The Gossip Mill

9-27-2000

Summary: The gang gets food poisoning thanks to Wu-man, but Wufei decides to have fun spreading gossip while he's filling in for the others. The others teach him what true justice is all about.

Warnings: None. I don't own Gundam wing characters, Sunrise/Bandai does. I'm just borrowing them for entertainment purposes. Also, the 'ferret face' insult comes from M*A*S*H, but it was too perfect to not use in this story! I hope you fans of 1x2x1 aren't offend, I just needed to make the story work. I love a good 1x4 or 3x2 story myself.

SPECIAL NOTE: These stories were written a long time ago, but I've never really done much with them. Some success with Weiss Kreuz fanfiction has encouraged me to go back and post all my old things here. My Gundam stories are typically comedy or spy-thrillers. These are some of my great ideas I got before I went to college so my writing isn't as good. I just feel compelled to get them on the Internet and off my hard drive. I haven't read any Gundam fanfiction in several years either so have no idea what's come and gone. This is mainly a purging on my part, but I still hope there are people who enjoy them. More will be on there way.

(For those of you who read my story Aya's Bad Karma... I had that idea eight years ago and applied it to Gundam Wing. It works better with Weiss Kreuz, but... I did have fun tormenting Wufei!)

Wufei looked over at the four other pilots and guiltily cringed as Duo flung forward and attempted to dry heave. Heero glanced over at Duo with a pained expression while Quatre buried his callow face in his hands. Trowa's green eyes were glazed over with misery as he patted the smaller pilot's shoulder.

"Mister Chang, fill these out and sign these consent forms. We'll need to pump their stomachs," a starched white nurse said, waving a clipboard at Wufei. Heero's fiery eyes snapped up at Wufei.

"I'll kill you," Heero threatened, rose to unsteady feet, and stumbled towards Wufei. He held up the clipboards and backed into a potted plant. Two attendants dragged the weakened 'perfect soldier' to a wheelchair and took him away while trying to avoid his outstretched claws.

"I'll get you first," Duo howled in outrage. Wufei looked at Duo who was being wheeled away after Heero. Duo shook a feeble fist at him with a threatening sneer. They dragged Quatre off next who was totally gone. Trowa gave Wufei a half smile.

"You warned us. Here. He insists," Trowa said, handing over a black square. Wufei accepted Quatre's wallet and shook his head, not wanting to imagine how long it would be before he could pay the blonde boy back. Master O had frozen his funds after Duo had stolen Wufei's credit card and maxed it out.

Wufei flopped in the unoccupied chairs and put on his reading glasses. He chewed the end of the pen, trying to keep everyone's information straight. Who was allergic to penicillin?


"Mister Chang? Your friends are all fine, but we would like them to stay overnight for observation," the doctor said. Wufei nodded.

"Can I see them now?" Wufei asked, standing. The balding doctor looked away and coughed in his hand.

"Um, I don't think you'll want to see Mister Yuy or Mister Maxwell, but Mister Barton will see you. Mister Winner is still asleep."

"Did you really pump all their stomachs?" Wufei asked, starting to sweat.

"All of them," the doctor stated flatly.

"I'm a dead man," Wufei mumbled, following the Doctor to Trowa's room. He was as pale as the pillows. His bangs were all swept back, displaying his sharp features, which looked harsher in the dim light.

"Hi, Wufei. You look awful," Trowa said with a serene look. "Can I ask what you told them about medication I can take?"

"I used your OZ dog tags."

"Oh no. Not that," Trowa said with a far off glaze beginning to form. "Those were all fake. There is a lot of stuff I can't have." He slurred the last part of the sentence. Wufei began to worry as a wide smile spread across Trowa's face. His emerald eyes drooped closed as a small giggle fit began. "On second thought, this feels kind of good."

"Are you going to be okay?" Wufei studied the older boy who flung his arms wide and smiled enough to show teeth. Wufei had never once seen Trowa smile, let alone show his teeth. A shudder passed thought the Chinese boy.

"Oh yeah," Trowa slurred. Wufei began to leave. "By the way I have a mission. Could you sign me out?" Trowa got up and staggered in small circles, looking for the door.

"You're not fit to pilot!"

"Aw, yes I am! Now do I get to juggle or blow up stuff" Trowa asked and then laughed hysterically at his own confusion. He continued to look for the door.

