Title: Russian Confession
Pairing: Chuck Bass/Blair Waldorf
Word Count: 3283
Spoilers: 2.11, and a little rehashing of 1.13.
Timeline: Thanksgiving-ish 2008.
Warnings: Slightly AU. Angsty.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. If I did, Harold Waldorf would be in every episode.
Dedication: To LameJanie. This was inspired by her. She sent me a message asking for a story about Bart's files or more particularly, Bart's file on Blair. (For the record, if you send me a message or a comment with a prompt or a story idea, I'll write it for you…)
Author's Note: Alright. I have NO idea if a Russian Confession is a real thing. I saw the play "Sailor's Song" by John Patrick Shanley and Rich, the main character, explains what it is to the two sister's he's seeing. Isn't that just so Chuck anyway? And for the record, I could read by the time I went to kindergarten.
Summary: What if Eric found a file on Blair in Bart's safe?
Eric froze awkwardly in front of Chuck's room, the file in his hands feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds. It had been so easy to hand off Serena and his mom's files. But this? This was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. It wouldn't be so hard if he hadn't read the file, but he had, and now he felt like he had the entire world on his shoulders. He shouldn't have read the file.
He looked at his stepbrother's door, and then pulled out his cell phone to check the time. It was only nine in the morning. Chuck would kill him for waking him up, but Eric knew very well that he wouldn't be able to give him the file later. It was now or never. He'd been waiting since he found the files yesterday to give it to Chuck, but unfortunately his stepbrother had gone out barhopping with Nate. Although Eric was young, he wasn't stupid. The last thing he had wanted was to give a drunk Chuck the file. That wouldn't end well for any of the parties involved.
The younger boy took a breath. It was now or never. He counted to ten, as if that would give him more confidence to knock on the door before banging as loudly as he could on it, and slipping inside the room. Even though Serena constantly warned him about going into Chuck's room without being told it was clear first, Eric knew all too well that Chuck hadn't been 'seeing' anyone since his whole relationship with Blair had gone to hell.
"Chuck?" He asked nervously once he was fully in the room, and had closed the door behind him. This was really the last thing that he wanted Serena overhearing. Hell, he shouldn't even know all the things he suddenly knew about Blair Waldorf.
He was greeted with a muffled sound of annoyance as Chuck pulled a pillow over his face to block out Eric. Still, despite the fact it was muffled, Eric was fairly certain he'd just been told to go away.
Eric gulped. It could be so easy from here. He could just turn away now, and never give Chuck the file. After all, he'd never be the wiser. Unless he decided to randomly read it himself one day, but Eric highly doubted that. Although he was probably one of the people least involved in the theatrics of Chuck and Blair's relationship, he saw them more clearly than any of their friends did; probably because he was always outside of the situation looking in. But there was one thing he'd picked up from Chuck. He didn't treat Blair like any other girl, which meant the chances of him reading the file were slim to none.
"Chuck." Eric said the name more clearly now as he sat down on the edge of Chuck's bed, and pressed the pillow further into Chuck's face to cut off his breathing, knowing that would get his attention.
Startled, Chuck instantly jerked into a sitting position, and yanked the pillow away from his face. He stared at Eric in complete and utter shock for a moment as he gasped for air. "Is there a reason for your impatience this morning?" He drawled out as he searched for his phone to check the time. When he saw how early it still was, he groaned in annoyance and collapsed back against his pillows. "Couldn't this have waited another four or five hours?"
It could be so easy to just walk away now, but Eric stood his ground. "No. We kind of need to talk now." He said as he held up the file so Chuck could see what it was, but not see whose name was on it.
Chuck merely cocked an eyebrow when he saw what Eric had in his hands. His lack of enthusiasm about why he'd been woken up was more than evident on his features. "A file." He blinked. "I wish I had a file. Oh wait, I do." He rolled his eyes at his stepbrother. "I've seen my file before. I don't see how this is relevant to interrupting my sleep."
