My own feelings confuse me these days.
I'm supposed to hate him, aren't I? He's trying to send me to my execution, for god's sake!
But, ever since we started working on the Kira case, I'm not so sure about what I'm supposed to do...
If I let him live, he'll eventually find me out and send me to my execution. He might find out about Misa first and test the 13 day rule that Ryuk made up and find out that it was a lie, and after that, supsicion will crawl right back to me again. This time, I don't know if I could make an excuse for everything that he asks me...he'll find out eventually; see through my lies, and find out that I am Kira...and I'll most certainly die...or sent to prison for the rest of my life...I vaguely wonder which would be worse; execution, or to rot in a prison cell.
Yeah, the second alternative is the worst of the two.
I don't want to kill him...I really don't...but what am I supposed to do then?! Let him live and therefore spell my own death?!
Now I wish that I never picked up that stupid notebook.
Why does the human heart have to be so damned complicated?
Why did it make me fall in love with the very person I'm supposed to kill? Why, I ask you?
You probably are drawing a blank, just as I have.
Now, as I look at you, leaning over the monitors and munching on a sweet...god, I don't know how you can eat so many and not get fat...I know that my heart is telling me not to kill you but my mind is saying otherwise.
Somehow, you sense me staring at you and turn to look at me, cocking your head in confusion. "Is something wrong, Light-kun?"
Your voice startles me, just as it always has for the past couple of days. "No, not really...Ryuzaki."
That confused look never leaves your face, but you accept my answer, nodding your head and going back to look over the Kira suspects, namely Misa.
I get weird stares from everyone in the room, but I barely notice them. I just sit on the chair next to you and do my hacking work on the computer.
Though I don't even notice that you're looking at me, concern painted on your face.
Don't think that I haven't noticed your stares, Light-kun.
I constantly notice that you are staring at me, with a look on your face that can be described as pained, lost.
Though I wonder why. What have I done to envoke these emotions from you, Light-kun?
From the best of my knowledge, I've only worked on the Kira case, and focusing on Misa Amane as the main suspect as the second Kira.
I still suspect you, Light-kun, but for some reason, thinking of sending you to your death pains me in a way that I never thought possible.
Maybe you're still upset that I suspect you and your girlfriend?
But, you told me yourself that your relationship with Misa-san was one sided...so she wouldn't be your girlfriend...maybe she means nothing to you?
Does anybody matter in your life, Light-kun?
Or are you just someone who doesn't trust; more namely, AFRAID to trust. It took almost everything I had to not push the matter farther when you told me nothing was wrong. Yet, I know something is wrong. I am the world's greatest detective, after all. They don't call me that for no reason.
I am determined to find out what is wrong with you, Light-kun. Why you give me stares with such pain in your eyes.
And I want to try to find out why I feel this way about you.