"Get back into bed! I'll take your assignment." Wufei tucked him in and scrambled out of the room as Trowa began to sing Walk the Line loudly and off key. Wufei got a queasy stomach at the old Johnny Cash song. Trowa may have musical talent, but he definitely couldn't sing.

He walked to the neighboring room and cautiously peaked his head in to get a loud shout of, "I'm going to kill you," and a pitcher of water flung at him.

"Come on guys. I didn't know chicken was that easy to get food poisoning off of. Come on! Only women know that kind of thing," Wufei shouted through the door. "Can I come in?"

"If you want to loose your life, Idiot," Duo shouted.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black, Duo," Wufei said, glaring at the closed door.

"No, you are an idiot," Heero shouted back through the door.

"Come on. I didn't know. How can I make it up to you guys?" Wufei asked. Hushed whispers were exchanged. Finally Duo appeared with his chestnut hair cascading around his thin shoulders clear down to his knees.

"We had a mission. We have decided to lay back and recuperate. Have it done within the operational time limits and we will forgive you, Mister Yan-Can't-Cook. That, and a month's worth of pedicures." Another pitcher hit the back of Duo's head. "Ow! Butt-face! I'll get you for that! Later, Wu-man."

Duo slammed the door. Wufei heard the pair's muffled bickering all the way to Quatre's room. Quatre was one of the rare people that made illness alluring. It was if he had just fallen from the heavens and was merely resting from his travels. Wufei walked up with reverence and bowed slightly.

"Quatre-san?" No sign of a twitch. "I'll just let you sleep. I'm going to have a busy week. I hope you didn't have a mission as well. Rest well, my friend." With all that said Wufei left for the nursing station.


"You are telling me you are authorized to sign this?"

"Seeing how he's unconscientious back in one of your rooms, I should think so," Wufei snapped back at the night shift nurse with pinched features.

"Young man, do you realize who the Winner family is? I doubt very seriously the heir is back there with food poising, let alone giving some stranger access to his personal fortune," she said, glaring back over her glasses. Wufei rolled his dark eyes heavenwards and clenched his jaw. "Next thing you will be telling me you know the Queen of the Earth on a first name basis."

"Wufei! How are they?" Relena ran up beside him with worry brimming in her eyes.

"Hi, Relena. Room 218. Heero's a little on the cranky side, but fine," Wufei said, taking on a smug casual air. Karma was looking up. He watched Relena trot down the hall, for once glad to see the clingy female. Wufei cast a snobbish look down at the nurse and waited as she handed over the appropriate credit slip with a huffy efficiency.


'Spying is so dishonorable. Why not fight out in the open like a man,' Wufei thought as he looked himself over in the mirror. Trowa's OZ uniform hung loosely on his shoulders.

"Damn this!" Wufei shrugged the olive green jacket off and sighed. If he were to do Trowa's mission he would do it his way and not sneak around. He rolled his eyes knowing that since he had already taken the trouble to fake his way into this base he may as well do it Trowa's way. He grabbed up the jacket and tried it on again. Maybe...

"Chang, get a move on! Colonel Lady Une wants you to report to the command center now!" Wufei looked up at Trowa's dorm mate. He found the thin faced man that Trowa had dubbed 'Ferret Face' Nickole distasteful at best. "Some fill-in you are! At least that tight lipped, brown nose was always on time."

"I take it you didn't like Barton?" Wufei asked, repressing a smirk as he followed Ferret Face Nickole down the hall.

"Lady Une's boot licker? Hell no," the man said. His eyes bulged with fury. Wufei's eyes watered with the need to laugh. Maybe he could make this spy business fun.

"Hey, I heard that Barton is in jail," Chang said smugly. Nickole's eyes darted around.

"He's not in the hospital?"

"I don't know what for, but you know those quiet types." Wufei said. He wanted to test out the rumor mill theory among OZ officers; legend had it they were the biggest gossips know to mankind.

This was perfect. Ferret Face Nickole nodded and opened up the door to Lady Une's office. The woman in question was behind her desk typing away with her eyes glued to the screen.

"You're late, Mister Chang. Don't let it happen again. Here's what you need to accomplish before Mister Barton get back," she said, fling a paper up at the Chinese boy.

He scanned the list and gritted his jaw. He would have to work solid for the next two days with no sleep to get everything done. Plus, he wasn't assigned to work at the Command Center in any of these tasks. It was crucial that he get to the Command Center.

