warning: AU, probable OOC, boyxboy, quite a lot of angst (later chapters), established relationship. But don't let that put you off . Read, if only to tell me how to improve :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach...but hey...I've got over it now...so please don't sue..
The tape recorder sitting on the desk began to whir.
"So Ichigo...how have you been feeling recently?"
"Recently? How recent? Because this morning I felt shit..." he answered leaning back in his chair.
There was a sigh.
"It's just Grimmjow..."
"The boy you've been telling me about?"
"Yeah...I don't know I just...I think he's pissed off at me,"
"Why do you think that?" The orange haired boy continued to shift in his chair, his eyes looking everywhere but at the man in front of him, but despite it all he was quite relaxed. After all he'd been coming here for years...
"Well at breakfast this morning he was acting...pretty weird I guess. Not really talking to me and not starting any arguments..."
"So you think he's annoyed at you?"
"Well I just said it didn't I?" the boy said, sounding annoyed. The man was used to this and just scribbled down something in his notebook. The boy, Ichigo, leaned forward in his seat and rested his head on his hands, his elbows on his knees, his brown eyes looking straight into the man's light hazel pair.
"You know I'm lying don't you?" he asked, a scowl appearing on his face, his eyes narrowing. The man just smiled.
"Don't I always Ichigo?" he asked. Ichigo sighed, leaning back once more placing his hands behind his head.
"That's what I hate about you shrinks...think you know it all when really..."
"Just get on with it Ichigo. We've had this conversation many times before. I can practically recite it," the man said smirking. Ichigo's scowl deepened and he muttered something sounding vaguelly obscene, but the man ignored him and sat looking expectantly at the boy. Ichigo gave a dramatic sigh.
"Fine. Whatever. Seen as you know exactly when I'm lying I won't bother trying to lie any more you..."
"Ichigo," the man said icily. The orange head rolled his eyes.
"I technically wasn't lying you know...no really! I just didn't tell all of the truth..."
"That's the same as lying Ichigo"
"No it's really not...it's just that I know exactly why Grimm's pissed off at me and I have no idea what to do about it," the boy said, lying back on the long couch dramatically closing his eyes.
"Did you cheat?"
"No," the boys said, eyes snapping open, a look of pure disgust flashing across his face " I would never cheat on anybody, least of all him..."
"Then did you say something?"
"It's exactly that..."
"You said something?"
"No. I didn't say something...more I can't say anything. He wants me to tell him,. We did actually argue this morning, but it was kind of...serious" Ichigo said, lowering his arm, drumming his fingers across the couch, his face changing as he remembered the heated discussion they'd had that morning.
"He wants me to open up to him. To tell him things. He knows I'm not telling him stuff when he mentions my family...he's noticed how I change the subject He wants to know why I come here. But I can't tell him,"
"Because you don't want to?" the man asked, looking up from his spider scrawl handwriting.
"No...I want to tell him. I just can't. I can't actually get the words out. Every time I think about it I freeze up. So I just don't talk about it. It was hard enough telling youall that stuff, and I only did that because your a dirty cheat and played a load of mind games instead of letting me open up"
"Will you stop with the 'I see', you obviously don't see or you would have something to say about it," Ichigo said angrily, no longer feeling comfortable lying down. He sat up, hunched over his legs, his eyes drifting to the clock which sat ominously on the desk, each tick louder then the last.
"Ichigo...this is obviously troubling you...you haven't..."
"No I haven't. Not in years. Not once since I met him," Ichigo said firmly. There was an eerie silence as Ichigo watched him scribble something illegible down in his book. Ichigo sat, his fingers automatically buried inside the hem of his T-shirt. He wanted to ask him something but didn't quite know how to phrase it...
"Er..." he began, and almost winced at how shaky it sounded. Why was he nervous? What he wanted to ask was within his rights and should have been incredibly easy. It should have been so easy he should have been able to smile whilst asking it, heck he should have been able to tapdance whilst asking it. But no, here he was stuttering. Stuttering. Ichigo Kurosaki didn't stutter and yet here he was stuttering away. Resisting the urge to shake his head, he plunger forward in his asking.
"Could I borrow the tapes?"
See...it should have been easy. But it wasn't. It really wasn't as his mind thought back to what was exactly on those tapes.
