A/N: A continuation of Leah vs. Jasper. Not as good as the first one but it's as good as it's gonna get. If I don't write what I have now, I'll lose interest and that's not a good thing. I normally don't have a very long attention span for one subject. The snow is very depressing, too. Criticism, comments, blah...whatever you got. If you don't like it, I don't care, but if you like it, you get an imaginary kiss from Jasper. Yeah, I know it's kind of rushed.
A/N: A continuation of Leah vs. Jasper. Not as good as the first one but it's as good as it's gonna get. If I don't write what I have now, I'll lose interest and that's not a good thing. I normally don't have a very long attention span for one subject. The snow is very depressing, too. Criticism, comments, blah...whatever you got. If you don't like it, I don't care, but if you like it, you get an imaginary kiss from Jasper.
Yeah, I know it's kind of rushed.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. I own nothing.
Stupid Jasper. Stupid present. Stupid stupidness.
It had been almost a year since last Christmas and no one was letting it drop about the present Jasper gave me. I sat across from a cackling Paul who had still been bringing it up since Jacob decided to tell him and all the other guys. We were in Emily's house and she had just made lunch for everyone.
"You, of all people, getting punked by a leech!" he banged on the table. "Priceless!" We were the last ones still here. The others guys had gone out for something and Emily had vanished into one of the backrooms.
"Will you can it already?" I snarled. "Yeah, I got had! End of story!"
"If you think I'm going to let you live this down, think again," he stuffed his mouth with a handful of potato chips.
"May you have indigestion," I pointed at him as if to place a curse on him and walked out with what dignity I had left. Naturally, he followed.
"Wait," he was right behind me. "I can picture him trying something new this year."
"Oh, really?" I was not interested in his opinion.
"Yeah, like referrals to vets or a pack of dog treats?"
"Paul. Shut up."
"Or maybe some shoes and socks to chew on."
"Zip it." I rubbed my temples. He was so asking for it.
"I know! Pet Behavior Classes!" I scowled and very nearly phased. If it had been a year and a half ago, it probably would have happened. I had better control now...kind of.
"How dare you mock me, you imbecile!?" I punched him, hard. I didn't expect what a hit of that magnitude would inadvertently cause. Paul stumbled backwards right into a trashcan.
"Leah! You're gonna pay for that!" Usually, he would have phased, too. He had totally mellowed out over his time as a Shapeshifter. It was all thanks to Rachel Black.
"Bring it, lardo." He stood but he was unable to stand up straight. I could see why immediately. The trashcan was stuck on his butt. Paul looked over his shoulder and screamed shrilly.
I was already laughing, watching as he tried to get it off, turning in a circle like a dog chasing its tail. That's when I got the idea. My revenge on Jasper. I left Paul to his new metal friend and ran off. I couldn't let anyone know of my plan and if all went well, my present would be ready at the end of the week.
Jacob was most likely visiting the Cullens now so I decided to pay a visit. Upon arriving, I saw Jake outside with Nessie and Bella. Boy, that kid had shot up fast. She looked as if she were eight yet she wasn't even three and a half. Creepy kid.
"Hey Leah," Jake grinned at me.
"Jake," I greeted. "Is Seth inside?"
"Yeah. He's eating." I looked at Bella casually.
"Bella, perhaps you could answer a question for me," I spoke in a low tone so the others couldn't hear me. Bunch of spies. She frowned. "Where's Jasper from?"
"He's from Texas," she answered. "He fought in the Civil War before he was changed." It couldn't get any better than this. "Is there a reason for asking?"
"I was just curious," I shrugged. My mother had a friend in Texas and if I could convince her to send me a very important object from said State, my plan would be well underway. Bella didn't seem suspicious but Jacob did.
"Leah, what are you up to?" he sounded stern.
"Nothing whatsoever," I smiled sweetly. "Send Seth home when he's done. Mom needs him for something." Jake nodded and I left quickly.
A few days later, Seth came into my room with a box in his hands.
"Leah, you got a package," he told me. "From mom's friend." I grinned and grabbed it out of his hands. Placing it on my bed, I brought out my pocket knife to open it.
"Excellent! Lovely. Pure Texan dirt." Seth blinked.
"Dirt. Mail order dirt?" I flicked him.
"Seth, in vampire movies, what do vampires sleep on?" I looked at him patiently.
"Dirt from their native land." I smiled. Good, he caught on.
"Jasper's a redneck." Seth's eyes widened. "Jasper gave me a collar, a milk bone and a chew toy. Doggy traditions. So, I'm going vampire." Seth started snickering.
"Can I help?" he asked.
"...fine. Get me some garlic."
Finally. Christmas was here. I sat at the Cullens' massive table eating a candy cane. I was watching Alice dig through the presents. I got Seth to place my pretty pink present in the back and now, I was waiting for exchanging presents.
"What's in the box?" Jacob sat next to me.
"Stage blood. Karo syrup, red food coloring, little bit of peanut butter. Very easy to make." He sighed and made an amused sound. "It'll be good. Trust me."
"Don't blame me when he tears you apart."
"Way to share the love with your awesome Beta." I rolled my eyes. Jacob chuckled and went back into the living room.
"Presents!" Alice called. I ambled over and sat on the floor beside Emmett. I could use the guy as a shield if something went wrong. That's when Edward raised an eyebrow and looked at me suspiciously. I snubbed him, blocking my thoughts once again.
Never in my life did I think vampires were slow until now. By the time Esme picked up the box, I was dying of suspense.
"Jasper got a pretty pink box!" Emmett grinned. Jasper shot him a glare and looked at the tag in curiosity. I knew what it said:
To the Redneck of Texas. From: Guess who?
His eyes raised to me but I was looking at my watch casually. I listened to the paper happily and I heard Alice stifling giggles. Edward wasn't holding it in nor was Jacob and Seth. Jasper pulled out a jar of dirt with a string of garlic on it.
"'Texan dirt. Instructions: Lay on the bottom of coffin and sleep off that grizzly you had'." Everyone laughed as Jasper pulled out three more things. Two stakes and a blood bag. "Very creative, Leah."
"Sorry about giving you two stakes," I sighed. "I forgot to ask how you liked them. Sharp or dull?" Jacob's large frame was shaking with laughter and Nessie was bouncing in his arms, a big smile on her own face.
"Genius!" Emmett ruffled my hair, still laughing. Oh well. I'll live with the vampire stink. It was so worth it.
"Alright everyone," Esme said, trying to calm down from her own laughter. "Let's finish up."
Once presents were done, I was about to leave with Jacob and Seth to go home. I stopped to say goodnight to Jasper.
"So, do you plan on revenge next Christmas?" I asked. I felt satisfied, despite his lack of reaction. Harmless Holiday Pranks.
"That's a surprise," he grinned. "In the meantime, how are you at chess?"
"It is so on."
Review and Happy Holidays!