"Excuse me, Lady Une, but there seems to be a lot on this list. It was my understanding that I would be working in the Command Center," Wufei asked. Harsh hazel eyes glared up at his through thick glasses.

"Is that sniveling I hear, soldier?! Lieutenant Barton would have that list knocked out for me without question, but if you don't feel equal to the task I'll wait until the Lieutenant gets back!"

"No ma'am," Wufei gritted. He would not be upstaged by anyone, even Trowa Barton.

"And I don't see how it's your place to chose your assignments," she said, with a an edgy tone.

"Yes, ma'am," Wufei snapped back, getting a little annoyed at her cattish attitude.

"Now get a move. Make sure Lieutenant Barton gets flowers from me. Something tasteful with a get-well card," she murmured, turning back to her computer.

"Yes, ma'am." After he left the office he glared at the closed door. "What a bitch! Maybe Trowa's spy job is harder than it seems if he had to please that old harpy. Boy, he is a boot licker... to a woman... that makes me sick!"


"What are those for?" Ferret Face Nickole asked, picking at the three dozen red roses. Wufei forced a serious look on his face as he scribbled the note card harshly.

"I'm not so schooled in writing English. Could you write it?" Wufei bent the truth heavily. He needed Ferret Face to pull this one off. "The note is supposed to be from Lady Une to Lieutenant Barton. It's supposed to say something like, '...am counting the minutes for your arrival. Your imprisonment at my expense makes me cherish you all the more. Our passion will survive the ages...,' or something like that." Wufei coughed in his hand as Ferret Face Nickole turned white with a dropped jaw.

"You can't be serious. Barton and Une? No way!" Nickole said.

"I just transferred over from the Asian Sector. I'm not up on the gossip here. I only heard about the prison thing because I'm filling in," Wufei said in his best who-me-little-old-Quatre imitation.

"Barton is sleeping his way up the ladder! I'll get him for this," Nickole sneered, looking on the verge of tears. Wufei had a twinge of guilt as he took the freshly written card from the obliging Ferret Face. It melted into glee as he walked down the hall imagining the stoic boy receiving the intimate note card and flowers.


He pushed his reading glasses up on his nose and glared up at Sally Po who tapped a ruler in her left hand and glared down at him. He would have rather eaten glass than ask the Chinese woman for help, but the mission required two people and everyone else was incapacitated. He sighed and looked over Duo's English report he handed in as his own yesterday morning. A huge red 'F' graced the left-hand side.

"Figures," he hissed, blushing as the other boarding school students gigged. "I swear! You would think an American could write a report in his own language. I should have turned in Yuy's report instead," he was mumbling in Chinese not realizing Sally was eavesdropping.

"And confessing to cheating to boot! You will stay after school for detention," she replied in exasperated Mandarin.

"Woman! Quit picking me! I don't deserve this grief," he shouted back in their native tongue. The rest of the room, full of European students, gawked in incomprehension.

"Chang Wufei, you behavior self!" They glared at one another for several long minutes. "Class dismissed," she said in German. The students all filed out past their new 'substitute teacher' while they debated about what was said between her and the new 'transfer student.'

"Finished getting your kicks, woman?" Wufei asked.

"Yeah," Sally said, seating herself behind the desk and kicking up her feet. The pink skirt slid to her knees as she retrieved a bottle of saki Heero had given her last New Year. The Year of the Rat to be exact. She took a swig as she unbuttoned her stiff pink blazer and untucked the creamy, lace shirt from the waist band. "When do we do this?"

"Tomorrow night," he replied. She held the bottle out to Wufei who shook his head in aggravation. "How long is this detention anyway?"

"An hour. I want you to write an essay on why cheating is a bad idea." Sally said.

"You're joking, woman," Wufei said with a flinch. "You can't do this to me!"

"Want to go to the principal?" Sally smirked as Wufei got out his pencil and paper. "In English." Wufei gritted his teeth, scribbling through the well defined kanji that already graced the paper.

'Stupid Duo. This is all his fault. If he didn't go out with that girl Hilde all the damn time he wouldn't have written such a bad report. Maybe I should help him,' Wufei thought with a gleam in his almond shaped eyes.


