hot, passionate sex already! You're making everyone suffer along with you!"
I glared at Lauren while trying to stuff myself into my dress. After I got home from Mike's house I ate a whole thing of double stuff Oreos. It was understandable! I was confused! I think I might be experiencing early onset menopause.
"But not… quite as popular…as…ME!" Lauren belted out the last note. The windows in her room literally quivered.
"Angela and I have devised a plan to make Mike fall in love with you," Lauren said. Angela shot her a look. "Well… I came up with it, but still. It's a pretty bitchin' plan."
I wasn't about to tell the girls about my encounter with Mike Newton the previous night. Lauren would tell everyone and then Mike would hate my guts. I mean, I've put him through so much crap lately (some of it he deserved, but most were my silly, teenage antics).
"First." Lauren rolls over, grabs her makeup kit and somersaults back towards me in one fluid motion. By this point Angela is on the floor because she knows better. She doesn't want a pet rock sized ring hitting her in the face thanks to Lauren's hapless gymnastic routines. "First…I'm going to do your makeup so you look like Celine Dion. Fucking Celine Dion."
"What guy doesn't want to screw Celine Dion?" I snarked.
"She sang My Heart Will Go On," Angela pointed out.
I remembered that dream I had way back about me and you-know-who doing the you-know-what. I almost faint out of sheer embarrassment. But Lauren was doing my eyeliner and I didn't want to get it poked in my eye.
"Second," Lauren went on. "You'll walk down the stairs all hot and smokin' and Mike will be so infatuated by your drop-dead gorgeous physique. He'll want to jump your bones the entire time!"
"You say that like it's a good thing."
"I think you should just be yourself," Angela said.
Lauren got this blank look on her face like she couldn't comprehend what Angela was saying. "Uh… guys don't want you to be yourself, Angie. That totally puts them out of the mood."
I was getting agitated because Lauren was using light purple eye shadow and my dress was pink. Plus she was being a big bitch again.
Then tragedy struck!
Tyler called Lauren and told her that his sister's cat got run over by a semi, so his parents were making him stay home while they went to Applebee's. It was sad. Mostly because that damn cat was the most awesome cat ever. He thought he could fly, so he climbed all over Tyler's mom plastic wrapped furniture and jumped off.
The other sad thing was that Lauren started crying (by the way it's not just me…snot comes out of other people's noses when they cry too). Angela started consoling her while I stood off to the side, awkwardly bobbing my head.
"That bastard!" Lauren said through her tears. Her mascara was all over her cheeks so she looked like that Kayako chick from The Grudge. "That indecent piece of shit! I can't believe he would stand me up like this!"
"There was a death in the family," Angela said.
"That cat never liked me," Lauren said. "It would always frigging hiss at me! It probably ran in front of that semi to SPITE ME!"
"You can come with me and Mike," I said, trying to be helpful.
Lauren's expression turned livid. My stomach turned. I felt the dark forces pressing down on me, filling with anguish and the sins of Hell.
"You expect me to be the third wheel?" Lauren spat.
"The third wheel to what?" I asked. "Mike and I aren't going…like…a couple."
Lauren pursed her lips. "You dumb bitch."
Then I left because shit was getting real. Lauren was about to throw a chair out the window. Maybe even Angela. I regretted not going back for the poor dear, but I wasn't going to risk my own skin. Angela could hold her own. She used to do rhythmic gymnastics. Those ankles are jacked.
My head is full of so many thoughts and shit I think I'm going to explode.
Saying that the spring dance was a life changing experience is an understatement. It might have changed my entire outlook on life.
Mike picked me up at seven-thirty looking normal (thank goodness). He wasn't wearing that ridiculous tweed monkey suit (I really hope he burned it). He said I looked pretty which was nice, I guess. I was concentrating so hard on acting cool that I wasn't listening to a word he said.
He might have confessed his undying love to me and I would've been stuck in my own head.
(P.S: He didn't confess his undying love to me. I wouldn't be writing all this down if he did)
"Did you hear about Tyler's cat," Mike said.
"Lauren was pissed," I said.
"The funeral is on Sunday," Mike told me. "You're in charge of soda."
When we got to the dance it was really stuffy and loud as expected. Lauren was there, surprisingly. She was in the corner chatting up Roger Parkinson: Resident Man-Slut. She looked glamorous and not teary at all.
"Do you want to da—?" Mike began to say.
"I got to talk to Lauren," I interrupted him.
I ran over to Lauren, almost tripping on the hem of my dress. Roger looked sparkly and slutty under the colored lights of the gym. Lauren was working the eyelashes ala Bella Swan.
"Hey, Roger," I said. "I think Audrey was looking for you."
Roger scurried off like the whipped man-slut I know he is. If Audrey caught Roger chatting up other ladies she'll tear his eyes out with her nine-inch nails.
Lauren groaned. "Ugh. Sometimes I really hate you."
"I'm just saving you from future regret," I said, innocently. "Cat Funeral on Sunday."
