A/N: Welllll the plot kinda bounced ahead much faster than I had intended -sweat drop- I SWEAR, I INTENDED TO GO LIKE 40,000 FUCKING WORDS BEFORE THEY GOT TOGETHER! HORNY BASTARDS! Halfway through this chapter I got MASSIVE writers block, and fell behind for two weeks. So when I picked it up again I had a week to write 30,000 words. From here on in I'm editing rather a lot from my original novel, for the sake of not-bad-ness. I've cut out whole conversations from this chapter, but in a couple of places I've put brief notes explaining what was cut, because the characters will make references to it later.

Warning: Slash, swearing, sexual references, ect.

Disclaimer: All characters you recognise belong to Joanne Rowling, naturally.

Dedication: Melita, DIY CUPCAKES! Atria, eheheheh Sirius is a knob. Matthew, your work sucks. Andrea, I think Romeo should be able to fire lasers from his teeth. No real reason. Hannah, Yes, I do have to lick everything actually. I love you.

Note: The songs Sirius sings in this chapter are;

Save The Last Dance For Me, by Aaron Neville. I have the version by John Barrowman on my computer though, it's beautiful and he's beautiful and the whole thing is just a total orgy of beautifulness :D

Can You Feel The Love Tonight, by Elton John. I have both the original, and the John Barrowman versions and they are both SO GOOD and HOLY CRAP GAY MEN CAN REALLY SING.

Oh and I know Lily's freakout is totally ooc but I needed the word count so stfu and read. I TOLD you this was bad XD I am not loving most of this chapter -.-

Spot the massive glaring Red Dwarf reference!

OH SHIT I AM SO SORRY FOR THE MASSIVE WAIT D: As it turns out, I was to spend the week leading up to Christmas with my dad, a fact I was unaware of. My dad does not have the internet. I'm back at mum's for Christmas eve and day, then it's back to dad until some time in the new year. A shame really, since the next chapter is JUICY. But yeah ZOMG SORRY I WAS TOTALLY UNAWARE OF THIS UNTIL MY DAD SHOWED UP AT THE DOOR D:

And, the end of this massive note; THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR REVIEWS LAST CHAPTER :O I was absolutely BLOWN AWAY by the response I got :D You people are AMAZING :) To everyone who thought I was threatening to stop; WAAH sorry for scaring you! I am NOT giving up on this story XD It's all coming out if it kills me! I was just noting the rather large drop in reviews, and see I was paranoid that YOU didn't like it XD I will DEFINITELY post all of this story though... at the moment, it's looking like six chapters total will be postable, with some kind of storyline... maybe seven, depending on how it goes. But yeahh! Now FINALLY it's fanfiction time WOOHOO :D Here, have a chapter that is positively bursting with ENORMOUSNESS WOW THIS ONE IS LIKE 7000 WORDS LONG AND THIS IS THE SHORTENED VERSION O.O


"Oh. Hi Sirius. What are we doing in this classroom?" Remus asked, looking around. Sirius glared at him.

"I can tell you what we're NOT doing. We're not having sex. Because I lost my crown."

"Well I can imagine it would be rather strange if we were having sex. Or wait. No it wouldn't. No. Yes it would. It would still be rather strange. Sirius, why am I babbling?" Remus asked, looking around.

"Because you're drunk, estupido." Sirius eyed him angrily. "This is a party."

Remus looked around and realised it was, with streamers and balloons and people dancing and drinking all around.

"So it is." He said. "Why are you just sitting there?"

"Because you won't dance with me, Moony."

"Of course I'll dance with you." Remus smiled, getting up and walking over to Sirius. Sirius stood up and slid one hand onto his waist and the other one softly onto his neck. Remus wrapped both of his arms around Sirius and began to dance slowly with him, swaying in time to the illogically slow, calm music. It was really nice, and Remus smiled, pulling Sirius tight.

"Mmm... this is jolly nice, Moony. Jolly nice indeed."

"Yes. Yes it is." Remus agreed, running his hand up Sirius' back. "Feels so right."

"I'm so glad, you know." Sirius smiled. "So very, very glad. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Remus could think of nothing to say back, he just smiled and kissed Sirius very softly. When he pulled back, they were in a field.

"Why are we here?" Remus asked, letting go of Sirius and looking around.

"Why not?" Sirius shrugged. "It's nice enough, isn't it? And know what I found?"

"What?" Remus asked, sitting down in the calf-deep grass. It was pleasantly cool, with soft dewdrops all along it. Remus found himself smiling for no real reason.

Sirius sat down next to him, and produced a pirate hat from seemingly nowhere. "My crown!"