"...with that hair? And those priest clothes? I'm not saying anything, but... well, you know. I'm just telling you what I saw," he said. Wufei took a swig of milk and observed the five females who had all been working hard for Duo's affections. They ranged from grief struck to angry.

"I don't believe you, Wufei. Who was the other boy you saw him kissing?" Alison demanded with a hard glint in her blue eyes.

"It was a blonde boy with big blue-green eyes that's richer than all of you women put together," Wufei said, with a crooked smile.

It was true that Duo had kiss Quatre once. On the forehead in a playful, brotherly way after Quatre had rescued the American from certain death at the hands of a battalion of mobile dolls. Wufei didn't want to be a total liar. That wouldn't have been honorable.

"After all, how many of you has he kissed?" he asked. They all blinked at each other in disappointment. Good thing Duo was faithful to his secret OZ solider girlfriend or else his little 'exaggeration' would have never been pulled off.

'You'll think twice about putting a woman before schoolwork, Maxwell,' Wufei thought, smirking to himself as the girls chattered hysterically between themselves. They quickly scattered around the cafeteria. They all spread the fragmentary story around to the other boarding school pupils.


"Heero," Wufei wailed into the dark night in a Relena-esque way. "You should have told me about those freaking Virgo mobile suits! I guess it just slipped your addled brain! Well! You're not the only one who can hack into computers." Wufei pounded his fist together dreaming up a suitable retribution to inflict upon the Japanese pilot.

"Hey, Wufei! You want to come with me for awhile?" Sally Po asked. Wufei looked up at Sally who hung out of an Aries mobile suit.

"Naw. I got to leave tomorrow morning and meet up with the Maganac," Wufei said.

"See you later." Wufei bowed before parting ways. He had to get back to the boarding school and arrange a little gift for Heero before heading out to Quatre's assignment.


"When should we jump in and rescue Mister Chang?" Abdul asked over the radio. Rasid's eyes snapped up from where he was manicuring his fingernails in his mobile suit. Abdul's voice was getting a little concerned.

"I think he's had enough. Let's move out." Rasid and the thirty-eight other Maganac Corp soldiers moved their mobile suits over the dune to where the Nataku was surrounded by twelve OZ Taurus mobile suits. The Nataku had already destroyed that many, but still had taken a pounding from six other Oz Aries it had fought off earlier today.

Rasid figured he would have heard Wufei's request for back up an hour ago if he hadn't shut off his com-link. He watched the Chinese boy to make sure he didn't get too beat up, just enough to avenge the poor Winner's heir who was still very weak from the whole ordeal.

"About damn time! What took you so long?" Wufei screamed at Rasid over the radio waves.

"We came as fast as our conscious dictated, Mister Chang. Sorry for any inconvenience," he answered, launching a missile at an OZ suit. The twelve OZ Soldiers were overcome by the over whelming numbers. The three remaining OZ soldiers surrendered. "Alright, everyone. Set up camp and I'll contact OZ for a prisoner exchange."

"What did you mean '...as your conscious dictated'," Wufei's voice burst on Rasid's radio interrupting any further orders. "I still don't know what took you so long!"

"Some of our numbers came down with food poisoning," Rasid replied back, heavy on the sarcasm.

"Very funny. Rasid," Wufei grumbled back. "I'll help around the camp. What did you need me to do?"

"Why don't we make him camp cook," Omar teased, getting into the verbal fray.

"Since when did we turn in our Maganac Corp fezzes to become kamikazes?" Ahkem chimed to get peals of laughter from the others.

"Mister Chang, did you cook when you filled in for Mister Barton? We could have won the war by now if you did," Omar cracked over the line to elicit more laughs.

"All of you just shut up," Wufei shouted only to incite more ridicule.


'Oh yeah! You think little, precious Master Quatre is your totally pure angel. We'll see about this,' Wufei thought to himself as he glared at ten, burly Arab men situated around the campfire.

He concentrated to think of some dirt to spread about Quatre. There just wasn't any. His morals were excessively high so it was difficult for Wufei. The Chinese boy decide to word things creatively. Inspiration hit.

"Boy! This isn't the way Quatre spices things up at the safe houses," he said. Wufei noticed his statement got all their attention.

"What do you mean," Rasid asked with a protective growl.

"Well the party he and Maxwell had two Fridays ago was something. The drinking and... I don't even want to talk about the porno channel," Wufei said, shaking his head in mock dismay.