"The tapes?" the man asked, looking up pushing his glasses back onto his nose with a slender finger.
"Yeah...I know you record some of our sessions for reference and stuff...could I borrow them?" Ichigo asked, looking everywhere but at the man.
"You want to borrow the tapes?" the man asked again, smirking slightly.
"Yes, let me borrow the fucking tapes!" Ichigo growled. His patience was bareley existent and wore thin quite rapidly.
"Dare I ask why?" the man said silkily. Ichigo grit his teeth and tried to think of happy thoughts...anything but the infuriating man before him.
"I want to play them to Grimmjow," he said, still through grit teeth. The mans eyes lit up for a second.
"Ah...I see now," Ichigo resised the urge to face palm.
"Well I'm glad you see now," Ichigo said angrily. He was pissed off that this had taken twice the time he had expected. But then again the shrink before him relished in the thought of winding him up like a coiled spring and watching as he exploded. Aizen seriously needed to get laid. Yes Aizen Sosuke, 26, psychiatrist. Bit of a bastard, but knew what he was doing.
"So instead of telling him yourself, you'll play him the tapes," the man, Aizen stated, scribbling speed increasing rapidly.
"Yes!" Ichigo said, getting aggitated.
"But it will still be you telling him...just on the tapes," Aizen continued, ignoring Ichigo's expression, his eyes never once leaving the notebook.
"Yes," Ichigo repeated. There was a short silence.
"There are allot of tapes,"
"Thank you for stating the obvious, but there is also allot of time," Ichigo said, feeling the need to clarify that yes, time was something that didn't really end. Aizen flicked open the book and began writing on a new page.
"So you'll play him a tape a night," Aizen stated.
"Er...sure, why not," Ichigo said thinking it through.
"You've thought long and hard about this," Aizen said, actually pausing in his writing to look at Ichigo. Ichigo just nodded.
"It's the only way," he said. And it was true in a way.
Ichigo couldn't bring himself to tell Grimmjow what had happened. It had taken him so long to get over that he really didn't feel like reliving it...again.
"Are you sure you want to expose your boyfriend to it this way?" Aizen asked.
"Are you sure you don't want to tell him now, as you are instead of making him hear what you were like immediately after, during which your mental state was anything but healthy?"
"Are you posistive it's a good idea to make the man you love listen to you as you describe every single detail of what happened during that time?"
"He asked for it!" Ichigo said, interrupting the man in his guilt-trip. Aizen merely raised an eyebrow. Ichigo took it as a sign.
"He said so this morning. He said that it wasn't that I couldn't say it, just that I couldn't say it to him. He started laying into me about how I couldn't trust him and how he didn't give a shit what it was, just that he wanted to know," Ichigo said quickly, pressing his fingers together, not particularly wanting to remember what they'd 'discussed' that morning.
"Does he have any idea what could have happened?" Aizen asked. Ichigo shrugged.
"I think he thinks it was something like a car crash," he said. Aizen nodded.
"But we both know...it wasn't,", his writing slowing as he bagan to think.
"If only," Ichigo scoffed "If it was a crash I wouldn't be here,"
"But then you I would be denied the pleasure of you company Ichigo," Aizen said smirking. Ichigo ignored him. He'd done this too many times before.
"When can I have the tapes?" Ichigo asked. Aizen put on his calculating face.
"They're filed away in my database, but I could get your earlier sessions back to you for Monday," Aizen said. Ichigo nodded. That was in two days. He could last two days without Grimmjow breaking up with him on trust issues...hopefully. He'd just explain it to him. He laughed inwardly. If anyone should be having trust issues it was him...
"Could I borrow your tape player as well...I don't have one," Ichigo asked almost cautiously. Aizen smirked.
"Why don't you have your own?" he asked.
"Because I'm not in the last century...can't you record it onto a computer?" Ichigo asked, eyebrows furrowed. He'd always wondered that, but it was rare that they talked about anything like that during his sessions.
"But you are my only patient Ichigo so what point would there be in that...why? Do you want me to have your voice stored on my computer?" Aizen asked. Ichigo shook his head.
"Forget I asked, " he said. His eyes strayed to to the clock. 4.35. They were five minutes over, but as Aizen had said, he was his only patient so three wouldn't be a line of mentally disturbed patients waiting outside the room.
