It wasn't long after before Carlisle announced that we had to move. If we stayed in one place too long, the humans would get suspicious of why we weren't getting old. Alice insisted that we pack everything we owned, so naturally, it was taking days. Edward and I found ourselves, for the fourth day in a row, shoving the contents of our closet into suitcases.
"And you do this every five or so years?" I asked, curious.
Edward sighed. "Yes, it does get a little tedious, I'm afraid, but it's necessary. It gets a bit boring if you stay in one place for a long time, though. We might come back to Forks in fifty years, maybe, when most of the humans already here are gone."
"What about the friends you make?" I asked, thinking about Mike and Angela and all of the other human friends I had. And Jacob. What would he do? He couldn't possibly stay away from Renesmee when we move; their relationship was too strong.
Edward rolled his eyes. "Bella, we've never made any human friends, not until you came along. And you were so different from everybody else that you probably don't count as human." He joked.
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, but what about me? When I was human, I had human friends."
"That's true." Edward agreed. "I suppose you can't see them again, but you can still keep in touch, by e-mail or something."
I frowned. "And Charlie? He'll freak out if I don't see him every few years, but will he freak out more if I'm still 18 every time he sees me?"
Edward sighed again. "I'm not sure. Each time any of us became a vampire, everybody thought we were dead." He said sadly. "We would either have to fake your death, never see him again, or let him see you, but I'm not sure what his reaction would be." He shrugged. "He took Renesmee's growth pretty well."
"Hm." I didn't want to think about Charlie just yet. But it was hard to not think of something when you've got so much space in your head to think. "And Jacob? What about Jacob and Renesmee?"
"I don't know. As I said, this has never happened to us before. I hate doing this to him, but it's up to Jacob whether he comes with us or stays with the pack. Knowing him, I think he'll come with us, so he can take care of Renesmee." Edward looked troubled. "But when Renesmee reaches her stopping point, when she stops growing, it'll be up to her whether she wants to stay with us or go with Jacob wherever they want to go."
I didn't want to imagine Renesmee leaving us. She was only a year old, but she was plenty mature and looked like a nine-year-old. She still had six years before she stopped growing, and as a vampire, that wouldn't seem like a lot of time, so I was worried, too. I wanted to spend as much time being a mother as I could, because she was my baby. No other vampire in the history of the world had ever been a mother to a half-human. I was dreading the day Renesmee would look about my age, about 17 or 18, when people assumed I was her sister, when we had to pretend she was my sister.
I groaned quietly, closing my eyes. This was not good. I knew being a vampire had its flaws, but I guess I wasn't prepared for something like this. "Bella? Are you alright?" Edward asked, right into my ear, even though I probably could have heard it if he were still halfway across the room.
"No." I moaned.
Edward chuckled, and wrapped his arms around me. "Do you want me to make you feel better? Being a vampire isn't that bad. And you said you wanted to, and you knew what the cost was."
I opened one eye. "I thought you couldn't read my mind?" I accused. "Therefore, you wouldn't know why I'm so miserable."
"I can't read your mind. I just know you too well." He grinned at me.
I sighed. I was the one person that Edward couldn't hear the thoughts of, and he could read my face as easily as he could hear anybody else's thoughts. That was so not fair. "It's kind of overwhelming. Leaving everybody I know without saying goodbye, not knowing whether my daughter will choose her parents over her love, I don't think I can handle it for very long."
Edward kissed my hair. "Don't worry about it. The first move is the hardest. That much is normal. Look at the upside. You didn't have to pretend that you were dead, and watch your friends talk about how much they miss you, because you died, when you can't come in contact with them ever again."
I glared at him. "Is that better than abandoning Charlie, when he knows I'm alive? Well, not really, but I look alive? And I'm alive to Charlie?"
"Again, we're not sure. This has never happened before. Nobody's ever been changed when they knew what to expect. I think it would be easier on all of us if we just let Charlie see you every few years, and maybe explain that we never age. Unless you want to play dead?" He looked at me expectantly.
I started hyperventilating. "Which one would be better?"
Edward stared intently at me. "Playing dead or abandoning everybody would be better for vampire secrecy, but worse for all of the humans." He said slowly. "Letting Charlie see you every now and then would be better for him, but it might be a bit risky for us…"
This was exactly what I was afraid of. Having to choose between the humans and the vampires. My past family or my present family? I groaned again, leaning against his shoulder for support. "Edward, I think it's impossible for me to choose right now."
Edward hugged me sympathetically. "It doesn't matter to me which one you choose." He breathed in my ear. "You don't have to choose right now."
"Really?" Great, I could procrastinate.
"Really. Whatever you want, I'll be there to support you." He hugged me close.
This was something I could live with. This was exactly what I wanted when I planed on becoming a vampire. I didn't have to worry about anything, and I had my Edward right there, all the time.