This is a one shot of Edward's goodbye to Bella in New Moon from Edward's point of view. I don't know if it's been done before, but I don't care.
I don't own Twilight.
Her rusty old truck loomed ahead of us. To me it was another marker on the path to separation because I now new what I must do. It was no longer safe for me to stay in Forks. I had to break away from her, a clean separation. I would cut out that part of my soul so that Bella could move on and live a normal life.
Bella was working up her courage to say something. I knew she wanted answers. I could not provide any. My mind was set. I had to stop her from asking. This had to be all my doing, my fault.
"Do you mind if I come over today?" She looked slightly startled that I had spoken first. I mentally kicked myself for being so distant and cold. I wished that I could have left Bella with better memories of our last days.
"Of course not." She recovered herself.
"Now?" I needed to get this over with, to remove the danger that I posed to Bella as soon as possible. I had waited long enough; every moment was hazardous to her.
"Sure," She was very calm. It made me wary. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there." More distractions. I glared at the offended letter. If I took it our division would come sooner. That was good and bad. I debated the question that I had pondered for days. Do I do the right thing or the easy thing? Bella's safety won. I reached over and took the letter, hating myself already for the pain I would cause her.
"I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there." I tried to smile for her so that she would believe everything was fine. I wanted this to be as easy as possible for her. Worrying would not help that.
"Okay." She didn't smile back. I was a worse actor than I thought. I walked to my car. I really wanted to take off and run from my decisions. This would be the most painful act of my life. I was having trouble picturing surviving the parting. Bella would not be easy to convince. I worked on what I would say as I drove. I parked my car and ran the rest of the journey, thinking about how I was about to belie everything I had ever told her. She wouldn't believe it. Bella had too much faith in me. I had told her I loved her.
I beat her there, parking in Charlie's spot. I knew that this would tip her off that something was wrong, but I was past pretending. I took her bag and put it on the seat. This needed to be over. I couldn't stand lying to her any more.
"Come for a walk with me." I tried to keep my voice light. I was unable to resist taking her hand, savoring the feel of her skin on mine.
Bella definitely knew that something was wrong. She was walking slowly, lagging behind. I couldn't bring myself to look at her beautiful face. I stopped early. It was time. Something was breaking inside of me. I kept my features an emotionless mask. For Bella. I told myself.
I regretted looking at her. There was something akin to panic on her face. I hated myself for what I was doing. At the same time, I relished these moments where I was free to adore her. I needed to memorize how it felt to know she loved me, even if it was only for a moment. I found myself suddenly reluctant to talk. I wasn't capable of hurting her like this. Wasn't the subtle hurt of danger less painful than the impending separation? I had almost talked myself out of it when she spoke.
"Okay, let's talk." She sounded brave. That was my Bella. I took a breath, steadying myself.
"Bella, we're leaving." The words were so stark and simple. I felt like a criminal for speaking them.
"Why now? Another year-"
"Bella, it's time... How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." All of this was true, but each word was a knife in my heart, knowing what I must do. I forced myself to respond to her confusion with an icy cold glare. The panicked look returned.
"When you say we-"
"I mean my family and myself." I spoke the lie harshly. I was leaving my real family here, Bella. She shook her head. I wished I could read her mind.
"Okay, I'll come with you." Stubborn Bella. I love her so much.
"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…it's not the right place for you." I skirted saying the most painful reason that I had thought of.
"Where you are is the right place for me." Any other time, these words would have warmed me. Now, I felt nothing. I was numb.
"I'm no good for you, Bella."
"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life." I had expected this. Bella would never see my true nature. I had to try to be the monster that she couldn't see so that she would understand that this was final. I would have killed anyone who was hurting her like I was.
"My world is not for you."
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" The memory of that night flashed through my mind. It only strengthened my resolve. She must never be in that danger again.
"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"
"As long as that was best for you."
"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" She shouted. Only partially right, Bella. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!"
I was forced to look away. I couldn't let her see how much those words meant to me. Even though she didn't understand what she was saying, it still felt good to hear. I had to be a monster. I had to commit this unforgivable act. She wouldn't believe my next reason, but it was worth a shot.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I needed to be sure she heard what I was saying. This would be a clean break. The words burned my throat as I said them.
"You…don't…want me?" My heart broke at her pain.
"No." I almost doubled over with the weight of my lies. We stared at each other. I hid the truth deep inside of me so that she wouldn't see. I was drowning in the pain and hurt in her gaze. Then the emotion disappeared.
"Well, that changes things." I was scared by the evenness of her voice. I could not leave her in such pain. I looked away.
"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." When I looked at her, I thought she saw the monster for just a moment. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." If I hadn't been hell bound before, I was now.
"Don't. Don't do this." A hint of emotion was breaking through her serene state. I wished I could give her what she wanted, but it was too late. There was no turning back.
"You're not good for me, Bella." The lies kept getting better. She started to speak, stopped, started again.
"If…that's what you want." I nodded. She froze. There was no trace of life in her.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much." I looked into her eyes. My heart disappeared. There was only a broken, empty place. I could see no argument in her. She believed me. Total and complete horror filled me. How could she believe it so easily? My mask slipped. No, this was what I had wanted.
"Anything." She said. I needed to "dazzle" her. She had to do this.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" She nodded. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him." She could not think that I cared. To move on, she had to believe that it was really and truly over.
"I will." I was able to relax slightly. Bella would keep her word. "And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." She had no reason to believe me, but I would keep my last promise to her. It was all I had left to give.
Then I spoke the thing that I had to believe. "Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." She would be okay.
"And your memories?" Her voice broke.
"Well," I formulated a lie. "I won't forget. But my kind," I stressed the difference between us, widening the gap. "We're very easily distracted." I smiled falsely. I stepped away, distancing myself. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again.
"Alice isn't coming back." It wasn't a question. I could not remove my eyes from her face. It would be forever burned in my mind.
"No. They're all gone I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?"
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." She was still frozen, emotionless. I loved her with every fiber of my being. "Goodbye, Bella." It took my whole will to stay steady, calm.
"Wait!" She reached for me. I needed to hold her, but I forced myself to settle for a chaste kiss on her forehead.
"Take care of yourself." Then I ran, leaving my soul behind. The lights of my world extinguished. There was nothing left to keep moving for. Bella would be safe. I would never be whole again.
That was mildly depressing. I can do another chapter of some other section of the series in Edward's POV if you want, just tell me. Review please!