"Yes Ichigo you may leave...but be sure to come by on Monday for those tapes," Aizen said, waving his hand in the vague direction of the door. Ichigo hoisted his bag onto his shoulder and left, just as Aizen clicked stop on the tape. The orange head heard the older man take it out as he left. The door swung shut with a slam and Ichigo felt his heart rate quicken, but pushed down the flush and feelings of anxiety. He concentrated on his footsteps as he walked past the desk waving at the receptionist and concentrating on his breathing.
He knew there was no reason to feel like this, no reason to feel like he was on stage, being watched by everyone in the empty street, but none the less he did. He too pride in the fact that a year ago he wouldn't have been able to leave his flat. It was funny that six years ago he would have fought tooth and nail to get out of his house, to leave that...
His eyes shot to the lamp post as it flickered slightly in the dark, and his pace immediately quickened. He forced himself to think of what would happen when he arrived home. Home. That word once so foreign to him was now one of the best words in his life. He ignored the distant sound of bins being moved and gripped hi bag tighlty, his knuckles turning white. Just think of home. Think of Grimmjow. Grimmjow will be at home, sitting in front of the T.V laughing at some random comedy, or scowling at the outcome of a match. Just think of that, not the fact that you're alone in a deserted street.
He thanked god when he arrived at his shared flat and swung open the door, warmth immediately engulfing him. Hanging his bag up on the hooks on the wall he walked into the small living room, rubbing his hands.
"Home," he said. His boyfriend Grimmjow sat on the sofa watching the match. Grimmjow. Sitting there in loose jeans that were hastily tied with a belt and a crumpled T-shirt, but still looking hot as the first day Ichigo saw him. And for the record, it was pretty hot. Ichigo slumped down next to him, sprawling his legs over the others. Grimmjow shifted to accommodate the weight.
"Who's winning?" Ichigo asked, turning slightly to see the screen. Grimmjow shrugged.
"They're both shit," he said distastefully. Ichigo watched the players for a minute before deciding that yes, they were pretty shit. Ichigo moved slightly as Grimmjow reached over for the control, brushing against his arm before pulling back with a hiss.
"Jesus Ichi your freezing," he said leaning back and looking at Ichigo questioningly. Ichigo shrugged.
"Forgot my coat," he said sitting up. He felt Grimmjow place his arm around his shoulders and Ichigo moved closer to the heat. So far was good. So far no serious arguments.
"How was your day?" he asked. He it civil keep it short. He felt Grimmjow shrug.
"Same old. That bastard Ulquiorra made me work late though, said it was because of my attitude towards customers," he said though gritted teeth. Ichigo could feel his deep voice rumbling through his chest as he leaned against it. He scoffed.
"And I'm sure it had nothingto do with you shouting at customers at all Grimm," he said sarcastically. It seemed to go straight over the 19 year olds head.
"Damn straight. They had it coming with all there orderin' me about," Grimmjow said angrily, his grip tightening on Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo just chuckled slightly.
"Grimm you work in a store serving customers. Of course their gonna tell you to do stuff," he said. Grimmjow just huffed.
"Whatever," he said, dismissing all argument.
"So how was your...talk...thing," Grimmjow asked, and Ichigo could feel the awkwardness seep through.
"It was alright. Nothing amazing happened but nothing amazing ever does," he said. There was a silence.
"Look...Ichi..." Grimmjow began. Ichigo sighed. He knew it had been coming, he'd just not thought as soon as he'd walked through the door.
"This morning I said some things..."
"Yeah you said some things. How could I miss them when they were being screamed into my ear," Ichigo said, the words coming out before he could stop them. He felt the arm removed from his back and the cold hit him.
"Let me fucking speak!" Grimmjow said, his temper flaring. It was then that Ichigo knew he'd made a mistake. A pretty big mistake at that. He'd initiated an argument, the one thing he'd been trying to stop.
"Fine then, speak!" he shouted, standing up. Grimmjow stood up pretty sharpish as well, looking down at the 18 year old. Ichigo saw that he was refraining from hitting him by the way his teeth were grit so hard he could practically hear them grinding.
