A/N: I never bought the idea that Yusuke learned he wasn't even human and just took it in a stride. And when we're told that Kurama was the one to cut his hair, a bell rang in my brain. "Of course! Kurama is the only other human/demon around. They must have had some sort of conversation about it." Combined with my out yaoi fangirliness, this results.
Agh. I really shouldn't post this.
Disclaimer: I own a yellow ruler. It's mine, you can't have it. :P
Warnings: Yusuke's potty mouth and slight YAOI! Dammit, if you don't like it, don't read it!
Chapter one. Coming to Terms
Yusuke took a deep breath and promptly choked. He covered his nose and jogged a bit to catch up with Kurama.
"Dammit. What is that smell?"
Kurama smiled at him. "I'd hazard a guess that it's the bus that just passed by us."
It was just getting dark outside as the sun set over the horizon in an explosion of deep red and orange. Kurama's back was to the setting sun, so his face was in shadow. The sunlight reflected off of his hair, making it look more like blood than ever. Yusuke took in the liquid green eyes that seemed to glow out from an angelic face and quickly looked away.
"Buses don't usually reek like that," he muttered. He knew Kurama was going to laugh even before he did.
"They always smell like that. Like bitter gas and vomit and rotten eggs. It's just that human noses can't pick up on that. I think you'll find that your sense of smell isn't the only thing that's changed, Yusuke."
It had only been an hour since Yusuke had defeated Sensui; one hour since he'd actually stopped to consider what he's become. Walking home with Kurama, everything seemed alien. The colors were different. They were all wrong; overly vibrant and bright and they sometimes seemed to shift colors. And for some reason, he kept confusing white with black and vice versa. The sounds were distracting; he could hear the conversation of the girls two blocks over. And the smells were enough to make him feel like he was going insane.
He not only smelled things like gas and rain and blood. He also smelled feelings. Right now he could tell that the man who just passed was anxious about something, the stench acrid with a touch of lemon, and the bicyclist zooming past was angry, smelling of fire. He could also tell that Kurama was distracted, maybe even conflicted. And he didn't need that right then. He needed Kurama to have his head screwed on straight because his wasn't and he needed someone to help him make sense of all this.
And he could also smell the bitter gas, vomit and rotten eggs on the bus that just passed by them. And at that moment that was the only thing that mattered, because if he wasn't careful, he was going to heave.
It didn't take them long to get to Kurama's house. Yusuke didn't even bother asking why his mother wasn't home. Knowing Kurama, he'd probably came up with some excuse for her to go out and enjoy herself with her husband just so she wouldn't be home when her some arrived drenched in blood. Sneaky thief.
Yusuke relaxed minutely as he entered Kurama's house. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of the cookies that had been baked several days ago. Kurama's house smelled of peace, of warmth, and of home. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was just dreaming. But then Kurama brushed past him leaving a faint scent of spice in his wake. He spoke and Yusuke's eyes snapped open.
"I'm not much of a barber, but I can get rid of the five pounds of extra hair you have right now. Why don't you go upstairs? I'll grab the scissors. And a long knife."
Yusuke swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. Calm down, he told himself, he's going to use the knife to cut off that crap on your head. Relax. No need to get all threatened. Geez. It's just Kurama.
But as he sat down and Kurama walked around behind him, he couldn't calm down. He hated the sudden urge he had to lash out at the threat behind him who was wielding a knife. At any minute, Kurama could plunge that knife into his back, slicing through his heart. And he was just thinking of warning Kurama of his murderous thoughts when said fox demon leaned forward suddenly, elbows resting lightly against his shoulders. Kurama's mouth was right by his ear, his breath hot with every spoken word.
"It's too bad you always put so much gel in your hair, Yusuke. It's kind of hard to remember what your hair looked like down."
Yusuke felt a brief moment of dizziness, and he wondered if it was just his imagination or if Kurama's lips really did brush his ear lightly. But then Kurama was standing behind him again, and there was tearing sound as he hacked off most of Yusuke's hair with the knife.
Fuckin' sneaky fox. He distracted me!
For a few minutes, the snipping of the scissors were all that was heard in Kurama's room. The silence gave Yusuke a chance to organize his thoughts a bit. Or at least to try to organize them; it didn't really work.
"So how does it feel to find out you're not human?"
Ouch. Go right in for the kill, Kurama, thanks.
"Do you mean how does it feel to be a demon, or how does it feel to find out I'm a demon?"
He knew Kurama was smiling. "I'm impressed that you can even see the difference between the two."
"Yea, well, I ain't a complete idiot you know. I just prefer not to use my brain too much 'cuz then I might chicken out."