"That's not a crown, you prat. It's a pirate hat."

"It makes me king of the pirates?" Sirius offered, but Remus shook his head.

"Nice try Sirius, but no booty until I see a proper crown. Do I look like a lady who settles for second best?"

"Not at all." Sirius smiled. "But would you settle for... a rattlesnake?" Sirius beamed, pulling a snake out of the hat and putting it on Remus' lap.

Remus gave an embarassingly high pitched scream. "SIRIUS GET THIS FUCKING THING OFF ME RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KILL IT AND YOU AND EVERYTHING WITHIN AT LEAST SEVENTY FOUR MILES!" He yelled, curling his arms up to his chest in horror.

"Alright." Sirius shrugged, picking up the snake and tossing it away. "What about a koala? Would you screw me if I gave you a koala?"

"Not for a koala. Definitely not after the snake. Something non-living, maybe."

"A pirate hat?"

"I already told you, no. I don't settle for second best."

"An admiral's hat?"

"At the same time as the crown. You have to figure that one out yourself."

"You are a cruel, cruel love."

"That I am." Remus nodded.

"You're like a muppet."

"I... what?"

"Furry and soulless."

"You're the muppet." Remus rolled his eyes. "A big, fat muppet."

"I am not fat! Sirius yelped. You're fat. A big fat werewolf."

"You're going to die for that." Remus glared at Sirius, then pounced on, him, cucumber in hand, and started belting him across the head with it. Sirius laughed wildly, getting up and running between the tables for the door, Remus racing after him and whacking him whenever he got close enough. Eventually Remus managed to tackle Sirius and pin him, beating him with the cucumber while he laughed hysterically.

"This is odd." Remus said, stopping suddenly. "Weren't we just outside in a field."

"Well, now you're on top of me, in the Great Hall." Sirius waggled his eyes from underneath Remus. Remus rolled his eyes and tried to get off, but Sirius pushed him over and flipped them so he was on top.

"And now I'm on top of you, in the Great Hall." Sirius grinned, leaning in to place a fluttering kiss on Remus' cheek. "Beautiful." He added, after a moment.

"Get off me, Sirius. And don't say it. And beautiful?"

"No, no, yes." Sirius grinned. "The most beautiful person I have ever, ever, ever, ever met or seen or even passed on the street that one time. You are perfect."

"Er... thanks?" Remus blushed. "I'm pretty sure this is a dream, so why are you sweet talking me in it?"

"Because the real Sirius talks in his sleep." Smiled Dream Sirius, leaning in to kiss Remus gently.

"Ah." Remus murmured against his lips. "That would be it." He then melted utterly into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Sirius' neck and drawing him closer, their legs entwining...


"Um. This is an interesting way to wake up." Sirius blinked sleepily, detaching his lips from Remus's.

"Erm. Yes. And possibly the awkwardest way ever." Remus responded, hurriedly removing his hand from Sirius' arse. "Erm... erm... So I take it you were asleep too?"

"Very much so. Apparently we sleep-snog."

"Wonderful." Remus sighed. "Er. I er. Have to. Er."

"Woah there, careful Moony." Sirius grinned, seeming to get some of himself back. "Too many ers and erms this early, and you'll never be able to say anything else."

"Bugger you. I mean. Er. Oh gosh, whoever wrote the English Language should be shot."

"Poor bastard was probably run through with a sword."

Remus nodded. "Well as nice as this is... I mean... well actually it's rather too nice... that would be the problem." He turned absolutely scarlet, and Sirius blushed too, something Remus had only seen five or six times in his whole life.

"Oh. Uh... yeah. Sorry about that." Sirius rolled off him, still crimson. "I'll let you... yeah." He laughed nervously. "Probably have to... you know... myself. Bloody hell, I never had trouble talking about this sort of shit before."

"Yeah. Um... yeah." Remus sat up. "I'm just gonna go... erm... yeah." He pretty much sprinted to the bathroom, face redder than it had ever been before.

When Remus emerged, Sirius was lying fully clothed on his own bed, face still faintly red.

"Moony!" He cried exuberantly, jumping up happily. "Come on, breakfast awaits!" He said with a grin.

"You know, when we feel awkward, most normal people just act awkward, not like lunatics." Remus said, unable to repress a smile.

"Ah, but would you love me if I was normal people?" Sirius grinned, taking Remus' arm.

"Probably not." Remus smiled. "So, what's all this about breakfast awaiting again?" He asked, as the two of them headed downstairs.

"Ah, that it is." Sirius smiled. "Eggs and bacon and all manner of toast."

