I'm kind of stuck on my other story, Sincere Deceptions, right now, and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. Hence, this one shot was born.

Warnings: there is a reason why i rated this fic "M"...a very good reason, language, yaoi, a lemon (YAY! SMUT!!!!! *cough cough* anyways...), i think that's all since I'm too lazy to read through the story again to find more warnings

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man.


Yuu Kanda slammed the backdoor shut on his way out, instantly cutting off the loud bangs and crashes echoing in the large house. He sighed before making his way into the woods beyond the backyard.

Froi Tiedoll insisted on buying several acres of woodland, hoping the scenic area would provide inspiration for his art. After all, money was not an issue for the famous artist.

But, Kanda saw the woods as something different. It became a place he could go to escape the usually noisy household. Someplace he could let down his guard and relax. Where he could be alone without anyone bothering him and demanding him to open himself up to others.

It had been nearly a year since he had taken the time to walk through the woods. Senior year of high school had been hectic and there was never enough time. Now that he had graduated, he wanted to relax by the small pond in the middle of the woods.

Kanda could feel his muscles loosening with every step closer to his destination. The tension from having to deal with his adopted family dissolving. He looked forward to the peace and quiet of the woods. Hopefully, he could even take a short nap since sleep seemed to be a rare commodity these days.

That hope crashed down when he stepped through the line of trees and into a clearing by the pond. An old man sat on the bank slowing trailing his hand through the water, oblivious to his surroundings.

Kanda scowled, furious that someone trespassed in his sanctuary. "Oi! What the fuck do you think you're doing here? This is private property, old man."

The "old man" jumped in surprise and nearly fell into the pond, but managed to steady himself at the last moment. He turned revealing the youthful face of a boy no more than fifteen years of age frowning in annoyance. "I'm not an old man. I'm only fifteen years old."

"Your hair tells a different story."

The boy raised his hand to his hair and spoke with a defensive tone. "I was born this way."

Kanda snorted. "Che, whatever. Just the hell off my property, Moyashi."

"My name's Allen Walker."

"You think I care, Moyashi?"

The boy puffed out his cheeks. "Why are you so rude? What does moyashi mean anyways?"

"Figure it out yourself. Now, leave."

Allen crossed his arms. "I don't want to."

Kanda's eyes narrowed. "This is private property, which means you're trespassing. Leave before I call the police."

The white haired boy rolled his eyes. "And what are they going to do to me?"

The sarcasm in Allen's voice made Kanda grit his teeth. "I'll have them throw you in jail, Moyashi. Hopefully you'll stay and rot there, you little bastard."

The boy flinch at the second sentence and his eyes darted towards one of the trees behind Kanda. He stayed silent for nearly a minute. "Can I stay here? I promise, I won't bother you."

"No, and you already are."

Allen looked up with wide pleading silver eyes. "Please. I've been here for weeks and I like this place."

"What the hell? What do you mean you've been here for weeks?"

The white haired boy froze. "Uhh…I mean…well…"

"You're a runaway?"


Kanda didn't look convinced at all.

Allen sighed. "Fine. I guess I am. Happy?"

"You guess?"

"Ugh. Why do you have to make this complicated? I just want to stay here. I won't bother you. I won't even talk if you don't want me to. I just…I don't want to leave, yet. That's all."

"Che. Fine, just keep your mouth shut and leave me alone, Moyashi."

The white haired boy brightened. "I will! Uhh…what's your name?"

"What happened to keeping your trap shut?"

Allen pouted. "I told you my name, so it's only fair that you tell me your name."

"Che. Kanda."

"Kanda? That's all?"

"That's all you're getting, Moyashi. Now shut the hell up."

The boy backed off. "Okay, okay. Jeez I just wanted to know your name."

Kanda glared at the white haired boy, who looked away and sat down next to the pond again.


The rest of the day passed quickly. Allen stayed quiet and occupied himself by playing with the water. Kanda sat in the shade reading a book.

Neither spoke and the only sounds were the small splashes Allen made and the rustle of paper as Kanda turned the page.

Frustrated, Kanda closed the book and tossed it aside. Hours had passed but he hadn't even been able to finish a chapter. His thoughts kept turning to the white haired boy sitting twenty feet away. He couldn't understand why he allowed the boy to stay. Normally, he hated having people around him, but the white haired boy was…different. Kanda found himself inexplicably drawn to the smaller teen.

So to pass the time, Kanda studied the runaway. White hair. Large, innocent silver eyes. An oval and almost feminine face. Odd red scar marring the left side of his face. Right hand appeared small and delicate. Left hand covered with a glove. Overall, the white haired boy was strange.

"How did you find this place?"

The younger teen didn't answer.

Kanda's eye twitched a little. "I know you can hear me, Moyashi."

He still refused to answer.

"Damn it! Answer me."

The boy finally looked at Kanda. "You told me to keep my mouth shut."

