I, Brighid own nothing of Stargate SG-1. I just like to play in their world every once in a while. I am also a J/S shipper. Like it or don't, I don't care.

Summery: An IM chat log that was found on Major Carter's computer. Crackfic

Xphish: So I just type like I am talking to you?

me: yes, but I'm not talking to u


Xphish: What did I do?

me: you pushed the button

Xphish: You told me it was safe to push the button

me: I never

Xphish: you did

me: I did not!


Xphish: What did you say Carter?


me: I said, "Sir, the button may be tempting, but please don't touch it or we could end up in a very bad situation"

and then U touched it

Xphish: No.

me: Sir?

Xphish: That is not what you said

me: OK, then what did I say?

Xphish: You said, The button is tempting blah blah scientist stuff push it

me:, sir.

switch that last stuff with DO NOT

and they you may be on to something

Xphish: Carter.

me: Sir?

Xphish: You told me to push it

you made a side bet with Daniel about me pushing it

And T

me: Sir, with all due respect, I really do not want to talk to you right now. I would not be stuck here, in this little room if you hadn't pushed the button after EVERY ONE OF US said not to!

and I made no such bet!

Xphish: So it was a dream and I imagined it. Carter, I may imagine a lot about you in my dreams but this was not one of them

me: :-o

Xphish: errr


ha ha

me: uh, yeah

Xphish: yeah

me: lol

Xphish: lol?

me: it means laugh out loud, sir

as in, ha ha I'm laughing and you can't hear me

although some times people aren't actually laughing

more like, they're saying haha, funny....


Xphish: yeah


lol then

me: yeah...uh sir, brbggp

Xphish: brbggp??

11:37 AM Carter??

11:39 AM Heeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllloooooooooooo

what the hell is brbggp??

me: sorry, sir....I uh

Xphish: what??

me: I told you i had to go pee

be right back

gotta go p...

Xphish: too much information there Carter. Too much

me: well that's why you just say brbggp

Xphish: ah

me: yeah

Xphish: yeah

me: so, what are you doing to entertain yourself?

They won't let me have any of my research to work on

mostly because SOMEBODY touched the button

Xphish: YOU told ME to touch the button

and well right now I am typing to you

me: WTF SIR????????????

Xphish: WTF?

me: I did no such thing!

And WTF = What the....use your imagination

and technically you're IMing me

Xphish: Carter!

me: innocent face


Xphish: brbggp


I can get the hang of this

me: have fun, sir


oh, and while ur using the facilities, I'd just like to use this time to say, I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUSH THE BUTTON to Infinity. I win. :P

Xphish: :p ?

WTH is :p ?

me: wth sir? You do catch on quickly

and :P is a tongue

Xphish: ok


You are sticking your tongue out at me?

me: who me?



Xphish: idk? I don't know?


Still surprised u didn't catch the tongue quicker though

Xphish: Yes... well... if I can't keep my finger off of a button that you told me to push, how would I get that a P was a tongue?

me: I thought you had a more vivid imagination than most....

ok, that came out wrong

Xphish: Yeah... I think it did

me: hehe



what's new with you?

wait, i'm not talking to you

Xphish: Ah but you are

me: am not

Xphish: yes you are

me: nope

shakes head

enter Gat8erboi

G8terboi: Are you two still arguing over the button?

Xphish: Finally, a voice of reason! Daniel did Sam tell me to push the button?

G8terboi: No.

Xphish: WTH?

She did!

G8terboi: Sam, have you been teaching Jack IM lingo?

me: Um..guilty

Xphish: I couldn't figure it out on my own?

Thanks for the vote of confidence

G8terboi: Well, obviously you couldn't figure out that when we said don't touch we meant DON"T TOUCH.....

enter sXeT

Xphish: Carter told me to push the button!

sXeT: I believe Major/Colonel Carter told you NOT to push the button O'Neill

Xphish: et tu Teal'c?

G8terboi: Admit it Jack, we've got u on this 1.

Xphish: Scientific blah blah push the button blah blah

me: See what I've been putting up with?

Xphish: And I don't want any tongue sticking out from either one of you too!

I mean it

sXeT: My tongue will remain in my mouth O'Neill


Xphish: lol

G8terboi: Sam, I hold you accountable for him knowing this stuff now

me: He told me to tell him!

Xphish: It was an order

G8terboi: was it?

Xphish: wink

me: wasn't

sXeT: I believe that is a ;)

G8terboi: It wasn't an order? Then why would u tell him????

me: I couldn't help it!!!!