They all looked incredulous at Wufei's claim. Wufei continued, "What? He's a different person around us. I swear!"

It was true that Quatre relaxed and showed the other pilots an intimate side to himself that he wasn't allowed to do in front of his men or the public a large. Such a sensitive creature needed a release or he'd slowly go insane, but he was very respectful of treading on the other Gundam pilots' personal space.

"I don't believe Master Quatre would participate in such a thing," Auda snapped, the first coming to Quatre's defense.

"Like I said, Maxwell really started it. One sip of wine and it was all over for Quatre," Wufei said, remembering the silly game of Truth or Dare the five of them played. Duo pinned Quatre into taking a sip of wine. "Besides, he is fifteen. Don't you remember being that age?"

And the bit about the pornography channel... Duo was gigging while trying to tune in the nasty channel through heavy static to poke some fun. Trowa got excessively vexed and had actually yelled at Duo. Duo apologized and explained he was just joking. Quatre really had nothing to do with that except leaving the room with a blush after Trowa stormed off into the night.

"I knew that Maxwell person would be his undoing! We'll just see how many more weekends Master Quatre will be spending with you four. Good night, Mister Chang." Rasid's voice thundered, sending Wufei scrambling for his tent on the edge of the encampment.

'Maybe I shouldn't have blamed it on Maxwell. Rasid and the boys seem petty pissed off. I hope Master O has an assignment so I can skip town a couple of days,' Wufei thought, curling up in his sleeping bag.


"Good morning, everyone," Quatre said, sitting down at the breakfast table as Heero served him eggs. Heero finished tying his cravat and sat beside Duo. "Anyone seen Wufei? I don't think he's come back from our assignments and Rasid hasn't called me yet."

"Nope! Damn it! Heero...," Duo wailed. The Japanese pilot tyed Duo's cravat in mild annoyance. It was easier to do than to try to teach Duo, who got frustrated too easily.

"I haven't seen him. I hope he retrieved those documents for Doctor S," Trowa replied, cinching up the wide, glossy belt to his olive colored OZ uniform. He snatched a glass of juice and almost dropped it as the front door to the safe house flew opened with a loud slam.

A very angry Rasid loomed over the four boys who gazed up in bafflement. He stalked over to the little blonde who knew that look from his younger days. He bolted towards the stairs only to be swept up by the scruff and hauled over to the sofa. The other three followed still ignorant.

"What did I do, Rasid?" Quatre wailed as he was put over the large man's knee. Rasid began wacking his rump rather soundly. Duo laughed hysterically falling on the ground at Rasid's feet while Heero stifled his giggles in his hand. Even the corner of Trowa's lips curved a little. He finally stood Quatre up and grabbed Duo's ankle and then dragged him over. Duo clawed the floor like a cartoon cat.

"Hey! I didn't do nothing! Let me go," he bawled as Rasid started to spank Duo. His feet swung wildly as he screamed a multitude of profanities. Heero's laughter was full force now while Trowa stifled his giggles behind gloved hands.

When Rasid let Duo up he fixed his gaze on the other two pilots who grew silent. They ran before Rasid's meaty hands caught them.

"I will teach you to corrupt our innocent Master and run a house iniquities. Come receive your punishment!" Rasid bellowed. Trowa and Heero narrowly escaped into the kitchen. They slammed the door and leaned against it to bar the brawny Arabian.

"But Rasid, I don't understand what you're so angry over. Please tell me," Quatre pleaded, grabbing Rasid's fist.

"Mister Chang told me about what you did two Friday nights ago. He didn't need to go into lurid detail. And on the holiest day of the week. For shame," Rasid said, turning to Quatre. The blonde boy stared at Rasid's waving finger in confusion as he rubbed his sore backside.

"But nothing went on. It was kind of boring. We really didn't do anything. What did he say?" Quatre asked.

Rasid related the whole story as Heero and Trowa snuck back out of the kitchen. Quatre blushed to the roots of his hair while the others shook their heads in dismay. They quickly rectified the misunderstanding.

"Mister Maxwell, I am profoundly sorry. Please accept my humble apologies," Rasid said, bowing to Duo. He then said, "Master Quatre, please forgive my hastiness. I am so very sorry."

"I understand you were only watching over me. It would seem Wufei got confused somehow," Quatre mumbled with a furrowed brow.