Kanda glared. "Just answer the fucking question, Moyashi."

"Fine, fine. I don't know how I found this place. I just happened to stumble into this clearing."

"What the hell kind of answer is that?"

Allen pouted. "It's true. I have a horrible sense of direction, so when I found this clearing I decided to stay. I like this place and I was worried I wouldn't be able to find it again if I wandered around."

"Che. Figures."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. What do you eat?"

The boy hesitated. "…Uhh…whatever I find, I guess."

"Stop saying 'I guess.' It's annoying."

The white haired boy stuck his tongue out. "Make me."

Kanda resisted the urge to throw his book at the annoying brat. "When was the last time you ate, Moyashi?"

Allen blinked a few times unsure if he heard correctly. "Why do you care?"

Something flickered in the older teen's eyes before the glare returned. "I don't. Forget I asked then."

Kanda stood up and stretched. A soft sigh escaped when his back cracked.

Allen watched him bend down to pick up the book. "Where are you going?"

"Che. Home."

The white haired boy visibly deflated. "I see. Are you coming back tomorrow?"

Kanda frowned slightly at the bit of hope in the younger teen's voice. "No."


The older teen studied the now depressed-looking boy. He quietly clicked his tongue and tossed his book towards Allen.

The younger teen stared at the book lying next to him. "Umm…what's this?"

"It's a book, moron."

"I know that but why…?"

"Che. If you can't read then give it back."

"No!" Allen blushed slightly at his outburst, but he couldn't hold back the bright smile. "I mean…I can read so…thank you."

"Whatever. I want that book back though, so don't lose or destroy it, Moyashi."

"It's Allen. And I won't let anything happen to it."

Kanda rolled his eyes then turned and began his walk home.

Allen watched him leave with a cheerful smile. He picked up the book and read the back cover. A mystery novel. He laughed a little and hugged the book to his chest. He would treasure the book for as long as he could keep it. After all, gifts were rare. Mana was the only person who had ever given him a gift. That someone else was doing so gave him a warm feeling in his chest.


The next day, Kanda was unable to return to the clearing by the pond because Tiedoll decided to bring his "sons" to the zoo. Kanda tried to get out of it to no avail. He somehow ended up in the car next to a pouting Daisya.

In the zoo, Kanda glared at everyone and everything. He even tried to kick the old man into the tiger exhibit. Marie managed to grab onto Tiedoll at the last minute while Daisya stood to the side and laughed. Instead of getting angry and scolding Kanda, Tiedoll started crying about Kanda's "enthusiasm" about tigers and began to take an inordinate amount of pictures of them.

Sufficed to say, Kanda tried to kick the old man into the lion exhibit as well as the bear exhibit. Again, Marie saved Tiedoll and several rolls of film were dedicated to lions, tigers, and bears. Daisya somehow attained a bag of popcorn and watched the drama unfold all the while cheering Kanda on.

By the end of the trip, Marie lost several years of his life, Tiedoll was planning the next zoo trip, Daisya was on his third bag of popcorn, and Kanda was fuming at his failure to off the old man.

Kanda barricaded himself in his room for the rest of the day and all night. No amount of coaxing would get him to come out. Not even the promise of soba.


Kanda shifted the strap of the backpack to a more comfortable position. Though it was the beginning of summer, the air was cool and crisp. He quickened his pace when he saw a glimpse of the pond. Stepping through the line of trees, his gaze swept the clearing searching for a head of white hair. He mentally cursed himself when he realized that he was looking forward to seeing the younger teen.

Last night, after his anger at his adopted father subsided somewhat, Kanda remembered the runaway and wondered what the boy was doing. He couldn't help but recall the boy's expression when he said he was not going to return the next day. Kanda didn't understand the odd need to see the boy. What was it about the white haired boy that drew him like a moth to a flame?


He looked to the right where the boy sat under a tree flipping through his mystery novel. The white haired teen was smiling.

Kanda answered in his usual gruff manner. "You're still here?"

Unfazed, Allen nodded enthusiastically. "Of course I'm still here. You said you wanted your book back, right?"

"Che. You're an idiot, Moyashi."

"Hmph. What are you carrying?"

"What does it look like?"

"…A backpack?"

"Then that's what it is, moron."

"You should work on your manners. I was wondering about the things inside the bag."

Kanda set the backpack down and settled himself against a tree. Allen got up and wandered over to take a look. The white haired boy knelt next to Kanda, his eyes never leaving the backpack.

"Really, what's in the pack?"


Silver eyes brightened. "Food?"

"Che. What else would lunch be?"

Kanda wanted to shove the Allen away since the white haired boy was invading personal space, but another part of him didn't really mind having the younger teen so close.

"Umm…how much did you bring?"

The dark haired teen gave the other an incredulous look. "You expect me to feed you?"

Allen fidgeted nervously still unable to tear his gaze away from the potential food source. "Well, it's been a while…"

"Che. Idiot, why the hell do I have to feed you?"