"It sounds simply wonderful." Remus smiled. "Marmalade?"

"All the marmalade you can eat." Sirius nodded. "And I'll even feed you by hand if you want."

"That would be ever so lovely." Remus smiled, kissing Sirius on the cheek quickly before they emerged in the common room, where a few people were still milling about. He didn't worry about the linked arms, they had been doing that for years. Sirius didn't seem to care either, continuing on his spiel.

"Indeed. If you so wish, my darling Moony, I will let you eat scrambled eggs off my stomach, for that is how much your breakfast enjoyment means to me."

"Liar." Remus grinned viciously. "You just want me to eat off your stomach."

"That is merely an added perk." Sirius reassured him. "My main goal is your utter enjoyment of your morning meal."

"Of course it is." Remus nodded sagely, as they headed down some more stairs, and a couple of Ravenclaw girls passed them. The blonde, chubby one stared at Sirius for awhile, then giggled, and ran off with her friend.

"She fancies you." Remus said. "Should I go kill her?"

"Not in the slightest, my lupine beauty. She does not compare one bit to my scarred prince."

"Good." Remus smiled, sneaking a kiss onto Sirius' head when noone was looking.

"You would beat her in a thousand beauty contests. Models would line up for hours to allow you to eat scrambled eggs off their stomachs."

"I see. So you were just slipping your bid in first?"

"It pays to be ahead." Sirius smiled, the two of them reaching the floor the Great Hall was on and heading that way. "After all, if there's a queue of super models all waiting for you to come eat scrambled eggs off their stomachs, where will I be? It's a genuine comfort to know that my stomach is the one you'll be coming home to every evening for your dinner."

"I wonder how stomach steak would taste." Remus mused.

"You can dance every dance with the guy who gives you the eye, and hold him tight." Sirius grinned, beginning to sing. He let go of Remus and slid out in front of him, doing a little dance while he sang. "And you can smile, every smile for the man who held your hand in the pale moonlight. But don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be. So darlin' save the last dance for me."

"Sirius, you are absurd." Remus laughed, looking around nervously.

"Oh, I know that the music's fine like sparkling wine, go and have your fun." He smiled, continuing. "Laugh and sing, but while we're apart don't give your heart to anyone. And don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be. So darlin' save the last dance for me"

"Sirius!" Remus admonished through helpless laughter. Sirius grinned, and responded by taking Remus' hand with one of his own, and putting his other hand on Remus' waist, beginning to sway the two of them to the imaginary beat.

"Baby, don't you know I love you so, oh, can't you feel it when we touch. I will never never let you go, oh, I love you, oh, so much." Sirius grinned. A few people were staring at them, but most figured it was just the Marauders being idiots as usual.

"You can dance, go and carry on till the night is gone, and it's time to go. If he asks if you're all alone, can he take you home, you must tell no. 'Cause don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be. So darlin' save the last dance for me."

"Okay Sirius, fun over." Remus said, smiling helplessly.

"But don't forget who's taking you home!" Sirius continued, regardlessly. "And in whose arms you're gonna be. So darlin' save the last dance for me. Save the last dance for me. Save, save the last dance for me." Sirius smiled, dipping Remus as the song ended. Remus squeaked, but went along.

"Okay, okay, embarrassing public spectacle over. Come on, I'm hungry. Your stomach better be clean."

"You could eat your breakfast off it." Sirius grinned, taking Remus' arm again as they continued on their way.


"Breakfast bells, those breakfast bells, ringing through the halls." Sirius sang cheerfully as he sat down, James eyeing him warily.

"Oh good lord... Sirius is feeling musical today. God spare us."

"Afraid so." Remus sighed dramatically. "He's already serenaded me once."

"Anything good?"

"Save The Last Dance For me." Remus shrugged. "It was actually really sweet, he did a little dance and everything. A few people kinda stared, but they didn't get it."

Sirius nodded. "Noone but my darling Moony and I know that I was in fact singing about eating scrambled eggs off my stomach. Speaking of which..." He pulled up his shirt, grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I think I'll pass today, Sirius. Maybe later."

"As you wish. As long as you're not ditching me for supermodels." Sirius shrugged, pulling his shirt back down and wolfing down his own scrambled eggs.

Remus smiled serenely, marmalading a piece of toast. "Ahh, but if I was, how would you know about it? I would keep it totally, utterly secret in every possible way."


"Because I am Remus Lupin, Master Of The Secrets."

