Dug this up out of some long-forgotten file. A sad attempt at my being funny after I first read The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases.
I think once I'm done with my other works I'll re-write this in actual story format.
Welcome to the Sweet Tooth show! Thank you for tuning in! And here is
the star of the show, L!
L: *shuffles onto the set* … *adjusts his frilly pink apron*
*The studio remains quiet as L stands in the middle of the set, doing nothing*
-Five minutes later-
*producer runs onstage, whispers to L, then runs off*
L: *loudly* Oh yes. I forgot. *begins to gather bowls and kitchen tools from cabinets and drawers*
Audience member: Umm…L?
L: *looks up from a cookbook held up in front of his face* Yes?
Audience member: What are you going to be baking?
L: Apparently a cake.
*audience oohs and ahhhs*
Same audience member: Umm…L?
Audience member: What exactly kind of cake?
*the producer runs up again and whispers to L*
L: Strawberry shortcake.
*more oohs and ahhhs*
So, you add flour. *pours
in a bag of flour*
and some eggs *throws
in three or four whole eggs*
the cookbook he's holding upside down and his eyes grow wide*
an entire bag of sugar into the mixing bowl while jumping up and
*Audience grows silent, exchanging alarmed glances between one another*
L: Woo! *looks back at recipe* that's all? That's not nearly enough! There must be more…SUGAR!!! *Runs around the kitchen and finds a whole shelf of sugar bowls*
stops in his tracks and stares at the sugar. He gets down on his
knees and begins to bow down*
Oh, sweet, merciful sugar! It is I, L! Your humble servant!
*Many audience members begin to get up from their chairs and quickly head for the exists, while others take out video cameras*
L: Oh, wonderful, beautiful, SUGAR!!!! *begins to pour a bowl of sugar down his throat*
L: *singing, loudly and off-key* POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME, BABY!!!!!!!!
*producer flanked by security runs up to L and tries to take away the sugar*
L: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *uses mad Capoeira skills and kicks producer in the face, sending him flying across the stage and into pots and pans…audible crash follows*
Guard#1: Quick, Jim! Now!
Security Guards#2: *whips out taser and shoots L*
L: *Jumps up and kicks both guards in the face, each instantly KO'd* BAHAHAHAHA!!! Don't you know??? Pure sugar is INVINCIBLE!!!!!! *grabs as many bowls of sugar as he can and jumps out of the nearby window*
Announcer: Aaaand that's all the time we have! Thank you for joining us today on the Sweet Tooth show! Next week we will be featuring a new host! Tune in next time to meet our new star!
-Audience members leave and the studio is quiet. The guards eventually wake up and leave also, not bothering to wake the producer-
-Several hours later-
Producer: *groans and sits up* Oh, my head. *hears a shuffling behind him*
Producer: GAH!!! *jumps up when he sees someone looking through the fridge* Oh, L. *quickly remembers what happened* YOU'RE FIRED!!!
Mystery Man: *Turns around* Huh?
Producer: *realizes the man is not L* Oh, sorry. You just look like someone…hey, wait a minute. How did you get in here??
Mystery Man: *takes hand out of jam jar and licks his fingers* you…thought I was L..?
Answer me! And you can't eat that! That's the food used for the
Mystery Man: You….thought that I was……L….?
Producer: *stops for a moment as a brilliant idea overcomes him* Hey! Forget about what I just said! You're welcome to have all the jam you want! And, I'll let you come here EVERY day and bake all kinds of good stuff. You just have to do it in front of a camera and audience. What do you think?
Mystery Man: ……L was here?
Producer *huffs out of frustration* Yeah, he was. But he's gonna be fired ASAP, so we need a replacement. How would you like to replace L?
Mystery Man: ……so B will be better than L…
Producer: …..sure, kid. So you're up for it?? *grinning hopefully*
Mystery Man: …….well, if there's jam….
Hahaha I'm a freak. Looking back on it, I chuckled.
Not much -_-