"I'm going to give that damn cat a eulogy he'll never forget," Lauren said. She looked around the crowded gym. "Where's Mike?"
"Avoiding him at the moment," I said.
"What happened between you two?" Lauren asked, but I took this as my cue to get the hell out there. That was the danger zone as of now.
Mike found me and asked me to dance again. I was saved by Angela who was doing the Electric Slide. I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bathroom.
"I'm going crazy!" I shout. "I can't even stand next to him for two seconds without freaking out!"
I stared at her dumbly. "Are you okay? You're acting complacent and not at all in tune with my feelings."
Angela flushed and stared at her shoes. Realization struck like the results of a pregnancy test.
"NO! DID YOU AND BEN DO THE DEED?"
Angela makes a face and swats me on the head. "We didn't! He just asked me to dance with him that's all! Jeez, Jessica! You always jump to conclusions."
She was all giggly and cute. I couldn't help but "d'awwww" really loud. This led to Audrey kicking a stall door open and squealing at an extremely high octave. She kept squealing and jumping around and grabbing Angela and shaking her. The entire time she had toilet paper stuck to her shoe.
"You and Ben???" she said. "Oh. My. GOD!! Bengela! PERFECT!"
Angela's eyes pleaded to me so I unlatched her from Audrey's death grip. "We go to go now, Aud! And just a warning, I saw Lauren putting the moves on Roger a second ago."
Audrey goes into Hulk mode and flies out the bathroom door.
What? That was pay-back for all the times Lauren was horrible to me. You would have done the same thing.
"Mike's probably waiting for you," Angela said, smiling.
"I'm going to have to say stuff, aren't I?"
"I think so."
We left the bathroom to find both Ben and Mike awkwardly struggling to have a conversation.
"Let's go before one you has an aneurysm," I said pulling Mike away from the happy couple.
I can tell in a few months their going to get sickeningly sweet with each other. I'm going to enjoy the days I have left.
Mike once again asks me to dance. This time there weren't any distractions. It was a slow jam too. I could feel the world crumbling around me.
"Don't try anything," I said, not looking at him.
"I'll be a gentleman," Mike said.
He put his hands on my waist. I instinctively lifted my knee to hit him in the sack, but regained my composure. Things weren't going to get messed up tonight. I couldn't stand anymore stupid drama.
I put my hands on his shoulders and looked over his shoulder at the other couples dancing. They were all pressed up against each other, making me sick to my stomach. Mike and I were an arm's length apart at best.
"Sorry about last night," Mike laughed awkwardly. "I think I was drunk or high on meth or something."
"Yeah," I said. "I think I was on something too. Acid looks just like candy."
He pulled me closer, probably thinking I wouldn't have noticed. Mike can be so smooth sometimes.
"Ben seems like a cool guy," Mike said.
"I'm just happy that Angela won't be moping about him anymore," I said. Mike's smell is distracting me. Old Spice and Axe mixed together…gross.
"Are you okay, Jessica?" Mike asked. "You seem really…stiff."
I wanted to say like your penis but it didn't come out.
Something was wrong with me.
I was developing…feelings. For Mike.
I ran out of the gym, almost crashing into Audrey and Roger making out.
Mike followed me outside and had almost passed out from exhaustion. He plopped down on the grass next to my feet.
"This is crazy," he said.
"You're telling me," I sighed. "I wish we could be, like, elementary school Jessica and Mike. They didn't go around screaming and getting drunk and hitting people in the balls."
"That's you, Jess."
I sit down next to him on the grass, not caring that it was wet and gross and my ass would have stains now.
"Sometimes you're an asshole," Mike said.
"You're a bigger one," I replied. "All you talk about is your precious Bella."
"Would you rather have me talk about you all the time?" he said. "I don't think you'd like that."
I rested my head on Mike's shoulder. "I hate you."
"I hate you too."
"But I really want to kiss you."
"What's your favorite movie?"
"I guess…" I said, my stomach churning. "John Cusack is pretty cute. I liked The Sure Thing. Better off Dead was good too. Have you ever seen – "
Mike kissed me then. Probably to shut me up on my John Cusack tangent.
I can't really explain how it felt so I won't get mushy about.
It was nice. I liked it. I would like it do it again at some point in the future. That's all.
"Have you ever seen Must Love Dogs?" I said. "He builds boats in that one."
He kissed me again.
"Say Anything is maybe one of my favorite movies of all time."
"You're pushing it, Jess."
He kissed me anyway.
Then Lauren's voice broke the nice John Cusack moment.
"SLUT!! OH MY GOD YOU ARE SLUTTY MCSLUT SLUT! I'M GETTING THIS ALL ON CAMERA! ANGELA! PHONE! NOW!"
Oh well. I'll kill Lauren later.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has followed this story up the finale! This is the first time I've ever complete writing something so I'm pretty proud of myself ^__^ And YES! There will be a totally cool sequel about Jessica's thoughts during New Moon. I don't know when I'm going to start writing it so please me patient. I love you all! Thank you times a million!