"Ahh, of course." Sirius smiled wisely. "But you forget, Remus Lupin, that I am Sirius Black, Reader Of Remus Lupin Like A Book. If you were eating scrambled eggs off some supermodel I would know, because you would right now be going 'Umm... Err... Ahhh...' and stumbling off to the library where you and your supermodel would clandestinely meet."

"How do you know that, Sirius Black? I might just be very very good at my job..."

"That you might. That you might. But it only took me a few months to figure out your biggest secret, how long do you really think you could keep a supermodel hidden?"

"Depends how long she can hold her breath."

All three of them laughed loudly, and Lily slid into the seat next to James. "Good morning, guys." She smiled. "Any wild adventures today?"

"Sirius feels musical." James sighed, and Lily groaned.

"Oh god... this won't be like last time, will it? I don't think I could stand the sight of you serenading McGonagall again."

Sirius laughed. "Hahaha... she asked for my homework, and I sang All You Need Is Love. It was priceless."

"It was embarrassing. I was sitting next to you." Remus groaned. "We should ban you from singing. Ever."

"You know you would miss me serenading you. Remember You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings?"

"Yeah." Remus eyed him. "As punishment, I didn't help you with anything for a month, remember?"

"Worth it." Sirius smiled. "Life should be like a musical, with pre-choreographed song and dance routines around every corner. Wouldn't that just be so much fun?"

"So much nauseating, you mean." James rolled his eyes. "Bloody poof." He added.

"You just have no sense of fun!" Sirius cried. "Come on, imagine you and Red here are walking through a field, her hair's shimmering in that way you like it, and you're feeling particularly lovey. All of a sudden the two of you sing a romantic ballad the likes of which has never seen, and all the parkgoers get up and dance along. It would be brilliant."

Lily sighed happily, and James stared at her incredulously. "What? You've gotta admit, that sounds romantic, James."

"Even my girlfriend's a bloody traitor." James grumbled, folding his arms on the table and sulking. "I need new friends. Peter! Peter Peter Peter, my new best buddy. Save me from these lunatics. Lily and Sirius wish life was a musical."

"Oh good lord, not this again." Peter sighed, sitting down. "I think the three of us sane people should run away to somewhere exotic, like... New Zealand, or something."

"Ooh, tropical. We could stride across beaches in our togs and comment on the wonders of the Pacific." Sirius grinned.

"New Zealand's by Antarctica, dumbarse." James rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, it's still in the Pacific ocean. So technically - a Pacific Island. We'll just have to stride across the beach in jumpers. So no change from England."

"Idiots, the lot of them." Remus sighed, putting his face on the table. "Sirius, I may have to use your stomach, just to shut you up."

"Oh really?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "Choosing me over your supermodels, then?"

"If only to stop you using your mouth."

"My mouth can still move while you eat off my stomach," Sirius pointed out.

"Not if I put an apple in it." Remus said dangerously.

"Point taken." Sirius nodded. "I will stop using my mouth. You're welcome to use it if you like though."

Remus shoved him. "Oh shut up, Sirius."

"Shutting." He smiled serenely, squeezing Remus' hand quickly under the table, and giving him a smile that made Remus melt.


((A/N: A friend of mine suggested this, and honest to god, I have NOTHING else. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm such a loser XD))

"Zomg, I have writers block." Tomo sighed, sitting down at the table. "And I'm tens of thousands of words behind and I have a week left to write. Ughhhh. So tell me... what do you guys want to do?"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other in confusion. "Well..." Remus said, and the scene melted.

Remus Lupin was sitting in the library in a beam of warm afternoon sunlight. There was no sound except the turning pages in his book. Rolling a piece of exquisite chocolate around in his mouth, he smiled softly as Sirius' hands ran gently through his hair.

"What?" Sirius yelped, suddenly back at the table for no apparent reason. "That's so boring! Come on, my turn to make something up!"

Sirius gasped in ecstasy against soft lips as Remus' hand trailed down his bare stomach. The werewolf gave an amused smile, and lowered his mouth to Sirius' again, their tongues brushing softly, Remus' hands moving to either side of Sirius' waist as he pressed their bare chests closer together, not to mention certain... other... parts of their anatomy.

"Sirius!" Remus yelped, smacking him on the arm. "God, do you ever think about anything else?"

"Is there anything else worth thinking about?" Sirius smiled.

Tomo rubbed her face, then winced slightly as she accidentally brushed a fresh piercing. "Okay. Jesus Christ... you guys really aren't making this easy on me."

"And whose fault is it that you're so far behind?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Nobody's but your own. If you had gotten off your... well... ON your arse and written some even a week ago you wouldn't be in this mess, now would you?"

