Author's Notes: Bugger. I've sunk into an all-time low. I've barely updated anything.. –sweatdrops- Anyway, I wanted to try my hand at an Artemis Fowl fanfiction, in little Arty's point of view. I suppose this could be pointless, but.. meh. I love Chupa-Chups. 3

'nyways. Enjoy, I suppose.


Chupa-Chups. The pleasure of sucking.

I rose an eyebrow at that. What exactly was this commercial trying to prove? That lollipops could somehow ease all your worries away, with just one suck; and then suddenly make you end up begging for more? It was so ineffective that I almost laughed.

Although, you must give these commercial-thinkers come credit; they at least did not use people beaming over their kid happily singing with a lollipop, being completely innocent although they looked more like adolescents, with the happiness, gratitude; smiles. Most commercials contained such things, and it was slowly driving me insane. People barely thought of new things these days, and most were usually based on something else. Lovely, how the human population was slowly dwindling down.

"Master Artemis?"

I had been so unfortunately snapped from my inner monologue, at the sound of my bodyguard entering the room. A small flutter of the stomach, I realized, had occurred, before I finally turned my head only slightly to acknowledge him.

"A present, from the LEP."

A slight widening of my eyes were all that was given as a response, before I slowly rose from my seat and walked over towards the man, hands on hips as I looked at him. "A present, Butler?"

Looking straight up into those deep blue eyes sent shudders up and down my spine, though I pushed them away with thoughts of unattractive things.. like a certain centaur's behind. That immediately made me stop thinking of desires that were not supposed to exist in the first place.

Butler nodded, revealing a package wrapped with frilly things and bright colors that stung my eyes. Oh, glory! Bright colors and frilly lace! Just what sixteen-year old teenage boys wanted for Christmas! I took the package with slight care, for fear of a hidden bio-bomb, or that it might be rigged with something. Then again, there was a weapon master beside me, and I actually must not be worrying about anything. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I was going through puberty.. but did increased amounts of testosterone have some sort of impact on your safety measures? Perhaps that was what happened during women's daily cycle, but –

I must really stop thinking of puberty, I told myself, and I attempted to retrieve what was left of my rational mind.

"Well, let us hope it's not a letter from the fairy populace indicating they want to sue me," I said, almost as a joke. The fairy thing was changing me ever so slowly.. I was developing a sense of humor, albeit a rather dry one. Butler, however, had smiled; causing me to have to slap myself mentally for daydreaming. My mind was thoroughly polluted with puberty-essence, and I must admit I must one day create an invention in duly destroying the pollution. Perhaps a woman-intuition-mechanism that I could attach to my head to cause me to think about things more than the normal human populace would help, though it was quite a stupid thing to even conceptualize. And most of the things I conceptualized were complete genius, if I do say so myself.

I unwrapped (the still-blinding) present and stared, dumbfounded, at what was currently in my hands.


Lovely! As though to mock me, the good captain sent me some lollipops.

"Lollipops? I didn't know you liked them, Artemis," Butler stated, obviously confused as well. The last time he had convinced me to eat them, I had spit them out so quickly that he had barely enough time to dodge it; thus effectively lodging it into his cheek before falling to the floor. I snorted, and looked at it again.

"Hmph. And they think they're so funny, sending me these good-for-nothing confectionaries.." I had been half-way in throwing away that pack of lollipops, before Butler stopped me. Ah, good, loyal, lovable Butler, who always seemed to understand how I felt –

- my ass!

Now, I know it must seem rather uncharacteristic for me to use the term 'ass' rather than 'behind', or 'I disagree', but there was a reason for such a thing to occur.

He knew that I hated lollipops! Just what exactly was he trying to prove, stopping me from throwing them out of the window and most likely on top of a poor, helpless bug?

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked, frowning. I was obviously not pleased. But who would be when your supposed loyal manservant went against your orders? Butler, however, seemed not to be the least-bit fazed with my attempted glare. He knew I couldn't stay mad at him for too long; and that was what probably prompted him to not back off.

D'Arvit. Butler knew me better than I thought.

"I am stopping you from throwing away the lollipops that just might change your view on how they taste," he stated, and I scoffed. This argument was not going to end this quickly. Artemis Fowl the Second does not go down so quickly, unless it was on Jupiter; for the force of gravity was much bigger than that on earth.