Despite his words, Kanda pushed the backpack towards the younger teen. He watched pale pink lips form a wide smile. Mesmerized, Kanda stared as Allen attacked the pack with all the enthusiasm of a child offered candy.

The older teen's jaw slackened as he watched the younger teen practically inhale the food. In a matter of several minutes, Allen finished most of the food and was digging for more.

"Did you taste that?"


Kanda cringed at the sight of a mouthful of half chewed food. "Fuck. Swallow before you talk, Moyashi."

Allen took some moments to do so before speaking. "Yeah, it tastes really good."

He then proceeded to shove more food into his mouth.

Kanda regarded the younger teen with a bit of disgust. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember exactly. Though it's nice that you care."

The words were accompanied with another bright smile.

"Che. I don't care. I just don't want to come here one day only to find a corpse lying around."

Allen choked.

Kanda frowned. "What?"

The younger teen didn't answer, but his eyes flickered over to a tree for a moment before darting elsewhere. As quick as that glance was, Kanda still caught it. He looked over to see what made Allen nervous.

The dark haired teen studied the tree. Something odd near the base caught his attention. The dirt looked as though someone or something had dug a hole and refilled it. He got up to get a closer look.

A hand grabbed his shirttail.

Allen tugged on the shirt. "Wait, Kanda. Don't."

"What the hell, Moyashi? Did you bury something here?"

"I…it's not important."

"Not important? I say the word corpse and you automatically looked there. Does this have anything to do with why you're hiding out in the woods?"

Allen looked down and mumbled something.


The white haired boy bit his lip then blurted out, "It's my dog!"

Kanda blinked.

"He died soon after we got here and I didn't know what to do, so I buried him."

Seething, Kanda pulled away from the younger teen. "You buried your dog here?"

"What else was I supposed to do? Toss him somewhere in the woods? He was my only friend!"

The dark haired teen ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm down. "Explain, Moyashi."

Allen sat back down and stared at the ground. "When I ran away, I found a dog on the streets. He started to follow me around and even led me to food sometimes. For some reason, he went into the woods one day and I followed him. When we got to this clearing, he laid down and wouldn't get up anymore. He died here. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just dug a hole and buried him here. He deserved to at least be buried."

"Fuck, Moyashi. Anything else buried around here that I should know about?"

"No…that's all."

"Che. Just eat, Moyashi. I'm not going to dig up anything."

The white haired boy obediently turned back to the backpack. "Sorry."


Kanda sat down near the white haired boy and sighed.

Allen continued to dig around in the pack. He pulled something out. "Hey! Another book. Can I read this one, Kanda?"

"What happened to the book I gave you before?"

"I already finished it. I liked that it had a happy ending, especially the part where they found the missing body."

"So, you can read."

The white haired boy scowled at Kanda. "Yes, I can read. Do you have anymore food?"

The older teen blinked then reached out for the pack. He flipped it upside down but nothing fell out. It was empty. "You finished all the food?"

"…I wasn't supposed to?"

Annoyed, Kanda smacked the back of Allen's head ignoring the pained sound the white haired boy made. "Damn it, Moyashi. You ate my share, too."

"Sorry! You should've told me earlier."

"Che. Get your stuff, moron."

Allen tilted his head to the side. "Why?"

The older teen stood and picked up the trash. "Might as well take you home with me. You can eat as much as you want there. The old man will probably be thrilled."

"I don't want to."

Kanda stopped. "What?"

"I said that I don't want to go. I like it here."

"I said get your stuff, Moyashi."

"I can't 'cause I don't have anything."

"What the hell did you do? Run away with nothing but the clothes on your back?"

"…Kind of…"

"You really are an idiot."

Allen didn't reply. He just crossed his arms and turned away.

"Let's go."


"Damn it. I'm not repeating myself."

"Then don't. I already said that I want to stay here."

Kanda gritted his teeth. "Fine! Stay here and die with your damn dog."

Ha stormed off leaving the white haired teen behind.

Allen watched Kanda go with sad eyes. He whispered, "I'm sorry but I can't leave. Not yet."


Kanda restlessly paced around his room. His thoughts and emotions whirled chaotically, focusing mainly on a certain white haired boy.

He tossed and turned all night, unable to fall asleep. He finally gave up trying to sleep around dawn.

Making up his mind, Kanda grabbed the backpack from yesterday and started throwing in whatever he deemed necessary. Once that was done, he stormed out of the house, nearly running over Daisya who just barely got out of the way in time.

When he arrived at the clearing, he immediately saw Allen sitting by the pond again.

The white haired boy looked up. Surprise flickered over his face. "Kanda?"

The dark haired teen threw the backpack at the younger teen.


"It's food and other necessities."

"Why are you giving me this?"

"I want you to leave. Go home. If you don't want to do that, then just leave. I don't want to see you around here anymore."

Allen gaped at the older teen. "B-but, Kanda."