Eric forced himself to breath before holding the file so Chuck could see the name. "It's not your file." He said as calmly as possible as he forced the envelope into Chuck's hands. "You need to read it, Chuck."
Suddenly Chuck looked much more awake as he stared at the envelope that was in his hands. His fingers traced over the name. Blair Cornelia Waldorf. He shook his head, and tried to hand the file back to Eric. "I'm not my father. I'm not going to stalk my- my-" When he realized that there wasn't a label for Blair, he sighed indigently. "Blair. I don't want to know what's in there."
The younger boy closed his eyes for a moment before shaking his head and pushing the file back at Chuck. "I read it, Chuck." He said softly, forcing himself to look anywhere but at Chuck's face, not sure what Chuck's reaction would be to that piece of information. "I know what it says in there, and if I'm telling you to read it than it means there's something important in there." He finally allowed himself to look at Chuck. "Read it."
Chuck's eyes darkened for a moment before fully taking the file into his hands. He studied Eric for a long moment before slowly opening the envelope, which was surprisingly large in Chuck's opinion. When Eric tried to get up and leave, Chuck held up a hand, telling him to stay. He took a deep breath before opening the envelope.
Slowly Chuck flipped through the documents as he tried to figure out what could have Eric so freaked out. His eyes roved over a collection of things he already knew: her history with Nate, her hospital stays and bulimia, her aspirations for Yale and the fact she was on the early acceptance list (she really did get everything she wanted in the end), a trip to Planned Parenthood… He froze. That was something he didn't know. His hands shook slightly as he read the document. The world started to blur.
"Chuck?" Eric asked suddenly snapping him out of his reverie.
He stared blankly at the younger boy for a moment as he tried to figure out where all the papers went. It took him a couple of minutes to realize that Eric had put them back into the envelope for him. He ran a hand through his hair, surprised that the news hit him harder than it probably should have, but then again, he never had dealt well with his things being taken away from him.
After what felt like forever, he finally looked at Eric, and coughed as if to get the boy's attention. He hadn't needed to. The boys eyes had been glued to him the moment Chuck started going through Blair's file. "Does, uh, anyone else know?" He asked finally, referring, of course, to Serena.
Eric shook his head. "There wasn't anything about it in Serena's file…" He said finally. "Which I only read to see if she'd been there with her." He added in as a side note. The boy had been scarred enough with just reading Blair's file. He'd only read his sister's after that to check if she'd been there, and to make sure she hadn't done the same thing. That was the bad part of the files. It made Eric too nosey for his own good.
"Checking up on Sis now?" A smirk slide onto Chuck's face, but his eyes didn't light up the way they normally did when he smirked. "Maybe you really are becoming a Bass."
An eye roll answered Chuck as Eric handed him back Blair's file. "Here. Do with it whatever you want. Mom and I burned ours." He grabbed another file from the end of the bed. "Here's yours. I figured that if you wanted to burn yours too, you could. Or, you know, do whatever you want with it." He didn't look at his stepbrother.
"Thanks." The word sounded strange coming from Chuck as he took his file from Eric. "This is between us, right?" Suddenly he sounded a little more like himself.
Eric nodded eagerly. "Who would I tell? She's like the other sister I never wanted." And with that, he practically fled from Chuck's room.
A strange laugh escaped Chuck's lips as he stared down at the file. "Fuck me." He collapsed against his pillows, both files hugged to his chest.
While the lower classes of New York bustled from store to store to get the last minute morning super deals, Blair sat in front of her mirror finishing her make-up. Although she now had to deal with the fact that her mother was engaged to someone as unappealing as Cyrus, she had happier things to think about. Like the fact that her father was still in town. They were going to have lunch today. Just him and her. It almost felt like old times again. She almost felt like her old self again. It was going to be an amazing day. Until he spoke.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
She froze at the sound of Chuck's voice. How was it that Chuck always seemed to be able to slip under both her mother and Dorota's radar? He was the only person who could ever slip into her room unannounced. She was convinced that he'd seduced Dorota, even though she knew very well he would never do that; the only thing he liked aged was his scotch.
