A/n: I was going for a different approach with this one, as I really didn't feel like writing smut. xD Tell me what you think!
~Rejection's a Bitch, Forgiveness an Angel~
And so I ran. And I never stopped running. The lockers and classroom doors were a blur around me as my feet carried me to an unknown destination. I didn't even know why I had run from him in the first place. It had probably cost a lot of pride doing something like that, and I just ruined it by running from him. And the saddest part about it was that I liked him. I liked him so much it hurt. But I ran from him, and I didn't even know why. My mind was so hazy, so full of emotions, and I couldn't see a single thing through that haze.
Then I tripped. And for a minute, I just stare out at the blur in front of me, and it was then that I realized I was crying. And once I realized this, I sat up and wiped my eyes on my white button up shirt sleeve, then just sat there and stared at the ground. Just staring, Nothing else.
"What are you doing, Baka Moyashi?" Slowly I look up and see him, looking as angry as always, that guarded look on his face. It was always there, and the one time he had dropped it, that one time, I pushed him away and ran. And he probably would never drop it again. Not for me. Not for anyone. My lips trembled lightly-barely noticeable, I hope- and I stare directly into his eyes.
His guard falters for a split second, revealing hurt beyond reason, but the wall's up again so fast that I might have just imagined it. Who knows what my mind would do at that moment, being so confused like it was. I wanted to reach out at grab his hand, but that would be rude, considering what I had just done. And even though I want to take that fisted hand so badly, I can't.
So instead, I go to say something-anything. Just something to say, something apologetic, would be good. But when I finally open my mouth to say something after that few moments of silence, he walks right passed me. I turned and watched him go, a new sadness washing over me. He never turned back once, just continued walking to where ever he was going, and when I blinked, he had disappeared into one of the classrooms-or that's what I assumed.
Kanda Yu officially hated me. I had always thought he had hated me before, but then the locker room had happened, and I knew he didn't. But now, out of one simple act of panic, he hated me all over again, and he didn't even have to speak those words for me to know it. And I never even got the chance to explain my panic to him.
I blinked away the new tears forming, continuing to stare into the empty hallway where Kanda had disappeared. Not a single thought seemed to cross my mind for the next five minutes. I have to get out of here. And here meant somewhere besides the hall way. So I stood on slightly trembling legs, and slowly made my way down the hall in the direction Kanda went, but instead of disappearing into a class room, I went up the stairs, heading towards the roof.
What the hell have I done? My hand was on the door knob, but I just stared down at it, not turning it, not even really moving. I just destroyed my life, and probably his as well. I still didn't understand why I could ever like him. He was horrible to me- picking on me, calling me names, and almost beating the crap out of me numerous times over and over again, and I still don't know the reason for all of it.
And as I opened the roof door, I realized that Kanda had not gone into a classroom as I had thought he had. As when the door was swung half open, my eyes gazed out and caught hold of the sight of familiar long, raven black hair tied back in a ponytail, and that sexy ass-yes I still notice it, even in the midst of my misery-in the loose black slacks the school made the males wear. And slowly he turned, staring at me with cold, blank eyes.
"Can't you leave me the fuck alone?" He spat at me. He was annoyed and pissed, you could tell it by his voice. But what else was he feeling? I took a step foreward, then another, and then two more, closing the door behind me with a silent click. He cursed and glared at me.
"What do you want, Baka Moyashi?" Was he hurt? Ashamed? Regretful? The tears started again at the tone of his voice. Never before, not even when he picked on me, had he sounded so hateful. And yet still, I walked closer, now standing only arms length away from him. I know I should have just left. But I just couldn't bring myself to do so, and it took all I could not to just bolt from where I stood and out the door again, only leaving for home instead of staying.
"K-Kanda, I…" I had no idea what to say. Apologizing just didn't seem right for this, but nothing else would come to mind. It was like my mind just completely quit working for me.
"You what?" I hated that tone. I wish he'd never use it. In fact, I was growing really tired of it. But how could I get rid of that betrayed, hateful voice? And suddenly it clicked, and I knew what I had to do. Blushing lightly, I bit my bottom lip, just kinda standing there. Why had I not thought of it before? If I just 'reenacted' what Kanda had done to me, it might fix this mess I created. Well, I hoped it would, because if it didn't, I would be royally screwed for life, and would have to live with the heartbreak and the embarrassment.
Taking a deep breath and summoning all my courage, I took a big step forward and stretched my arms upward around Kanda's neck, then pulled him down and pressed his lips to mine. This was a lot better than the surprise kiss in the locker room. Then I was too panicked, and didn't really realize what had happened. But now, now I felt the warm softness of Kanda's lips, heard both of our hearts pounding like hummingbird wings, and tasted the bitter sweetness of Kanda.
Tentatively, Kanda wrapped an arm around my waist, the other snaking up under my shoulder blade and twisting fingers into my hair. He squished me as close as possible to his body, and I blushed more than I had when I thought of kissing him, pulling my lips away and settling back on my feet (I had been on tiptoes). My arms dropped from his neck to his waist, and I rested my head against his chest.
"Sorry…" I said, only it came out as a very quiet whisper. He didn't answer. Instead, he just laid his cheek against the top of my head as I breathed in his masculine scent, and we just stood there on the roof like that for a while. I felt warm breath on my hair; then felt lips gently press against the silvery white strands.
"We should get back to class…" It's not like I wanted to leave; if I could stay right here with Kanda for the rest of my life, I think I'd be happy. But the teachers would obviously notice our absence sometime, and if they sent for us, we'd be in trouble for ditching. And I wouldn't really know what the punishment, as I had never ditched, ever.