"Change my views on how they taste? They're horrible, Butler, and nothing will change that!"

Nothing but when he breaks a lollipop's stick as he's eating and kisses you, using his tongue to slide it into your mouth.

I hated myself for being good at debating. I always knew people's points of weaknesses whenever I spoke to them. Butler's was ballerinas eating waffles on a rainy day. Juliet's was monkeys in her closet. Mother's was Russian people. Father's was loss of income. Mine.. mine was Butler, in general.

And I hated myself for that. I always fought with myself over flirting with him and keeping still. Damn my conscience and its advanced scientific mind!

Being snapped once more out of my inner fight with myself, I saw Butler unwrapping one of them. Strawberry crème. Yuck.

"Come on, Artemis. Don't be so negative. It's delicious, although the commercial is rather corny. You're almost sixteen; you have to accept that sometimes you'll have to try something that is against your taste buds," Butler said, and I knew he was right. Somehow he always knew best.. even better than my parents, sometimes. I had just opened my mouth to retort, before a lollipop was inserted into it.

I sucked. Once.

And, Heaven's above, I loved it!

"Mmn.." I murmured, before pulling the stick out, looking up at Butler with slightly dimmer eyes. He had proved me wrong, and for that I felt as though I owed him a little something. What I owed him, however, I had no idea – although I must admit I owed him a lot these days.

Butler smiled, looking down at me with admiring; dark blue eyes. I almost blushed, before recalling that this was my bodyguard; and what I was currently feeling was most likely a phase that was to pass soon enough.

"You like it, Artemis?" he asked, almost triumphantly. I wanted to sock his face in for that, though held myself back. I was out-of-character more than normal today, anyway.

"Oh, definitely."

I felt as if I was high on lollipop. Sugar rush, perhaps, but then again; I barely ate sweets, so you could say I was thoroughly overwhelmed. I continued to devour the lollipop, cheeks flushed just slightly with pleasure. I loved these things.. and slowly it would turn into addiction, and I'd be prone to diabetes. A terrible ordeal, though I must admit that such a delicious treat would be worth being injected everyday.

Looking up at Butler, with a slightly devious smile, I held out the lollipop to him.

"You want some?"

It was a seemingly innocent question, harmless –

- before I recalled I wasn't five years old anymore.

The Eurasian man blinked once. Twice, now. Thrice. Four times, do we have any takers? He seemed to be thinking about that question deeply. It gave me a little swell of hope, that there was a chance he felt the same way. Then again, he might only say yes out of pity, or for making me happy. That sounded even worse.

"I suppose no-"

I was interrupted as the man took my wrist, bringing the tip of my lollipop to his lips and taking a brief lick at it.

Words cannot describe how many wicked thoughts crossed my mind at that sight.

"You're right," Butler started, licking his lips in a motion that made even worse thoughts appear in my head, my pale cheeks reddening, "that was good."

I blushed darkly, obviously confused with the slight blip in my predictions. I was always one, no, seven steps ahead, and nothing less. This time, however, I did not have the upper-hand. For now, I was vulnerable. And I would fall prey to whatever would be thrown at me.

"A-Ah, exactly m-m-m-my point, B-Butler," I stated in my most calm voice, which was barely calm at all. Butler only raised an eyebrow, before moving my wrist to insert the candy in my mouth.

Almost instinctively, I had worked on sucking it.

But it seemed so different.. especially when the DNA of the one you currently were attracted to (do NOT call it love) had licked it. It seemed even more intoxicating.. and I could barely pull away.

"Mrmph. Don't look at me that way," I grunted, seeing the almost-mocking look in my bodyguard's eyes. He had slowly turned a little more casual around me, perhaps because we have spent so much time together that we had ended up not only being master and servant, but good friends. Perhaps brothers, if you'd like to put it that way. All these thoughts seemed to be addling my mind. I was thinking of relationships more favorable to me, now.

Blasted puberty!

Butler turned around, much to my disdain (for he was such a sight to see) and sat on the couch; his gentle weight causing it to sag only a little. I, almost shyly, followed; sitting beside him, lollipop in my mouth.

"Stop acting like you don't want it."

A slow blink appeared on Butler's face, and he looked at me with a slightly raised brow. "It? What do you mean it?" he asked, as though implying something else. I could usually understand double-meanings, but my inexperience in romantic attraction caused me to completely misunderstand this. Or, perhaps I was just nervous. Nervous to the point that I was turning uncharacteristic. But, Lord's above, this was just too much!

