Title: It's better to burn out…then fade away
Disclaimer: I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy
Warnings: Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning
Summery: Xander's can't cope with the dieing anymore, he's already to leave this world when a stranger with a tale to tell saves the day.
Chapter Summery: goodbye cruel world
I'm sorry this is a stupid conversation that has been going though my head for weeks now ever since I started writing my Xander & Dean stuff. I hope it comes out as readable but it's a stranger one that I had to write.
It's better to burn out…then fade away
Xander sat on the end of his bed and buried his head in his hands with a sigh; he'd been on the road now eighteen months, all the time searching, hunting and retrieving ever the good little solder of the light. But with every new hunt, every new mission he felt himself losing another part of himself.
Now his soul had worn thin, watching the Slayer he'd been sent to find being wheeled out in a body bag. He'd been too late and her father had beaten her to death for being different, he'd failed her. Xander fell back onto the bed and looked over to the picture of his friends in his wallet on the nightstand.
Sighing he got up and without a second thought he walked out of the motel room and off into the darkness, he barely registered the rain beating down on him as he walked without a clue. He'd been walking an hour when he came upon the highway bridge that crossed the river, with a heavy sigh and a heavier heart Xander climbed the bridge and stared down into the almost black water.
Xander gripped the photo of his friends in his hand as he raised his arms and closed his eyes; as he went to take that step off the bridge he felt a strong arm circle his waist. His eyes snapped open as he looked round, the arm belonged to a rugged time worn man. He wore a smile on his scared face but his eyes were worldly worn.
"There's noting on the other side kid that's worth throwing what you got here away" said the stranger with a warm tone, Xander pulled fee and looked at him.
"What would you know about it?" growled Xander in pain.
"Because I've been there, I've stood on that edge and I've jumped. I served my time in hell literally and you know what the worst thing about that?" said the stranger as Xander shook his head.
"I'll never see my boy again because of it" said the stranger as he handed Xander a crumpled photo of two young men stood in front of a black Chevy Impala.
"Come on kid something tells me we both could use a drink?" laughed the stranger as Xander nodded and followed him back to his truck.
The bar they headed too wasn't far, it was you typical rundown get lost in the middle of nowhere bar. Hard rock played on the Jukebox and smoke filled the air, looking round Xander noted that not a person in there didn't wear their experiences like they wore their jackets.
Even the woman behind the bar, who greeted them with a friendly smile, held the weight of the world on her shoulders. Sighing she handed them their drinks without a word and sat back and watched them as the stranger spoke again.
"Look around you kid, lost souls every one of them. Forced into this life, fighting on without a hope until it consumes them and they make a mistake or do what you would have done Alexander" said the stranger as Xander stopped and looked at him.
"Yes kid I know who you are, we all do. Many of us may not have been here if it wasn't for you, I lost someone long ago kid and like you I leapt into the fight to take out what killed her and slowly I too began to drown.
Consumed by my hate and the fight I forgot what I was fighting for, by the time I'd lost my will to fight it was too late I'd lost my boys and those I called friends." said the stranger as Xander nodded having felt what the stranger had been through.
"So heed these words kid, it's better to burn out….then it is to fade away. Don't lose your soul to this life, hand up your guns and walk away before you start making my mistakes. Night Ellen see he gets back to his motel in one piece?" said the stranger as he paid for their drinks and handed Xander back his photo before he got up to leave.
"Hey Ellen if you see the boys around tell them I'm sorry" sighed the stranger as he pushed open the door.
"Hey wait, you didn't tell me your name? And thanks" said Xander as they stranger turned round and smiled.
"John Winchester and your welcome kid" said the stranger as he walked out of the bar, as the rain got harder he pulled his jacket round him. Putting his hands in his pockets John found the photo of his boys, sighing he looked down at it before he started walking and faded off into the night.