Kanda glared at the white haired boy. "Get the fuck out of here, Moyashi."

Before Allen could say anything else, the dark haired teen left. Allen looked at the pack on the ground then back where Kanda had been standing. He sighed. "What now?"


Kanda avoided going to the clearing for several days, opting to stay at home. Or more specifically, he locked himself in his room, only coming out for food.

During that time, he did whatever he could to keep himself occupied. Still, his thoughts inexorably drifted over to Allen. A small part of him was screaming to go back to the clearing. He was torn between wanting Allen to be there and wanting him gone.

His hesitation to return to the pond vanished when Tiedoll announced one morning that they should have another family trip to the zoo. Kanda locked and barricaded his bedroom door before climbing out the window. Like hell he would go through that again.

Kanda's heart pounded as nervousness rose with every step. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself and stepped into the clearing.

He couldn't really name the emotion that welled up when he saw the head of white hair. Relief? Anger? Exasperation? Or a mix of too many emotions to tell?


Startled, Allen spun around and stared with wide eyes. "Kanda?"

"What are you doing here?"

The white haired boy nervously laughed. "Well, you see, I tried to leave but no matter how long I wandered around, I kept ending up back here. So, I just stayed."


"Really! It's true. I don't understand why I can't find my way out of here."

"…Baka Moyashi."

Allen blinked. "Huh?"

Kanda sighed. "Figures that an idiot like you can't even find your way out of the woods."

The white haired boy pouted. "It's not easy. I tried many times but I still ended up here."

"Che. Even if you did find your way out of here, what were you going to do?"

"Uhh…I don't know. Just wander around, I guess. There's not much I can do. So, does this mean that can I stay here?"

"…Whatever. I suppose you want me to bring you food as well."

Allen grinned. "That would be nice."

Kanda sat down. "Che. You're annoying."

But still, he couldn't help but feel a slight warmth in his chest. Though he would never admit it, Kanda felt a little glad that the white haired boy stayed.


A month quickly passed. Kanda went to the clearing almost everyday bearing food. Allen was always there waiting for him with a smile.

During that time, Kanda had tried to get the younger teen to come to the house with him, but Allen refused every time. The older teen even went so far as to try to physically drag Allen, but the white haired boy somehow managed to grab onto a tree trunk with a death grip. The ensuing battle consisted of plenty of swearing on Kanda's part and large teary eyes courtesy of Allen. The dark haired teen finally gave up after an hour. Allen refused to let go of the tree for the rest of that day.

And, Kanda noticed that many things started to change over the course of a month.

His emotions for one. Before, his feelings for Allen revolved around annoyance, confusion, and a platonic attraction. The younger teen held a mysterious aura that Kanda found himself drawn towards. There was just something odd about Allen that Kanda couldn't put a finger on, and he wanted to know what it was about the white haired boy that seemed…off.

Now, his feelings towards the white haired boy didn't seem so platonic anymore. His eyes wandered over to Allen more often and lingered for longer than necessary. His subconscious appeared to have been affected as well because a certain white haired teen began to intrude in his dreams. Dreams that normal hormone-driven teenagers should have, but ones that a Moyashi had no business being in.

One particular morning, Kanda woke up covered in sweat and uncomfortably hard.

"Fuck no. I am not having dreams about him. Like hell I would want fucking Moyashi under me and…"

Kanda trailed off as a mental picture formed of a panting Allen writhing beneath him and moaning his name. His member twitched.

Kanda gritted his teeth and stumbled into the attached bathroom to take care of his…problem.


Allen fidgeted under Kanda's dark glare.

For some reason, the dark haired teen had shown up in a foul mood. It was normal for Kanda to be angry. Allen wholeheartedly believed that Kanda's default emotion was anger, but today was different. The older teen seemed to be bordering on murderous.


Allen trailed off as Kanda's mood darkened to downright murderous.

"…Is something wrong?"


Was that a yes or a no? The white haired boy didn't reach for the bag of food that Kanda brought. He was afraid that the older teen might attack at the slightest movement. Hell, he was afraid to breathe too loudly.

Nearly an hour passed before Allen gathered enough courage to speak again. "Kanda?"

The dark haired teen didn't respond. He didn't look in Allen's direction.

Trying again, he spoke a little louder. "Kanda?"

Still nothing.


"I heard you the first fucking time."

"Then you should have answered me."

"What the hell do you want, Moyashi?"

"Umm…can I have some food?"

Kanda gave the younger teen an incredulous look then tossed the bag of food towards Allen. He muttered something under his breath about gluttonous idiots.

Allen huffed out a breath, but didn't retort since his attention had drifted to the food.

The older teen watched his companion inhale the food with disgusted fascination, wanting to look away but unable to tear his eyes from the spectacle.

After he was done eating, Allen started rambling about his favorite foods, hoping that Kanda was listening and taking mental notes.