"You know what...let's just stop this okay? We had enough this morning to last a lifetime," Ichigo said bitterly.
"So you start it and now you just want to walk away? Fine then walk away from your fucking problems," Grimmjow said snarling. Where had the happy atmosphere gone?
"Stop! Just stop..." Ichigo said, slumping onto sofa, head in hands.
"This is too complicated...lets just.."
"Forget about it? Hell no Ichigo, we're sorting this out now," Grimmjow said. Ichigo nearly winced at the lack of petname. 'Ichigo' said in that way by Grimmjow, like he was disgusted with him, made him feel cold..
"Fine. Just...fine," Ichigo said, rubbing his temples. Arguments always gave him a headache...he just hoped it stayed a headache and didn't turn into a migraine. The flashing lights in the corner of his eyes were practically screaming at him to take some painkiller.
"Well then...you start," he said, gesturing for Grimmjow to sit next to him. The teal haired man did, albeit rather stiffly.
"Ichigo...why the fuck can't you tell me what happened to you, and don't you dare deny it. You wouldn't see a fucking shrink if nothing had happened," Grimmjow said quietly, but still full of anger. Ichigo sighed.
"That is the most pathetic answer I've ever heard Ichi," Grimmjow said, scowling. Ichigo was happy that the pet name had been revived. It was just a shame it was attached to an insult.
"Just...just listen okay?" he asked, looking through his fingers at his boyfriend. He took the silence as a cue to continue.
"I'm not going to tell you, DON'T say a word," Ichigo said at Grimmjow's open mouth, no doubt to retort back. He waited until it closed before he continued.
"BUT," he said, stressing the word "you will find out...on Monay," he added as an afterthought. If Grimmjow's confused facial expression was anything to go by he hadn't explained very well.
"You can listen to the tapes," he said.
"Tapes?" the other man asked, sounding confused.
"Yeah, from my sessions with Aizen..."
"He keeps tapes of you?" Grimmjow asked sounding suspicious.
"He assures me it's for professional reason's," Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. There was a silence. Ichigo looked at his boyfriend feeling slightly nervous at the lack of movement.
"Grimm?" he asked. The teal haired man didn't move.
"It's bad isn't it,"
There was silence as Ichigo took in what his boyfriend had just said.
"What happened to you...it's bad,"
Ichigo didn't know how to reply.
"Yeah," he said softly. Grimmjow finally moved allowing Ichigo to see his face.
Ichigo yet again had no idea what to say. What can you say to that?
"Look..." he looked up as Grimmjow started to speak again "no matter what happened...I just...I want you..." his boyfriend said, obviously struggling. Ichigo smiled crookedly and decided to cut him some slack.
"Yeah I get it," he said. His boyfriend looked relieved.
They both sat on the sofa, the silence stretching between them. It was always like this after an argument...awkward. Ichigo decided on an easy conversation starter.
"So how do you think Ulquiorra's going to act when he find out that you put the closed sign up four hours early?" he said smirking. He saw Grimmjow visibly relax, a cocky smirk appear on his face instead of the confused one he'd been wearing seconds before.
"That little shit? Well..."
As Ichigo lay in bed, his head in the crook of Grimmjow's arm he thought about it. How it had all began. When his father had met her.
review? advise? first bleach here...help?
Woot! Okay people...few thing to say here XD first, this is a little side project thing...so it's got a vague plot. Basically I thought...'what if Isshin had decided, for the good of his children, to find a mother figure?' then I thought...what if she were incredibly jealous....okay I'm giving alot away here...but it will include an OC....sorry :( I usually hate them but I honestly can't think of anyone from bleach who could have been around when Ichigo was 11...for the purposes I want anyway...
But first thing first:
should I continue???
was it okay? no?
if people want it continued then it will become a fully fledged fic...GrimmIchi of course...and if so then there may be lemon's and whatnot if they don't distract from the plot. And yeah if it's not obvious because of the warning and the chapter its AU...and pretty OOC...but I have my reasons :0 tbh this chapter isn't particulary good...if people want it continued other chapters will be longer and muchos better :)
woah this was a long authors note...review? I'll love you...and er...please no flames...if you have criticism then please express it (I really need help improving my style) but if you just want to write about it being 'GAAAYZZ'...er...just please don't ^^