Slowly she turned away from her mirror, and studied him. He looked completely awful, like he'd spent the whole night partying and then woke himself up with a Bellini or two. Which was probably exactly what he'd done. The better question was why.
"What are you doing here?" She hissed under her breath as she pulled her robe closed and jumped up from her vanity to close her door behind him. "And remind me to tell Dorota to keep a better eye on you."
He laughed, and she froze at the sound. It was not a Chuck Bass sound; it was a dark and twisted sound that she didn't quite understand. "We have an arrangement." He said cryptically as he moved through her room and perched on her bed without making a single perverted comment. Something was wrong and Blair instantly knew it.
Blair didn't know what to say to that, and instead just stared at Chuck, surprised when he didn't say anything further. Normally he had a purpose for everything he did. And that was when she saw the manila envelopes in his hands. One was so thick it was almost busting at the seams; the other one was about half the size of the other one. She didn't like the sight of them. "Chuck, what are those?"
Finally he looked at her. It wasn't a normal Chuck look either. It was too open and wounded to be a Chuck look. He looked back down at the envelopes, as though those were what were propelling him to speak, before looking back up at her. "Were you ever going to tell me?" He repeated the question.
Annoyance flared through her. "Tell you about what?" She asked exasperatedly, hoping this conversation wouldn't cut into the time with her father.
He set the files down on her bed. "About the abortion." He said finally, his eyes suddenly turning dark.
Blair had the sudden need to sit down, and sank immediately onto her makeup bench. She stared at him as though trying to figure out how he knew. Then she remembered the envelopes he'd brought with him. "Have you been having someone check up on me?" She breathed out, sounding wounded at the thought.
"I haven't." He clarified. "My father on the other hand thought it was important to check up on you." He still didn't sound like himself.
She gasped for air at what he'd said. "Your father told you?" She was horrified that Big Bart Bass knew she'd aborted his illegitimate grandchild.
Chuck's eyes darkened. "He knows about it." His words were very clear to Blair. His father hadn't told him about it. His father had known about the abortion and hadn't told his son what he'd lost. He'd had to find out about it on his own.
Finally able to move, Blair moved over to the bed and sat down near him, the files separating their bodies. "Chuck…" She said softly, not knowing what else to say.
"Would you have gotten it if you knew it was Nathaniel's?" He all but spat out his best friend's name.
Slowly she shook her head. "It wasn't about whose it was…" She finally said as she tried to put into words the biggest decision of her life. She'd even used a fake name and a fake id. It was something she thought no one would ever find out about. But here was Chuck wanting an explanation. It was horrible. "I want to go to Yale." She said finally. "Nothing is going to keep me from going to Yale. Nothing."
He flinched at her words like she had slapped him. "You should have told me…" Was all he said, and his strange tone frightened Blair, but before she could figure out what was going on with him, he kept speaking. "But what the hell does it matter? I killed my mother, and you killed our child. It's poetic justice."
Her eyes widened in horror, and she stared at him. "Chuck." She grabbed his hand, but he pushed her hand away.
"Just forget I said anything." He snapped, suddenly sounding just like his old self again as he all but jumped up from her bed. "Look, I came here for a reason. There's the file my dad had on you. Do with it as you see fit."
Instead of picking up her file, she picked up the other file, tracing the words. Charles Bartholomew Bass. She glanced up at him, and held up his file questioningly.
"In Russia, they have this thing called The Russian Confession."
She stared at him. "And this is relevant, how?"
"Stay with me, Waldorf."
Blair snorted. "Did you learn this from one of your sluts?"