A few minutes into Allen's list, Kanda scoffed. "Is food the only thing you can think about?"

Allen puffed out his cheeks. "You're being jerk to me today. I haven't done anything and you're glaring at me like I did something wrong."

The white haired boy stood and turned away from Kanda with his arms crossed over his chest.

Kanda stood as well. "Why you?"

Confused, Allen turned back around. "Huh?"

The older teen walked over to Allen. "Why did it have to be an annoying, gullible, clueless moyashi like you?"

The younger teen backed away. "What are you talking about?"

Kanda grabbed the front of Allen's shirt and pulling him forward, caught the younger teen's lips with his own. His tongue plunged into the smaller one's mouth and explored the new territory. As expected, Allen tasted sweet. Despite hating anything even remotely sweet, Kanda found himself deepening the kiss to get more of that taste. He wanted to drown himself in that taste. Wanted to imprint that taste into his mind. Into his subconscious.

He finally pulled away when the need for air became pressing. Both he and Allen were panting. Sometime during the kiss, Allen had wrapped his arms around his neck and hands tangled into his hair. Kanda stared at the younger teen's flushed face and wide, confused silver eyes. Some unnamable emotion rose in his chest. In the vicinity of his heart.

Kanda untangled himself and pulled away. The white haired boy didn't move. The older teen clicked his tongue and walked away leaving Allen behind without looking back. He didn't acknowledge the rapid fire beating of his heart. Nor would he admit to the light blush on his own pale cheeks.

Allen had no idea how long he stood there gaping at the spot Kanda had been standing. Too many thoughts swirled around in his head. He lifted his hand to his lips that still tingled. The blush refused to recede.

"I shouldn't do this. I know I shouldn't. But…I want to. I deserve a little happiness. Right?"

There was no answer. Allen sighed and glanced over at the base of the tree where the dirt had been disturbed nearly two months ago.

"Mana…I haven't forgotten about you. I just…what should I do?"


The next day, Kanda hesitantly stepped into the clearing. He half expected the white haired boy to be gone, but he spotted the head of white hair under a tree.

Allen looked up at the sound of rustling leaves. A blush rose when he recognized Kanda.

The air was tense and awkward for both of them.

The white haired boy broke the silence. "Umm…hi…"

"Che. Moyashi."

"It's Allen. Umm…did you bring food?"

A scowl formed. "Think of something other than food for once, idiot."

"Well, what do you want me to say?"


"Then I want food."

Eye twitching, Kanda threw the bag of food at the white haired boy and walked to the edge of the pond to stare out at the calm water. He heard the rustling of the bag then there was silence.


The dark haired teen spun around to glare at Allen who was a little too close for comfort. The white haired boy grabbed Kanda's collar and pulled him down into a kiss. A mere brush of lips. Allen pulled away with flushed cheeks.

"Does that answer your question?"

"I didn't ask a question."

"But you wanted to, right?"


Allen brightly smiled and returned to the food waiting to be eaten.

Kanda couldn't stop the small smile from curving his lips, so he turned back to the pond to hide his face and muttered almost affectionately under his breath. "Baka Moyashi."

"Hey, Kanda."


"I had a dream last night. You were in it."

The dark haired teen tensed, his mind drifting to his own dream about Allen.

"It's kind of weird though. We were both exorcists that killed these machines called akuma. We used something called Innocence to fight them. Mine was called Crown Clown, and yours was a sword called Mugen."

"Che. It was just a dream, Moyashi."

"…I know that. But still…it was a really interesting dream."

"Just eat, idiot. You're giving me a headache."

The white haired boy's response was to stick his tongue out at Kanda's back.


Another two weeks passed. Kanda spent more and more time in the clearing with Allen. Stealing kisses. Playfully bantering. Enjoying each other's presence.

"Oi, Moyashi."

"When are you going to use my name?"

"Che. Why do you only wear one glove?"

Allen's eyes widened and he tried to hide his left hand behind his back. Kanda grabbed it and started tugging on the glove.

The white haired boy attempted to pull away, but Kanda refused to let go.

"Stop, Kanda."


"You don't want to see it. It's…gross."

Kanda clicked his tongue and pulled off the glove. He stared at the blood red skin and dead, blackened fingernails.


Allen yanked his hand away and held it protectively against his chest. He didn't meet Kanda's eyes. "It happened years ago when I was eight years old. There was a fire and I was trapped in the house. When they finally got me out, the damage was already done. Other kids wouldn't play with me and called me a freak because of this arm, but I guess I can understand. It's ugly."

"Che, idiot. Are you waiting for me to call you a freak and leave?"

The white haired boy hunched his shoulders to make himself smaller. "Are you?"

Kanda's answer was to start unbuttoning Allen's shirt.

Blushing, Allen could only gape. "W-what are you doing?"

"I want to see. Now, stop moving and let me take off your shirt."

"Ah! Stop, pervert!"