Tomo sighed. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. But I had writers block! And an exam to worry about, and now I have cheerleading... gah, I am so busy! Why am I always so damn busy in November?"

"Why are you always so damn busy, period?" Sirius eyed her. "You almost never write about us anymore!"

"Oh, that's a damn lie!" Tomo glared at him. "What about The Marauders? What about it's sequel? What about all those damn may fics?"

"Which you still haven't finished." Remus pointed out. "And it's November. Tomo - what is wrong with you?"

"RRRRRGH!" Tomo screeched. "Dammit, I have a busy life! I have a girlfriend, and a dance concert to prepare for, and cheerleading, and a band I'm supposed to be in, and fish and a dog to look after, and swimming coaching to worry about and sailing and a new piercing to look after and university next year and it's a lot of pressure, okay! I can't always be thinking about you fictional characters!" She took a breath. "Okay, rant over."

"Okayyyyyy..." Remus breathed. "You win! Hey Sirius... wanna go to the library?"

"I wanna go to bed." Sirius grumbled, folding his arms.

"How do I put up with you?" Remus rolled his eyes, smiling.

"I'm so damn sexy?" Sirius offered.

"Mmm... that must be it." Remus smiled, kissing him lightly. "Either that, or I am deeply, deeply masochistic."

"Ooooh, kinky!" Sirius smiled. Remus smacked him.

"You know what I mean. Don't be a twat."

"Why not?"

"Because if you hadn't noticed, it's not my favourite piece of anatomy ever." Remus said dryly.

"Fair enough. Can I be a cock?"

"Go right ahead, but I'm not kissing you anymore."

"You know you love it." Sirius smiled, trying to kiss Remus, who moved away.

"No. Not kissing you if you're going to be a cock."

"Fine. Feck dich, die schlampe."

"What?" Remus blinked.

"It's German." Sirius grinned. "It means fuck you, bitch."

"Neat." Remus smiled. "But not very productive. After all, if you're a cock, and I'm a female dog... well how much kinkier can this thing get?"

"Oh, I haven't even started on the toys we'll be using yet. Sirius smirked.

Remus rolled his eyes and smacked him again. "You suck."

"Not in public!" Sirius blushed, meeting Remus' eyes. "Darling, I thought you were the one who said no PDAs."

"Actually that was a mutual agreement. And did you call me darling?"

"What's wrong with that, schmoopsie poopsie pumpkin-wumpkin?" Sirius smiled benignly.

"I hate you."

"I love you."

"I still hate you."

"I still love you."

"Feck dich, die schlampe."

"Ich liebe dich."

"Je deteste voux."

"Je t'amie voux."


"I love you, I love you, neener neener neener."

"You are a bad person."

"I love you."

"You need to die."

"I love you."

"You suck Snape cock."

"I love you."

"You're a whore."

"I love you."

"Your... your feet smell!"

"I love you. Although that was pretty pathetic. Come on Moony, where's that cruel imagination I love so?"

"You can go and have all your flesh nibbled off by mutant starfish with aids."

"Much better. I love you for that."

"May your blood be replaced by lemon juice."

"I love you."

"May leeches anally rape your goldfish."

"I love you."

"May a slightly tipsy elephant mistake your mouth for a urinal."

"Gross. But I still love you."

"May gypsies make a home inside your eyeballs."

"I love you."

"May rabid squirrels slice your flesh slowly to pieces using pencils."

"Ouch. I love you."

"May aliens burrow into your body through your bellybutton."

"I love you."

"May you be trampled by a dragon who's just been dumped and gained loads of weight from binge eating."

"I love you."

"May your liver become infested by tapeworms that devour you slowly from within."

"I love you."

"May a giant take a fancying to you."

"I love you. You prat."

"May pirates invade the marmalade ship you're apparently admiral of, and kill the whole crew, starting with you."

"I love you."

"May you become irresistable to women."

"I love you."

"May your skin crack at the top of your head and slowly peel off, the way a banana's does, and then your muscles be pulled apart piece by piece like that stringy cheesy stuff you pull apart, and eaten by French monkeys in pants, who are then trampled by hippos, jealous of said pants. And then your bones and organs become toys for tiny kittens. EVIL TINY KITTENS ALIGNED WITH SATAN."

"Yowww, that was a good one. I dunno if you can top that, my love."

"I don't know if I can, to be honest. May an iron fall on your face?"

"Painful, but not as good.

"May your toes turn into frogs attached to your feet, which all try to hop in different directions."

"That was a good one!"

"May you contract fleas made of lego, with teeth of steel, that are entirely unkillable."

"Ick. Why the lego?"

"Just came to me."