"Yeah, Rasid. It's okay because that little rat lied to you! I'll say Sister Helen had nothing on you," Duo said, gritting his teeth as Heero began to drag him out the front door by the braid. "Time for school. Bye guys!"

"Why would he have told Rasid something like that?" Quatre asked Trowa. The spy scooped up his briefcase, then shrugged.

"Not that I think it's possible, but could you have offended him?" Trowa asked.

"I hope not. Well, Rasid, let's go back to the compound. Professor H sent an assignment. Bye, Trowa. You're welcome to come over after your mission," Quatre said, walking over to his duffle bag.

"Sounds great. See you then."


Duo and Heero walked onto campus. They were unnerved by all the stares and snickers. Duo was miffed by a catcall he received as they walked into the classroom. He flipped off the whole soccer team who blew him mock kisses and flopped down behind his desk. One of Duo's admirers, Alison, came up to the pair. She leaned over Duo's desk with hostility bubbling over.

"You could have said something you know instead of leading on girls, you... you...,"

"Me what? What the hell is going on today? Has everyone gone crazy?" Duo asked.

"We heard what you did last month with that blonde boy," Alison said with obvious distaste. "We should have known."

"What did I do?" Duo squealed out in frustration.

"As if! We know you had an affair. There was an eyewitness to your sleazy little tryst. Admit it!" She screamed at him. Duo's indigo eyes smoldered at the accusation.

"Admit what?" he asked.

"That you're gay," she screamed out loud. The entire class glued their eyes to Duo in rapt attention as his skin turned purple. Heero's laughter broke the silence as Duo's mouth flopped open and shut unable to form words.

"I wouldn't laugh, Heero." Alison whirled on him. "You are his suite mate." Heero's eyes narrowed with a deadly glint as his jaw clamped shut.

"Who told you this?" Duo screamed furiously.

"Wufei. He said that you were making out with this rich blonde guy you and he knows," Alison said.

"That's a total lie! That rich blonde guy is just a friend! And for your information I have a girlfriend on L-2. I am not gay! No one better even think that again or else they just might meet their maker!" The whole God-of-Death persona came shining through. The girl backed down as the principal burst in through the door.

"Heero Yuy, report to my office now!" Heero flinched, but rose. He followed the fuming bald man down the hall to the cluttered office. "I know this came from your e-mail address so don't try to deny this filth is from you." Heero watched a mini film clip of his male principal's head imposed on a female strippers body as she undulated in a sexy way on a brass pole.

"Someone hacked in. I didn't send it," Heero said, retaining his cool.

"Who did it than?" the principal asked. Heero's mind conjured a Chinese boy. He remained quiet. Protesting without proof was pointless. Retribution had good points. "One month after school with a five hundred word essay about respect. Now get going."

"Yes, Sir." A chilly look shined brightly in his Persian blue eyes. Wufei would pay.


"How was the hospital?" Lady Une asked. Trowa snapped a salute to Colonel Lady Une and nodded.

"It was fine, ma'am. I received your flowers. Thank you," Trowa said uncertain if he should broach the subject.

He almost swallowed his tongue after he read the note in Nickole's handwriting. It was a good thing he was in a hospital bed at the time. Not that part of him didn't find her alluring, but he had to keep his perspective.

"In the hospital," she asked, looking down into his green eyes almost nose to nose now. Something hostile was under the words. An accusation?

"Yes, ma'am. That's where I was all this week. I asked that they send you the records. Didn't you get them from Mister Chang?"

"That's exactly what we need to discuss. Mister Chang had a very interesting story as did Nickole." Trowa's stomach did a flip-flop as he watched those hazel eyes narrow. He would have rather faced every OZ mobile doll alone than get an ass chewing by Lady Une. Trowa would have to have a word of prayer with Wufei when next they met.


"Can you believe it, Quatre?" Trowa heard Duo grouse as he walked into the music room deep within one of the Winner's holdings. Quatre pounded furiously on the piano while Duo paced. Heero hoisted himself on top of the piano and began to play with the metronome. "What has gotten into him?" Duo wailed to a chandelier.

"If you're referring to Wufei, I have a few question for him," Trowa said. They stopped and looked at Trowa who sat beside Quatre on the bench.

"It couldn't be worse than what he did to me. I swear his ass is mine," Duo said, pacing again.

"What happened?" Heero asked. Trowa looked up at Heero's question and gave a wry smirk.