The short struggle ended with Kanda on top of a furiously blushing, shirtless Allen. The dark haired teen had Allen's arms pinned to the side, and the white haired boy looked helpless and incredibly tempting. Despite the glare the smaller one was sending, Kanda felt himself growing hard.

He leaned forward and kissed the younger teen. When they parted for air, Kanda trailed his lips down the column of the Allen's neck pulling a moan from the smaller teen.


The dark haired teen licked the collarbone and sucked making a mark.

"Ah! S-stop."

He left a wet trail to a hard, light pink nub. He licked and gently bit causing Allen to make another pleading sound. He brought his hand up to pinch and roll the other nipple. The younger teen's back arched.

Kanda's other hand slid up the white haired boy's leg up to a hardening member. "Heh. Do you really want me to stop, Moyashi?"

Allen bit his lip but a hiss escaped when Kanda's hand wrapped around the hard flesh and tightened.

"Answer me, Moyashi. Do you want me to stop?"

The words were accompanied with the hand moving up and down.


"Che. That's not an answer."

Kanda let go to unbutton the other's pants and slowly undid the zipper.

Allen felt himself harden even more when the cool air met hot skin. He felt Kanda lean down and kiss his stomach. His pounding heart skipped a beat. "What are you doing?"

The dark haired teen didn't respond. He settled himself between Allen's legs and bent his head towards the hard member seeping a pearly liquid. His warm breath made it twitch and harden a little more.


The older teen licked the weeping head.

"Ah! Don't…"

Kanda took the organ into his mouth forcing Allen to bite back a scream. The dark haired teen slowly moved his head up and down, swirling his tongue to draw out mewling sounds from the white haired boy.

Somehow, Allen's mismatched hands ended up tangled in Kanda's long black tresses. The sensations were becoming too much for him, considering this was his first time doing anything of this nature. He couldn't hold back the sounds escaping his throat. Sounds he didn't even know he could make. Just then, Kanda did something with his tongue tipping him over the edge.

"Ah! Kanda!"

Kanda swallowed the white liquid and smirked at the mortified look on the white haired boy's face.

Allen's face couldn't have gotten any redder even if he tried, and the smirk on the older teen's face was not helping at all. He could only watch Kanda undress with growing trepidation.

The dark haired teen whispered into Allen's ear. "Something wrong, Moyashi?"

The white haired boy opened his mouth to respond, but Kanda shoved a few fingers into his mouth.



Hesitantly, Allen sucked and lapped at the fingers. Once Kanda was satisfied, he pulled his hand away.

The white haired boy squeaked when he felt a finger press against his entrance. He spoke in a somewhat high-pitched voice. "What are you doing?"

Kanda roughly kissed the smaller boy while pushing his finger past the tight ring of muscles. He slowly added the second finger and scissored them to stretch the muscle.

Allen moaned when the third finger was added. The feeling was foreign and uncomfortable. Then Kanda brushed against something that made the younger teen see stars.

"Found it."

Kanda pulled out his fingers and pressed his own member against the smaller boy's entrance.

Allen tensed at the painful intrusion. "K-kanda…it hurts."

"Relax, Moyashi."

Something easier said than done. Allen tried to relax but the sensations were too odd, too different.

When Kanda was fully sheathed, he waited for a few moments then began a slow, steady rhythm. He kept the slow pace until Allen got used to it and relaxed a little.

The dark haired teen changed his angle and the white haired boy's back arched again.


Kanda kept that angle hitting the sweet spot with every thrust. He reached between them for the younger teen's member.

"Heh. Already hard again, Moyashi?"

"S-shut up…you…ah…jerk."

In retaliation, the older teen leaned down and bit the smaller one's collarbone.

The sudden sharp pain shoved Allen over the precipice tearing a scream from his throat. Sticky white substance spattered onto his and Kanda's stomach.

The younger teen's muscles tightened, making Kanda hiss as he found his own release.

The dark haired teen lowered himself into a more comfortable position. He rolled to the side to avoid crushing the smaller teen. Neither said a word while they tried to catch their breaths. Several minutes passed in content silence.



"Come home with me. I bought an apartment months ago for when I start going to the University, and it's completely furnished. I want you to live with me. There's no point in staying here and when classes begin, I won't be able to come here very often. So…"

The white haired boy tensed and didn't answer.


Allen closed his eyes, suddenly close to tears. "I can't."


The white haired boy turned onto his back to Kanda. "I just can't."

Kanda spoke through gritted teeth. "Why the fuck can't you? Do you really want to stay here that much?"

Allen forced himself to speak through the lump in his throat. Forced himself to speak words he didn't mean with malice he didn't feel. "Why would I want to live with someone like you?"

Furious beyond words, Kanda got up and quickly dressed himself. He stormed off before he could give in to the temptation to strangle the stubborn white haired teen. He refused to acknowledge the pain blossoming in his chest.

When he could no longer hear Kanda crashing through the woods, Allen curled up into a ball and let the tears fall. "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry."