"Keep going!"

"May your mother decide she misses having you around the house."

"Moony! Too cruel!"

"May you be suffocated by a feather."

"I love you."

"May you wake up with breasts... on your knees."

"Urgh. I love you, gross-man."

"May you be ground into a very very fine powder and fed to a celebrity, who then throws you up, and you are flushed into the sewer with all the crap."

"Ewww. I'm not sure I love you after that. Nahhh just kidding I love you."

"May you be magically transported to the day of the dinosaurs. WHERE THERE ARE NO HAIR PRODUCTS."


"I love you." Remus smirked.


"Moony, Moony, Moony." Sirius smiled, the two of them sitting lazily under a tree, sun beaming down gently through the leaves.

"What is it?" Remus asked in a sluggish voice, having been half asleep, his head leaned against Sirius' legs, a book open on his stomach.

"Can you..."

"Can I what?"

"Can you feel the love tonight?"

"What?" Remus blinked. "Sirius, it's after lunchtime. Oh god. You're going to start singing again, aren't you."

"There's a calm surrender to the rush of day, when the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away. An enchanted moment, and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you."

"Sirius, shut up."

"And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far. And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest. It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best."

Sirius planted a gentle kiss on Remus' head, and stroked his hair lovingly. Remus sighed and smiled, surrendering to Sirius' song.

"There's a time for everyone if they only learn that the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn. There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors when the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours."

Remus smiled lovingly, harmonising with Sirius for the next chorus.

"And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far. And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest. It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best."

"I love you." Sirius whispered, before singing the very last line.

"It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best."

Sirius smiled, and kissed Remus softly, their mouths moving in time, Remus' hands finding their way into Sirius' hair.

"EEP!" Someone yelled and they broke apart, looking up in horror to see who had found them.

"Lily!" Remus cried. "Oh Christ... I can explain, I swear."

"Oh god..." She staggered backwards, covering her mouth with her hand. "You... and you... oh god."

"Lily, it's not like that." Sirius insisted. "There is a long and hilarious story to explain what we just did. Believe me."

"There... no. You can't just... oh Christ, that's sick!" She stared at them in horror for a second, before turning and running back towards the castle.

"Lily!" Remus cried, jumping up and following her, Sirius running after them.

"Lily!" Remus caught up with her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. "Just give us a chance to explain."

"You make me sick!" She screeched, slapping Remus, and continuing to run. Remus and Sirius followed her until she made it to the girls dormitory, where they collapsed at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh god..." Whispered Remus, leaning against Sirius breathlessly.

"She's... going.... to...... tell." Sirius panted.

"She wouldn't. Lily's freaked, but... ooof... she's a good person. She wouldn't go spilling our secrets just because they scare her."

"I hope..." Sirius panted. "I think I am going to pass out on you."

"That would just make things worse, I think." Remus puffed.

Sirius hit him lightly. "Shut up. She can't stay there forever. We just have to wait, and ambush her when she comes down."

"What if she tells someone up there?"

"If she does, we're in major trouble. I don't feel up to sexying them into not telling, and your superpower wouldn't be much use either."

"My superpower is never any use." Remus pouted. "I'm so disgruntled I may have to leave the super group."

"No!" Sirius gasped. "Where would we be without MoonyMan, and his ability to talk for hours without using any words other than 'Ummm' and 'Err'?"

"You're alright, you can seduce the supervillains, and James'll just stab them with his brooms. Peter and I can go form our own not-so-super league, with Stammer Guy and Hiding Bloke."

"Betrayal! I may just have to go sleep around on my wench in revenge!"

"Oh no! My heart, it is surely cracking in two." Remus sighed, swooning. "I will have to go marry my beloved sidekick, Jamesy Mc Jamesalot, and we will run away and live in Tae Kwon Do land."

"Tae who what? Sirius, you make no sense!" Remus eyed him.

"I thought that was obvious. " Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Who would want to elope with James anyway?" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"A certain lady up there, who is certainly annoyed with us." Remus shrugged. Sirius nodded.

"Fair enough. I'd say she's not just annoyed though."

"True." Remus nodded. "Well, since we're stuck here for awhile, I'm going to get some reading done." He pulled a book out of his bag, and leaned idly on Sirius, opening it. Sirius fiddled gently with his soft hair, and a silent, contented, yet still tense moment passed. Sirius blinked.

"What are you reading?" He asked, looking at the book.

"Oh... uh..." Remus blushed, and showed him the cover.

"A Wizard's Guide To Homosexuality? Subtle, Moony."