"Che, Baka Moyashi." He released me from my embrace, and I frowned slightly, wishing he would have held me tighter and kept me from leaving. Would he really just let me go after all that? I puffed out my cheeks in slight annoyance, but still blushed when he smirked at me. There was just something about that smirk; some kind of hidden meaning behind it.
His hand went out and touched my chest ever so lightly, and at first I was confused, blushing a bit. The unexpected pressure on my chest made me squeak, and I tripped backwards. And the sad thing? I didn't even think of how much it would hurt when I hit the roof top ground. No, instead I was wondering what the hell was going through Kanda's mind, trying to figure out why he would push me. And just when I thought I'd hit the ground, the taller grabbed my left wrist, leaving me hovering before then slowly lowering me to the ground, dropping down in front of me.
"BaKanda, what the hell was tha-" I had just leaned up on my elbows to glare at him, and he leaned over and kissed me, leaving me unable to finish my sentence. Not like I minded much. I met Kanda kiss for kiss as slowly I was lowered back down on my back, Kanda now hovering above me. His elbows were brushing my shoulders, his fingers twisting through my hair while he straddled my hips and showering my lips with kisses.
Kanda removed his fingers from my hair to cup my pink tinged cheeks in his hands, and I wrapped my arms around his neck once again, untying his hair tie and running my fingers through the smooth loose hair. His lips left my lips and trailed down my jaw line, running sideways to nip at my earlobe.
"Mhm…K-Kanda…." He trailed little nips up my sensitive ear, and then left it to kiss a line down my neck. "W-we really shouldn't do this here…" I mean seriously, as good as it felt, what would happen if someone saw? It would be quite the mess to sort, and the fact that I'd never had sex in my life…It just made my stomach flutter in nervousness. It's not like I minded Kanda stealing my, er, virginity, but on a school roof where we could easily be caught? I wasn't so sure.
"Che, just trust me…ok?" As much as I'd love to trust him, I really wasn't sure if I should. For example, if someone pushed you off the side of a cliff, but you grabbed the ledge to save yourself, only you couldn't climb back up. So the person who pushed you grabs your wrist and tells you they'll pull you up if you let go. Would you trust them? Not likely.
And in a way, that was how it was with my trust in Kanda, only I trusted him a bit more than that. In fact, I know that if I was in that situation, he would lift me off the cliff if he was in a good mood. But in a bad mood, I'm sure he would throw me off the cliff and send me to my death. Yet, I think he might regret it later, now that, well, this has happened.
So, I just nod slightly, tilting my head to the side with a small moan as he bites into my neck flesh. And while his lips trail down to my collar bone and nip softly at the skin there, behind the gasp that escapes my lips, I can't help but wonder why. Why did Kanda like me? Why not someone else? I was really happy that he liked me and all, but why would he like someone like me?
I inhaled deeply-weird fluttery butterflies making a nest in my stomach- as Kanda brushed his hands down my clothed chest, stopping at the ends and unbuttoning the thin shirt from bottom to top. His lips grazed over my collar bone, his hands sliding slowly up my sides, lingering between cloth and skin before moving to molest my rib cage.
Slowly, being caressed by soft lips and fingertips, I lost myself to him. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I didn't even really know what had been happening, for the most part. I was aware of it, but then, I wasn't even sure this was reality. I do know that eventually, those tears started up again as I thought of Kanda, and how sweet he was being. Well, it was sweet in Kanda terms, and that was sweet enough for me.
And I remember him kissing my forehead somewhere in there, wordlessly soothing my tears. Any pain I felt, I wasn't even sure if it was pain; it might have been just pure pleasure. If I spoke that thought anyone, I'm sure they'd call me a masochist. Either way, I loved whatever he was doing to me.
The bell was a shattering scream that broke my train of thought.
"K-Kanda…The bell…Schools out…." I mumbled in a daze, twirling a few strands of Kanda's hair around my finger. I don't know why I even spoke; it's not like I wanted to go anywhere. I didn't think I could.
"Che," It was the only noise to leave his lips. Strangely, I was okay with that. It felt odd, having him lay on me, and it felt odd, knowing I had just had sex with him (on a school roof top for that matter), but I was completely satisfied with that. What I didn't like, though, was when Kanda sat up, which caused a cold breeze to whisk right over my chest, giving me the chills.
"We should leave before anyone notices," he began buttoning his shirt, which made me sit up, slightly annoyed. Leave it to BaKanda to ruin anything considered sweet. As much as I minded, I really didn't mind at all. My fingers fumbled as I slowly re-buttoned my own shirt, glancing up just in time to watch Kanda tie his hair back up in a ponytail. He focused his eyes on mine as he did this, and I blushed (although I'm not sure why) and looked down.
We finished dressing, and walked extremely slowly toward the closed door, and I do mean slowly. It was like time had almost stopped, but hadn't quite made it to the stopping point. Finally we made it to the door. Kanda reached his hand out and opened the door, only, instead of the empty stairway we were both expecting, a familiar red head sat perched on his knees by the doorway. He slowly lifted his head upwards to stare guiltily up at the instantly enraged Kanda.
"Hiya, Yu-chan. Fancy meeting you here," he spoke, a nervous smile forming on his face. Slowly the red head stood, starting to back up.
"Lavi." He sounded pissed as he spoke my poor friend's name, and I was seriously glad I wasn't him at that moment.
"I didn't hear anything, I swear!" At that point, Lavi was making his way down the stairs, almost running, with Kanda on his tail, ready to kick his ass. From the next floor down, I heard Lavi's voice yelling out, "Lennali! Yu-chan's trying to kill me!"
Slowly I made my way down the stairs, laughing. I think I could get used to this.