Xphish: She can't resist me

and now if that wasn't inappropriate

sXeT: 4real

G8terboi: seriously

me: I'm going to hell

Xphish: because you are a liar

you told me to push the button

me: Sir, seriously





It's 3 against 1 here.



G8terboi: Sam, I think u hurt his feelings.

sXeT: Indeed

Xphish: :p

me: Sir, r u mad me?

Xphish: why in the world would I be mad at you?

You just have convinced the others that I did something you told me to do

G8terbi: Because she broke your 3



sXeT: Major Carter has broken your heart O'Neill

G8terboi: Oh boy

me: Thank you Teal'c

sXeT: U r welcome

Xphish: what is with all this symbol and one letter.... things

you don't type anything out?

G8terboi: Sorry, it's uh...IM it means Instant's more instant when you don't have to type out EVERY SINGLE WORD

seriously Jack, where did u get your screen name if you didn't know that?

Xphish: That was for my email

besides Carter did it

Because Carter does a lot of things

G8terboi: She did did she?

SxeT: what kinds of things O'Neill?

Xphish: Yes Daniel she does. Like sets up an email address so I don't get junk mail in my real one

tells me to push buttons

those kind of things

me: I DID NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And I kinda have to do what he says sometimes guys

Xphish: Yes, the power I wield over her


me: but he obviously doesn't do what I tell HIM to do, like pushing buttons and getting us all locked into separate cells until the effects of crazy alien junk wears off!!!!!!!!!!

Xphish: For the last time


you told me to push the button

me: and for the last time SIR, what I said was....

as we stood by the machine, don't push the button!

Xphish: Fine Carter, fine.

me: thank you sir

Xphish: But I wasn't talking about that time

G8terboi: Uh Sam...?

me: Sir?

um.........what time are you talking about?


Xphish: I don't push your buttons?

me: *gulps* Sir...

Xphish: What?

me: no no no

sXeT: is everything alright Major Carter?

G8terboi: Sam?

me: Oh no no no no




Xphish: Carter?

me: *headdesk*




i didn't


i couldn't............

Xphish: Carter? WTH is the matter with you?

me: Sir?




G8erboi: About?

me: nothing

nothing at all

I really should use this time to do some research online...I g/g

ttyl guys!

Xphish: gg?

me: gotta go...

Xphish: ttyl?

me: talk to you latter

Xphish: ah

me: bye sir

Xphish: Carter, wait

That's an order


me: Sir?


G8terboi: Sam' what's going on?

IDK!, Sir?

Xphish:'re in an awful big hurry to get out of here, would you like to share something with the class?

me: No, sir, not really....

Xphish: Carter....

me: Sir?


Xphish: …....

me:Oh for crying out loud SIR! That time didn't count!

Xphish: It does

me: doesn't

Xphish: does

me: doesn't!


G8terboi: WTF you guys?

Xphish: does to infinity

ha! I win

me: Damn

Xphish: lol

me: I'm not laughing sir

G8terboi: Sam, what is going on?


Xphish: Spill it Carter. I am sure that Daniel and T are on the edge of their seat

sXeT: I am actually seated comfortably on a 3 seat O'Neill

me: guys....i may have kinda sorta said...........

Xphish: To push the button

me: not in so many words

G8terboi: Sam you didn't!!!!!!!!!!

me: It was an accident Daniel! And totally out of context!

Xphish: See! I listen to her.

G8terboi: What exactly did you tell him?

Xphish: Yes Carter, what exactly did you tell me?

me: really isn't the time is it?

Look guys, I'm sorry, but I may have inadvertently given Colonel O'Neill permission to push the button

sXeT: Major Carter, I am shocked

G8terboi: ditto

me: ACCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



G8terboi: *shakes head* Sam...

me: Sorry guys....

sXeT: Upon that note i believe i will now be needing to Kelnoreem, ttyl

G8terboi: yeah, i got some stuff to think about too

Xphish: Bye guys

me: yeah bye

Sir, you still there?

Xphish: yes

me: guys????



Xphish: I think we're alone

me: Sir you know that didn't count!

Xphish: oh didn't it?

me: Sir when I said you always have permission to push my buttons, i didn't mean the literal ones!

Xphish: But you did say to push the button Carter

me: urgh

Xphish: So then what did you say????

me: You aren't letting this go are u?

Xphish: Nope

me: Fine

Sir, I actually rather enjoy it when you try and push my buttons.

And then you said, can I push it now

and I said, feel free

G8terboi: Oh God, I did not hear that

me: DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xphish: DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

G8terboi: Sorry, i meant to say brbggp