"Actually we're covering the muggle gay rights movement in muggle studies, so I have an excuse." Remus smiled. "It's interesting though - listen to this."

(At this point, Sirius and Remus read about homosexuality, and transvestism/cross-dressing for ages and it was really boring. I can't think of anything to put to fill the gap or at least make it more interesting, so I'm afraid you'll have to live with this placeholder.)

"Shh." Sirius whispered, clapping a hand over Remus' mouth. "Someone's coming."

Remus shoved his book into his bag and the two of them stood up, waiting anxiously for the girl to reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh god. I do not want to see either of you right now. Or ever again, come to think of it."

"Lily, please just give us a chance to explain." Remus said, touching her arm lightly. Lily flinched, staring at him.

"Don't touch me!"

Remus withdrew, looking down for a second, before meeting Lily's startlingly green eyes imploringly with his own strange, amber ones. "Lily, please. Just let us talk to you, try to explain. We don't expect you to be instantly okay with everything, or even change your mind at all, just listen to us, let us give you our side."

Lily hesitated. "I... no. You're sick. Keep away from me." Lily's eyes hardened against Remus's, and she whirled around to leave.

Remus sighed, turning to Sirius. "Oh god. We're fucked."

"Yes, we are." Sirius said darkly, meeting his eyes. "We can't let her tell anyone." Sirius moved to follow Lily.

Remus held out a hand to stop him. "If Lily's going to tell people, going and telling her not to will only make it worse. She... god, she hates us. We can't go making it worse. We can't. We're just going to have to deal with whatever happens."

Sirius nodded darkly, and the two of them stood in silence for a moment, then Remus moved forwards, and leaned against Sirius' chest. Sirius wrapped him in his warm arms, stroking his hair lightly.

"I know, I know." Sirius whispered softly, holding Remus and fearing the loss of everything he had worked so hard to hide for years, because he had allowed himself the briefest moment of happiness.


It was getting close to dinnertime when it first happened. By that time, Sirius and Remus were sitting on a sofa in front of the fire, just staring blankly into the flames, not saying a word, each lost in his own thoughts. Sirius had taken up his usual position with his head in Remus' lap, the werewolf's hand tangled, unmoving in his hair. Both of them had felt the eyes on them for the past hour or so, and neither was totally surprised when a fifth year boy walked behind them, somehow managing to mutter loud enough for the whole common room to hear. "Fucking fags."

Remus froze absolutely stiff, and the whole common room seemed to mirror him, everyone falling silent, and motionless.

"What did you call us?" Sirius hissed, dragging himself upright slowly, turning to stand facing the boy, a good head and a bit taller than him.

"You heard me." The boy spat. "You and your freak there. You're nothing but a couple of fucking faggots. You should be sent to Azkaban, there you're not gonna run around polluting the world for the rest of us."

"You think so, do you?" Sirius hissed. "You're just as bad as the god damn pureblood elitists. You're Muggleborn, aren't you... Bruce, is it? Maybe you should be kicked of Hogwarts for that. You're stealing our magic, polluting the school for us purebloods."

The boy was temporarily stunned, but a sixth year girl piped up in the background, continuing the argument for him. "I don't see either of you leaping to deny it, though."

"That's because we shouldn't have to. Even if we were gay, it shouldn't make any god damn difference, the way blood type shouldn't."

"Even if? Hah! Lily Evans caught you snogging, everyone knows it."

"I heard they were screwing!"

"Shut up! No, they were trying to seduce a first year Hufflepuff, filthy perverts!"

"I heard..."

"No, they..."

"I don't feel safe around..."


"SHUT UP!" Remus roared, and everyone turned to him, shocked. Nobody had ever, EVER heard the soft-spoken Prefect raise his voice like that before, and even Sirius looked shocked. "Everyone just be goddamn quiet! What business is it of yours what two people who are legally adults, and perfectly entitled to handle their own affairs do in their own personal time? What right do ANY of you have to pry into our lives like that?"

"It's fucking illegal to be a queer!" A fourth year boy yelled.

"Well the Ministry can take their bigoted, outdated laws, and shove them up their joint arses. Even Muggles repealed the laws banning it. You know what - fuck it. Yes, I'm gay, and I'm proud of it too. Go ahead and arrest me." Remus flung his arms wide open, waiting for someone to move against him. The whole Common Room merely sat there, stunned by his announcement. Remus glared around at them all, daring them with his eyes to try it.

"Screw it. Let's go for broke." Sirius said, and with a quick, sexy, reckless grin to Remus, he grabbed his boyfriend, pulled him close, and pressed their lips tightly together, kissing Remus passionately in front of pretty much the entire House, who watched in shock, and, in most cases, horror.