"I highly doubt that, Yusuke. You're not the type to chicken out of anything. And I commend you for your effort in changing the subject but I'm too old to fall for that."
"Old geezer," Yusuke mumbled.
Yusuke cleared his throat. "Well, I guess it doesn't really bother me that I'm a demon. I mean, I spent the last several years in the company of demons and I know some that are… ah, decent. Like Hiei. And some that are really nice, like Yukina. And well, you're pretty decent too K'rama," he added cheekily.
"I'm glad you think so," Kurama deadpanned.
"But it's everythin' is kinda… disorienting, ya know? I don't really know how to explain it, the colors –"
"I know, Yusuke," Kurama interrupted. "You don't have to explain anything to me. Remember, I made the transition between human and demon as well. I know the differences."
"Oh," Yusuke said, feeling a bit stupid. "That's right. So then, how the fuck do you get used to it? If I can't walk down the street without throwing up because the buses stink like hell, or if I hafta listen to girls gossiping five blocks down – damn, I'm gonna go insane!"
Kurama laughed softly, his hands tilting Yusuke's head down a bit to cut the hair at the nape of his neck. Yusuke's blood boiled again and he gripped the arms of the chair to keep from lashing out at the demon that just bared his neck. These murderous thoughts scared him.
Kurama's scissors paused and their owner regarded Yusuke curiously. Understanding dawned on his face and he put the scissors down. "But that's not what's really bothering you, is it?" he asked, more to himself than to Yusuke.
After a brief moment of silence, Kurama raised his hands and placed them lightly around Yusuke's neck. Yusuke froze. He seemed to be holding his breath. "What's really bothering you," Kurama said quietly, "is the fact that you're having trouble controlling your impulses now. I confess that did not cross my mind. I didn't have any problems with controlling my instincts when turning from a demon into a human. Quite the opposite, it bothered me that I no longer had them."
Yusuke swallowed hard. "What are you doing?" he whispered hoarsely.
Kurama smiled. "Testing you," he said, and then his hands tightened ever so slightly over Yusuke's neck. Yusuke snarled and jumped out of the chair.
His eyes glowed menacingly and slightly maniacally as he grabbed Kurama and threw him across the room. Kurama let himself be attacked, posing no resistance whatsoever. He slammed into the wall and slid down to the ground.
Yusuke was breathing hard, but slowly he seemed o come back to his senses. "Shit," he said, "shit, Kurama, I – I'm sorry, I didn't mean – "
Kurama picked himself off the floor and dusted himself off. "It's quite alright Yusuke. That was, after all, my intention."
Yusuke stared at him in disbelief. "Your intention? It was your fuckin' intention to get tossed across a room? What the hell is the matter with you?"
Kurama ignored that question. "Tell me, Yusuke, what would have happened if it were Keiko behind you cutting your hair and stopping to hug you around the neck. Would you have snapped like that? At that moment, did it even cross your mind that I was a friend who never hurt you? Did you even know who I was anymore??"
"I –I –"
"You didn't Yusuke. And if you'd have thrown Keiko across this room she would have a broken arm at least. If you don't control your demon instincts, you might end up killing someone you love."
Yusuke was shaking his head in distress. "I don't – I don't want to hurt –" he trailed off, trembling from head to toe. Kurama sighed and walked over to him. He put an arm around his shoulders and led him to the bed. Yusuke sat down on the edge. Kurama kneeled in front of him, resting his crossed arms on Yusuke's thighs.
"Look at me, Yusuke," he said softly. He waited until Yusuke met his eyes.
"I know this is hard for you, that everything around you seems alien and unfamiliar. I know that you're feeling things that are hard to understand. I know the instincts that are plaguing you right now. You're going to have them for the rest of your life. They will serve you well in many situations, but you will also have to learn when to ignore them. Believe me, it gets easier. You'll learn to control them."
Yusuke took a deep steadying breath and nodded. Kurama seemed to be searching for something in his eyes, the determination, perhaps, needed for this, and apparently he found it because suddenly he was smiling up at Yusuke. His big, green eyes were shining up at him, red hair cascading around his face.
Beautiful, Yusuke thought. He reached a hand out absently to tuck back a few strands of hair.
Kurama's smile disappeared. Realizing what he was doing, Yusuke froze with the back of his hand resting on Kurama's cheek. Kurama's eyes narrowed.
Yusuke quickly pulled his hand away. "S-sorry," he stuttered. "Dunno why I did that." He looked away from the liquid eyes in front of him and shifted, trying to convey to Kurama to get off of him. But Kurama did not move. Yusuke made the mistake of looking back at him and his breath hitched slightly.