"Mm. The lollipop," I said simply, before the words completely registered in my mind. What I had just asked was something strange, and I couldn't believe I had let myself pick such words. Much more in front of Butler –

- I was broke off my train of thought the moment my lollipop stick broke in my hand. Lovely. I must have been gripping it so hard that it ended up like this.

Butler rose an eyebrow at that.

I blinked, once, and sighed.

His weight shifted only slightly as he moved to take the stick, stating that he was to 'throw the trash'. I blushed deeply when he hovered over me, his hand taking the stick.

We were so close.. so goddamn close, that I could feel his breath on my forehead. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What the hell was I supposed to do now?!

Excellent. I am now reduced to a cursing adolescent once more.


A simple stutter. You would have thought it was out of being nervous. But, no, it was obviously difficult to speak with a ball of candy rolling around in your mouth. It was rather strange, feeling the man hovering over me; stiffening only slightly when I realized that my calling of his name had caused him to stop moving.

My hand, almost instinctively, moved to rest on his shoulder.

A brief stiffening occurred once more.

I knew I should have stopped at that moment, what with the distractions this had already given me, and I should so return to my criminal activities. The problem now, however, was that now I could barely focus on the schemes I used to have a passion for. What had once been a great love of stealing gold, had ended up dwindling away; the moment I realized just what it was I felt for the man who was to care for me.

We were supposed to just be charge and bodyguard, I had to say, however what had transpired between us these past years made me realize something. Perhaps it was only hallucination, a trick of the mind, but from a father-son relationship it had escalated to the closest of friends; and eventually I had been wanting it to somehow go even higher. It was a selfish desire, one of want and passion and need, and I knew that Butler, sweet, loyal, handsome Butler, was the only human being, no, living creature that I could ever feel something like this for. What had occurred between me and Captain Short had only been a delusion, I realized, it was something that I thought was real – before realizing that it was once more only the tricks of puberty. But this, for my bodyguard of all people, this was different.

My other hand was on his shoulder now.

I shouldn't have started, but now I had the chance to do what I have been longing for, desiring; dreaming about for these years that adolescence had been drawing a thin veil over my ingenious criminal activities. It was so hard to evade such a sinful desire, and those hands now collided with each other as my arms were fully around his neck.

Then, there was a brief flash in Butler's eyes, and I supposed that he realized, now, that this was not one of my actions I needed for comfort. Perhaps the passion in my eyes was so able to be seen by the naked eye, that he realized it; and at that moment, I saw, in those wonderful dark blue eyes, something that mirrored my desire.

This would explain his change in behavior around me, this would clear everything up; but should I ever choose to bring this closer, something of consequence, and disappointment, and pain of the soul may occur. But now, seeing my bodyguard so willing to give in to the temptation as well, his arms snaking around my waist; I rose my head.

The lollipop had been forgotten, and my lips were pressed ever so softly against his.

His scent filled my nostrils, my body melting in his hold; the ball of candy in my mouth transferring to his as his tongue entered me. I moaned, only slightly, and pulled away after a few moments, the loss of my sugary sweet now only a minor disturbance, as I had sacrificed something so little for something so big (perhaps both literally and metaphorically).

My face was heated, and the man with whom I so dearly cared for was above me, and I could barely stop myself from resting my forehead in the crook of his neck, pressing him against me, wanting more of this heat. To think I had been clouded with the 'what ifs' and consequences should a Fowl and a Butler get closer – it made me feel like a fool. I realized that nothing would stop my wanting, my needing of this man, and my father would have no say in this. Myles and Beckett could hold up the family tree, for all I care. All I wanted was this. This small content in the arms of the only person I would ever love.

I could feel a smile on his face, as he kissed my forehead, and that one word to escape his lips next, I knew, would be the only thing I would be looking forward to everyday. I now understood what love was. It was not an illusion, for I had found my true one.


What had been in that tone was so heart-warming, so touching; that I could have cried, should I been a regular adolescent.

Instead, I had pulled away, looking up at him with a genuine smile; the closest resemblance I had to tears the shining of my eyes.

"Let's finish those Chupa-Chups."

And Butler chuckled, getting off of me and lifting me off of my feet.

I never thought I would come to love lollipops this much.

But, for once in a long time, I stood corrected.