"I'm now on M. S. detail for three weeks," Trowa said. Heero wrinkled his nose at the odious mobile suit cleaning duty. It was one step above K. P. "It seems that I spent the week in jail for drunk and disorderly because I was pining over my lover, Lady Une. According to Wufei, I've been earning my rank on my back."

"That's pretty low," Duo said, shaking his head. "He told everyone I was gay and then he hacked into Heero's computer and got him into trouble with the principal."

"Not to mention what he said to the Maganacs," Quatre interrupted, his usually sunny disposition was shaded over.

"Quatre, I think you should invite Wufei to come over for dinner, don't you?" Heero asked. Trowa and Duo caught the hint after seeing Heero and Quatre traded sly grins.


"Ha... ha...ha, you should have seen Ferret Face Nickole. I don't know which was better. His reaction or Rasid's. Did he really spank you and Maxwell?" Wufei asked, stilling his laugher. Duo watched Quatre nod as he poured Wufei more tea.

A delicate smile graced the blonde's face as he settled back into his chair. Duo smiled back at his friend as Wufei gulped his tea between laughs. Trowa and Heero looked on with faint smiles as they pushed their untouched dinners away. Quatre had gone all out setting up the formal livingroom with exotic Arabic food.

"You sure got all of us pretty damn good, Wu, but you know what they say about the last laugh," Duo said, pushing his untouched meal away as well. Wufei's almond shaped eyes darted around suspiciously.

He jumped out of his seat realizing he was the only one who had eaten his food while they enticed him to gloat about his escapades. He slumped back devoid of his usual grace. Duo watched Wufei's eyes roll upwards as his face fell forward on Quatre's fine china.

"Time for mission 'Naughty Dragon' to commence," Heero growled with dark mischief sparkling in the dim light. Duo jumped up and gave a loud yelp of delight as Heero grabbed Wufei's knees and Trowa grabbed his arm pits. They moved him to the side lounge while Quatre took the stairs to the family's quarters two at a time.

"I'll bring around the jeep," Trowa said, leaving. Quatre burst in suddenly holding a red evening gown and a green sun dress. Duo retrieved the make up kit from the hiding place under the sofa.

"Which one? I always thought my sisters had the best taste," Quatre said as the two boys studied their choices.

"That one," they said in unison, pointing to the off-shoulder evening wear. Quatre hung the other dress up as Heero stripped off ever scrap of clothing from Wufei. Duo rolled in laughter watching his two compatriots stuff the muscular teen in the dress meant for a curvy woman.

"Why did you take off his underwear, Heero?" Quatre asked, sitting Wufei upright on the sofa.

"I want to see if he would rather wear woman's clothing or run around nude. Duo, get to painting," Heero ordered.

"Lets go for the two-bit-whore look," Duo said, powdering up Wufei's face while Quatre put a long black wig on him.

"Just make sure it's slathered on thick," Heero said, grabbing up the mascara for Duo.

"I see things are progressing nicely," Trowa said, inspecting the large dark blush streaks and blue eyeshadow. "I've found the perfect spot, by the way."

"Good," Duo said, drawing vermilion lips on the Chinese boy while Heero began a photo session with a Polaroid.


"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty."

Wufei shook away the foggy feeling as he sat up slowly. He shook his head and started to spit hair out of his mouth. He looked over to where the four other Gundam pilots sat in a jeep; Trowa was at the wheel while Heero hung out the back with a video camera trained on him.

"Say 'cheese' you great big sexy thing," Heero said. Wufei looked down in horror, realizing the clothing that hampered him were not just any clothing. Women's clothing! His scream brought on peals of laugher as he tried balancing in sequined high heels.

"Boy, Wu-man, you make one ugly chick," Duo said as Trowa started the jeep.

"I think he's kind of cute playing dress up in my sister's clothing," Quatre mocked as Trowa made sure they were just out of Wufei's reach. He stumbled furiously towards them with out-stretched arms.

"Duo did a great job on your makeup by the way," Trowa threw out the last comment as he gunned the engine. He guided the jeep into the forest as Wufei began to howl in rage.

A chorus of whistles made him swivel on his feet. Sally Po and her men made catcalls and cheered him on. His face flushed as he scrambled to the nearest empty tent. He sunk to the forest ground; he trembled in rage. If he had to rise from the dead, he swore to avenge this day of injustice.

The End