"Let me finish." He didn't even rise to her bait. "When a man finds the woman he's going to marry-"
He rolled his eyes. "Let me finish, would you?" He paused for a moment to recollect his thoughts. "He sits down with her and tells her every bad thing he's ever done." He looked at her. "And she forgives him."
Blair stared at him.
"Think of it as a clean slate, Waldorf. I read yours. You read mine." His eyes were suddenly unreadable again. "A fresh start for our future."
She just kept staring at him. "You're forgiving me just like that?" This certainly was not the Chuck Bass she loved and loathed.
"You forgive me. I forgive you. That's how it works." He reminded her before turning and leaving the room.
"Chuck?" She asked when he reached the door, not understanding why he was leaving so suddenly.
He shot her a lopsided grin. "I have a feeling you're not going to be talking to me for awhile after you read that." He started to leave but paused again. "Burn them when you're done."
Blair slowly started opening his file.
"Oh, and Waldorf?"
She looked up at him.
"She forgives him."
She couldn't hide the grin as she slowly dumped the contents out onto her bed. Her fingers brushed over the first document that had to be from when they were in preschool. It was crayon note that read:
'Chukc [hearts] Bliar'
Both the words 'Chukc' and 'Bliar' were crossed out, and rewritten correctly in Blair's slightly neater writing above the misspelled names. Underneath his writing was one word written in pink crayon, a sign that she'd added it in, 'forever'.
'Chuck [hearts] Blair forever.'
She sighed and looked at the other documents piled up in front of her before putting them back in to the envelope. She couldn't read it. If it had been Nate's file, she would have read it, but when it came to Chuck Bass, she never could think reasonably or rationally. She would tell Chuck in a couple of days that she read it, and supposed she could forgive him eventually. But in reality? She didn't want to know anything about him other than what he was willing to tell her. That was the Chuck Bass she wanted. Not the one that lived in her dreams.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she placed both folders in her bathtub, not even daring to open hers. She didn't want a reminder of how imperfect her life was. Quickly she found the lighter she used for her occasional cigarette and stood in front of the bathtub. She flicked the lighter on and then flicked it off again. As much as she wanted to be completely noble about it, she couldn't. This was probably the only time Chuck would let her completely in. She didn't understand it, but she was sure as hell going to take advantage of it.
Quickly she pulled his file out of the bathtub and sat on the bathroom floor reading it. She was in there for hours. Suddenly it didn't matter that she was supposed to meet with her father for lunch. She was too lost in the discretions she held in her hands to remember what time it was. Tears fell onto the pages as she read about his conquests and arrests, but they weren't tears of anger or jealousy. She suddenly felt bad for Chuck Bass, a fleeting feeling she'd only experienced a handful of times in her life, and a feeling she would never ever admit to him.
When she reached the copy of his birth record at the bottom of the pile, she couldn't help but sob a little harder. It made since why it had bothered him so much. He'd lost the one person who could have saved him from his lists of indiscretions, and she'd taken away another person who could have saved him from himself.
Sighing softly, she shook her head for a moment before putting all the documents back into the envelope and throwing it into the bathtub with hers. She picked up her lighter again and lit both the files, watching as her name and Chuck's went up in flames. Idly she wondered what that meant about their relationship.
Once the files were ash, she went to her mirror again, leaving the mess for Dorota to clean up later. She quickly reapplied her makeup and fixed her hair before leaving her room and looking for her father. Instead she ran into her mother coming out of the kitchen. She didn't have a chance to even ask about her father before her mother read her mind.
"He went out with Charles a couple of hours ago. Something about lunch and Bellinis. Charles said you asked him to tell your father you needed to do dinner with him instead." She said with a slight shrug before shooting her daughter a sly smile. "I did overhear Charles asking him permission to be with you."
Blair stared at her mother, not knowing what to say. When did Chuck Bass become human? When did she become the more vicious of the duo? He'd given her not only his heart today, but his soul as well.
She didn't deserve it.