A week passed and Kanda refused to return to the clearing. He didn't want to see the white haired boy that took up most of his thoughts nowadays.

He walked into the living room where Tiedoll was watching the news. The reporter caught his attention.

: …Walker Case. This morning, police arrested 28-year-old, Tyki Mikk for the murder of Walker nearly three months ago. As of now, the body still has yet to be found. :

Kanda gaped at the television. His mind suddenly recalling the way Allen often glanced at the base of the tree where something was buried with a heartbreakingly sad expression on his face.

"Yuu-kun? Is something wrong?"

The dark haired teen oddly didn't snap back at Tiedoll for using his first name. He stood there for another minute before running out of the house, ignoring the old man calling out his name.

It seemed to take hours to get to the clearing. When he did, he saw Allen standing there.

The white haired boy smiled hesitantly. "Kanda."

The dark haired teen ignored him. Instead focusing his attention to the base of the tree where something was buried.

Allen, noticing where Kanda's attention was, grabbed onto the older teen's arm. "Kanda, wait!"

Kanda shook off the white haired boy and shoved him to the side.

The younger teen watched Kanda start to dig through the dirt with sad, regretful eyes.

He had no idea how long he knelt there digging. At some point, he had looked up only to see that Allen was gone. He didn't care. Just continued digging.

"It's not true. It can't be."

Mantra repeating over and over in his head. Minutes or hours later, Kanda found something.


His movements became jerky as every breath became more erratic and uneven. He finished uncovering the body. A human body.

Kanda backed away until his back hit a tree. There, he brought his legs to his chest and buried his face into his knees. It wasn't true. This had to be a dream. Because it was impossible. This had to be some sick joke Allen devised. Because it was impossible for him to be sitting here and staring at his lover's partially decayed corpse. It was impossible.

But the dirty white hair and blood red arm proved otherwise.


That night, after statements were taken and the police left with the body, Kanda sat on the floor of his bedroom, leaning against the door.

"I'm sorry."

The dark haired teen tensed and opened his eyes to see Allen standing in front of him. The white haired boy looked sad and the apology dripped with regret.

"You're sorry? You're fucking sorry? Is that all you can say after I dug up your rotting corpse?"


Kanda continued, his voice full of anger and confusion. "When did you plan on telling me that you're a fucking ghost? How long were you going to play with me?"

"I wasn't playing with you! I…I didn't know how to tell you. I can't even count the number of times I nearly told you."

"Why didn't you?"

"What was I supposed to say? Oh, by the way, I'm dead and my body is buried a few feet away? You wouldn't have believed me."

"And how is me finding out on my own any better?"

"…I'm sorry. Things weren't supposed to happen this way."

"Happen what way?"

"…Do you know why ghosts exist, Kanda?"

Kanda didn't answer.

"People become ghosts when they die with regrets. When Tyki Mikk killed me and buried my body in the woods, I regretted that Mana wouldn't know what happened to me. I regretted that he would never have closure. So, I became a ghost. My regret tied me to my body. That's why I couldn't leave the clearing. My only hope was for someone to come along and discover my body. Then you came along, Kanda. Initially, I was going to use subtle signs to get you to dig around the clearing and happen along my body in the process, but then I found out that you could see me. Not only that but touch me as well. I was fascinated, and before I knew it, I was in love with you."

Allen kneeled between Kanda's legs. "I'm sorry that we met in such a way. If only we had met when I was still alive, then things would be different. I wouldn't have to say goodbye."

Kanda's eyes widened. "Moyashi…"

Allen smiled sadly. "But, I'm glad too. I'm glad that we did meet. Glad that I had this time with you. I was really happy these past two months. I'm happy that I had a chance to know what love feels like."

"What are you saying, Moyashi?"

"Thank you for finding my body, Kanda. I no longer have any regrets, so I can move on now. I'm sure that you'll find someone who will make you happy. Who'll love you like I do."

Allen leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kanda's in a chaste kiss. "I love you, Kanda. Goodbye."

Kanda could only watch as his lover became transparent before disappearing altogether. He leaned his head back against the door, felt a tear escape and slide down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away. Nor did he wipe away the ones that followed.

He was acutely aware of the crushing pain tightening his chest. Squeezing his lungs and making every breath difficult until a sob was torn from him. He raised his hand to his face to muffle the sound. He didn't try to hold back the tears and the sobs. Just let them rack his body.

Only tonight would he let himself do this. Just for tonight he would allow himself to be weak.

Tomorrow…tomorrow, he would get up and stand up straight. He would bury all his feelings and memories as deep as he could and try to forget. He would pretend that everything was fine. That his heart hadn't been shattered into millions of sharp, painful shards stabbing at his chest.

But tonight, he mourned.


A small black-clothed crowd gathered around the grave to lament Allen Walker's death.