Kurama's eyes seemed darker, smoldering in their intensity. Slowly, he stood up on his knees, bringing his face closer to Yusuke's and stopping a bare inch away from him.
Yusuke was breathing hard by now, his mind a muddled mess. The same dizziness hit him as before. He could feel Kurama's breath on his mouth, and the heat went right down to his groin in a painful wave. His eyes were closed, but he felt Kurama's cool hand slipping underneath his shirt on the right side of his waist, dipping slightly below the waistline of his pants. His other hand reached up and rested lightly on his cheek, cupping the left side of his face.
Yusuke mad no move, neither to stop him nor to bring him closer. He was lost in a sea of sensation, images passing through his head. He could see Kurama naked, red hair spilled across white sheets like blood, even more vibrant than usual because of the way he could see now. He could hear Kurama's soft voice whispering into his ear and his hands touching him –
Suddenly, Kurama moved his head to the side and pressed his lips briefly to the side of Yusuke's face. Moving back, he got up and took the scissors of the table.
"I'm going to go put these away," he said calmly, "I'll be right back."
His voice betrayed no hint that something out of the ordinary had happened. He walked out of the room and Yusuke turned around to lie on his stomach on the bed. He buried his face in the pillow, taking shuttering breaths and trying to pretend he hadn't just been about to kiss one of his friends, pretending he hadn't been turned on by a guy.
He didn't hear Kurama come back into the room but he felt the brief air displacement. He felt the bed dip as Kurama sad down by him. Yusuke ignored the voice that was telling him not to present his back to a potential threat. Kurama sighed and placed a hand on the small of his back.
"Are you going to just ignore what happened?"
Yusukes's voice came out muffled by the pillow. "Nothing happened."
"True," Kurama conceded, "Are you going to ignore what almost happened?"
Kurama laughed. "That's something else you're going to have to control. Demons are more sexual by nature than humans. If you're not careful, you'll jump a random blond on the street and Keiko will kill you," he joked. "Or," he continued more seriously, "if you're not careful you might end up hurting Keiko herself."
"Waita minute," Yusuke snapped, turning around quickly to look at Kurama. "You mean that… what just 'almost happened' was just another part of turning into a demon?"
Kurama raised an eyebrow. He regarded Yusuke's hopeful expression thoughtfully. It seemed that he would latch onto any explanation for why he suddenly felt that way for him. "It might be why your feelings were enhanced, yes," Kurama said slowly.
But Yusuke didn't seem to get the subtle difference between what he asked and what Kurama answered. He breathed a loud sigh of relief. "Good, 'cuz that was seriously weird."
Yusuke got out of the bed and walked to the mirror. He tilted his head from side to side and grinned. "Man, K'rama, you should really become a hair-stylist. It's just the way it was before!"
Kurama smiled at him. He followed as Yusuke bounded downstairs and to the door. Yusuke turned around to look at Kurama. "Thanks man. For the haircut and the talk."
"Anytime, Yusuke. And if you need to talk again, please don't hesitate to come to me."
Yusuke grinned and clapped Kurama on the back. He strode confidently out the door, humming softly. Kurama watched him walk away for a bit, then shook his head and closed the door.
Yusuke heard the door to Kurama's house close and his attitude immediately sobered up. He hunched his shoulders unconsciously and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Kurama's voice rang through his ears. It might be why your feelings were enhanced.
Enhanced. Fuck. Does that mean I liked Kurama before and I'm just realizing it now? It's bullshit. I ain't gay. And I love Keiko. It was just a fluke.
But all the way home he kept seeing Kurama's half-lidded eyes, his lips parted and moist. He could feel the cool hand on his heated skin that slowly slipped into his pants and touched him. He could feel Kurama's mouth trailing down his stomach, lower and lower until Yusuke arched up off the bed. He tried to imagine Keiko – Keiko with her gentle smile and kind eyes - whose baby-soft hands were touching him and Keiko's sweet breath on his face. But her brown eyes kept turning into heated green ones, her soft hands were replaced by harder ones with long, expert fingers and her candy-sweet breath turned hot and smelled of spice.
Yusuke stumbled into his apartment breathing heavily. He brushed right passed his mother and into the shower. He let the cold water run down his body, trying to ignore the trembling in his legs.
Fuck, he thought. I'm so screwed.
A/N: *eye twitches* I don't think I like it very much.
"he kept confusing white with black and vice versa" Yea. I thought this needed a little explanation. It was meant as a subtle, rather pointless metaphor-like thingy. It means that Yusuke was no longer sure about what was right and what was wrong.