"Kapeesh?" Sirius asked, thought it was really more of a dare, as he pulled away from Remus and turned to glare at the crowd once more. "Get over it." He took Remus' hand, and pulled him up to their dorm, the stares of a whole House following them.

"Oh god..." Remus breathed. "Did that really just happen?"

Sirius nodded darkly. "I think it did."

"Oh god." Remus sat down on his bed, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. "What do we do?"

"All we can do is wait for Dumbledore to find out and come expel us." Sirius breathed, sitting down next to Remus and rubbing his shoulders distractedly with one hand. "Dammit, I never had any fucking problem coming up with excuses and ways to hide before this. I let my guard down. It's my fault."

"I seem to recall being the one kissin' you when Lily was there." Remus raised an eyebrow. "Hence; my fault."

"It takes two to snog." Sirius eyed him. "Unless you're sad and make out with your hand."

"Still... wait, what?" Remus blinked.

"Well you make a little mouth shape with your fingers like this, and then stick your thumb through to be the tongue." Sirius demonstrated.

"Uh...huh." Remus eyed him. "Do I want to ask how you know this?"

"James. Fourth year." Sirius explained, and Remus nodded.

"Fair enough. And also ew. I don't think I wanted to ask."

"And yet ask you did."

"No I didn't, I asked if I wanted to ask."

"Whateverrr." Sirius stuck his tongue out. "Now every time you look at James, that'll be what you see. You will know my pain."

"Got rather enough of that for myself, thanks." Remus stuck his tongue out right back.

"Be careful, you'd better keep that inside your mouth, or someone might just think it looks tasty, and come eat it."

"Cheesy much?" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Actually I would think it would taste more like saliva and blood and stuff."


"You love it."

"I do."

"News travels fast." Sirius said, and Remus looked up from his hands, to see James in the doorway.

"I swear to god, I am going to slaughter Lily." James puffed. "How the hell could she do that?"

"I have no idea." Sirius sighed. "But she did, and now we're in the shit. Dumbledore's probably on his way to expel us right now."

"I'm so sorry, guys."

"It's fine." Remus smiled tiredly, leaning on Sirius. "It's not your fault."

"Mister Black, Mister Lupin." Came a tense voice from behind James, and all three boys blinked at the sight of Professor McGonagall, lips thinner than they had ever seen them. "Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you in his office."

"That was faster than I expected." Remus said hoarsely, and he and Sirius got up, heading towards the professor.

"McGonagall, you can't expel them!" James pleaded. "They didn't do anything wrong, they were just being goaded and judged by people, please, Professor."

"This matter is not up to myself." She said blankly, showing no signs of any inclination one way or another.

"Come on." Sirius said, voice as hoarse and hollow as Remus's had been, and they followed Professor McGonagall down the stairs, pausing only to hug James quickly.

A/N: Oh dayum that was a hard chapter to adapt for readability. I only have odd snippets from the next couple of chapters, this is the last one I had fully written (though not in a postable way) and they may take a little longer to edit into a semi-coherant story.


Anyway, responses to my amazing, incredible, amazing reviewers :D

twistedbrain: Nuuuu MY REMUS D: You can borrow him under my supervision :P

Shiri Razi: Thank god XD I was worried noone would be able to understand what the efff I was saying XD

The Girl of Many Fandoms: Hahaha that blood bit... I do not actually remember writing it, I was in a trance of sleep deprivation XD Can't say I know who Nikki Sixx is though, care to enlighten?

RonRulez: Haha I am exactly this way with my friends too, this story pretty much consists of every thought I had over a month, all mooshed together XD

YummyTimeLord: Your reviews have had me smiling like an idiot for ages :] (And Time Lords are yummy XD Mmmm, David Tennant. -drool-) lol I have no idea what they were saying, just communicating in idiot-speak I guess XD

Mercy Brown: Okie, your review was 1) super flattering and filled me with a happy feeling of warmness all day and 2) hilarious, because I read it in my local library, and now I am totally paranoid that the librarians read my fanfiction XD Actually, that would be kinda awesome haha.

mollywot: I am going to acknowledge you specially because I read your review on Christmas eve and I am super excited because it's like getting a present when you get an awesome review, so now I have an awesome review present of awesome :D:D:D:D

And thanks to vivienneandfred, crooked-soul, Kate is too lazy to log in ;D, Zak's-blood13, moonfoot13, SetTheTruthFree, remuslives23, suberXxXduperXxXfun machine, xrosiex, and TeddyBear 8P. I LOVE YOU ALL :D