Kanda silently watched as the coffin was lowered into the ground and covered. He stayed while people started to leave. A hand settled onto his shoulder. He looked over to see Mana Walker.

The grieving man looked like he was attempting to pull himself together but the tears still fell relentlessly. "Thank you. Thank you for finding my son's body. I don't know how to repay you."

The dark haired teen shifted uncomfortably. "You don't owe me anything."

The hand squeezed his shoulder and let go. "Again, thank you."

Kanda didn't reply. He didn't move from that spot even when the last person left. He stood in an empty graveyard where only the dead witnessed his last words to his lover. "Naïve, Moyashi. You're really naïve. What was the point of saying that you love me if you were going to leave? Freaking moron. What did I ever see in you? I…hope you're happy in the afterlife, if there is one."

He ran his finger through his hair. "Che. You're not even around to hear me say this, but it's still difficult. You'd probably laugh at me if you were here."

He turned and walked away. "I love you, too, Moyashi."


Instead of going to his apartment, Kanda went straight to the clearing after leaving the graveyard. He sat by the pond and stared blankly at the still water.

"Damn it! Why? Why always here? This has to be the hundredth time!"

Startled, Kanda scrambled to his feet and spun around to face the intruder. He had to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Moyashi?"

Allen stopped his rant and blinked several times. "Kanda?"

"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you moved on or whatever you're supposed to do."

The white haired boy huffed out a breath. "I'm trying, but I end up back here every time. I think I know the reason though."

Kanda gave him a suspicious look. "This has nothing to do with digging up dogs, does it?"

Allen grinned sheepishly. "Ah, no. The dog was made up."

"Then what?"

The younger teen blushed a little. "You."


"You're my regret, Kanda. It's your fault for making me fall in love with you. So, I think you should take responsibility."

Despite the warm fluttering feelings in his chest, Kanda's eye twitched in annoyance. "It's my fault? How is it my fault, Moyashi? If anything, it's your fault for making me fall in love with you."

Allen stared at him with wide eyes. "What did you just say?"

The dark haired teen thought about what he just said and clammed up. "Nothing."

"No, really, did you just say what I thought you said."

A scowl formed on Kanda's face. "No. You're hearing things that aren't there."

"You did! You said that you fell in love with me. Yuu Kanda just said— Mmph."

Kanda cut off the white haired boy with his lips in a very unchaste kiss that left both of them panting for air.

"Che. Shut up, Moyashi."

"Say it again, Kanda."

"Shut up."

A small pout formed. "Not that. Repeat what you said before about that being my fault."

"I'm not repeating anything."



"Just one more time."


Allen sighed at the threat in Kanda's voice. "Fine. Can I see your apartment then? I'm going to be living there, right?"

The older teen gave Allen an odd look. "Can you leave this place?"

"Of course I can. There's nothing tying me to this place anymore. You're my regret now, Kanda, so I'll just stick around you. I keep ending up here because I associate this clearing with you."

"Che. Let's go then."

Allen grinned and grabbed onto Kanda's hand. The dark haired teen looked surprised but didn't pull away.


When they got to the apartment, Allen let go of Kanda and started exploring.

Kanda watched the white haired boy finish snooping around the living room before moving on to the bedroom. The dark haired teen smirked and followed.

Allen dug through the various drawers and walked around. He stopped next to the bed and turned to look at Kanda, who was standing in the doorway watching.

"Hey, Kanda. Is it really weird to you that I'm a ghost?"

The dark haired teen sighed softly. He walked forward and shoved the white haired boy onto the bed.

Allen yelped at the sudden loss of equilibrium. The soft surface of the bed felt nice though. His attention darted back to Kanda when he felt the older teen's weight settle over his body. Allen squeaked when he felt a hand slide up his inner thigh.

Kanda wrapped his fingers around the hardening member. He leaned forward and playfully nipped an earlobe before huskily whispering in Allen's ear.

"You don't feel like a ghost to me."

Allen's blush darkened. "P-pervert!"

The older teen kissed and licked down the white haired boy's neck. He paused for a moment. "Don't leave me, Moyashi."

Clothing was tossed aside and forgotten as moans filled the air.

Allen wrapped his arms around his lover and closed his eyes.

'I won't leave you. I promise. In our last life, when we were exorcists, we were too prideful to admit our feelings for each other. The distance widened when I was discovered to be the Fourteenth Noah. It was only at the end when I held you as you died that we made known our feelings for one another, but by then it was too late. This time…this time, I won't let you go. I'll stay with you until the end and together, hand-in-hand, we'll walk forward to our next life. This is my promise to you, Yuu Kanda.'


OMG! This is my first time writing smut. It wasn't horrible was it?

Anyways, I'll get back to Sincere Deceptions eventually. I'm having a little trouble writing the next chapter, so who knows when I'll post it.

*snicker* I wrote this entire fic just so I could have Kanda say that line "You don't feel like a ghost to me." Kanda molesting his beansprout was just the icing on the cake.